by Amity Cross
The sound of his voice burned, and I felt my throat constrict. I could feel the ghost of his touch all over my body and the memory of him inside me.
The ecstasy.
The stars.
The understanding.
Then it was overshadowed by darkness. A cold bed and a nightmare at the breakfast buffet downstairs.
I couldn’t talk to him. There was nothing to say. He’d made his feelings known the moment I woke up in that hotel room, so I had no idea what he thought he could achieve by rattling off empty words. Try all he might, they’d just bounce off me anyway.
I was a fortress. An impenetrable fortress. My heart was closed. He’d slammed the door on it.
“Lux.”
The caterer handed me a takeout cup with a raised eyebrow, and I threw him weak smile as I wrapped my cold hands around the hot chocolate for warmth. Turning, I walked away. For someone whose job it was to string words together, I didn’t know what else to do.
I felt Jude’s hand on my shoulder, and he spun me around.
“Lux, please.”
You know how there are times you just lose your grasp on your self-control? You can pinpoint the exact moment you snap, and the world comes crashing down around you. I could pinpoint the exact moment I felt an unbelievable burst of rage pool in my gut and spew forth, and it was an epic beast to behold.
My gaze met Jude’s for the first time since he’d held me in that hotel room in LA, and it was shocking how drastically things had changed. I stared into his green eyes and I just…snapped.
I raised my free hand and slapped him in the face. No warning, no…nothing. My palm connected with his cheek with a sharp crack that echoed through the forest, on and on, forever and ever, without an end in sight.
The entire set fell into silence. I knew everyone was staring, and I didn’t care. I’m sure they all knew. I’m sure they were all talking behind our backs.
Jude stared at me, complete and utter surprise plastered on his face. What, he thought I’d come crawling back? He thought I’d fall to my knees at his feet? He thought he could fix everything he broke with a few pathetic words? He thought he could dazzle me with empty promises?
Without uttering a word, I turned and walked away. There was nothing else to do. Nothing to say. Nothing to fix.
Finding safe harbor with Candy, she glanced between me and the place I knew Jude was still standing.
“What was that about?” she asked, worry clear in her features. “I’ve missed something.”
I sighed, taking the lid off my cup of hot chocolate. “He left me for Tessa. Again.”
“What do you mean, again?”
“That day at the café…” I began. “That whole trip to New York… Then in LA… He… We…” I couldn’t get enough words out in the right order to explain it all.
“He was with you in LA?” Candy slapped a hand over her mouth.
I rolled my eyes. “Then he went right back to her.”
“Seriously?”
“I woke up, and he was gone, and he didn’t come back. Then, I went downstairs and…and… He was with her. He was kissing her.”
“Right after you… Oh, fuck. Lux…” Candy reached out and pulled me in for a hug, making me almost drop my drink on the both of us.
I couldn’t cry. I’d shed enough tears over him. More than he deserved. This past year should’ve been the best of my life. I’d come so far, achieved so much, but all I’d see when I looked back was what he did. All I could do was look forward and that path only had one destination.
FMC Studios.
“Thanks,” I said, pulling away from her. “What’s done is done. And speaking of done…I no longer want anything to do with him.”
No matter how painful it might be to cut ties with Jude, it would never compare to the moment I stood in that hotel lobby in LA and witnessed the greatest betrayal I’d ever experienced in my entire life. I could say that the moment I was abandoned in an orphanage was right up there, but I didn’t remember anything about that time. This betrayal I remembered in full on Technicolor and Dolby surround sound.
“What a douche. Seriously,” Candy said, rolling her eyes. “I never thought he had that kind of behavior in him. I’ve always thought he was the most well-adjusted of the lot of us. Genuine, you know.”
I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Well, it’s easy to say that in hindsight.” Glancing across the set, nobody was paying us any attention, so I decided now was as good a time as any to make the call. “I’ll see you later,” I went on. “I’ve got a call to make.”
“If you want to hang out and eat ice cream, just let me know, okay?”
Candy was such a good friend, and knowing that it was unconditional meant she was all that and much more to me.
As I walked away to find a quiet spot, my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out, I saw Miles’ name on the screen. Talk about timing.
I answered the call immediately.
“Lux, it’s Miles,” came his familiar voice.
“Hi,” I said. “I was just going to call you.”
“Yeah?” he asked, sounding surprised.
“Things have changed a little,” I went on.
“They’ve changed a lot here, too,” he replied, and I began to panic that I’d lost my chance. “I warned you that we wouldn’t let you slip through our fingers so easily. The word no just isn’t in my vocabulary. We’re bumping up our initial offer.”
Damn, these network executives knew how to play hardball, but maybe the guy had ESP. I’d said no, and I thought that was it even though he’d told me to sleep on it. I was concerned that I’d left it too long and the offer had an expiration date.
“You are?” I asked with a frown. In light of certain events, I was bordering on desperation and would’ve taken anything to get out of Atlanta.
“You bet,” Miles replied. “This is our last offer because we can’t keep playing back and forth this late in the game. These are all our cards, Lux. Take what we discussed the other day and double it.”
