Broken Dove

by Kristen Ashley

  “You didn’t stop talking,” I pointed out shakily.

  “No, I didn’t. But I shall. Now, it’s your turn to talk. How did you hear of Estranvegue?”

  “I, well…” I paused. He kept scowling. So I went on. “Overheard two maids talking.”

  He didn’t let me go but he straightened and looked over my head at the door as if he wanted to burn holes in them with his eyes.

  Even though I didn’t want to, I thought it prudent to get it all out there, so I added, “They said a few things about your mother, your father and, um…his wife.”

  He looked back at me and when he did, it was me who felt like I’d go up in flames at the heat of his glare.

  Thus, I blurted, “I’d kind of like to talk about you being in love with me again.”

  “Do you still wish to go to the other world?” he asked abruptly.

  “We have more to talk about,” I answered.

  “Do you still wish to go to the other world?” he pressed.

  I stared into his eyes.

  Eyes that looked annoyed.

  But they were the eyes of the man who loved me.

  Then I whispered, “No.”

  “Do I have your love in return?” he asked.

  Oh God.

  God!

  I swallowed.

  Still staring into his eyes, I whispered, “Yes.”

  He slid his fingers up into my hair and instantly stopped looking annoyed.

  He looked something a whole lot better.

  Something that made a beautiful man impossibly more beautiful.

  God.

  “You love me,” he whispered back.

  I didn’t repeat my response.

  I repeated something else.

  “We have a lot to talk about, Apollo.”

  “Yes, for instance, why you love me.”

  I was back to staring but it turned to glaring when I saw his lips twitch.

  I didn’t find anything funny. In fact, suddenly all that was happening overwhelmed me, all I’d held back feeling slammed into me, and I closed my eyes so I could focus on not letting it consume me.

  He was in love with me.

  Apollo Ulfr, general of a queen’s army, man of many enterprises, father to two great kids, was in love with me.

  I opened my eyes again when I felt his forehead come to rest on mine.

  And the instant it did, he stated, “You have my vow that I will not speak to you in that manner again, Maddie. No matter what is on my mind, what I’m feeling, how significant the things are that are troubling me. Like my son, I lashed out at someone I loved, hoping they’d take the pain I was inflicting so I could release some of the pain I was feeling. I should be old enough to know better. You know I regret it. What I must know is that you trust it won’t happen again.”

  “I…you…I,” I stammered, pulled it together and finished, “Trust is built.”

  He moved away half an inch and stated, “Yes. But in this case, it must be earned. This I’ll do.”

  Okay.

  Yes.

  This man loved me.

  And I loved this man.

  He pissed me off. Shit was crazy and it was extreme.

  But I still loved him.

  I didn’t know if this was awesome or scary as shit.

  Apollo’s next words didn’t help.

  “Our last conversation prior to you doing something foolish and me retaliating by being cruel,” he paused and stated severely, “something neither of us will repeat,” he paused again and waited until I agreed to this demand by nodding before he continued, “was the beginning of a discussion about you moving to Karsvall. Alas, with things as they are with my son, you cannot do this. He is still struggling. This would not be wise.”

  I nodded because he was right.

  It wouldn’t be wise.

  “However I would like you to come to dinner,” he carried on. “For myself. For Élan. She misses your presence at our meals, as do I. We’ll dine together, watch and assess Chris’s reaction. After, we’ll discuss how we move on from there.”

  I missed him too.

  And Élan.

  And Chris.

  But I didn’t think dinner was a good idea.

  So I told him, “Uh…Chris heard what the maids said as well. It was clear it freaked him. And when I, um…had words with him, they were kind of…” I paused to draw in a deep breath and finished, “Final.”

  I watched Apollo’s jaw clench again before he released it and replied, “Then you will not come to dinner. You’ll return to the dower house. I’ll speak with my son about what he heard. Going forward, I wish Christophe to have my attention and presence and I hope you understand he must have both without you for a time. That said, it would be imprudent to continue your complete absence for he must get used to you. But from this time forward, for his sake, we will take it much more slowly.”

  At that, I nodded.

  “Tonight, I’ll come to you after he’s asleep,” Apollo declared.

  He’d come to me when Christophe was asleep.

  I swallowed.

  Then I nodded yet again.

  “When I do, you and I will discuss all the things you wish to talk about,” he concluded.

  I found my voice and used it to say, “Okay.”

  He held my gaze and repeated my, “Okay,” but his was way better.

  It was way better because his eyes were warm, his voice was soft, and he was using his hands to pull me closer.

  When he was a breath away, his gaze boring into mine, he whispered, “You love me.”

  I did.

  I didn’t say that.

  I said, “I’m scared.”

  One of his hands moved from my hair so he could stroke my jaw with his thumb as something passed through his eyes that I felt in my belly. And it wasn’t in a good way.

  I would know why when he said quietly, “I have vowed to keep you safe, to make it so you never feel fear again, to give you better, and here I stand, with you so close but still holding yourself away, because it was me who failed at giving you all those things.”

  That wounded him too and I so knew how bad it felt when you did something stupid or thoughtless, something that affected other people.

