by Anna Paige
Fine, be stubborn.
I turned, stepping beside her so that we both faced the cleared lot that had once held Clay’s mom’s dream house, before it had burned to the ground and nearly taken Ali with it. I pointed to the spot where it used to stand, waiting for Talia to shift her attention to it. “When you look at that spot, what do you see?”
She frowned and looked over at me, uncertainty in her eyes.
“Do you see the hollowed out house, blackened by smoke and fire? Do you find yourself picturing the blaze, little waves of fear pulling at you as you remember that Ali nearly died here?”
“Why are you asking me this?” She shuddered as she glared at me, avoiding looking at the unassuming chunk of land.
“Look at it again,” I told her.
She searched my face for a moment before complying with a huff of annoyance. “What am I supposed to be seeing now?” She groused.
“Hope. Possibility. Rebirth,” I said quietly. “What you’re looking at is a clean slate, a new beginning. Clay and Ali can make it whatever they want. They can build a mansion or a shack, have ten bedrooms or one. Anything is possible, if they want it bad enough to make it happen. They’ll never forget what it once was, the things that happened here in this place, but they aren’t going to use it as an excuse to turn their backs on the amazing possibilities available to them.”
She stepped forward and turned to face me, standing just close enough to touch if I was so inclined. Her mouth opened to speak but she was cut off by the sound of Ali calling her name.
Dammit.
We turned to find Ali, Clay, and company emerging from the lake path, all smiles and soft chatter.
I’d actually forgotten anyone else was here. Such was my focus when I was with Talia. Nothing else existed.
The entire group was headed our way so I looked quickly over at Talia and whispered, “We’re not done. Stay and talk to me. I’ll drive you to Teach’s afterward.”
She hesitated only a moment before nodding. “Okay.”
Clay reached us first and immediately picked Talia up and spun her around. As she giggled like a schoolgirl, as he announced to the group, “I’ve finally got a sister. How cool is that?”
The bride and I stood close together, laughing along with them. Ali leaned in close to my side and said, “And I have a couple of amazing brothers now, too. I’m a lucky girl.” She bumped my shoulder—well bicep, she wasn’t tall enough to reach my shoulder—and whispered, “I hope we didn’t interrupt anything. Wouldn’t want to give you two another reason to draw this out. Make up and get it over with already, dammit.”
I had to smile at her gall. “You’re gonna be one of those bossy sisters, aren’t you? I already have one of those, you know.”
“Well, apparently she isn’t doing it right or you and Talia would have patched things up by now. Lucky for you, I’m not so lax in my bossy sister duties.” She smirked, turning to place a soft kiss on my cheek. “I’m not giving up on the two of you, and you shouldn’t either.”
I said nothing, just giving her a half-smile as I watched Talia laughing with Clay.
A few minutes later, everyone was heading out after being reassured multiple times that I would get Talia to Teach’s posthaste.
I could tell by the look Gran gave me that she would be giving me an earful the next chance she got, but she had the good grace not to start with the third degree just yet.
There’s a conversation I’m sure to enjoy. Like a root canal.
Once everyone was gone, Talia motioned toward my truck and moved around to drop the tailgate. I reached inside the toolbox and grabbed a towel, hastily wiping it off so she didn’t ruin her dress. She gave me an appreciative smile before climbing up to sit on it, her legs swinging idly as she waited for me to do the same.
When we were both seated, she pulled in a big breath, seeming to enjoy the warm mountain air as she spoke. “You’re not the first one to give me the ‘move on’ speech, you know. Sorry to disappoint you after such a clever approach, but my parents have it down to a science.” She blew out slowly and began gathering her hair, tiring of it blowing in her face. She rolled it into a heavy bun at the back of her head and tucked in the ends, doing some magic that kept it in place. “My mom tries to act like nothing happened. She doesn’t even speak of Amelia anymore. My dad’s worse. It’s like he isn’t sure how to be around me at all. The easy conversation I was so used to with him is now strained and aloof. It breaks my heart.”
