"They're all taking naps until dinner," El-Mudad said, spread out on one of the sofas and barely awake, himself.
"Oh...Amal and Molly were supposed to share a room. I hope this doesn't cause problems." This stress-busting family vacation was turning out to be a minefield of more stress.
I'd been right when I'd said we couldn't run from our problems. It never worked. I'd tried it so often. Statistically, I should have pulled it off by now, if it were possible at all.
El-Mudad gestured toward the ceiling. "She's in the lounge at the moment. I'm sure that's as comfortable a place as any for a nap."
"The recliners are divine," Neil mused, pacing a circle.
I dropped down beside El-Mudad's head and ran my fingers through the silky strands of his hair. "Sit, baby. You look exhausted."
"Preoccupied," Neil said with a small smile. "About Rashida."
I tried to keep my response light. "It's been a long time since anyone has called you 'daddy' outside of a sexual scenario."
"Never," Neil said with a grimace. "Never, ever do that."
"How do you feel, though?" El-Mudad asked cautiously. "I was afraid to bring it up."
"How do you think I feel? I’m overjoyed. Elated. I loved being a father. I never thought I would be again. That was by mutual choice," he added, directing it at me. "And I was perfectly comfortable with it. But when Emma... well, I'm glad we have Olivia. But she isn't my daughter. And truthfully, I did have the occasional thought that perhaps I did want a child. I knew that was grief, Sophie. That's why I never brought it up with you directly."
"Cool, I'm glad you didn't." There were a lot of things I would do for my husband. Having a baby was not one of them.
He gave me a sideways glance. "Now, I have the opportunity to be a father again and a child who wants to be my daughter. I've had a charmed life; despite the sorrow we've been through. Rashida is another blessing."
El-Mudad covered his face with his hands and let out a relieved breath.
"You didn't think I would reject her?" Neil asked, alarmed.
"No, not at all." El-Mudad rubbed his eyes before he continued. "I was so terrified that it hurt you when she said it. Opened up your wound. I thought perhaps I would have to have some kind of sticky conversation about how she had done nothing wrong and you still love her, but..."
"Oh, my love, why didn't you bring this up before?" Neil asked, coming to sit on the arm of the couch.
"I was feeling you out." El-Mudad grinned. "It's not nearly as fun as feeling you up, though."
"Can we not get horny on main until after dinner, please?" I gave El-Mudad's hair a light tug of recrimination. "Speaking of dinner, Molly will not be at it with us. So maybe it's time to seize this opportunity? For the big talk with your daughters?"
"We should have dinner, send Olivia off to bed, and discuss it over dessert," Neil decided for us. There was no other way to interpret his tone. "And no matter how it turns out, we won't let it spoil our vacation."
"Even if Amal jumps ship in Havana and starts a new life without us?" It wasn't out of the realm of possibility. I was living proof that teenagers made rash international decisions all the time.
"I think you should give Amal more credit." Neil kissed the top of my head. "She's prickly. She reminds me of Emma."
He rose and walked to the other end of the couch to sit beside El-Mudad's feet. "I remember the fear that Emma wouldn't like Elizabeth. I wanted them to meet before I proposed. But I was too impulsive and put myself in a damned awkward situation. Emma reacted much in the way Amal has, resolute that she would not get close to her father's new partner. We had an enormous row, and I will never forget what she threatened me with: 'I refuse to let your choices change my heart!'"
I laughed at that. It was so Emma.
"I don't fault Amal for not opening her heart to us the moment we broke the news to her. And she's coming around. I don't have any expectations that your girls need to meet." Neil paused. "That's not true. I do expect Rashida's room to improve in the cleanliness department."
"Good luck."
I felt like an outsider with nothing to offer them. This wasn't a moment I could understand. I'd stood on the other side of the divide from them, two parents who'd gone through the same anxieties of dating as my mom had. I'd been her Amal, her Emma. But I'd driven off her prospective partners. Amal was far more mature than I had been at her age.
