A Summer at Sea

by Katie Fforde

  She had been going to cry into a glass of red wine, but now the thought of tea was much more bracing. ‘Now you’ve put the idea into my head – a cup of tea? Is that possible?’

  The barman smiled. ‘Of course it is. We’re all set up for teas and coffees. Go and sit down by the fire and I’ll bring it over.’

  The armchair was comfy and there was a little table for her cup. It was perfect. Emily could sit there, sip tea, until eventually the band stopped playing and, with luck, she could find some way of getting home.

  Officially it was wrong to want to leave before the stupendous buffet, all laid out in a marquee (it’s all right, it’s heated, Rebecca had said) but Emily just wanted to go back, finish her packing and then turn her heart and mind down south, where her real life was.

  It was desperately disappointing that this evening had turned out so badly for her. She’d seen it as a sort of glorious farewell to the Highlands, and to Alasdair. It was always going to be sad, but in a beautiful, poetic way. Now it was sad because she’d quarrelled with a man she loved and was never going to be able to explain and put things right between them.

  She thought about the boys, probably playing computer games somewhere with their friends, or rushing about in the huge space. She thought of James and Rebecca, out for the first time since Nell was born, enjoying Alasdair’s band with their friends. And of Nell, upstairs, probably asleep or being carried about by kind women. Although all these people she loved were near her, she felt desperately lonely.

  There never had been any hope for her and Alasdair as a couple, for so many reasons. There was her job, her career as a midwife, which was hundreds of miles away from his. There was the fact that she knew now for certain she wanted a baby, something she hadn’t been so sure of before and which was one of the reasons she was fairly sure that Annie would eventually claim her prize, Alasdair. Or should that be scalp? Annie was very clear about not wanting children and why would Alasdair want a woman who’d have a baby and put Kate’s nose out of joint forever?

  For him, her going far away was the perfect solution. They’d had some great sex, some fun and some enjoyable time with Kate. But they’d always known it could never be forever. No, this wouldn’t be so hard for Alasdair. He’d file her away in his memory and get on with his life.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  THE PEACE OF the fire, the tea and Emily’s melancholy thoughts were broken by the sound of a crying baby that got louder, presumably as it got nearer. A woman carrying a bundle put her head round the door.

  Emily leapt up. ‘Is that Nell? Shall I take her?’

  The young woman holding the screaming infant nodded. ‘She’s hungry, poor lass.’

  ‘You find Becca; I’ll jiggle. She’s in the barn, sitting up at the front.’

  Emily jogged up and down, trying to convince Nell that she wasn’t really hungry, she just wanted a good bounce. ‘I’m going to miss you so much!’ she said. She didn’t bother to tell Nell that she’d really miss her mum, dad and brothers, too, not to mention her uncle and her cousin. Nell could only really think about her stomach just then. Emily understood that. But in spite of their very obvious rapport, godmother and goddaughter were both very relieved when Rebecca finally appeared.

  The barman pulled the sofa nearer the fire so that Rebecca and Nell could snuggle in together, discreetly, while both Rebecca and Emily drank tea.

  ‘Why didn’t you come and hear Alasdair’s band?’ Rebecca said, once Nell was firmly latched on and she could hear herself speak again. ‘They were terrific. And their singer is just breathtaking! Al’s got a really great voice, too.’

  ‘I just couldn’t face it.’ Emily, who felt she’d been doing quite well up to that point, thought she might need yet more tea to stop herself wanting to cry. ‘Besides, I don’t think he’d have wanted me there.’

  ‘Why ever not? Without you, there was no one to stop Annie claiming him as her own when they’d finished. She rushed up on to the stage and flung her arms round him.’ Rebecca frowned. ‘That woman is far too old to be a groupie.’

  ‘We had a row, Bec. It was horrible. That’s why I couldn’t hear his band for more than a couple of bars.’

  Comprehension replaced indignation. ‘Oh. I’m sorry. How on earth did that happen? Bloody hell, Em! This was supposed to be a lovely last evening for you together!’

