Thrilling Ethan

by Anna Paige

  Her face fell. “Do you wish you could take it back?”

  “Not at all,” I answered without hesitation. “I just wish it didn’t complicate your life. It’s not fair to you.”

  “It’s okay.” Her gaze flitted to my face and darted away as her voice dropped to a pained whisper. “Besides, it’s temporary anyway, right? I mean, you’re leaving soon, and she’ll forget all about the unanswered questions once you’re gone.”

  Was the hurt in her voice for Dana…or for me?

  “It doesn’t have to be temporary. I don’t want it to be.” I reached out to tilt her head in my direction, and her eyes locked on mine. “When did I ever put an end date on this thing between us? Because I don’t recall that.”

  Her eyes welled and she tried to pull away, but I held on. “You’re leaving. And there’s no telling when you’ll be back. You have a life out there, one that takes you literally all over the world, one that demands your time and your presence. Where would I fit into all of that?”

  I took her hand and placed it on my chest, right over my thundering heart. “This is where you fit. The rest will work itself out, as long as you want it to.”

  Tears rolled over her cheeks, and she swatted them away with her free hand, her eyes darting from her hand on my chest up to meet my gaze and back.

  A loud knocking on the window behind me made us both jump.

  “Dude, we’ve got sound check in like five minutes. Come. On.” Lennox gave me an impatient look before his eyes wandered to Emily. When he registered her tears, he put his hands up in apology and muttered a quick, “I’m sorry,” before hauling ass.

  He might be a total ass most of the time, but seeing a woman cry really got to him, so I knew his hasty exit wasn’t him being a douche. Two seconds longer seeing that beautiful woman crying, and he would have crawled in the car to hug her till she stopped.

  And that would have totally ruined his rep.

  I cleared away the final few tears with my thumbs and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. “We’ll definitely continue this later, okay? But in the meantime, just know that I have no intention of bailing on you. Not after the holidays, not after New Year’s, not after Columbus Day or Flag Day or what-the-fuck ever. I’m in this until you’re sick of me, which hopefully won’t be anytime soon.”

  She sniffed and wiped her face, blowing out a long breath. “Stop being so…Ethan. You’re going to make me ruin what’s left of my makeup.”

  “You’re gorgeous. Stunning. Perfect. And best of all, you’re mine.”

  She teared up again, fanning her face. “Dammit, drummer boy. What did I just say?”

  We walked into the arena hand in hand, and despite the heavy conversation, I’d never felt lighter in my life.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Emily

  The guys were done doing sound check stuff and had retired to their dressing room to go through their pre-show routines, so I took a second to step into the hall and text Dana to check in.

  Me: Any luck persuading the asshat to let you leave?

  She saw the message but didn’t respond right away, which made me antsy.

  While I waited, I watched as people scurried about carrying equipment and clipboards, all of them passing me by without so much as a second look. I had an all-access pass around my neck—like the one Aubrey had given Dana at the loft—but I doubted these people would notice if I didn’t. They were all super focused.

  “Hey, girl. You good?” Aubrey stepped out of the room behind me and nodded to the phone in my hand. “Any word from Dana?”

  “No,” I told her, my shoulders dropping. “I think I hurt her feelings when I yelled at her. I tried to check in, and the message shows as read, but she hasn’t responded.”

  “She’ll reply. Don’t worry.” Her hand came to rest on my shoulder. “I bet she’s on her way here already and hasn’t replied because she wants to surprise you.”

  I just shrugged and tried to force the sullen look from my face. “Maybe.”

  “Something else bothering you?”

  “No. I’m fine.”

  “Then why are you setting off my bullshit detector?” She quirked a brow and tugged me to the narrow hall beside the dressing room.

  “It’s stupid. I’m being stupid. Ignore me.”

  “Nope. Not happening.” Her eyes narrowed on me but her expression was understanding. “This is a lot for anyone to take in, and given the circumstances, you only have a certain number of people you can completely open up to about everything. Ethan is one, but since you’re out here, and he’s in there oblivious, I’m thinking you don’t want to talk to him about it. That leaves the rest of the band and me. Now, should I get Kade to come give you a pep talk, or will you just spill it already?”

  I chuckled despite the growing knot of worry in my chest. “No, no. Keep your scary but sweet husband out of this. I’ll talk.”

  She winked and gave me an expectant look, tapping her foot like she was impatient.

  I blew out a breath and let loose with a hurried, babbling rant. “Dana knows I’m keeping something from her, and I can tell it’s breaking her heart. I feel so bad that Jared hasn’t warmed up to me, no matter what you all say about how quiet he is. Ethan told me in the car that this isn’t just some fling for him, and I don’t know if he really meant it, or if he was saying it because he could tell it’s more for me. I told myself I wouldn’t fall for him but I did it anyway, and I can’t stop thinking that he’s going to break my heart and leave me here all alone.”

