by Erin Trejo
“Dana isn’t that smart. She’s gonna fuck up. Ashley said that she could tell by lookin’ at her that she wasn’t out to hurt J, and I believe her.” Declan growls and slams his hands against the seats behind us. I can’t look over. I know they all love Jameson. Hell, he’s my son, but I have to put my trust in what Ashley saw. I have to believe in her.
“A look? We’re goin’ on a look?!” Mayhem roars to life.
I turn my body to face him, grabbing his cut with both my hands. “I trust her instincts! She wouldn’t say shit to put Jameson in harm’s way! She loves that boy like her own! I have to trust that!” As I scream in my brother’s face, the room grows silent. My hands stay gripping his cut as he looks me in the eye.
“You’re right, brother. You have to trust your woman. I want my nephew back, man. I’m sorry.” Mayhem never apologizes for anything so to hear him say it, he has to truly mean it.
I slowly loosen my hands from his cut when everything hits me. My son’s gone, my woman’s been raped. The room starts to tilt and I go along with it. I fall to the floor in a heap of myself. The guys all move in around me, but I wave them off.
“Get the fuck away from me!” I thunder. They all step back as the tears slowly leak down my face. What the hell is happening to me? What the fuck does this mean for me?
“Get out. Everyone out. Dec, call Ruger and tell him we’re gonna need him soon.” I hear my dad say this to the others, but I’m lost inside my own head right now. It’s a dark place to be. I hear them all walk out of the chapel before his hand lands on my shoulder.
“If you think she’s right, we wait it out, Tic. You’re my son and this is on you. It’s your call.”
I lift my head and look up at the man that raised me and my brother. Hell, he basically raised Declan, too. The man who put us before everything else in his life including the club. If we would have said we didn’t want this world, he would have walked away from it for us.
“Somethin’ inside of me says to believe her, Dad. My heart races when I think about it, but hearin’ her say those words calmed me slightly. I think we need to regroup and keep that perimeter tight. Get home and figure this shit out. If Ash believes Dana wouldn’t hurt him, then I need to believe it, too.”
He must see the look in my eyes. He must be able to hear the hope in my voice.
He nods his head slowly before saying, “You’re right. Ashley has stepped up to the plate for that boy since she walked into that clubhouse. She’s been more of a mother to him in the last few months than Dana ever was. You do need to trust that.”
I nod my head once as he extends his hand to me. I reach for it, allowing him to help me to my feet. My heart races in my chest. I don’t like this anymore than they do, but this is my son and I have to do what’s safest for him. Going in without knowing where we’re going or who it is we’re after isn’t the best route to take.
“I’m takin’ Ash home. I want the Doc set up to be there at all times,” I tell him. My dad nods his head.
“I’ll get that arranged. Her place or the clubhouse?”
“Clubhouse. She isn’t leavin’ my sight until we figure all this shit out,” I say to him as I wipe at my face. I clear the tears that I let slip free.
“I appreciate you havin’ my back.” We walk down the aisle of the chapel toward the back door, his hand resting on my shoulder.
“You’re my son, Tic. I’d have your back at any time you need it. You’re family. J’s family, and whether the guys see it or not, Ash is too. We always protect our family. You get her ready. I will get on the phone and get shit in motion. We’ll take care of this.”
I nod my head as he walks out the door. I look up to the cross that hangs in the front of the chapel. My eyes travel over the cross that I know holds some sort of power. I’m not a truly religious man, but I believe there is more out there. Saying a prayer won’t hurt in any case.
“Let her heal. Let him be safe. That’s all I ask you. I know I’m as fucked as they come, but please, don’t take that shit out on them. They both deserve more.”
Chapter 27
Ashley
My body aches, but I refuse to take the goddamn pain medicine the doctor keeps trying to pump into me. Haven’t I had enough drugs in the last few days to last me a lifetime? I sure as hell think so. I don’t like the feeling they give me. When I turn my head, I see Tic lying there sound asleep. It amazes me that he’s even asleep right now. He hasn’t slept that I’m aware of. I know this is all wearing on him. His attitude is off, which it should be. His son is missing and I should have been there to stop her.