  ‘Well, he was cross because he didn’t know I was going tomorrow – he said I’d let Kate down.’ That had cut deep. She loved Kate and would never do anything to hurt her. ‘Then he accused me of putting my career before other people’s happiness. He must have meant Kate. But it is so unreasonable.’

  Rebecca nodded. ‘That is outrageous! It really is. But I don’t think he’d have lashed out like that if he didn’t have feelings for you.’

  ‘I don’t think he has feelings, not as we understand it. He was just cross because he didn’t know I was going so soon and he’d have to explain it all to Kate.’

  ‘I think it must have been the shock about you going so soon. Unexpectedly for him.’

  Emily sighed. ‘Anyway, I’m sure you now understand why I didn’t want to stay and hear his band. I’m not sure I could have done even if we hadn’t quarrelled. I just felt so sad.’

  There was silence, broken only by the sound of the fire crackling and Nell’s little grunts of satisfaction. ‘Do you want to go home?’ said Rebecca.

  ‘What? To my home?’ This was a question she’d been asking herself for a while. She still hadn’t worked out the answer.

  ‘Well, I meant my home, now. I’ll find someone to give us a lift and James can bring the boys home.’

  ‘I don’t want to drag you away from the party of the year.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘It’s only nine o’clock. We haven’t eaten yet. All those puddings we made …’

  ‘I’m quite tired,’ said Rebecca. ‘I’ve only just had a baby. And I made an extra chocolate mousse. It’s at home. I think we should get back.’

  ‘Actually, that would be brilliant.’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m still doing this sort of thing now I’m supposedly a grown-up woman,’ said Emily, digging her spoon into the mousse. ‘Comfort eating with my mate.’

  ‘Mmm,’ Rebecca agreed. ‘Comfort eating in comfort and in company. The best ever.’ She topped up Emily’s wine glass. ‘Although it is so sad you’re going. But hey! You can come back and visit! You will, won’t you?’

  Emily put down her glass, remembering she had to be up reasonably early in the morning. ‘Of course I will. But not for a bit. Not while there’s bad feeling between me and Alasdair.’

  ‘It’s so sad. Remember the night when Nell was born? We were all such a team! Surely you and Alasdair could get that back?’

  ‘It’s more complicated than that, Bec. There’s my new job for one thing. And Kate. Alasdair won’t want to have explained to her why I’ve gone away only for me to pop back up again in a month.’

  Rebecca sighed. ‘If you don’t have him, Annie will get him.’

  Emily gulped, hardly able to believe what she was about to say. ‘Well – she’s beautiful and she doesn’t want children. She’s a much better prospect for him. Because I do want children – I know that now. How would Kate feel about that?’

  ‘Little girls love babies,’ said Rebecca. ‘She adores Nell.’

  Emily ignored this. ‘And besides, what would I do for a living? I need to work. It’s part of what I am. Back home I’m a midwife, respected in the community. I need that.’

  ‘And nanny to Nell wouldn’t cut it?’

  Emily shook her head sadly. ‘Not really. Not forever.’

  ‘Then there’s nothing to be done. We’ll just have to finish the mousse.’

  Emily was relieved that James drove her to the airport and not Rebecca. She and Rebecca had talked it all through so many times but, inevitably, they would have gone over it all again. Now Emily just wanted to sit quietly and enjoy the scenery while she could. But every mile they t
ravelled was a mile away from where she’d left her heart.

  ‘We’re going to really miss you, Emily,’ said James, giving her a huge hug. They were at the dropping-off point so he couldn’t stay long.

  ‘And me you. I’ve so loved my summer. The puffer, Scotland, your family, and of course, helping Nell into the world. It’s been really magical. I don’t suppose anything will be quite as special again. Thank you!’

  They hugged again.

  ‘Now,’ she said firmly. ‘I’m going. I don’t want to get emotional.’

  She had plenty of time for that as she hung around, waiting for the gate to be shown. She sat there, turning the pages of a novel Rebecca had given her but although she read the words they didn’t have any meaning for her.

  Her friend Sally was practically jumping up and down when Emily saw her waiting at the airport.

