Ready, Set, Go! (Special Edition)

by Rafael Badziag

  Soon the facility looked dated. Everything needed to be redone and changed: remodeling, marketing, redesigning service packages, increasing prices, buying furniture and redoing processes and systems.

  It was overwhelming! He languished for four years doing nothing.

  Profits decreased. His motivation was in the tank. He hated dealing with employee issues, avoiding them till they blew up. He did not want to re-invest more money in the business. He was fraught with procrastination, poor attitude, lack of energy/enthusiasm. In fact, he was burned out. It just wasn't as interesting as it used to be. He needed the accomplishment of becoming a successful dentist more than he enjoyed the actual work of dentistry. He sold the practice. He didn't know what he wanted to do.

  He enjoyed making money; he developed a real estate investment business that did well. But his burning desire was to have time with his male friends, and a couple of older uncles whom he felt especially close to as a child. His two sons were in college, his wife was a busy sales manager, traveling over half the time. He was on his own a lot. Friends were his primary focus. Then his best friend suddenly died, followed by the death of two uncles and his mother; he was sad and full of grief. Shortly thereafter, his other best friend also died early. Most of the people who meant so much to him were gone. Anxiety and mild depression took root in his everyday life. He felt lonely and alone; he didn’t know what was happening to him. He was emotionally bankrupt without understanding why or what to do.

  Tom was slowly able to identify the childhood obstacles that had so unsettled him. He had puzzled over why he couldn't work well with others. His wife had been frustrated as to why he walled off his family emotionally and placed an over-importance on friends. He was lost.

  His understanding developed as to the anxiety, grief, mania, obsession, compulsion, and delusion that had taken over his life during the grieving process.

  Working with a coach, a plan was begun. First, he started by reconnecting with his family, who were still there for him. They let him know they cared for his well-being; he began to express his love and devotion to them, which involved new beliefs and behaviors on his part. He began talking about what happened to him, and how he derailed.

  He did not have a psychological disorder; it was a development delay from early childhood neglect. With the coach, he devised steps to learn relational skills, along with an even fuller understanding of development delays and what to do about them.

  Tom began to understand the walls he had constructed and why he felt compelled to hide behind them. He learned about emotions and how they helped him to identify what he needed and wanted. Grief is a normal, healthy emotion that we all can learn to manage; it doesn't have to overwhelm us. Tom began to express this and other feelings especially with his wife and family. He worked at adding feeling words to match what he was experiencing. He actively sought out and perceived his family as his core group to belong. He learned to love deeply, feel other emotions more clearly, and discuss what he wanted in life and in work.

  He could relate to all types of friends better without expecting them to be his primary connection. He went back to work. His business slowly began to improve. He developed the emotional intelligence he needed.

  Life became rewarding, peaceful and meaningful. There was an internal calmness he had never known.

  What are the symptoms of being stuck? … being held back emotionally?

  … procrastination, excessive fears, anxiety, worry, depression, inertia.

  The glass is half empty. Being frozen or numb. Negative self-talk, and anger for no apparent reason. Frequently there is poor self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and perhaps excessive passiveness, or the opposite, excessive mania. You may have a sense you don't belong anywhere and have a frequent need for validation. You may put others first to the point of ignoring your own basic self-needs or you may be dismissing your closest loved ones. There can also be anxiety, delusion, obsession, compulsion, irrational thought, unavailable feelings, and self-destructive behaviors (alcohol, drugs, sex, food, gambling, excess exercise, workaholism). Many people have these things occur during stress, grief, and tough circumstances, but they do not stick for long.

  Under typical circumstances, they are not pervasive. Tom's symptoms lasted 43 years before he knew they were unhealthy. He learned quickly and recovered.

  We are imperfect, flawed human beings. This frequently shows in our professional and business choices and behaviors. The more unaware and unconscious we are of how these affect us and others, the greater the impact they have. Why? Because we are operating from our subconscious habits. We may not even know where these barriers came from, especially if something happened during early childhood. So many times, the feelings of inadequacy, not fitting in, emptiness, lack of confidence, fear, anxiety, depression, or pervasive "downer" states, can come from a time we don't even remember. Or, we might remember, but when we are young and vulnerable, these often have a HUGE imprint on us. Beliefs greatly influence habits. Pay attention to your “programmed"

  habits to better understand what you are doing. Our habits control our lives – when aware of them, we can change them with our conscious mind. We can think and behave our way into the person we want to be.

  If you are stuck feeling empty you can heal yourself, but not entirely by yourself. You need other resources. You cannot know what you want if you are trapped in old internal conflicts. You can be the lead architect to envision a plan, execute the plan and take the steps you want need to take. Use a good coach who understands developmental delays (not just psychological disorders) and has knowledge of emotional issues. This person also needs to understand what occurs to adults when they are derailed as children. A good coach has a wealth of methods to suggest for overcoming delays. The coach is your basic helper and they will refer you to other specialists as needed. A coach can provide ideas, identify the importance of certain steps, monitor progress, discuss the meaningfulness of your improvements, and help you navigate difficult situations. Plus, they will help you celebrate accomplishments!