She turned toward me on the tailgate and tucked one leg under her, leaving the other hanging over the edge as she watched me. “I actually have to take down my pictures of her whenever I know they’re coming to visit. One look at all those photos and my mom would fall to pieces. Then she would ask me why I keep them around, like keeping her photos on display is some sick form of masochism.”
“So, that’s why the walls looked so bare. I thought there were a lot more frames up when I came over to help Ali move,” I admitted, my anger slipping as curiosity took hold. “Have they visited recently?”
She nodded, the bun still holding strong. “A couple weeks before Derek showed up. I hadn’t gotten around to putting the photos back. I’d been considering new frames or maybe something custom that would hold them all in one big display. Regardless of what my mom thinks, I need them.” Her expression became sheepish. “I like to talk to them when I’m in the kitchen cooking or cleaning the apartment. It’s like she’s still there, keeping me company.” She gave me a half-smile, eyes shining with unshed tears.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. If it gives you comfort and isn’t doing you any harm, you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.” I fought the urge to reach out and touch her cheek. She looked so lost. I knew how that felt. “There’s nothing wrong with finding constructive ways to deal with your grief. It’s when you do things that harm you in some way that I get upset. Like pushing away the people who love you because you accidentally let your guard down long enough to let them in. It’s like all of a sudden one day you realize you’re happy, which scares the shit out of you, so you push them away. Sound familiar?”
Much to my surprise, she nodded. “I suppose that’s partially true. But it’s not the only reason for what I did.”
She tugged at the edges of her dress, tucking them tightly against her body with nervous fingers, then began idly twirling the thick group of bracelets on her wrist. There was pleading in her eyes as she continued. “I need you to understand that I can’t replace Amelia. I won’t. And I also can’t start a future with you knowing how much you have always wanted to be a father. I won’t cost you that, because as much as I hurt over the loss of my daughter, I wouldn’t trade one second of my time with her for anything in the world. You deserve that feeling, that connection to a child of your own—some little boy or girl with your amazing dark eyes and heart-stopping smile—and I won’t be responsible for robbing you of that. Period.”
The look of determination in her eyes brokered no argument, left me no avenue of approach. I realized then that the conversation was over, at least to her.
I’d taken this as far as I could today, but I wasn’t giving up. Not on her.
Not ever.
I’d use this next week to regroup and then I would try again.
“I suppose there’s nothing left to say then, is there?” I asked stoically, as I hopped down from the tailgate and offered my hand to help her, quietly reveling in the warmth of her silky skin as she slipped her hand into mine and jumped down.
She looked up at me, waiting for me to continue.
“Come on,” I nodded to the truck’s cab. “I’ll drop you off at Teach’s. No need for me to hold you up any longer.”
She didn’t respond, but her face fell slightly, a flash of hurt passing over her features before she could hide it.
I wanted to tell her I wasn’t giving up that easily, but there was no point. Telling her wasn’t going to work. If I wanted to win her over I needed to show her
and that wouldn’t be happening for another week. Until then, I would bide my time.
And if that meant she had to think I’d given up for the next seven days, so be it.
We drove in absolute silence all the way to Teach and Marilee’s house. Not a single word was spoken.
She hesitated when she moved to open the door and I nearly gave in, but she pulled open the handle and stepped from the truck without a backward glance, closing the door with a soft click.
It probably rang in her ears as a sound of finality… but I knew better.
I backed out of the driveway and stomped on the gas, worried that if I lingered, I would turn back and try again to convince her.
Not yet, Spence. Only seven more days, then you’ll have the rest of your lives.
Hopefully.
Talia
I CAN DO THIS.
I can do this.
I can’t do this.