I reach over and run my fingers along the bruises on his cheek. He doesn’t move an inch. He looks so damn peaceful. I don’t stop my movements wanting to feel that he’s real. That he isn’t just a figment of my imagination. He can’t be. I don’t think I could handle it if he wasn’t real. Tic has made a place in my heart that no one else would ever be able to fill. I want him to stay there, burrow in as deeply as he can and never come out. He makes me feel whole and that’s not something that you can find easily.
“Don’t stop.” His gruff voice surprises.
“Stop what?” I ask not sure what he’s talking about.
“Rubbin’ my cheek. I like it,” he says, never opening his eyes. I didn’t realize that I had stopped until now. I quickly fix that and start again.
“I feel like part of this is my fault,” I sigh when I say it. Tic’s jaw tenses under my fingers.
“Nothin’ is your fault. You’ve done everything you could for him. I don’t know how to thank you for that, Ash.” He clenches his eyes shut. It pulls at everything inside of me to see him like this. So, vulnerable and lost. That’s not something I’ve ever wanted for him.
“You’ve been strong for so long, Tic. Let me help you with it. Let me be strong with you.”
His eyes slowly open, his head turning to face me. His dark eyes seer into me. I feel like Tic could look right through me.
“Do you understand just how much you mean to me and how much you already help me?” Tic turns on his side so his body is facing me. His hand comes out to touch my cheek and I melt into his touch.
“Tic.”
“No, Ashley. There are very things in life that mean anything to me. You are one of them. I wanted to fight it. Fuck, I wanted to keep you away but I couldn’t. The more I tried, the more I realized just how much I cared about you. You were meant to be in my life.” His words nearly break me. His thumb trails over my cheek softly.
“I’m where I’m supposed to be, Tic. I was made for you. There’s nothing else I want more than you and Jameson.”
Tic blinks his eyes rapidly before scooting closer to me. He wraps his hand around the back of my neck, pulling my face to his.
“You were forced into things that you should have never been in the middle of to begin with. They hurt you because of me, Ashley,” he says with sincerity. I can see the tears in his beautiful eyes.
“No. It wasn’t because of you Tic. It was Dana. It was all Dana. None of this is your fault. I told you once that I loved you. Isn’t that enough for you?” I ask, my voice almost pleading with him. I need him to say yes. I need him to tell me that it is, because if it isn’t, I don’t know what I will do.
“You are more than I deserve, Ash. You are more than any man deserves. I know you love me because I can feel it too. I love you too, Ashley.” The words leave his mouth and a gasp escapes me. He loves me? He really loves me?
“Kiss me,” I tell him slightly breathless. Tic shakes his head slowly watching me for a reaction.
“You’re hurt. I don’t want to hurt you worse.”
Is he crazy? He will hurt me worse if he doesn’t.
“Tic. Kiss me,” I demand this time. His lips are so close to mine that I could take them if I wanted to but I need this. I need him.
Tic’s eyes flash with fire before he leans in the rest of the way and presses his lips to mine. The fire that dances through me is so er
otic. He feels so damn good pressed against me.
His free hand wraps around my waist as he scoots even closer to me. I can feel all the heat of his body emanating off him and wrapping me in its grip.
My hand slides around his neck, pulling him closer, as close as I can get him. When he finally breaks the kiss, he looks into my eyes with so much love that I can barely contain it all. My heart beats rapidly, my body trembles.
“You are amazin’, sweetheart. I want to keep you forever. Can I keep you, Ash?” he whispers only inches from my mouth. I nod my head slowly, never wanting him to let me go. He lips slowly touch mine again and there I’m lost in the man that has stolen little pieces of me. The man that has given me a family. The man that has put himself on the line for me.