  What are the Steps for Overcoming Obstacles and Getting Mobilized?

  1. We are what we believe.

  You need to gather the courage to address the issue(s) getting in your way. Harness your brain power by using the 5% of the brain's pre-frontal cortex, the seat of consciousness. Life's wounds often create barriers that immobilize us in the old 95% programming. Dr.

  Bruce Lipton,1 a biologist, says "change your perception (mind) and your body changes." Lipton explains the subconscious mind, which generates 95% of our habits. It is mostly formed by the time we are seven years old. Today, most of us live from this 95%. What we unconsciously absorbed from those experiences and people around us make up the vast majority of our beliefs today. And now 30, 40, awake-the-dream-dvd or 50+ years later, those situations are still embedded in our brain and habits.

  Previously the 95% beliefs may have served to protect us. As we grow, they work against us—walling off new ideas, new information, certain people, and new ways of living. Living in the 95% blocks us from reinventing ourselves. When we excessively worry about a new challenge, struggle to prepare for the promotion, wring our hands with problems, become afraid of pursuing a new business, or become obsessed with any change, we are STUCK in the 95%. Our 5% conscious mind struggles against the subconscious programming. Sometimes these negative beliefs foster destructive habits like addictions. If these are severe, they can affect us for decades, or even kill us.

  We can be mostly successful, somewhat happy, partially fulfilled, yet there is this nagging feeling we are not good enough. This may translate to an awareness that we didn't get enough emotional support—attention, affection or sense of empowerment. Or worse, some deal with overt abuse they struggled with their whole lives… feeling as though they just barely survive.

  This can change, and often more easily than you might think. The conscious mind in the pre-frontal cortex involves: living in the NOW, creativity, planning,
reinventing ourselves, making decisions and solving problems. You hold the key to switching your brain from 95% to 5%. It takes intentional, conscious effort. You are what you think, so think in a different way; become the creator of your life.

  2. Choose a psychologically-trained life or educational coach.

  What you need from a coach: knowledge, skills, someone who resonates with you, availability, positive approach to growth and the ability to celebrate the small wins along the journey.

  3. Intentionally engage with others who are good for you and who will help you transform yourself.

  Find a mastermind group or gather a group of friends to listen to you. They will often give you effective feedback. Explain what, how and why you want to do things. Stop thinking you have to know or do it all; no one does it all. Remind yourself you are not stuck; experiment with you!

  4. Survey the area(s) of life that hold you back, where old beliefs block you from fully living and stepping into your new world.

  With your coach, describe these, look at how you acquired them, re-think whether they work for you today. Discuss how and with what you will replace them.

  5. Take specific steps for re-imaging yourself as the entrepreneur, professional, business person or individual you desire to be.

  Identify the characteristics you are working to incorporate. What knowledge do you have for this new venture? What resources can you use when you do not know what to do? What are the next steps to get there?

  6. Believe in yourself.

  Work at a positive self-concept. Love yourself (warts and all), knowing that your body, mind, and spirit is continuously evolving.

  We are different people at age 60 than at age 30.

  7. Seek your highest self – trust your intuition and divine guidance – it is the "best" you.

  Start a new daily habit: consult with God, Higher Power, Spirit, Jesus or with whomever you relate.

  8. Choose to live intentionally, with the 5% conscious mind.

  Intentionally choose the direction of many aspects of your life. You no longer need to be unconsciously "preprogrammed."

  9. Clarify your requirements.

  What other resources do you need to accomplish your business or professional goals, e.g., strategist, accountant, writer, etc. You can’t do it all.

  10. Develop a written plan for breaking out of the old programmed habits.

  Eliminate specific issues holding you back from accessing the 5% conscious brain. Act on your current thinking and feeling.

  a. With the coach, discuss the details of these preprogrammed habits in your life that keep you stuck.

  b. Express the emotions and feelings that go along with these old habits. Institute a plan for how to deal with the emotions and feelings more effectively.

  c. Imagine, think and plan how you want YOU to manifest in the workplace or your personal life.

  d. Identify what you will do and outline how you want to do it.

  e. Discuss what you want to do with knowledgeable people who will give you feedback.

  f. Start implementing the most practical step first. Then choose the second step, third step, etc.

  g. Continuously talk about the new you with your coach, and others (best friend, spouse, sister, colleague, etc.) Be sure they understand what you are saying, and they serve an uplifting, positive force in your life.

  h. Identify other people who can help you in business or professional development: financial planner, business strategist, web developer or trainer.

  i. Establish objectives and steps to grow in your confidence and emotional intelligence.

  j. Implement and evaluate your plan with your coach, discussing your progress along the way.

  k. Celebrate each and every win – small and large!