  It totally sucked

  Feeling that for him, I softly said, “Lo,” and the instant I did, he closed his eyes.

  Before I could say more, he opened them and promised, “I won’t fail again, my dove.”

  He meant that.

  Each word.

  I felt wet hit my eyes as I replied with a shaky, “Okay, baby.”

  His fingers tensed against my scalp as the hand he’d slid to my jaw glided down my spine and he murmured, “And she gives herself back.”

  As if I wanted to prove his words true, I let my cloak and gloves fall to the floor, lifted my hands and pressed them to his chest.

  “I will take care of all you give me this time, my poppy,” he told me.

  “I’m not sure what I give you, honey,” I admitted. “But I appreciate that.”

  “Then part of how I’ll take care of all you give me is to make certain you understand precisely what all of that is.”

  I thought that was a good plan.

  Apollo was thinking something else.

  I knew this when his arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled my body to his. My head tipped back. His dipped down. And then his lips were on mine.

  But he didn’t take my mouth.

  “Remember this kiss,” he ordered on a whisper, his eyes staring into mine.

  There weren’t many kisses Apollo had given me that I didn’t remember.

  I didn’t share that.

  I asked, “Why?”

  “Because it is special,” he answered.

  “They’re all special, Lo,” I pointed out and watched his eyes smile even as I felt his lips do the same.

  “They are, dove,” he agreed. “But this one, the first I will give you knowing you return yours with love, will
be the one I most treasure for the rest of my life.”

  Okay.

  It was safe to say I was no longer uncertain if loving Apollo was awesome or scary as shit.

  It was awesome.

  It got more awesome when he quit rocking my world with words and did something else with his mouth, that being taking mine in a kiss.

  It was deep. It was wet. It was long.

  And it was unbearably sweet.

  I slid my arms around his neck and melted into his kiss and I did it knowing my man was very right.

  Because all of his kisses were special. All of them were worth remembering.

  But the first one he gave me knowing that he loved me was the one I’d treasure most.

  For the rest of my life.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I Had a Feeling

  Apollo stood at the top of the steps of Karsvall and watched Maddie with Achilles on Achilles’ horse as they cantered out of sight into the woods toward the dower house.

  As he watched, he did not allow himself to think on what she’d said, including the fact she was prepared to return to the other world and the life she led there that was no life at all, doing this rather than stay with him because he’d wounded her so with his words.

  He thought only about the fact that he had her love and he hoped in having it, together, they could surmount the rest of their troubles.

  His thoughts turning to those troubles, Apollo sighed as he moved to enter the house in order to find his son.

  But he stopped when something caught the corner of his eye.

  He turned that way and what he saw made him clench his teeth in frustration for it seemed even as he had managed to solve one important problem, he would yet again be delayed in attempting to solve another.

  One could argue that nothing was more important than the woman he loved and his son.

  Except, perhaps, the fate of two continents.

  He stood and watched the sleigh moving toward the house, two of his men on horses leading the way, two following. Clearly, they’d intercepted it and decided to accompany the rider in the sleigh.

  This was the right decision. He knew this when the sleigh got closer and he saw Valeria Drakkar.

  His men guided her to the foot of the steps where they stopped.

  Apollo stood and watched as she sat in the sleigh peering up at him from under her attractive fur cap. This went on for some time until it struck him that she was awaiting his descent in order for him to open the door of her sleigh for her.

  Apollo held her gaze, planted his feet and crossed his arms on his chest.

  He saw her face tighten with annoyance before she rose from her seat, throwing off the furs in her lap, and made her way out of the sleigh herself.

  Apollo stayed unmoving as he watched her make her way up the steps, the luxurious heavy pelts of her cloak weighing it down so that it barely moved as she did, giving her the appearance of gliding.

  When she was two steps away, he asked, “To what do I owe the honor of this visit?”

  She stopped and looked up at him, her eyes narrowing. “Greetings to you too, Ulfr.”

  He inclined his head but said no more.

  “Are we to speak on the steps to your familial home, or will you allow me entry in order that I can get warm?” she asked.

  He would prefer to speak with her on the steps of his familial home.

  Even so, he sighed and turned to the door. He opened it and shifted to the side, allowing her entry. She passed him without glancing at him and as she did, he unfortunately got a whiff of her strong perfume.

  He followed her in and shut the door against the cold.

  He moved around her and caught her eyes before he swung out an arm.

  “My study,” he invited.

  “My son?” she returned.

  “I’ll find him,” he told her.

  She made no move for long seconds before she tipped her head to the side. “Are you going to take my cloak?”

  “As you won’t be staying longer than needs be to explain why you’re here, it would be a waste of effort for you to be far from it.”

  Again, her face tightened but Apollo ignored it and tipped his head toward his study.

  “I trust you can find your way there. I’ll find Frey and we’ll attend you shortly,” he said.

  “Would it be too much to ask if you could send a servant with a warm beverage?” she requested.

  “Indeed, it would,” he stated vaguely and moved away from her in order to search for Frey.

  He could be anywhere. At the dower house to collect Finnie. With his men.

