20 Shades of Shifters: A Paranormal Romance Collection

by Demelza Carlton

  Finn remained silent. Best to let Torr have his say.

  “And when the thousand years of the Covenant is up, you expect me to slice your head off.”

  He nodded.

  “Are you a total fucking coward?”

  “I was doing it for her. So she could have this one life with her son. Grow old and die as normal. Eventually, her soul will go to Heaven, because she’s blameless in all this.”

  “But you can’t stay away, can you? Instead, you creep around, watching her from afar, but never having the guts to chance everything. That’s what love is.”

  He jumped to his feet. “No, it fucking isn’t. Love is where someone else’s happiness is more important than your own. I wanted her to be happy. Anyway, you don’t understand. It’s over. I fucked up. Again.”

  “What happened?”

  “Today. I went to check that she was all right. She wasn’t. I had to save her. She was drowning, and I had no choice. She saw me.”

  “How the hell did you let that happen?”

  Torr was starting to piss him off now. Like the fucker had never made a mistake in his fucking life before? “I was in wolf form, but someone shot me, and I passed out. Okay?”

  “You passed out?”

  At Torr’s disbelief, his anger ratcheted. Everything was going to shit. Finn needed constructive advice, not someone telling him what an asshole he was. He knew that already. “Stop being such a sanctimonious, self-satisfied, fucking prick and say something useful.”

  “You need to go back.”

  “I can’t go back. She’ll die.”

  “She’ll die anyway.”

  “There must be a way around this. Maybe no one else knows. I can just pretend it never happened. And never go near her again.”

  Something inside him twisted at the thought, but he could do it.

  “Unlikely.” Torr waved at the picture of Rachel that lay on the sofa beside him. “I’m guessing Lilith will have heard by now. She has contacts everywhere.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Stay here. I’ll check out a few things. See what I can find.”

  “First, there’s something else. Rachel has a son, Jacob. He’s been kidnapped. We think by his paternal great-grandfather. We have to get him back.”

  “Why was he taken?” Torr asked.

  He relayed what he knew about Rachel’s father, who he was, and what had happened.

  Torr thought for a moment. “The others will be here soon. They can find out where the boy is, and we can make a plan. In the meantime, you do nothing.”

  Finn watched as they disappeared. He didn’t think doing nothing was an option. He needed to keep busy or he might explode.

  Chapter 7

  Finn wasn’t ready for this.

  He’d probably never be ready.

  Torr had returned in under an hour with the less-than-good news that Lilith had demanded Finn’s presence in the Abyss. That could only mean one thing. Clearly, the whole “pretend it had never happened” plan was shot from the start. Torr had warned him to keep his cool, just find out what she knew and what she wanted. The latter was a given: Finn on his knees and shackled to one of her daughters.

  Ugh.

  Torr had offered to accompany him, but Torr’s presence would probably only fan the flames of Lilith’s anger.

  He was better alone.

  He closed his eyes as he opened a portal between the worlds. Stepping through, he found himself deep in the Abyss, on the banks of a wide, slow-moving river. He took a deep breath, his lungs filling with cool, clean air. As usual, the light was dim, glowing the orange of perpetual twilight as though the sun had just gone down behind the mountains. A sun that never rose. The sand beneath his feet was black, but glittered with specks of jeweled colors.

  Lilith stood on the bank in a black dress that skimmed the sand. She was probably the most beautiful woman he had ever met. If you avoided looking in her eyes. Long, red-gold hair hung down to her waist. Her figure was full, her breasts perfect above the deep indentation of her waist, and her legs endlessly long. The creamy skin of her face was marked with runes of power, which rippled and glowed in the dim light. Right now, a scowl marred her beauty, and her nostrils flared as she studied him.

  Lilith had not taken Torr’s defection well. Finn was aware she had always believed Torr would come back to her. In her own way she’d loved the Destroyer. That Torr was lost to her forever had stirred her determination to ensure the rest of his brothers failed—Finn did not expect a sympathetic hearing.