“There’s nowhere else I want to be than with you but I need Jameson back, Tic. A piece of me feels like it’s missing without him here,” I admit. I know some may think I’m insane for loving Jameson the way I do after such a short time, but he’s an amazing child.
“He’s our son, Ash. He loves you. I saw it in his eyes the day he met you. You looks up to you. When we get him back, I want us to go away for a while. The three of us. I want us to start over and get to know each other. Would you like that, darlin’?” His breath fans against my skin and the warmth eases the tension.
“I’d love to.”
Chapter 28
Tic
“What the fuck did Hawk say?” I ask when my dad called me into his office a few days later I was on my way out to do a little recon of my own when he stopped me. Hawk is the President of the Southern Chapter of Soulless Bastards.
“Said he had a lead on some unknown club that’s been in California for almost a year now. They kept to themselves so no one really questioned them until now. He wants to ride up here and help out.”
I nod my head liking that idea more than I should. They are some ruthless motherfuckers down south but I know that they will take extra precautions since my kid is involved.
“I think that’s good. What club is that?” I ask.
“Devils Hangmen.” I close my eyes and let that name seep into my pores. I will kill them all if they are the ones that helped her. If they laid a hand on my son, I will take them down, one by one. When I open my eyes, they lock with my dad’s. Somethings off in his gaze.
“What is it? I know that look.” I nod at him, urging him to continue. He knows more. He hasn’t come out directly and said it, but I can see it in his eyes.
“Hangmen are out of East Texas. They don’t come around here. She would have had to have met them out that way. That’s the only reason they would be around here, Tic,” he says, tugging at his hair. A knock on the door pulls his attention, but I stay lost in my head.
“Hey. Dec needs to talk to you. Something about shit Mystic found.” I hear Kenderly say. I turn to look at her, and that familiar warmth that’s always been there spreads through me. The fact that she’s here during all of this, being my friend, helps keep me sane…as much as that’s possible.
“I’ll be back,” my dad says before leaving the room. I can hear her little footsteps coming toward me. Her hand rests on my shoulder.
“I’m really sorry, Tic. I’ll do anything I can to help.” Kenderly and I have always had a strange relationship. We grew up together, and I know that everyone always thought it would be me and her together. We were basically inseparable when we were kids. While I do harbor feelings for her, I never acted on them. Kenderly will always hold a special place in my heart but Ashley took the rest of it.
“Thanks, Kenderly. We’ll get him back. I need you to watch after Ash for me. Can you do that?” I ask her. Kenderly walks around and stands in front of me.
“Of course, I will! You’re like a brother to me, Tic. I’m Aunt Kenderly.” I see the tear slowly fall down her cheeks. I reach up and wipe them away before pulling her into my chest. Holding her tightly, she cries in my arms. There’s a strange feeling in my chest when she said those words. Like a brother to her. Is that really what she thinks of me? Not that it should matter, but for some stupid reason it bothers me.
“It’s ok, sweetheart. He’s gonna come home. I promise,” I whisper before I kiss the top of her head. Her sobs shake her body when my dad walks back in. Something strange flickers in his eyes, but I don’t pay him any attention.
“What happened?” he asks. Kenderly’s body tenses when she hears him.
“Just worried about J, like we all are.” I don’t let her go. I keep her wrapped up in my arms until she gazes up at me with a half-smile.
“I’m okay now.” I nod once before wiping the remaining tears from her face. I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead.
“Thanks, darlin’. I think I needed that hug.” I wink at her before she smiles and walks away. I don’t miss the gaze my dad and her give each other either. Something weird is going on between the two of them, and I have to wonder if it has anything to do with her dad.
“She’s been pretty off lately,” I say trying to ease into it. A lot of good that’s going to do me. I see that I’m not talking glint in his eyes.
“Mystic said he found a clubhouse not far outside of town that they may be usin’. Sendin’ some guys to check it out since we don’t know where they have J. He said the surveillance in the area hasn’t shown them usin’ it much.”
