by Amity Cross
* * *
On August 24, 2016 at 9:42 AM, Melody Andrews
HOLY SHIT.
* * *
On August 24, 2016 at 10:02 AM, Melody Andrews
I just had to send you an expletive and let your statement sink in.
Coming from you, saying something like that is EPIC. I’ve never heard you talk about a guy like that. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about a guy PERIOD. I was beginning to think that you weren’t interested at all. :P
I think you should at least test the waters. If him and Tessa are so on and off like you say, then feel him out the next time they’re on the outs………...
Then give me all the details.
* * *
On August 26, 2016 at 9:22 AM, Lux Dawson
I don’t know.
I get the feeling he’s using our friendship as a distraction from his drama with Tessa. And not in a good way.
I just can’t say no to him.
* * *
On August 26, 2016 at 9:31 PM, Melody Andrews
Then talk to him about it. I wonder why he keeps going back… Maybe they’re just in it for the cameras? You know, like a publicity stunt?
* * *
On August 27, 2016 at 11:03 PM, Lux Dawson
That’s what I used to think, but if that’s it, I don’t know why they’d be together behind the scenes. That’s taking the staging way too seriously, you know?
I could never tell him. I don’t think I’d be able to live it down if he rejected me. He’s a big TV star, and I’m just a chick. In what reality would he walk me down a red carpet?
* * *
On August 28, 2016 at 4:42 AM, Melody Andrews
No! Don’t say that.
Don’t let your fear rule you again, Lux. I believe in you. You have to go out and grab what you want ‘cos it’s not waiting around for you.
GO FOR IT.
You never know…
* * *
On August 29, 2016 at 11:03 AM, Lux Dawson
Don’t hold your breath.
Episode Twelve
The High and the Low of it
Sliding into a chair outside my favorite café, Mad Mimi’s, I took a sip from my mug of hot chocolate.
Ever since my email exchange with Melody, I’d deployed myself on Operation Nonchalance. I couldn’t deny that Jude had been using our friendship as a distraction the last couple of months, and I was absolutely certain that he didn’t understand he was leading me on. My crush had led me down a dangerous path, and I’d been giving the guy everything and receiving nothing in return. I was always available to him, and he was never available to me. Friendships went both ways, or so I heard.
Hence, Operation Nonchalance. It was code for ‘Lux pretends she doesn’t care so she can minimize the dent in her soul’. It wasn’t like I didn’t like spending time with him. I did. It was just fostering hope where I knew there was none.
Positioning my tablet and hot chocolate, I brought up my notes for the episode I was working on. The café down the street from my apartment was now my regular writing spot when I wasn’t at the Starscape offices. I was here that often I was tempted to ask if there were any shares available, and it had fast become one of my comfortable zones. It was the hip place to be for all the hipster types wanting to tap away on their MacBook Pro’s, so I fit right in with my iPad.
For me, being here was a double-edged sword. I knew Jude lived across the street, and a part of me was always on the lookout for a celebrity sighting, so I tended to camp at my usual table outside and sip on a cup of tea or hot chocolate as I tapped away on my tablet.
Now that it was mid-September, I thought the weather would calm down a bit and I’d have to move inside, but it was still almost thirty degrees, which was about eighty-six or something. I was still trying to wrap my head around the whole Celsius Fahrenheit thing, and I couldn’t even get started on the whole kilometer versus mile conversion. And the money looked the same, which always confused me no end whenever I went to pay for stuff. It wasn’t like the colorful banknotes we had in Australia.
I pulled the brim of my hat down a fraction to stop the sun from hitting my pasty white hermit skin and upped the brightness on my tablet screen. Apart from the clothes and makeup Candy had talked me into buying, shelling out for a tablet was the most money I’d spent since I began getting paid on a regular basis from Starscape. I didn’t know what I was meant to do with it all just yet, so I just let it accumulate in the bank.
Anyway, I loved my tablet. It was better than lugging around my ancient laptop, not to mention it was ace for making a quick getaway when I saw Tessa at the office. Thankfully, she’d kept her distance and hadn’t taken another swing at me yet, although I was well aware that one eye was still on me.
I did love working on Naturals despite the drama. I was finally becoming a part of the framework behind the show, and the hectic life of a staff writer was fast becoming normal. There were no set hours outside of meetings, so I wiled away the hours working on scripts and my own book, immersing myself in the stories I was creating. The weeks had become months, and we were approaching the mid-season script-wise. That meant it was almost time for the new actress, who was playing my character Scar, to start filming.
Talking about filming… After my visit to the set the other week, Jude had gotten back together with Tessa just like I’d prophesized, and things went on like clockwork after that. I pretended not to care, and Jude kept throwing me one-liners that could or could not be construed as having double meanings. Then the dynamic duo had another fight on the set and were off for a week, then they got back together, and we were right back to square one.
I seriously didn’t understand the attraction. If I was on that merry-go-round, I’d want off after the first rotation. Maybe they were in love, but maybe it wasn’t enough to keep them together. Maybe I should just forget about trying to define something that was none of my business.