  At her back stood Cassia, her youngest daughter. What the hell was she doing here? He’d gotten to know Cassia quite well when Lilith had asked him to help rescue her daughter eight years ago, after she’d been kidnapped by demons. He reckoned Cassia was as good as anyone could be who’d grown up with Lilith for a mother.

  Lilith wasn’t allowed to interfere directly in the Covenant, but that wouldn’t stop her from doing her best to meddle. He’d hoped she would never find out about Rachel’s existence. But perhaps that had always been a vain hope. She had spies everywhere.

  “Will you not bow to your Queen, Finbarr Stanton?”

  He’d sworn never to bow to this woman again. And he held himself still.

  Her eyes narrowed. “You’ll regret your insubordination once you are back under my power. Why not make it easy on yourself? You can have a good life among us. Just give up your pointless chase for an emotion that doesn’t exist.”

  “Hey, and I thought you were in love with Torr.”

  Fury flashed in her dark eyes. Way to make an impression. He was supposed to be conciliatory. He took a few deep breaths. Tried again. “Your majesty, you called for me. Tell me what you would have me do.” And he’d totally ignore whatever it was because he was finished doing Lilith’s bidding. Until the thousand years were up, she couldn’t touch him. After that…well, there wouldn’t be anything to touch.

  “I know you’ve found the woman you thought of as your wife.”

  “She is my wife.”

  Lilith ignored the interruption. “And I know the five days of the covenant have begun.”

  Shit. While he’d suspected keeping their meeting a secret was a long shot, he’d still hoped.

  “You look surprised.”

  He shrugged. And waited for what else she had to say.

  “My daughter, Cassia, has always been fond of you, Finbarr. Is she not beautiful?” Ah. He had an idea he was going to find out why Cassia was here. He’d known Cassia was fond of him, but he’d always thought of her as a child. She’d been sixteen when she’d been kidnapped. That would make her twenty-four. The same age as Rachel.

  Now he looked at her as a woman and not a child. Cassia was the image of her mother, beautiful enough to make a man ache—if he wasn’t already in love with another.

  “She can be yours,” Lilith continued, “and you will have a place at my side and control of my armies. Whatever you desire.”

  Never going to happen.

  Finn had been an angel once. For a long time, in his grief and madness, he’d forgotten that. He’d done despicable things, things he could never even seek forgiveness for, and Heaven would always be closed to him. But he didn’t want to be bad, and he’d spent the years since the Covenant was drawn up trying to do a little good in the world. And he would continue to do that until it was time to end his existence.

  “We won’t ask for your decision now,” Lilith said. “But understand that you have a choice. Your time here can be pleasant, or it can be something from your worst nightmares.” She smiled. “Which depends entirely upon my whim.” If she was trying to sell it to him, she was doing a crap job. But then Lilith would have no clue that he was contemplating ending his existence rather than returning to her. That scenario would likely never enter her head. “Return here in three days. By that time, you’ll see the futility of your dreams. And you will beg to accept our offer.”

  They turned and walked away, but after a few steps Cassia whirled around and r
an back. She came to a halt in front of him. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For what you are going through. I see the pain in your eyes. But Finn, she’s not meant for such as you. Here you can have everything you desire. Is it such a bad place?”

  In truth, he’d always quite liked the Abyss. It wasn’t the place that was the problem, it was the people. Though he decided not to say that to Cassia. He just shook his head.

  “You know I love you,” she murmured.

  That got his attention. Er…no he didn’t. “What?”

  “You saved my life. I’ve loved you from that moment. I know you don’t think you feel the same, but only because you won’t allow yourself to forget the other one. She’ll die, and you’ll come back to me. But I would prefer you to come of your own free will.” She stood up on tiptoe and kissed him lightly on the lips. Her touch burned. “Think about it.”