  Fortunately, on his way to Frey and Finnie’s room, the first place he intended to look, he ran into his housekeeper who was bustling his way.

  “Do we have company?” she asked as Apollo stopped.

  “We do,” he answered. “I’ll need hot tea served in my study. Also, set the staff to finding Drakkar and asking him to join me there.”

  “Of course,” she murmured, nodding and turning to leave.

  Seeing her do it, Apollo decided, since fate was not on his side in allowing him time to see to the variety of things he had to see to, he’d take his chances when he had them.

  “Lucretia,” he called, and his housekeeper stopped and turned a questioning gaze his way. “It’s come to my attention that two maids were gossiping about myself and my family in the halls of Karsvall.”

  Her face paled and her eyes widened. She understood the severity of this.

  Apollo kept speaking.

  “This will not be countenanced. It’s my understanding my son overheard their chatter. Although this is not a minor infraction, in this instance, I will trust you to find the two maids who participated in this behavior and deal with them. However, all the staff should know that if it should happen again, I will be dealing with them.” He paused and held her eyes before he finished, “Personally.”

  “Of course, Lord Apollo,” she replied shakily.

  “Now, please find Drakkar.”

  She nodded and hurried away.

  Apollo did not hurry to the study.

  When he arrived, he found that Valeria had the wherewithal to divest herself of her own cloak, gloves and hat, for she had. She’d tossed them on one of the chairs in front of his desk and was sitting in the other one, drumming her fingers on the arm.

  He closed the door behind him and her head turned his way.

  “You do know, I journey from Brunskar on an errand of urgency and assistance,” she snapped as he made his way into the room.

  “Actually, madam, I did not know that. I did ask your purpose here. You just didn’t answer,” he replied, moving to the side of his desk furthest away from her and leaning a thigh against it.

  “Well, I have,” she retorted.

  “And, pray, what is this urgent errand?” he queried.

  “I fear I’ll have trouble sharing it, since my throat is still frozen from my mad dash across the tundra,” she said by way of answer.

  Apollo studied the woman, a woman he’d never liked because she gave him no reason to, wondering how on earth she had birthed Frey.

  Then he told her, “Tea has been ordered. As has the attendance of your son. Although there are those capable of great magic in this house, I’m afraid no one here is at my command to snap their fingers and provide either for you.”

  She glared at him.

  Apollo withstood it and suggested, “Perhaps we can begin this discussion prior to Frey joining us.”

  “If we do, I’ll need to say twice what I could say just once.”

  “You could also simply tell me what you have to say and I could go to the taxing effort of reporting it to your son.”

  “I’m his mother,” she returned. “I would also like to see him, and my grandchild.”

  She did not ask after Finnie. Although Apollo noted it, he didn’t ask after it for he didn’t care in the slightest about the answer.

  And neither would Finnie.r />
  When he made no response, her gaze turned shrewd and she asked, “You’re attending the Bitter Gales?”

  He didn’t answer verbally. He simply inclined his head.

  “And you’ll be bringing the other Ilsa with you?”

  He responded to that, and even if the way she asked her question irritated him, he didn’t allow her to see it.

  “Her name is Madeleine and she is my betrothed so yes. She will attend the Gales on my arm.”

  The shrewdness left her face and spite replaced it, reminding him precisely why he’d never liked her, and she declared, “You must know what everyone is saying about you and this…Madeleine.”

  “Indeed I don’t know,” he replied. “I also don’t care.”

  “She will care, especially as you take her to the Gales.”

  “That’s doubtful,” Apollo replied, and he would have believed this statement to be truth but weeks ago.

  However, Maddie was vulnerable now.

  He would have to have a word with Frey and Finnie, Lahn and Circe. At the Gales, they would need to keep an eye on his Maddie and assist him in keeping her away from those who would cause harm, either intentionally or not.

  “Men do what they will and what others think matters not,” she returned. “Women are not made that way.”

  Apollo shook his head. “I have had the unique and exquisitely pleasurable experience, madam, of learning with great fullness how each woman is quite unique. I’m certain there are some who are not made that way. I’m also certain there are those who are.”

  She clamped her mouth shut and at that moment, thankfully, the door to his study opened and Frey strode in.

  He took one look at his mother, his face hardened but his lips muttered, “Brilliant.”

  Valeria’s back shot straight before she snapped to her son, “Is that how you greet your mother?”

  “I would say it is, since it was how I did,” Frey replied, and Apollo fought back his smile as he looked to his boots.

  “With the welcome I’ve received from the two of you, I’m uncertain I wish to relay the crucial message that’s been given to me,” she announced.

  Frey stopped five feet from her and crossed his arms on his chest.

  “I suppose you could make that decision. However, word has been received that father has wasted no time in petitioning the queen for a dissolution of his union to you. Should that happen, unless Calder is feeling generous, you’ll need to fall back on your own House to absorb your upkeep. As you’ve been rather unfriendly to them over the decades, it’s doubtful they’ll be keen to do that. And if I have a word with Calder, I fear he won’t be feeling very generous. So, in the end, you must hope Malcolm Turnish will take you to wife. But I assume your sojourn at Brunskar means Turnish has not offered you welcome.”