A shadow fell over my tablet, and I glanced up to find Jude standing next to the table. Everything went va-va-voom, and I smiled up at him.
“This is becoming a habit,” he declared, sliding into the opposite chair.
“Well, you do live across the street,” I retorted, screwing up my face.
“What are you doing?”
“The usual.” Being available and stalkerish. “Working on a script.”
“Are there any spoilers?” he asked with a smirk.
“There are epic spoilers.” I rolled my eyes, a little annoyed at his push and pull conversation. “I still haven’t seen your non-disclosure agreement, so no spoilers for you.”
He watched me for a moment before asking, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I replied, wondering if I’d given something away. Coward. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
He shrugged.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” He didn’t sound convinced.
“Thrilling conversation we’re having,” I said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Things are just…meh,” he said like he was just trying to halfheartedly appease me, and I wondered if he was going through another rocky in paradise patch.
“Why…” I stopped myself from asking the question on everyone’s lips. We never talked about Tessa, and he didn’t voluntarily discuss her either. It was like some unspoken rule between us, and I had been fine with it up until breakup number two in the space of four months. But that was before I’d realized how dysfunctional our friendship was.
“Why what?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.
Still, I couldn’t hold onto it anymore. “You and Tessa… Why are you always…you know.”
His expression changed, the light seeming to fade from his eyes, and he ran his hands over his face
with a grunt. “I don’t think it’s any of your business.” He said it in a shitty way, snapping at me like a pushy bitch, and it instantly grated me the wrong way.
Scowling, I said, “Then just say you don’t want to talk about it. Don’t snap my head off.”
“Lux, my relationship with Tessa is none of your business.”
I felt this overwhelming feeling of sexual frustration and anger rise up in my guts and take hold of my vocal chords. “Everyone talks about it behind your back, and I’m sick to death of it.”
“Then don’t fucking listen,” he spat, throwing his hands into the air.
Don’t listen? Seriously, he didn’t care that people were talking smack about him when his back was turned? I was insulted for him, but it looked like I was barking up the wrong tree.
I wasn’t sure who I was more pissed at. Me, for even asking him about his dysfunctional girlfriend or him, for instantly being an asshole about it. He’d never spoken to me like this before, and it felt like a slap to the face. Seriously, I felt like puking, and most importantly, I didn’t want to sit here and take shit…especially not from Jude Atwood, superstar heartthrob.
“Fuck off,” I spat. How original.
“Fuck off?” he asked, his eyebrows rising.
“Yeah. If I knew your dysfunctional relationship was such a button, I wouldn’t have gone there.” I sighed dramatically and flipped the case closed on my tablet.
“Where are you going?” he asked like it was a surprise I didn’t want to look at his stupid face anymore.
I stood, shoving my tablet into my bag. “Elsewhere.”
“Lux.”
Ignoring him, I staked off down the street. There were plenty of crappy things I forced upon myself because I was a total glutton for punishment, but being spoken to like that by the guy I was crushing on was the last straw. I wasn’t some publicist or whatever who he could push around because he was Mr. Famous Actor Underwear Model guy. It was hard enough keeping my feelings a secret and asking a question about his girlfriend treating him like a piece of shit on her shoe, so imagine if he knew how I felt about him? Talk about an implosion.
“Lux,” he called out again.
Not even turning around, I held up my free hand and flipped him the bird.
I’d had enough of watching him get back together with the wrong woman over and over, and I especially had enough of him using me as a friendly distraction. Yeah, I said it. Tessa was the wrong woman for him, and he was obviously too bloody stupid to see it. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I didn’t have to deal. Like he’d said, it was none of my business.
Maybe this was the injection of reality I needed to jolt me back into sanity.
I was done. Crush. OVER.
* * *
I spent the next three days agonizing over the fact that I’d stuck my middle finger up at Jude Atwood.
We didn’t have a table read scheduled for another couple of days, so I hadn’t seen him at the office or at the café. It wasn’t like he was avoiding me, I knew that he’d been filming because Candy had been slammed as well. Then there was the fact that he’d never asked for my number, and I hadn’t asked for his. That was another story all together.
Speaking of Candy, she’d sent me a text message to alert me to the fact that Jude had been sulking. Then it had been followed up with a question that suggested I had something to do with it. Maybe my prodding at his relationship had hit home after all.
Walking into the Starscape offices, I could feel the excitement in the air. Last night, the season premiere of Naturals had aired, and everyone was waiting on the ratings to come in. I had no idea what to expect considering this was my first foray into the ultimate accountability of viewers on this job.
As a novelist, I’d always steered clear of reviews full stop, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. As an overemotional creative type, anything negative haunted me for days even if it was something I needed to hear.
Working on Naturals was like living in a dream world, so if the ratings were bad, I was terrified I’d be waking up in the morning and getting on a plane home to Australia. Failure was not an option.