The wedding party was gathering in the foyer behind the double doors that would soon open, signaling the beginning of the ceremony. I’d studiously avoided Spencer all morning, scurrying into the nearest room any time I heard male voices approaching. I could tell Ali was annoyed with me because of it but she was too busy today to give me hell for being a coward.
And I already knew I was a coward, so there would have been no reason for her to say anything anyway.
I was being ridiculous, a grown woman hiding in the shadows, but it was a matter of self-preservation.
If I had to face him, really face him one-on-one, I was going to lose my shit. I would give in, because my better sense was no match for how much I still adored that frustrating, impetuous jackass. I’d almost given in last week in Denson.
And so much had changed since then that I knew I would never find the strength to stay away from him, so I hid.
Sitting there on a hard folding chair in one of the dressing rooms, I thought about all that had happened since I broke things off. Out of habit, I opened my phone and replayed the voicemail he’d left me the week after Cam left.
His voice was deep and seductive, his tone earnest.
‘I didn’t want to love anyone ever again, Talia, but you gave me no other option. It was always going to happen with us, because I was half in love from the first time I laid eyes on you.’ There had been a cracking sound, as if he were clutching the phone so hard it was about to break. ‘Do you hear me, Natalia Collette Galiano? I’m so in love with you I can barely fucking breathe, and I’ll never give up on us. I’ll never walk away.’
I’d been at work the night he called, staying late and doing anything I could to avoid going home to the cold, empty apartment that was filled with memories of people I loved that were no longer there.
I was in the shower the next morning when he sent the text saying, again, that he wouldn’t give up.
I’d nearly given in then, had the phone in my hand and his contact information on the screen, but in the end I’d turned off the phone and wept into my pillow for hours, grieving for the future I’d given up.
The calls had stopped after that. No more texts, no emails. Nothing.
Last week after the wedding in Denson, he’d dropped me at Teach’s and driven off without a word.
I immediately wanted him to turn around, but he hadn’t.
I’d made such a good case for why we shouldn’t be together. And I’d won.
Funny how winning still felt so much like a loss.
Ali popped in and waved me toward the door, telling me the time to start was near. I put my phone away and tiptoed down the hall toward the foyer where the wedding party was to gather prior to the ceremony.
I looked around timidly, trying not to let my trepidation show as I scanned for Spencer.
No sign of him yet. I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed more time to get my head together before I saw him, though I’d had the last week to pump myself up.
He was so angry with me, so betrayed, and he had every right to be. I’d taken what we had, something pure and flawless, and broken it into a million pieces.
Out of fear and shame and regret that I should have let go ages ago.
I’d pushed him away and, despite what he’d said in that voicemail, he’d given up.
There was no one to blame but me. I’d given him no other choice.
But maybe if he knew…
My musings were interrupted by a shimmer of awareness crawling across my skin. I felt him even before he strolled into the room, looking a thousand times sexier in his tux than I remembered from the last time at the tux shop.
My God, he is the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.
His near-black hair was styled back away from his face, looking soft and touchable. His beard was expertly trimmed but still long enough to make my skin tingle with remembered sensation. My tongue made an involuntary pass over my lower lip. I knew I was staring, watching his every move, but I’d gone totally numb as soon as I saw him, and I couldn’t force my gaze away. Frozen on the outside and a raging inferno on the inside.
I’d have to touch him—take his arm and walk down that aisle with a carefree smile plastered on my face.
How the hell was I supposed to do that?
I’d lucked out, and he’d been unable to attend the rehearsal, some emergency with a project the guys were working on, I guess. Either way, Brant had filled in for the walk-through and I’d half-hoped he would just take over the best man duties altogether so I didn’t run the risk of embarrassing myself.
No such luck.
Well, shit.
Turns out, if you stare at someone long enough, they notice.
Spencer was smiling at something one of the ushers said, mumbling a reply as he turned toward me, and we locked eyes.
He kept his eyes on mine, dark and penetrating in a way that made a surge of heat run through my entire body. As he approached, my hands gripped my bouquet so hard the stems wept and nearly dripped on my dress.