Maybe it wasn't maturity. Perhaps it was a kindness that I wasn't giving her credit for. That made her even more Emma-like in my mind.
"I think a nap sounds awesome," I announced. It gave me an excuse to leave the two of them in their shared experience of fatherhood. Just as Neil and I had bonds that El-Mudad couldn't relate to, he and Neil also had theirs. Sometimes, that was the most challenging part of our relationship. Other times, like now, it struck me as so beautiful and tender that it seemed as though my ribs would crack under the weight of the emotions trapped behind them.
And times like that proved that we were worth fighting for.
Chapter Ten
After dinner, Mariposa took Olivia to their adjoined suites for milk and warm chocolate chip cookies, while Amal, Rashida, El-Mudad, Neil, and I remained seated around a silent table.
Amal looked between the three of us and rolled her eyes. “You know, we can tell something is going on when you’re like this.”
“Like what?” I asked, my hand flying up so I could chew my thumbnail.
Rashida’s wide, pleading eyes went to Neil. “What’s happening? Are you breaking up?”
“No, my sweet girl,” Neil promised. “Never.”
“We wanted to discuss another change to our family—”
Amal lunged for her water glass. “No baby!”
“A baby?” Rashida’s face lit up. “Sophie, you’re having a baby?”
“The fuck I am,” I exclaimed, and Neil groaned in exasperation.
“Only one person can speak at a time,” El-Mudad raised his voice to scold us all. “It should be the man who has practiced what he planned to say.”
“Then tell us,” Amal demanded, breathless from chugging a full glass of icy water.
“Neil and Sophie and I have decided to make our family official. In the only way we can. I’m planning to adopt Olivia.”
“Oh.” Rashida sat back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Is that it?”
“Is that—” El-Mudad paused, taken aback.
Neil shifted cautiously in his chair. “You don’t think this is rather a large step?”
“She’s basically our little sister, anyway,” Amal said with an elegant shrug. “My least annoying one."
Rashida whined something in outraged French, to which El-Mudad barked a sharp, "This is not the time, girls!"
"Sorry," Amal said, rolling her eyes so hard they appeared white for a flash of a second.
How did she do that?
"Why are you so serious?" Rashida asked, holding up her hands. "This isn't bad news."
Neil nodded and crossed his arms as he relaxed against the back of his chair. "We didn't know how you would react. Because it is a serious subject. And a serious step for all of us."
The table fell silent for a long moment, and my heart crawled up my throat. What if, upon reflection, they found the idea horrible? What would we do, then?"
"Neil?" Rashida asked, barely looking up at him.
"Yes?" He responded.
She had some difficulty getting the words out. "Are you going to adopt us?"
"Oh, I..." He looked helplessly to El-Mudad.
Thankfully, one of us knew what to say. El-Mudad shook his head and said gently, "The circumstances are different with Olivia. I'm adopting her so that if something happened to Neil and Sophie, her grandmother wouldn't be able to keep her from us."
"How is that different?" Rashida asked, her gaze flicking nervously over our faces, searching for any sign that we might be lying or keeping something from her.
"Because Mama would nev
er keep us away from Neil and Sophie," Amal supplied for us. I appreciated that; Rashida would probably doubt anything we said, but her sister would never lie to make her feel better. To antagonize, yes.
"Exactly," El-Mudad said. "Your mother has only your best interests at heart. While we may not always get along, your mother understands and supports your relationship with Neil and Sophie."
Neil and I exchanged a glance. This was new information to us. It embarrassed me to realize that I had never thought of what might happen with El-Mudad's girls should something happen to him. We'd been so hyper-focused on Olivia.
But Neil probably worried about it.
The shock my brain got from that jolted to my heart. Neil wouldn't be able to stand losing the girls.
"You're also old enough to make your preferences known and respected," Neil said, confirming my suspicions. "And custody arrangements, as you know, are difficult when parents live in different countries."