  I drew in a big breath and let loose with another wave of anxiety. “And I’m ready to scream because the one thing I want to do—which is confide in my best friend exactly how scared I am and talk all this out with her—is the one thing I can’t do. So, what does that mean if Ethan and I do manage to make this last longer than just the next few weeks? What if we stay together for years, and I have to lie to her the whole time? How can I choose him over her? But how can I not choose him, when I’m falling in love with him. No, not falling. I’ve fallen. I’m in love with Ethan, and that means it may cost me the only real family I have ever had. Dana.”

  My face crumpled on that last bit, and I dropped my head. Aubrey quickly pulled me into a hug, and I kept rambling against her shoulder. “You’ve been really great to me, and I’m so thankful for that, but as much as I like you—as much as I consider you my friend—Dana is my family, and I need her just as much as I need him. I love them both. And I don’t know what to do, Aubrey. I don’t know how to navigate this.”

  “I do,” Ethan said as he turned the corner behind us. I stared open-mouthed over Aubrey’s shoulder and felt the breath whoosh out of my body.

  Fuck.

  He heard it all.

  It was right there on his face. I felt sick.

  Aubrey propped her chin on my shoulder and whispered, “I didn’t know he was there, I swear. But I’m glad he heard. Talk to him. Then come find me during the show if you need my shoulder back.” She squeezed me to her chest one last time and stepped away, patting Ethan’s arm as she passed.

  Once we were alone, Ethan reached for my hand and held my gaze. “If I didn’t have to be onstage in ten minutes, I’d take a different approach to this. And I guess I could tell you we’ll talk about it after the concert, but that sounds like so damn long to wait. So, I’m going to do my best in the time we have right now. First off, Jared doesn’t dislike you. He pulled me aside in there and told me he thinks you’re amazing. He’s not chatty because he has a speech issue that’s way too complicated to explain right now, but he told me he’s anxious to get to know the girl who finally captured my heart.”

  He brought our joined hands to his chest. “Because you have, Emily. I didn’t want you to hear it backstage at a concert, but I love you. I have for a while now, maybe from the beginning.” He leaned in and kissed me softly on the mouth, his breath slow and even, like a man who was completely at peace with the magnitude of his declaration.

&
nbsp; I was finding it hard to breathe, hard to even see through the gathering tears.

  “As for Dana, we’ll tell her together. We’ll make her understand how imperative it is that the secret be kept in the family—my family and yours. And then you two can talk to your heart’s desire about all of it, because I want that for you. I want you to be able to include her in this thing that’s happening between us. I want you to be able to tell her everything, because there’s freedom in that. I should know; you’re the one who finally freed me.”

  He circled my waist with his arms and lifted me up, crushing me against his chest. “You can always—always—tell me when something is troubling you. Okay? I swear to you, if it’s within my power to fix it, I will. And it’s most certainly within my power to fix this. So, wipe those tears away and come watch the show. Tomorrow, we tell your bestie all about me, and how hard you made me fall for you.”

  I was finally able to swallow the lump in my throat as my whole body quaked with tears against his thick, warm chest. “I love you, Ethan. So much. Thank you for…”

  “Don’t thank me, beautiful. I’m only doing what a man in love does. Assuring that the woman I adore is as happy as humanly possible.”

  “I am, Ethan. I really am.” I kissed him then, deep and desperate. My hands roamed his back and tangled his hair as he held me against him. My legs wrapped around his waist instinctively, and a low growl rumbled in his throat as I pressed against his cock. I wanted to peel his clothes off and show him exactly how I was feeling, but the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us squelched that idea.

  “Sorry, guys. We’re on.”

  I turned to catch Jared’s eye, and he smiled, a slight blush in his cheeks at having caught me climbing his best friend like a tree.

  “Pick this up later?” Ethan breathed in my ear as he pinched my ass one last time and let my legs drop to the floor.

  “Absolutely.” I kissed him and scurried past Jared, who was chuckling under his breath.

  The rest of the band was exiting the dressing room as I turned the corner and all of them engaged me in one way or another. Kade smiled and patted my shoulder. Kane winked and threw the ‘rock on’ sign as he passed. Lennox flicked his tongue on the way by, which Ethan saw. In retaliation, Ethan stuck his foot out and tripped Lennox, who staggered into Kane while fighting for balance.

  They were like a bunch of kids, and I loved every minute of it.

  “You gonna hang stage-side with Aubrey?” Ethan asked, his hands resting on my hips.

  “Yep. I want a good view of the drummer. He’s hot as fuck, and I can’t wait to see him in action.”

  He rested his forehead against mine, his eyes shining. “Oh, you’re gonna see him in action, all right.”

  “Chase! Bring your ass!” Lennox barked from somewhere near the stage.

  “Coming!” Ethan yelled back and held my gaze. “And you will be too, soon enough.” He kissed me one last time, lingering long enough to sweep his tongue across my lower lip.

  “Go, E, before you piss off my husband.” Aubrey walked up and gave him a little shove. “I’ll take care of your girl while you’re gone.”

  “Damn right, she’s my girl.” He winked at us both and darted off toward the stage with a huge grin on his face. A set of drumsticks came flying out of the darkness toward his face, and he caught them without breaking stride.