Walking into the conference room, I sat at my usual chair and greeted everyone. The other staff writers, who had turned out to be some of the best people I knew, were all assembled, coffee or energy drinks in their hands, eagerly awaiting the verdict. Unlike me, they’d probably been glued to the fan forums and Facebook all night, searching for validation that we were on the right track for the rest of the season.
Twirling my chair around at the conference table, I brought it to a halt as Maisy came rushing into the room, waving a sheet of paper around wildly.
“As you all know, the season premiere was aired last night,” she declared. “Well, the results are in.”
“Oh, get on with it,” Martin said, rolling his eyes.
She waved her hand absently at him and said, “We smashed our previous ratings by twenty-five percent, and we beat out our nearest rival, the vampire show that shall not be named, by six hundred thousand viewers.”
I glanced at Vanessa. “Is that good?”
“It’s epic!” Maisy declared. “Ratings are super competitive, Lux.”
“The comments we’ve been getting about the direction of the series has been amazing,” Gwen said. “Some of them are so far off the mark it’s not funny.”
“That’ll give ‘em food for thought when we rock their world,” Martin declared.
“There’s big talk about The Department,” Maisy said, turning her attention onto me. “Ever since the word went out that you’re on our staff, Lux, your books have come up again and again.”
“They have?” I asked.
I hadn’t checked the sales reports on my books for the last couple of months, so maybe I should be logging into that stat and seeing just how many Naturals fans had picked them up. I’d seen an uptick after Candy posted that Instagram photo back before I was offered the job, but I began to wonder if it had swung more in my favor now that the season premiere had aired.
“Don’t be so modest, Lux,” Vanessa said, waving her hand at me. “Own it, girl. You deserve to bask in your success. I known damn well I would.”
Maisy laughed, and Hank shook his head before offering me a good-natured smile.
“Okay,” I said. “Consider it owned. What about season four? When do they decide that’s a good thing?”
“They don’t usually announce it until toward the end of a run,” Maisy explained. “Never this early, but if we can build on these numbers and keep smashing them, then it’s a sure bet. For now, we celebrate, then get back to work. Now is the time to go hard or go home.”
“Meeting tomorrow?” Hugo asked.
“Same time, same Bat-channel,” Maisy answered with a wink.
The door burst open at that moment, and Sharon entered in a cloud of expensive smelling perfume and a box of champagne in her hands.
“Darlings!” she exclaimed, setting down the case. “We’re just so pleased with the numbers! Congratulations!” Opening the top, she began handing out bottles that had huge colored bows tied to the necks. “I think this calls for a little something something, if you know what I mean.”
“Score!” Vanessa exclaimed, turning the bottle around in her hands so she could read the label.
“Lux, beautiful,” Sharon cooed, shoving a bottle of champagne into my hands and kissing me on both cheeks. Pow pow, like a sharpshooter of social pleasantries. “I knew you had it in you.”
“You did?” I asked sheepishly, hugging the bottle against my chest.
“Best opening numbers we’ve ever seen.” She waggled her finger at me with a bright smile on her lips. “It’s no coincidence it’s coincided with your arrival. The day you got stuck in that elevator with our Jude was the day all our dreams came true.”
Gwen started to snigger in the background, and I smiled awkwardly. I was hoping the elevator incident was long forgotten, but apparently, it
was memorable enough to become an office urban legend.
“Thank you,” I replied sheepishly. Best to take the compliment and roll with it.
“We want big hooks,” Sharon instructed Maisy, turning the attention back onto our head writer. “Reel those viewers in and don’t let them go. I want romance. I want intrigue and drama. Sex sells, beautiful. The angst, the push and pull, and the will they or won’t they. I want those actors on the award stages making acceptance speeches on everything from the MTV People’s Choice to The Emmys.”
I swallowed hard. That didn’t sound hard at all. End sarcasm.
“You’ve got it,” Maisy said.
“I’ve got to get back to it, so you guys and gals go and celebrate,” Sharon said before whirlwinding out the door.
“Okay guys, celebratory dinner tonight,” Maisy said. “Who’s in?”
We all stuck our hands into the air.
“I’ll make reservations at Alma Cocina,” Gwen said. “Do you like Mexican, Lux?”
“Their cocktails are to die for,” Vanessa added. “You’ll love it.”
“Sure,” I replied. “I’ll give it a try.”
“Make it seven o’clock,” Maisy said. “Meeting adjourned. See you guys tonight!”
Gathering up my bottle of champagne and bag, I followed the others out into the hall, and we went our separate ways. Thinking about meeting them all for dinner tonight, I was surprised to find I wasn’t that alarmed about going to a new place I didn’t know. I’d have to look up the address, but I wasn’t about to go on Google Street View to find where the front door was. That was the old Lux. The new one was just going to rock up and wing it.
Turning the corner, I screeched to a halt when I saw Jude walking toward me with a determined expression on his face. I didn’t know why, but right then, he took my breath and my ability to function away. The amount of power he had over me was beginning to bother me in more ways than one. I debated on running in the opposite direction and legging it down the stairs, but I was stuck.