Each time those words come out of his mouth, my heart drops a little more in my chest. I need my son. I need to get him home. I can only imagine how scared he must be without me. Without Ash. She’s become such a constant in his life.
“I’m sick of waitin’! It’s been days. What the fuck does she want from me?” I roar before slamming my fist into the wall. Over and over I let the anger out through my blows. My hand screams in pain, but I don’t give a shit. I want to feel it. It’s the only thing I am feeling these days.
If they came out of Texas, there is a good chance they took him back that way. I’m not against traveling and fucking shit up in another state.
“Stop!” I hear her voice. It rushes through me like a soothing breath. I let my hands fall to my sides, but I can’t turn to look at her. I don’t want to see the look in her eyes. I’m letting her down. I’m letting my son down.
“I’m gonna go help Mystic,” my dad says before walking around me and leaving me with the one person that has the ability to calm me and break me. How did I let her in so deeply? When the hell did I drop my guard for her? But it doesn’t matter anymore because she’s under my skin and roaring through my veins.
“You should be restin’, Ash,” I tell her without looking at her. I can’t do it.
“I feel fine.” Lies. She doesn’t feel fine, I can hear the pain in her voice.
I close my eyes tightly. I know she’s lying to me. I know it. I saw what they did to her. The more I think about it, the more I want blood. The more I see red. How could Dana have them do those things to her? Ashley of all people? She was so innocent and pure until I ruined her. I brought her into this, mess and that was the outcome of it all. She didn’t deserve to be hurt that way.
Chapter 29
Ashley
There’s a fire in those beautiful eyes of his. It always amazes me to see it. He’s beautiful right now in a deadly way. I know how much anger fills him and there’s nothing I can do to take that away from him as much as I wish I could. He will never forgive himself. That is one thing I learned quickly about Tic. He’s harder on himself than he is anyone else around him even when he doesn’t deserve it. Like right now.
I walk closer to him, letting my hand rest on the corded muscles of his back. He’s so tense.
“You need to go lie down, Ash,” he says softly. My heart nearly breaks inside of me to hear his voice that low. That isn’t the man I love. That isn’t the man I met.
“There are a few things you taught me without even knowing it, Tic. One is that you don’t sit down and wait for things to happen. You make them happen. Two is that you don’t let anger take over
and win.”
Tic slowly raises his head before he turns and looks at me. That fire is brighter than I’ve ever seen it before and the more he looks at me the more it intensifies.
“When did I teach you that?” he asks, his voice taking on that hard edge that I know and love. There he is. The smile that crosses my face slowly surprises him.
I reach up and cup his cheeks in my hands. “Every time something hard came into your life. Every time you saw something you wanted. When Jameson was afraid. I saw it, Tic. I saw you. Do you even know how much that boy reminds me of you?” His eyes never leave mine. The heat in the room is overwhelming but this is a moment that we both need.
“You saw all that?” he asks. I nod my head before pulling his face closer to mine.
“I saw everything. I still see it. You’re amazing. You’re a great father who would do anything for his son.” The look that crosses his face is haunted. I know that he thinks he somehow let J down when Dana got to him but that’s not what he did.
“She has him, Ash. I don’t know what kind of people she has around him.”
I nod my head before pressing my lips to his. I need to feel him. I need to know that he’s real. That he’s here in the moment with me before I send him away.
“That’s why you’re going to find him. You listened to me and that hasn’t gotten you anywhere. I’m sorry, Tic. Go after your son.” I pull away quickly and head toward the door, but before I make it that far, I’m lifted in the air. My back is crushed to Tic’s chest. His breath is hot on my neck. After everything that happened to me I should feel afraid but I don’t. I feel safe and loved.
“You were right. If I would have gone after her that first day, I would have lost, Ash. I may have gotten our son hurt.” The way he says our son makes tears spring to my eyes.
“You need to go after him now,” I tell him softly. Tic sets me down, spinning me to face him. His hands cup my face gently.
