by Aimee Bender
Lilith reached around behind Cat and started to loosen the laces on the back of the corset, adjusting it so that the bottom of the fabric rested against her hipbone. Lilith told her the corset was custom-made to fit her shape by a famous corsetiere in Paris who used only finest earwig leather and narwhale boning.
Cat tugged on the sides of the leather until she could finally connect the zipper in the front. But as soon as she started zipping it, the cotton fabric of her t-shirt got caught in the teeth of the zipper.
Lilith and Cat both struggled to free the excess fabric from the jammed zipper. Cat couldn’t believe that she was fucking up this special corset and worried that she had broken the zipper.
Lilith just laughed it off and said, “I think this might work better without your t-shirt.”
Cat was shy about her blotchy peeling skin. The reason she liked to ditch P.E. so often was really because she didn’t want anyone to see her naked. She didn’t want to take her shirt off. She thought Lilith would think she looked like a freak.
“I won’t even look,” Lilith said, reassuring her.
“But my skin is disgusting and peeling,” Cat said, looking at Lilith’s smooth delicately striped skin.
“Who cares about a little flakey skin?” said Lilith. “In the lighting at the club no one will even notice. Plus, you have a really cute figure and you should flaunt it.”
Lilith handed Cat a hairspray bottle.
“What’s this for?” Cat asked.
“Liquid encouragement,” Lilith said.
“Huh?”
“It’s liquor, silly. I stole it out of my mom’s liquor cabinet and hid it in my hairspray bottle.
“Oh...” Cat said, bringing the spray bottle cautiously up to her mouth.
Cat spritzed a little of the liquid into her mouth. It tasted like air freshener. She winced and then coughed.
Lilith laughed at Cat.
“It works better if you just take the top off and drink from it.”
After a couple of swigs off the hairspray bottle and some more compliments from Lilith, Cat turned around so that her back was facing Lilith and pulled off her t-shirt.
As Cat was unclasping her bra, she felt Lilith approach her from behind and reach around her, wrapping the corset around Cat’s body. Cat could feel Lilith’s warm breath on her neck as she slid the leather against her torso, almost embracing her but not actually touching her.
Then Lilith told Cat to hold her breath and lean forward as she clasped the zipper and slowly zipped the front of the corset. Cat’s nipple hardened underneath the leather when Lilith’s fingers just barely grazed her breast as she pulled the zipper up to the top. Lilith didn’t seem to notice but Cat felt her skin prickle and it sent a chill up her spine.
“Brace yourself against the doorframe while I tighten the laces,” Lilith told her.
Cat felt like they were playing dress up and she was the doll.
Once she was laced up, Cat looked at herself in the mirror. Her waist was cinched in the center, her stomach flat as a board, and her breasts looked firmer and more voluptuous. She thought that if she were taller and her legs a little thinner she actually would look a little like Lilith. The corset felt like a second skin. She imagined she was wearing Lilith’s skin and it made her feel powerful, sexy. Cat didn’t care anymore that her own skin was loose and peeling because she had this new skin holding her together, embracing her, protecting her.
EIGHT
At the show, Cat and Lilith made their way to the front of the stage. The club was packed with people and there was barely any room to move. But Lilith had an effortless way of making people get out of her way. It was in the way she carried herself; her posture and natural grace.
Cat liked the way the corset restricted her movements. She felt more elegant and self-possessed. It was as if by proxy some of the spider girl’s grace had rubbed off on her. She felt more confident and less shy. But she had to take shallow breaths because the corset was laced so tight, which in addition to the alcohol made her lightheaded.
The lead singer of Chainsaw Millipede was a dragonfly boy wearing metal-studded leather jeans, no shirt, and steel-toed combat boots. He was a few years older than Lilith and Cat, about the same age as the guys that Lilith usually went out with.