  Then she was gone, and he stared after her, rubbing her touch from his lips.

  Torr was waiting for him as he came through the portal and back to his office in Washington, DC. And not only Torr; it looked like the others had arrived. Cade and his wife, Phoebe, Killian, and Bryce, who had found and lost his wife years back and nearly lost his sanity at the same time. He was saved thanks to Bella. Only Rourke and Devlin were missing.

  It was clear from the expressions facing him, disbelief and pity mingled, that Torr had brought them up to speed.

  “What did she want?” Torr asked, handing him a glass of scotch. He could do with the whole bottle.

  “What do you think she wanted? She knows about the meeting and that the five days have started. She offered me a job as head of her army. And Cassia was there. She’s part of the deal as well, and will apparently make me a much better wife than the one I currently have. She told me she loved me.” Christ, if only he could hear those words from Rachel’s lips.

  “Cassia is hot,” Killian said.

  “You fucking marry her then,” he snarled. But he knew Killian was only trying to lighten the black mood. Lilith had daughters for all of them. At least Cassia wasn’t a complete bitch like the others.

  They were all silent for long minutes.

  He gulped his scotch down in one swallow and went and refilled his glass.

  “I’m supposed to go back in three days,” he said. “Apparently, by then I’ll know it’s hopeless.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. Hell, he already knew it was hopeless. Pain constricted his heart.

  Bella came up beside him and rested her hand on his arm. Peace flowed through him.

  “Don’t give up hope,” she said.

  But he’d given up hope long ago. He wouldn’t know how to get it back. Now he had to work out how to get through the next days. What else could he do? He couldn’t just wait for her to die. There had to be something. Rage and frustration roared inside him, and he threw back his head and howled. He could feel his wolf raking sharp claws down his insides, wanting to be free. Maybe that was the answer. Through the window, he could see the storm clouds gathering, lightning forking across the sky.

  He’d go somewhere far away and shift. Pretend it wasn’t happening. That the one woman who had shown him that true love existed wasn’t going to die. Again. Because of his stupidity. Maybe he’d stay as a wolf until the thousand years were up, and then Torr would put him out of his misery. Except that was giving up, and he’d promised himself that whatever time he had left he would use it to do good.

  He came back to himself, to find Killian standing, legs braced in front of him. “Get a fucking grip,” he said. “You’re acting as though you’ve already lost. Like she’s already dead.”

  “She might as well be.”

  “Stop being such a fucking pussy. You’ve found her. You have a chance.”

  He snarled. “Haven’t you heard anything? There is no chance. She doesn’t love me, and isn’t going to miraculously fall in love in the next five days.”

  “You have to go to her,” Cade said.

  He whirled around. “What’s the point?”

  “If all else fails you can be with her at the end,” Bryce said. “I wasn’t there. I couldn’t stand to see her die, so I left. And I will regret that always.”

  Bryce had found his wife, but she had been too damaged by the life she’d led. Too broken. Bella had almost been the same when Torr found her, haunted by the memories of her many lives. It had made her wary of getting close to anyone.

  He thought of Rachel dying and everything screamed in denial. Could he go to her? Be with her? Part of him wanted to so badly. Even a few days was more than he’d ever expected. She’d kissed him back. Maybe just to touch her. Maybe he could give her some comfort in the end. Make sure she knew if anything happened to her, then her son would be looked after.

  “I’ve sent a message to Gabriel,” Torr said, interrupting his thoughts. “See if there is any bargain to be made. If there is anything we can offer in exchange for her life. Lilith is unlikely to budge, but we can try. In the meantime, Cade is right. You should go to her.”

  Finn paced the floor, trying to get his mind to function, to work out what was best in all this. Not for him, but for Rachel. What could he do for her to make things easier?

  “You’re over-fucking thinking,” Cade said. “Just go. You’re fucked anyway. The time has begun. If you stay away, it will make no difference. In five days—less now—she will die.”

  He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and nodded.