"It would have never come up in the first place if not for recent events with Olivia's grandparents,” El-Mudad added. “Your mother and I agree that the two of you should choose your living arrangements. You knew that when you chose to live in New York."
"Neil would adopt you in a heartbeat if we thought there was a threat to our relationship with you," I promised. And for all that I cherished my time sans kids, I would never turn Amal or Rashida away. "I hope you understand that even though I talk a lot about not wanting to be a mom or not being a mom, that doesn't mean I don't love the two of you. Just in a cool aunt kind of way."
"Bold of you to assume we think you're cool," Amal said with a cheeky purse of her lips.
"You did leave her a rather large opening there, Sophie," Neil said with a chuckle.
"So," Rashida said, pausing briefly to chew her bottom lip. "You're not going to adopt us. But is it still okay if I call you dad?"
"I-" Neil stumbled a moment, trying and failing to contain his emotions. "Of course, you may, my sweet girl."
She beamed at him across the table. El-Mudad dipped his head and smiled proudly.
“But none of you can mention any of this to Olivia,” I instructed them. “Not about the dad thing, Rashida. About the adoption.”
“Yes,” Neil agreed. “We want to be able to speak with Olivia and make sure she understands what all of this means.”
Both girls nodded in understanding.
"Well, if this fairly simple conversation that three adults whipped into a crisis is over, I think I'll check on Molly. See if there's anything I can lend her to make her feel better," Amal said, pushing back her chair.
"Lend her what? Balmain heels?" Rashida snarked.
Oh god, we were going to have two of them soon.
Amal narrowed her eyes. "I have some fairly effective acupressure patches that could help. I'm not entirely flawless. I get seasick sometimes, too."
"Can I camp out on the pool deck tonight?" Rashida asked. "I want to sleep under the stars."
El-Mudad raised his hand to motion to the steward beyond the glass doors. The young man moved quickly to come inside. El-Mudad told him, "My daughter would like to sleep under the stars. Please makeup one of the couches on the pool deck. And station a female attendant on watch over her. I'm worried it may get too cold."
He was also just as protective as Neil when it came to his daughters’ safety at the hands of men. The steward quickly agreed and went off to do as he'd been told.
That would never not feel strange to me. It was why we didn't have full-time staff lurking around the house. It weirded me out to give orders and have people jump to do them.
"I'll get my stuffies," Rashida announced with a squeal, scampering off.
Well, that went..." Neil said once the door closed behind her. He raised his eyebrows and blew out a long breath.
"Way, way better than expected," I finished for him. "And shorter. I mean, I didn't think they'd freak out, but I didn't know how they would react. I probably wouldn't have been super positive about a big change like that at their age."
"My girls have been through many big changes," El-Mudad reminded us. “For once, it’s nice that it’s a positive change.”
“I suppose that now,” Neil interrupted himself with an inhale. “Now, all we have to do is consult...Olivia.”
“And the clock is ticking, now that the girls know.” I dipped my finger in my water glass and circled the rim until the eerie humming annoyed Neil enough that he cleared his throat forcefully. I shook my hand off. “Sorry.”
El-Mudad leaned his elbows on the table, his hands clasped in front of his mouth. “She’s probably still awake. We could tell her now.”
“If you’re ready,” I tacked on quickly.
Neil gave me a withering look. “If I weren’t ready, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”
“Point,” I conceded. “Bitchily made point, but still, a point.”
“We’re ready,” El-Mudad announced for all of us. “Let’s go.”
Olivia’s suite was on one of the lower decks. I’d initially intended for the boat to be a sexy escape for adults only and possibly our very chic adult friends. As a result, Olivia’s was the largest of the guest suites and, of course, adjoined Mariposa’s room. Though it was large as far as cabins go, it was still smaller than the nursery at home, and the fact that it held a queen-sized bed made things even more claustrophobic.
“We just got done with our dessert, and now she’s just putting on her pajamas,” Mariposa told us, just before a flush came from the bathroom.
“Wash your hands,” the four of us called in unison.