Shit. Keep it together, Talia. Don’t let him know he has any effect on you. You can deal with everything else later. Today is about Ali and Clay, not your train-wreck of a love life.
He held out his palm, asking for my hand, which shot out to slip into his of its own accord. Traitorous appendage. “Hello, Talia. You look absolutely amazing.” He took in my pale yellow gown. “That color becomes you.” He kissed the back of my hand gallantly before letting it slip through his fingers. “Sorry I missed the rehearsal. I hope you still trust me to get you down the aisle okay.”
His expression asked much more. It was confusing. Why was he flirting when he’d clearly decided to stop pursuing me? Hadn’t he said as much last week? His mood swings were giving me whiplash. It made me a little angry, actually.
“It’s a straight shot. I’m sure you can handle it. Just point us toward the altar and try not to go too fast.”
“Sometimes fast can be a lot of fun.” He seductively arched a brow and I took a moment to wonder whether he meant his car or our lovemaking—or our lovemaking in his car. Not that it mattered.
“Today is not one of those times. Ali will have you knee-capped if you screw up her wedding procession by sprinting down the aisle.” I gave him a bored look, remembering how quickly he’d driven off when I got out of the truck last week. “Don’t worry, it will be over quickly and you can be done with me. For good this time.”
He rocked back as if I’d slapped him, as surprised as I was at the vehemence in my voice.
Shit. Why did I say that? I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want him to be rid of me, never had. So why the hell was I being so snippy? This was not the way to fix things.
Maybe I was hangry. I hadn’t eaten this morning.
Or maybe I was just a bitch.
Shit shit shit.
Before I could find my voice again to apologize, the doors were flung open and music filled the church. The wedding coordinator grabbed him by the lapels and moved him to the back of the room as she lined us all up. Ushers escorted Ali’s mother and Gran out fir
st, a break from tradition that had no doubt been Eileen’s idea. She was never one to miss an opportunity to be the center of attention.
I lingered as long as I could but the wedding coordinator spotted me and, with a dramatic roll of her overly smoky eyes, snagged me by the wrist and tugged me over to stand beside Spencer. I disentangled myself and pulled my wide, diamond-cuff bracelet back into place, not wanting Spencer to see what was hidden beneath.
Not yet, I wasn’t ready yet.
He looked up at the woman’s pinched features as she shoved me close to his side and flicked his gaze to me. Usually, he would have chuckled at her antics and my getting scolded all the way to the back of the room, but he didn’t this time. His face was completely blank, unaffected, and I had to wonder what emotion he was fighting so hard to mask. Annoyance? Anger? Hurt?
The way he’d reacted to my comment had caught me off guard. He was so angry when we talked in Denson, so hurt. He’d seemed to understand some of why I did what I did, but in the end, I knew he hadn’t forgiven me. As we’d driven in silence to Teach’s house, his features seemed to soften and I thought maybe he would stay, try to talk some more, maybe even offer his forgiveness, though I knew I didn’t deserve it.
The way he’d looked at me as I reached for that door handle had gotten my hopes up, like maybe he would pull me back and tell me he loved me. But that hadn’t happened. Instead, I made it halfway to the porch before turning to watch him disappear from my life without a word.
Why wouldn’t I expect him to be eager to be rid of me? He sure as hell was the last time I saw him. He’d taken off so fast the tires chirped.
One by one, the procession entered the church. Everything was going according to the rigidly-enforced plan. Ali’s mother had hired a drill sergeant, not a wedding planner. She was whispering last minute instructions from behind the door even as the couples began their trip down the aisle.
Total Nazi, but she got shit done.
When Spencer and I were nearing the front, she jabbed a finger at us until he offered his arm and I threaded my hand through it, doing all I could to ignore the jolt of awareness that shot through me as I held onto his bicep for dear life and prayed that I could get through this without crying.