  ‘Oh God, Em, I’ve missed you so much. It’s all going to be absolutely brilliant. I’ve been round to your tenants and they’re all set to move out next weekend. Such a stroke of luck that they’ve found somewhere to move to in the area. And to think you’ll be my boss! What were the chances of that happening when you’ve had a sabbatical?’

  ‘Hi, Sally.’ Emily hugged her friend. ‘It’s lovely to see you.’ And it was.

  ‘Everyone’s been so excited to have you home. There was talk of a ticker-tape parade but then everyone said there’d be too much mess and it wasn’t very green … Hon? That was a joke?’

  ‘What? Yes! Sorry! I think I’ve got jet lag. My brain’s not working.’

  ‘It’s an hour’s flight with no time change. Emily, are you OK?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, of course. You won’t mind me being your boss, will you?’

  ‘Of course not. I know just how to get round you. The car’s just here. In fact we must hurry. I’m parked illegally.’

  Sally’s car was on a yellow line with her ‘Midwife on call’ badge in the front.

  ‘I wonder where they thought you were delivering the baby?’ Emily asked, getting in the front seat, having thrown her rucksack in the back.

  ‘I don’t suppose anyone noticed. Your flight was on time. So, how are you?’

  This was not the time to spill her emotional beans. ‘Fine. So what else is new?’

  ‘Well, things are going really well at the unit. I’ve had several calls from Derek, wanting to know when you’ll be back. Talk about a changed man! He’s had a real Road to Damocles moment!’

  ‘It’s Damascus. The road thing.’

  ‘Is it? Well, whatever, he’s had one. He used to think we were witches brewing up poisonous plants to give to our labouring mothers. Now he thinks we’re all Francis of Assisi – I know! It’s a joke! That should be Francesca of Assisi.’

  Emily managed something that passed for a laugh. ‘Sorry, I’m being a bit slow. I think I left my sense of humour in the departure lounge in Glasgow.’

  ‘That’s because you always get there far too early. You should live close to the edge, like me, and never arrive until the very last moment.’ Sally turned on to the main road. ‘Live dangerously!’

  ‘OK, but not now. Can you watch the traffic? There’s so much more of it down here. I’m not used to it any more.’

  Sally laughed. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit over-excited about you being back. I promise I’ll drive very sedately from now on.’

  ‘So,’ she said when they had reached her house and the kitchen. ‘What do you want to do now? We’re expected down the pub this evening, for a “Welcome Home, Emily” party, but now? Eat something? Go and visit your tenants? Have a shower? Go shopping? Tell me.’

  Emily considered. Part of her really, really wanted to burst into tears and have a jolly good cry. The other part of her didn’t. She decided to compromise. ‘I know it’s early – hardly lunchtime even – but what I’d like is a gin and tonic.’

  ‘What a good idea. I’ll join you. Gin is always the answer. Cures everything.’

  ‘Actually, gin is never the answer,’ said Emily, pulling out a chair and watching her friend look in the fridge for tonic and lemons.

  ‘No,’ Sally agreed. ‘But it don’t half make the question more interesting. When you’ve had this’ – she held up a tumbler with a lot of gin in it – ‘you’ve got to tell me why, although you’re trying to look happy, you’re anything but underneath.’

  Emily sipped her gin and tonic. It was delicious, just as she liked it, but she knew in her heart it was a mistake. She would end up telling Sally everything, about Alasdair, the quarrel, how she felt about it and then she would cry. But, she concluded, after the second sip, it might be a good thing. She might be able to move on afterwards.

  It was good to be back in the pub in town, where all her friends went if they wanted to meet up. Emily was really pleased to see Susanna: the woman who had been due to have a calm labour at home but instead was whisked off to hospital by an outraged husband.

  ‘Emily! Hello!’ She waved. ‘So wonderful to have you back. I’ve set up the series of talks I was telling you about. You’re our star speaker – you would have been before, only more so now you’re in charge of this amazing expanded maternity unit this town is getting. But until you were back, we weren’t quite sure where to put you in the programme.’