The initial offer was already more than what Starscape had paid me, and now they wanted to double it? Twenty thousand bucks an episode? Damn. Was I that hot a commodity? The thought was flattering.
I glanced across the set, and I instantly found Jude. He was sitting on a chair, his shoulders hunched as he played with his phone. I used to feel this unbearable attraction when I laid eyes on him, but now all I felt was this chasm of every kind of pain that was defined in the dictionary. It swelled and grew like it was out of control, and I knew if I let it, it would choke the life out of me.
And just like that, I knew my time working on Naturals was coming to an end.
I’d be forever grateful to Jude for what he did to get my work noticed, but that was where it stopped. He couldn’t be in my life anymore, not like he had been.
“Okay,” I said. “I accept.”
Episode Twenty-Seven
Let the Right One In
The Starscape offices were quiet this morning.
They always were before a table read. The ultimate metaphor was the quiet before the storm, which was pretty accurate. Everyone slept in, or was off preparing, until it was time to descend upon the conference room en masse to find out their character’s fate for the week.
Usually, the air would be crackling with excitement, but all I felt was a lingering sense of dread. Today, I had to drop the news to Sharon and the network that I was exiting stage left. I had to do it right now or suffer through an agonizing table read sitting across from Jude.
Slinking down the hall to Sharon’s office, I found her door wide open and the woman herself sitting behind the desk, typing furiously. I knocked softly to get her attention, and she glanced up from her keyboard. When she saw me hovering outside, she smiled warmly and gestured for me to come inside.
“Lux, darling,” she exclaimed. “Come in, come in. Good to see you.”
Closing the door behind me, I grimac
ed before turning back to face her. She’d been great since the day she’d first emailed me a year ago. Other than the Tessa debacle, which still haunted my sleep, Starscape had been great to deal with, and I couldn’t have asked for a better boss. It kind of made what I was about to do that much harder.
“Hey,” I said, a little meeker than I intended. Sliding into the chair opposite her, I offered a smile. “I’m not interrupting you, am I?”
“Not at all. What’s on your mind?” she asked, leaning her elbows on the edge of her desk. “Is everything okay?”
“I was offered a job at FMC Studios,” I said outright.
Sharon’s eyes widened in surprise.
“We never talked about renewing past this season,” I went on. “With everything that’s happened in the last few months with Tessa, I figured that I wasn’t getting another round. You guys have the rights to my series, so you don’t need me. Not permanently.”
She bowed her head and took a deep breath before bringing her gaze back to mine. “Lux, I know we’ve been a little slow on the uptake, but I wanted to talk to you this week about season four…and five. There have been some changes from up high—”
“I’ve already accepted,” I said, interrupting her. I didn’t want to know about changes, or future seasons, or whatever assurances they wanted to throw at me. They were great people, they really were, but I didn’t want to be here anymore.
“How much are they offering you?” she came back with immediately. “We’ll better it.”
I shook my head somberly. “I don’t want money.”
Sharon sighed, bowing her head again. “You won’t reconsider? You’ve been an extreme asset to the show, Lux. I admit we should have handled the Tessa situation a little better, but I hope that isn’t clouding your decision. Your work has been exceptional. I truly believe it was your addition to the team that was able to propel the show to where it is. I mean, Jude got noticed big time and won an award. The show picked up two…”
At the mention of Jude and his stupid award, I flinched. I didn’t mean to be so obvious, but it was like a reflex I couldn’t stop. Wince…all my deepest, darkest secrets broadcasted to one of the country’s biggest TV producers by way of a tiny muscle spasm.
“Lux…” Her frown signified that I was right on the money. X marks the spot. She knew, or at least, she suspected that Jude and I had had a falling out. “Has something happened that you haven’t told me about?”
Plenty had happened that was none of her business. Regardless of what Jude did, in the long run I still would’ve taken the job. My head had been clouded by the feelings I’d been trying to bottle up for the past year. They’d blocked so much that I’d almost destroyed everything, including my career. I should’ve taken the job at FMC on the spot. Even if things worked out with Jude, I’m sure he would’ve told me to take it too.
“It’s Jude, isn’t it?” she asked when I wasn’t forthcoming.
“If you don’t mind…” I began slowly, kicking myself for being so transparent. “If you don’t mind, I’ll turn my notes in to Maisy for the season final on my way out.”
“You don’t want to stay for the table read?”
I shook my head, not bothering to continue with the charade anymore. “It’s just too painful.”
Sharon shook her head, obviously distraught. “That boy is fantastic, but right now, I want to choke the life from him. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
I’d been dwelling on hindsight for far too long to even formulate a response to that.
“Thank you,” I said, opting for being gracious instead.
Standing, she rose with me and rounded the desk. Pulling me into a hug, the scent of her expensive perfume wafting up my nose, she held me tightly.
“Good luck, Lux,” she murmured. “Thank you for all your hard work this season. You’ve been exceptional.”
“You’re welcome.” I pulled back and smiled, conscious of the fact that the expression didn’t move past my lips. “Thank you for taking a chance on me.”