“Do you want to take it from here?” Mariposa asked. “It’s a little close in here.”
“It is,” I agreed, adding, “And we’ll get her up, too. You sleep in,” as Olivia stepped out of the bathroom, wiping her hands on her rainbows-and-hearts printed pajama set.
“Oh, everyone is here,” she said, blinking in surprise. Yet another expression that was so very Emma.
“We wanted to talk to you about something very important,” Neil said gently. “Tell Mariposa goodnight, and we’ll tuck you in.”
“Goodnight! Sleep tight! Don’t let the bedbugs bite!” Olivia called out cheerfully.
“I don’t think we have bedbugs on the yacht,” El-Mudad assured her.
With a withering stare that would have made her mother proud, the child informed him, “They can be anywhere. They’re a real problem in New York.”
“Are they?” Neil raised an eyebrow in amusement.
“Amberson Cooper said so on the news channel,” she warned gravely.
“Bedbugs or no bedbugs, let’s get you in.” El-Mudad pulled back the blankets and helped her. “Anna or Elsa?”
Olivia pointed to the adorable baby Elsa doll I’d very much considered buying a duplicate of so I could snuggle it myself. She laid it carefully on her pillow and flopped down next to it, rubbing her eye when the plastic hand poked her.
“Careful! It isn’t time for tumbling.” El-Mudad sat on the side of her bed and fussed with her blankets. “Olivia...you know that I love you very, very much, don’t you?”
“And I love you very, very much.” She beamed up at him and hugged her Elsa doll tight.
“I know.” El-Mudad patted her knee. “And it’s because I love you and you love me that I’d like to adopt you. Do you know what that means?”
She shook her head.
“It means that I would be your father,” he explained.
Olivia’s brow furrowed. “But I have a father. He’s in heaven.”
Neil coughed uncomfortably. The three of us weren’t atheists as much as we were apathetic on the entire subject of religion, but Neil and I had both called upon our Christian upbringings when some of Olivia’s questions had gotten too hard. I could see Neil regretting that tactic as he struggled to come up with just the right words. “Yes, he is, sweet girl. And he will always be your father. But he isn’t here now. And I think he and your mommy would be del
ighted for you to have a daddy.”
“Daddy number two.” She stroked her chin comically as she thought.
“That’s a good way of putting it,” I said with a decisive nod.
“Okay,” she said after another long moment of consideration. “And Sophie, you’ll be my mommy?”
Oof. Stinging tears rose in my eyes with the same sudden intensity as they had back when she’d been a toddler, and she’d accidentally headbutted me during a tantrum. How could I look at her sweet little face and tell her that I didn’t want to be her mommy?
I was going to. I just didn’t know how.
It was a real “What Would Emma Do?” moment. I took a deep breath. “No. I’ll be your Sophie. Because that’s what your mommy wanted me to be.”
El-Mudad leaned over to kiss Olivia’s forehead. “I am so glad I get to be your daddy.”
“And I can say you’re my daddy?” she asked, uncharacteristically timid.
“Anytime,” he assured her.
“Okay.” She frowned, her gaze darting away from us as she tried out the word in her mouth. “Daddy. Okay. I think my Daddy in heaven won’t be mad.”
I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I know for a fact that he won’t.”
“I hope you didn’t have grand designs for tonight. I must wash all of this travel off of me,” El-Mudad made a face and gestured to himself.
“Would you like company?” Neil asked, much in the same way he would have asked if someone wanted a glass of water.
El-Mudad shook his head. “No. I would prefer a moment to relax and collect my thoughts on my own.”
“That’s an awfully poetic way to say you want us to leave you the fuck alone.” I grinned at him so he would know I was only joking. Two’s a company, three’s a crowd, and that adage could also apply to marriage. All of us understood that and respected it without any hard feelings.
He smiled, but it didn’t reach the dark circles beneath his eyes. “Fine. I’m emotionally exhausted and can’t ‘people’ any more today.”
Sophie (The Boss Book 8) Page 17