He head-banged his black liberty spikes along with his bass guitar rhythm. Upon his tattered purple-tipped dragonfly wings were sewn a patchwork of punk band logos, political statements, sigils and movie references. He had a neon pink patch on his right wing that said “kill yourself” and an Abbie Hoffman quote about revolution on the other wing.
His eyes were dark and sensitive. The way he held a focused yet ambivalent gaze made it appear like he was staring straight into the eyes of every single person in the room simultaneously. His hands and arms were veined and knotted; the muscles on his chest were tight with energy and it looked like he was carving sound out of the air with his chainsaw guitar and throwing light into the audience as he bounced to the music and sang into the microphone.
Cat loved the way the music made her feel and even more than the music she loved watching Lilith dance.
The music moved through Lilith’s long body as she wove patterns on the floor with her hands and feet. She craned her neck and stared up at the singer, her eyes caressing his hairless chest.
“I think patch-wing boys are the hottest,” Lilith whisper-screamed into Cat’s ear.
Cat nodded and Lilith stared back up at the singer. Lilith bounced around like she was catching his sound with her arms and swallowing it with her ears.
When Chainsaw Millipede played their most popular song, the crowd went wild. People were screaming out the lyrics along with them and skanking in the circle pit.
Cat had never been in a circle pit. But before she knew it, she found herself caught up in the one that spontaneously formed in front of the stage. People slammed her from every direction. They elbowed her in the chest and smashed her toes until they were bleeding in her boots.
She couldn’t control her direction and spent most of her energy just trying not to get knocked down. A few times she lost her balance and thought she was going to fall over, but the people on the edge of the pit buoyed her up before she hit the ground.
Lilith slam-danced in the center of the pit, turning in circles as if she were controlling the crowd around her. She spun on one leg and then the other like a spider in the center of a web. Then she locked eyes with Cat and pointed one finger at her beckoning her to come into the center of the circle with her. Lilith wore a huge grin on her face and even though Cat was scared of the pit, Lilith’s smile encouraged her to jump through, get knocked down and around until she reached the center.
In the middle of the swirling group of dancers, Cat found the calm at the center of the storm. The spider girl grabbed onto her and held her tightly. Their shiny leather corsets rubbed together, making their torsos stick and Cat felt for a moment like she was a part of Lilith, moving as she moved, effortlessly.
Cat’s body tingled. She could feel heat rising in her face and thought her skin was going to flare up again. Her heart pounded like the bass in the speakers.
Lilith’s face looked like an H.R. Giger painting in the greenish glow of the club. Dancing in the center of the circle as the crowd bounced in frantic chaos around them, the caterpillar girl never felt more alive. Cat knew in that moment that she wanted to be with Lilith forever. She never wanted to be apart from her. She felt safe and powerful when she was with Lilith.
As the song ended, they spun around, facing each other. Their hips pressed gently against one another. They locked eyes. Cat wanted to kiss Lilith. Confidence rose within her and she felt capable of anything.
She leaned in toward Lilith’s face, eyes lowering toward the spider girl’s ripe blackberry lips. Tilting her head, she puckered her mouth.
But just as she was about to connect, Lilith turned her head and Cat’s kiss landed awkwardly on Lilith’s cheek. Lilith was looking over
her shoulder at a red-winged butterfly boy who put his hand on her back.
“Kas, how are you!” Lilith said, turning around and hugging the butterfly boy.
Cat didn’t know what to do. Did Lilith think it was weird that she had kissed her? Did she even notice?
Cat stood there for a few seconds waiting to see if Lilith would acknowledge her, or say anything, or even look at her. But Lilith was turned the other way, flirting with Kas. She touched him on the shoulder, staring into his eyes and laughing at the inaudible phrases he shouted over the noise of the crowd.
Then the band started their next song and the crowd began slamming again.
Before she could say anything to Lilith, Cat got knocked to the ground by an ant boy’s knee and a beefy cockroach dude stepped on her fingers, crushing them under his thick-soled boot, causing crippling pain to shoot up Cat’s arm. She screamed out, but the guy didn’t even notice her and no one else paid any attention to her either.