  ‘Now, now, Sooz,’ said a woman Emily didn’t know but who was definitely from the same tribe as Susanna. ‘Let the poor woman get a glass of wine first. Hi,’ she said, ‘I’m Annabel. You must be the amazing midwife I’ve heard so much about. Glass of white?’

  Emily ended up really enjoying herself. There was a great new life for her here, better by far than the one she’d left. She was going to embrace it. She even allowed herself to flirt mildly with a couple of the men who seemed drawn to a group of women all talking their heads off. Tomorrow she would sort out when she could go and see her tenants and plan her move back in. And she would go back to work.

  Her new optimism lasted until she got back to Sally’s, late and a little bit tipsy. She was rifling through her bag looking for clean pyjamas when she came across her knitting; the unfinished Fair Isle scarf big enough only for a teddy bear.

  She started to cry all over again.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  EVEN THOUGH SHE and Sally had not gone to bed until after midnight, Emily woke up before six. She knew she wouldn’t get to sleep again and so got out the scarf and sat up in bed and finished it. She had to go into the office later and spend time catching up on the work she was taking over, but these couple of hours were hers. When she’d done the scarf, she crept downstairs to Sally’s kitchen and made herself some tea. Then she found one of Sally’s children’s teddies that was roughly the size of Kate’s and checked the scarf for length. And then she decided that Ted needed mittens and socks, too.

  She cheated on the Fair Isle a bit but soon she had a fully kitted-out teddy and was ready to send the clothes off.

  She decided to write directly to Ted. If she had hurt Kate’s feelings by rushing off before she could say goodbye, Kate might not respond well to a letter. But Ted could be the conduit.

  Dear Ted,

  I am so sorry I had to go before we could say goodbye and before I could give you the enclosed. When winter comes on I feel you will need these warm things to wear. Please give my best love to Kate and tell her I will always remember seeing the otters, making dams and getting very muddy! And later seeing the Merry Dancers. It was magic!

  Lots of love,

  Emily

  When she’d found an envelope she put the letter and the clothes into it and addressed it care of Rebecca. Then she had a long shower and put on far too much make-up. It was to indicate to herself that she had left her life in Scotland far behind and was again a professional woman.

  She parked her car and walked towards the office where she was to work until the refurbishment of the maternity unit was finished. She felt excited, nervous and lonely. Was the loneliness because of leaving Scotland and all that had happened there? Or was it becau
se she’d no longer be part of a team, but the head of a team? She hadn’t reached a conclusion before she arrived at the door, knocked, and went in.

  Derek Gardner was there. He got up from his seat and smiled as if he was really pleased to see her. After the way she had parted from Alasdair it was comforting to be greeted so warmly.

  ‘Emily! We are so glad to have you on board at last. This is such an exciting project, it’s great to have you heading it all up. Now, coffee? Tea?’ He indicated a machine. ‘Then we can get started.’

  When she was sitting down with a cup of coffee and a couple of biscuits she looked around the room. Six people were all looking at her expectantly.

  ‘So,’ said Derek (much to her relief). ‘What do you want to change about the current system?’

  Emily had jotted down a few notes while she ate breakfast. ‘I’d like to see more support for mothers after they’ve had the babies; more staff; at least two more birthing pools …’

  Emily thought she’d known about hard work but by the time the meeting was finally declared over she felt as though she’d done a long walk for charity in high heels.

  ‘Well, that was a marathon,’ said Derek.

  ‘Just what I was thinking! How can sitting talking be such hard work? Even my feet hurt!’

  He laughed. ‘I’m not sure how that happens. But I tell you what, as a reward for working so incredibly hard I’ll take you out for dinner. Would you like that?’

  She considered. If she was going to get back on the dating horse in order to find a proper relationship she had to start somewhere. ‘I’d love to, but not tonight. I have so much sorting out to do.’

  ‘Tomorrow then? Most decent restaurants are closed on Mondays anyway.’

  ‘So, how did it go?’ Sally asked when they caught up with each other after work a couple of days later.

  ‘Well, he really made an effort. Picked me up in his quite nice car—’

  ‘It is quite nice, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes. And we went to that place over in Critchley? With the three Michelin stars?’