  He’d go. He wouldn’t be a coward. He turned to Torr. “But if she dies, you promise you’ll finish me.”

  “I’ll give you the same offer I made Bryce. One year. If you still feel the same, I’ll do as you ask.”

  In the end, Bryce had chosen to live. But he had only put off the day. Unless they could find a way around the Covenant, Bryce and any of them who failed would return to Lilith’s control at the end of the thousand years. And that wasn’t happening. They’d all die first. They were hunting for an answer, but Lilith was a formidable enemy. She’d put her plans to take over the Earth on hold when she’d lost control of her most powerful assets—them. But she was building an army, and war was coming.

  A year sounded an age if Rachel was dead, but Torr’s offer had to be enough. He wouldn’t budge further. Now Finn needed to get back to Rachel. Before she was arrested, or she came looking for her son herself, or…

  “We found the boy,” Killian said. “You were right. Her grandfather, Senator Danvers, has him.”

  “The bastard.”

  “Too right,” Killian replied. “We’re getting a file together on him. And it’s not good. He has a house in the city. Rourke and Devlin are over there now, keeping an eye on the place. But the boy is safe. He’s unlikely to come to any physical harm.”

  He could at least make sure she was reunited with Jacob. “I’ll go collect her,” he said. “It will be better if she’s here when we get him out.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Killian said. “I can fly while you two spend some time together. You need every minute you can get.”

  He wanted to say it would make no difference, but he had an idea that sort of defeatist attitude would piss everyone off. So he’d keep his miserable thoughts to himself. “Let’s go.”

  There was nothing else he could do. Except maybe pray.

  Trouble was, God hadn’t listened to his prayers for two thousand years. And God wasn’t the forgiving type, whatever humans thought. He was hardly likely to listen now.

  Chapter 8

  Rachel sat in the parlor, hands clasped on her lap, as the room sank into darkness. There was absolutely no point in going to bed. She wouldn’t sleep. She suspected she wouldn’t sleep until she was reunited with Jacob. She had no clue what the time was. Time had ceased to matter, as though the world had stopped moving and would only start when she held Jacob again.

  Papi had eventually left her for his bed. There was nothing they could do now except wait. Finn had said he would get news
to her. And although she’d only met him that day, she trusted him.

  Maybe it was because he had been part of her life for so long.

  A man who could turn into a wolf. Or maybe a wolf who could turn into a man.

  She’d taken a walk that evening, through the forest, feeling as though she would go crazy if she stayed inside any longer. And she’d become aware of the shadowy figures weaving through the trees, staying parallel to her, close but never approaching. Padding on silent feet, their wolf eyes gleaming in the falling dusk.

  At one point she’d stopped, whirled to face the nearest, taking it by surprise, so it sat back on its haunches. “Please talk to me,” she’d said. “Tell me who you are. What you are. What he is.”

  The wolf had snarled, baring its teeth, before sliding into the darkness beneath the trees. But their presence had been a comfort. Finn hadn’t left and forgotten her. These were his…friends? Maybe not, but they had some connection. She’d returned home and settled herself in to wait. If nothing happened by morning, she was going to hunt for her son herself. How hard could it be to find a senator? Then she would do whatever she needed to get Jacob back. Maybe she could threaten to go to the authorities. Or perhaps to the newspapers. She couldn’t believe that a senator would want such bad publicity.

  But she was scared. She didn’t know her way around in the outside world. And her protectors were hardly likely to follow her to the city.

  She would just have to learn.

  Her stomach was hollow; she hadn’t eaten since breakfast, but knew she wouldn’t keep anything down.

  She held onto the hope that if the senator did have Jacob, he would likely be well cared for. He might be scared, but he was a brave boy. She just hoped he knew she would come for him. Perhaps he didn’t. Maybe he didn’t believe she loved him enough. She’d always held herself too aloof. Scared to love him. Now, if she got him back, she would tell him every second of every day.