Lilith had completely forgotten about her and was dancing with the butterfly boy. His red wings fluttered in a swirling motion around him. His hands caressed the curve of Lilith’s hips.
Cat scrambled to her feet and stuck her crushed fingers into her mouth to soothe herself and then forced her way through the crowd all the way out to the lobby where the bathrooms were located.
A long line queued in front of the women’s room, and Cat couldn’t handle the thought of waiting in it. She noticed a couple of impatient girls walking shamelessly into the men’s room, where there was no line. Cat thought about following them but was too shy.
She wanted to escape, to be somewhere she could be alone. The night was ruined. She couldn’t believe that she had embarrassed herself like that.
After getting all the way through the line to the bathroom, the show was almost over and Cat couldn’t stand the idea of going back into the room to watch Lilith dance with the butterfly boy. She felt stupid for daring to think she could kiss Lilith. She wanted to rewind time and erase the awkward moment between them. Instead, she went outside and waited through the rest of the show in her mom’s car.
Lilith came out of the club clutching Kas’s shoulder and giggling. Cat was leaning against her car, smoking a cigarette. Lilith walked straight over to Cat and gave her a hug. Cat was relieved to see her and to feel her in her arms. As she hugged her she thought maybe things weren’t going to be any different between them after all, maybe Lilith thought it was completely normal for Cat to kiss her on the cheek while they were dancing. But then she heard Lilith whisper in her ear.
“Thanks for waiting, but I won’t be needing a ride home. Kas is going to take me for a ride on his motorcycle.”
Cat felt rejected. She had spent all her money on these tickets, her toes were bleeding, and she had just spent the last hour waiting at the car for Lilith, who was now running off with this guy she just met.
“Are you sure?” asked Cat.
“Don’t worry about me,” Lilith answered and winked at her.
Kas grabbed Lilith by the waist and pulled her away toward his motorcycle. Cat felt like her heart had been stomped on.
NINE
Over the weekend, Cat spent most of her time obsessing about what had happened. She was worried that the next time she saw Lilith, things were going to be weird and she didn’t want anything to mess up their friendship. But she also couldn’t control the feelings she had every time she was around Lilith.
She still had Lilith’s corset.
She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands along the smooth leather, imagining it was Lilith’s skin. She caressed the leather with one hand and reached down between her legs with her other, rubbing the knuckle of her thumb against her clit through her wet panties.
Imagining the shape of Lilith’s body, she ran her fingertips along the boning of the leather corset. Her flesh turned hot and cold and the skin on her back shifted and changed shape.
She looked in the mirror at her naked body and saw her back was covered in red welts where her skin had stretched. Wings started to form. The loose skin on her back became thicker and molded into two bulges just beneath her skin that were tender and hurt when she poked them.
TEN
Lilith came to school wearing a dress made from red butterfly wings. It looked like couture fashion that should be on a runway in Paris. A lot of people complimented her on it, telling her the wings looked so realistic. The girls all gossiped about how they thought that she’d probably made her skirt out of real butterfly wings. Most of them didn’t really believe it was true, but the anti-arachnid kids thought it was disgusting. They called it inhumane and told her she should be ashamed of herself.
Cat could tell that Lilith didn’t care what anyone thought. It was obvious the spider girl knew she looked hot in the outfit she’d created and there wasn’t anything anyone could say about it that would change her mind. Cat loved that about her.
“I wanted to apologize for the awkwardness on Friday night,” Cat said when she saw her in Biology class. “I just wanted you to know that I...”
“No, no don’t even worry about it,” Lilith said. “I should have made it clear earlier in the night that if I met anyone I probably wouldn’t need a ride home.”
Cat could tell that Lilith didn’t know what she meant. Cat wasn’t talking about the ride situation—she was worried about the kiss.