  When you commit to mobilizing your career or life now, it will be a "Ready, Set, Go!" frame of mind. Nothing will hold you back; you are no longer trapped in internal conflicts. It is all so worth it!

  Live healthy, calm and re-charged for life!

  About Sherryl

  Sherryl Mellott McGuire’s lifelong passion and reward has been helping people grow. She came from a family of entrepreneurs who strongly believed in helping people develop their full potential. Sherryl has followed those footsteps, working in human resources since 1976, in many different roles with public and private organizations. She founded and served as the Director of a nonprofit organization. In 1981, she began working as a career coach and counselor. Then in 1989 she became a Consultant in the rehabilitation management field, traveling throughout the US and its territories. She developed a four-week rigorous program for Executive Leaders in Rehabilitation. This program exemplified Sherryl’s approach to leadership. It is people oriented and strategic as a “best practice” for maximizing service organizations’ credibility and customer/client orientation.

  Sherryl consults in strategic planning, team building, conflict resolution, customer service, executive/management development and stress management. Her clients range from professional practitioners—insurance, veterinary services, dentistry, human resources, hospitals and health organizations. Her client organizations include small- and medium-sized businesses and public organizations.

  Sherryl graduated with a B.S. and M.S. in Applied Behavioral Studies from Oklahoma State University and a Ph.D. from the University of Oklahoma in Adult/Higher Education (emphasis Organization/Employee Development and Change). She is a writer, speaker, career coach/counselor and university professor. Her expertise is based on many hours of study and practice in psychology (both with individuals and organizations), including personnel training and development. For 32 years she has taught online and in-country classes in psychology and human resource management for the University of Oklahoma’s worldwide Masters’ Degree Program in Human Relations.

  Coaching clients is her most interesting and challenging work – particularly with leaders, managers and professionals. It often involves helping individuals reinvent themselves as well as apply their “new” self in a different business or professional challenge. She has written numerous articles and papers in the area of human resource leadership and management, including career coaching. She has been a speaker for multiple organizations and trade associations in the field of vocational rehabilitation, economic development and government.

  You can reach Sherryl at:

  • Email: shermcg@gmail.com

  • Website: www.sherrylmcguirecoach.com

  • Facebook: www.facebook.com/CoachingWritingSpeaking/

  CHAPTER 24

  SIX STRATEGIES TO BUILD AND GROW AN UNSHAKEABLE BUSINESS, EVEN WITHOUT THE INTERNET

  BY PATRICK RAHN

  Are you feeling overwhelmed with all the new technology and tools that exist in today’s market? Is it because you don’t know where to start the digitalization of your business, not to mention the pressure you feel as you watch young tech businesses take off? Well, you do not have to, and do you know why?

  Because the Internet, Social Media, Search Engine Optimization, Pay-Per-Click and all that online tech stuff are just tools. If you know how to use those tools without knowing why and when to use them, you’re set to fail.

  It is like your knowing how to use a hammer and a saw, and as a result think that you can build your dream house. However, without a blueprint, a framework or a set of rules for how and when to use each tool – in short without a plan – your dream house build is set to fail. It’s not about the fancy new tools, it’s about proven strategies.

  First, I started an offline business and tried to sell fun sports articles, but I failed miserably. I then switched to selling stuff online, learning all about the online marketing tools, but failed a second time. This caused me frustration as I wondered why my beautiful dream house kept on collapsing every time.

  Well, I later found out why I thought I was the smartest guy in town. I did seek advice and had a plan, but I was under the impression that the fundamentals did not work anymore. I thought that I had to
reinvent the wheel because I had knowledge on all the new technology. This caused me to think that with the changing times, what worked 20 to 30 years ago did not work anymore; that was my biggest mistake.

  I was on the verge of giving up my dreams. But then I decided to give it one last try. To be honest, I gave myself this last try a little more than once. I committed myself to building strong fundamental business foundations that had been proven to be useful by history over and over again. I studied business and business psychology and found a common theme in every successful business (including the Walmarts, Coca-Colas, Apples and Teslas of the world). I was committed to set up my foundation on principles and strategies that are proven to be successful, and after that I could test my creativity and play with ideas.

  And to my astonishment, it worked better than I had anticipated. That is why I have decided to share the six primary and most crucial strategies that you can use to build an unshakeable business foundation. I learned the hard way, but you do not have to.

  1. Own Your Market/Niche

  Most business owners focus on finding a niche in the market and set up their business in it. Well, in truth, that is what I did. That, however just gets you a spot in an already dominated market, making you just another business person offering the same product or service. And with just that, there is no way you can outperform the company that dominates your market. That means that if your product or service is not the first or at least 10x better than the others in your market or niche, then you are running a business that is destined to fail.