“Anytime, doll,” she replied sadly. “Anytime.”
* * *
The season finale of Naturals was right around the corner.
There was still a great deal of filming to complete, but my work was done. I’d spoken with Sharon and Maisy again this morning, and they both allowed me the opportunity to sit this one out, but I’d stuck around fully intending to see it through. That was until I saw Tessa arrive. Maybe I was a coward, but maybe I was just trying to preserve the parts of me that were still untouched by Jude’s betrayal.
Leaning against one of the pillars in the foyer of the Starscape building, I watched as Candy, Tate, Martin, and Vanessa stepped into the elevator. They hadn’t seen me, and I was thankful. Another thing to add to my repertoire was coward because I couldn’t face saying goodbye to any of them. They would know soon enough that I’d accepted the job at FMC.
Exiting out the side door, I sat on the bench just outside and pulled in a few deep breaths. They could make the final tweaks to the script without me. Those guys were pros after all.
Pulling out my phone, the only person I knew I could count on at that moment was back in Australia. Melody would listen without judgment, and right now, all I needed was a sounding board.
Knowing that my oldest friend was a night owl and it was approaching two a.m. back home, I pulled up her contact and called her.
“Lux?”
The familiar sound of her voice was comforting and very normal. Normal as in she was the only tie to the life I had before. The life where I was just shy, forgettable, Lux Dawson…desperado dork. After everything that had happened, that life seemed like an oasis in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
“I hope I didn’t wake you,” I replied. “I know it’s late.”
“Nup. I was up drawing as per usual. I know you hate talking on the phone,” she said. “What’s up?”
“I just…” Suddenly, I couldn’t get the words out.
“Is it Jude?” she prodded.
“Everything is so stuffed up, Mel. I don’t know what to do. Part of me just wants to leave and cut all ties, the other is hoping for a miracle.”
Melody sighed, but she didn’t try to console me, not yet. It wasn’t in her to baby anyone until she had all the facts.
“Tell me what happened,” she commanded.
She already knew most of it, so I filled in the blanks I’d been too distressed to tell her until now.
“The first time he was drunk. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and forgave him. Then I let it go even further… I slept with him and he left me in the middle of the night. Was he coming back? I don’t know, but the fact of the matter remains that he was downstairs with her. Again.”
“Shit, Lux. I’m so sorry,” Melody said, trying to comfort me. “He’s a douche. A real asshat. You don’t deserve that shit.”
“No, I don’t.”
“What are you going to do now? I mean, the other job…”
I sniffed and wiped my damp eyes on my sleeve. “I’m taking it. I can’t be here anymore. It’s just too hard.”
“You know whatever you choose to do, I’m behind you. Shit, it’s still a great job no matter what network you’re at.”
“It’s a great job,” I said in agreement. “Getting in on a new show on the bottom floor. It’s just a pilot, but it’s already been picked up for a thirteen episode run.”
“FMC, Lux. F. M. C.”
“I know. How quick things can change…”
Thinking back over everything that had happened in the last year, I had absolutely no idea that this was how things would turn out. I’d gone from a shy, awkward, lonely girl, to a stylish, confident, but heartbroken, sought after scriptwriter. I’d always thought the universe and I had this love-hate relationship going, but it turned out that destiny had my back all along. Maybe Jude had been the one to get me noticed, but I’d always had the talent to back it up.
“Lux?”
�
��Yeah?”
“Do you love him?”
I stared at the brick wall across the lane, not wanting to say the words. Vocalizing something like that was admitting he had power over me, which he did, but I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. Everything that could be broken was well and truly smashed into smithereens. That atom had been split a long time ago.
“Yeah,” I said, the weight lifting from my shoulders as I finally admitted the gravity of my feelings. “Yeah, I love him.”
Melody sighed, and I didn’t have the heart to make her try to console me. It was what it was.
“I go to LA the day after tomorrow to review the contracts,” I said. “Everything is tied up here. They’re inside right now doing the last table read for the season final. I’m not needed here anymore.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” she replied. “I’m sure they got on their knees and begged, then showered money all over you.”
I laughed, but it sounded empty even to me. “Something like that.”
“I’m so proud of you, Lux,” she said after a moment. “Everything you’ve done this year…wow. Never forget that.”
“I know,” I said, bowing my head. “I know.”
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
I dwelt on her question for a moment. Back when this thing started, I was sure that he’d overwhelm and swallow me whole, but now…
“I’ll be okay,” I reassured her. “I just need some time to get over him.”
Melody sighed. “That’s the best any of us can hope for, I guess.”
“Amen.” Glancing at the time on my phone, I added, “Hey, I better let you go. I’ve got a million things to plan before the end of the week.”
“Okay. Take care of yourself, Lux. I expect a visit real soon, right?”
“You’re on.”
Making sure the call was disconnected, I dumped the phone into my bag, stood up, dusted myself off, and went back to my apartment.
There wasn’t anything left to do but pack up my life in Atlanta and move it to Los Angeles.
Fade to black.
Episode Twenty-Eight