“Kas was incredible by the way,” said Lilith. “He tasted like raspberries ... Oh and his bike was awesome. He drove me out to this bonfire party in the middle of the desert where there were dozens of hot butterfly boys. We danced and drank tequila and talked all night long.” She licked her lips. “It was one of the best nights of my life.”
Cat decided to change the topic.
“What did you get for the answer to number seven on the math homework?” Cat asked.
“Math homework? Oh shit! I completely forgot about it. You don’t mind if I copy yours, do you?”
Cat sighed and handed over her completed homework.
ELEVEN
Cat wore Lilith’s corset to school every day underneath her clothes. She looked at herself in the mirror as she was getting ready and knew that no one would be able to tell. She liked having this secret. Her posture was straighter because she found that it was impossible to slouch in a corset and she noticed that boys kept staring at her breasts.
Lilith sat up on a tree branch in their usual lunch spot. Her stuff was scattered across the ground under the tree and Cat noticed a scrap of green butterfly wing stuck to the inside of Lilith’s purse like a used tissue. She was talking to Paulette who was eating a sausage sandwich. When Cat came over, Paulette offered her half of her sandwich, even though she should have known that Cat didn’t eat stuff like that.
“I don’t eat sausage, remember?”
“Oh that’s right, you’re a vegan,” said Paulette.
“Not a vegan, I just don’t eat cooked food.”
Cat only ate raw fruits and vegetables because she thought it was gross to eat anything that wasn’t alive.
“You look like you’ve lost weight,” Lilith said to Cat. “That diet must be working for you.”
Cat felt her face turn red. She shrugged.
Lilith jumped down off the tree and came over to Cat.
“No seriously,” Lilith said, “you look great. What’s your secret?”
Cat looked down at her feet. “Nothing.”
“And your waist has gotten so tiny,” Lilith said, reaching out and squeezing the side of Cat’s stomach.
Lilith’s eyes widened when she felt the corset. Then a big smile broke out on her face.
Cat was mortified. She knew that Lilith felt the stiffness of her corset through her t-shirt. She was afraid that Lilith was going to laugh at her and tell everyone that she was wearing a corset.
But instead, Lilith patted her stomach and whispered in her ear, “I sometimes like to wear that one, so I’m going to need that back from you.”
Cat was emba
rrassed. She knew that she was going to have to give the corset back to Lilith. She hadn’t intended on keeping it so long, but she’d not mentioned it because subconsciously she didn’t want to give it back to her.
“Yes, of course,” said Cat.
Lilith smiled at her and said, “You have been looking good lately. Your skin really looks like it’s clearing up.”
Cat couldn’t decide if that was a compliment or not. She worried that Lilith thought she was a freak and was just trying not to embarrass her out of politeness.
TWELVE
Cat woke up the next day with her head between her legs. Muscles tight. Sore back. Cramps in her abdomen like knife blades stabbing her from inside. Charlie horses seized the muscles in both her legs. She couldn’t see. A foggy haze blocked her vision.
She reached her hands to her face and the lumps on her back cracked open oozing oily liquid. The skin on her neck loosened as she stretched forward. Her spine cracked like a xylophone, the haze cleared from her eyes and wings unfolded from around her body.
She stretched out her new muscles. They were strong and full of energy. She circled her neck and lengthened her spine. Wiggling her antennae, she reached back with her fingertips and touched the wings. Oily residue from the metamorphosis coated her nails as she scratched the bits of dead skin off the slick surface of each side.
Like a blooming flower, she widened her wings, stretching them out as far as they would go. Tall and shimmering, they doubled her size. Turquoise blue and translucent as the Mediterranean Sea. Delicate veins laced each wing in thin black spiral patterns and small yellow dots the shape of miniature skulls decorated her shoulders.
She looked down at her new shape and admired her upward-turned breasts, her shapely hips, her long lean limbs. She stood in front of the full-length mirror on her bedroom wall and spun around, bending over to inspect herself from every angle.