  Aubrey bumped me with her hip, a smirk on her face. “Whirlwind romance for the win, I’d say.”

  “I see you’re not above saying ‘I told you so.’” I couldn’t stop smiling, my heart so full it felt like it might burst.

  “Nope. I’m entirely too fond of being right to just let something like this slide.” She grabbed my wrist and tugged. “Come on, let’s go watch our loves bring the fucking house down.”

  Our loves.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Emily

  I stood beside the stage, screaming and singing and jumping around like a crazed fangirl—which I was—while the guys went through their set. Ethan was bare-chested behind his drum kit, arms flying, legs pumping, sweat rolling. And the entire time, he was smiling.

  I’d never been to a TotC concert before, and I’d only seen them practice a couple of times, so I couldn’t be sure, but I didn’t think he usually grinned like that while he played.

  Between songs, when he was rushing to grab a drink from his bottled water, his eyes strayed to me, and I blew him kisses. Their music was amazing. I’d been listening to it for years. But seeing them live was a whole different ballgame. They were so pumped, so full of energy. Kane and Jared laughed and battled back and forth on their guitars. Lennox bounced on his heels with pent-up energy as he strummed his bass. Kade’s signature menacing voice made you shudder as he stared down the crowd.

  It was so intense.

  Almost sexual.

  I could feel every word; every guitar riff and drum beat thrummed through my whole body like little electrical charges.

  Watching them on stage, I wondered if I’d be able to look at any of them again without blushing.

  Even Ethan, who I should have no embarrassment left with after some of the things we’d done.

  “This your first concert?” Aubrey called, close to my ear, startling me. She handed over a fresh bottle of water with a knowing look.

  “My first big one, yeah,” I admitted, straining so she could hear me as the guys thrashed on stage. I’d seen some acts at festivals, fairgrounds and stuff when I was younger—long before I moved to New York—but nothing like this.

  She nodded to the insanely cold bottle in my hand. “That’ll help cool you off. You were looking a little flushed.” She smirked, and her eyes strayed back to the stage, locking on her massive, gorgeous husband.

  I resumed watching Ethan. Though I tried to enjoy the entire performance, somehow I couldn’t tear my gaze from him for very long, not even for Lennox’s antics or the amazing guitar battles between Jared and Kane.

  The muscles in Ethan’s chest were going to be so sore—there was no way around it. Abs, too. Maybe even his back from sitting on that stool for so long, leaning forward.

  Someone was getting a nice, long massage as soon as we got back to his loft.

  “You going with us in the morning?” Aubrey asked, leaning in.

  “Hell yeah. Wouldn’t miss it.” The truth was, they were going to be hard-pressed to do any band stuff without me, as long as Ethan wanted me there, but this particular excursion was special.

  It was another reason to adore them all, especially Ethan, who’d had the idea to begin with.

  I thought about what was to come as I watched the rest of the concert—what was to come in the morning, and in a week, and in a month, and in the next year.

  And for the first time, that little nagging voice was drowned out.

  By the sound of the music.

  By my feelings for Ethan.

  By the hope that this was the beginning of something amazing.

  For both of us.

  The hustle between the concert and the late show appearance was insane. The guys fled the stage in a flurry of excited chatter and started stripping off their shirts even before they hit the dressing room. Ethan, of course, already had his off and led the pack, gripping my wrist and pulling me along behind him.

  “I always get first shower. If I had more time, I’d ask you to soap up my back but Kade would probably assassinate me for making us all late.”

  “Damn right, I would,” Kade’s gravelly voice cut in.

  “You’re gonna need that throat soother tea tonight, babe,” Aubrey said as they hurried along behind me and Ethan.

  “Nasty shit.”

  I glanced over my shoulder at Kade, who was making a finger-down-the-throat gesture.

  “Just drink it, you big baby.” Aubrey patted his bicep with the hand he wasn’t holding. “It’s not that bad.”

  Ethan hit the dressing room door, and it bounced off the wall behind it. “I’m scrubb
ing up. Out in five.” He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it, then gave it a little nip before dropping it to dart off to the attached bathroom. “And don’t be flexing your damn muscles at my girl, Lenn, or I’ll burn your nipples off with a blowtorch.”

  “I’d never!” Lennox sounded all offended, even as he made his pecs dance and flashed me a shit-eating grin.

  Jared reached over and thumped Lennox’s Adam’s apple, making him cough and flinch away. “Back off Ethan’s girl, dickhead.”

  “It’s okay, Jared. Lennox is just fishing for compliments,” I chirped, beaming at Lennox. “Those are great muscles you have there, little fella. You keep eating your vegetables, and one day they’ll get big and powerful just like Ethan’s.”

  The entire room erupted with laughter.

  With the exception of Lennox, of course, who just scowled at me and went to grab a beer from the mini-fridge.

  Jared walked over and patted me on the shoulder, still chuckling. “He’s speechless, which almost never happens. Good job.”

  It wasn’t much, but those words from Jared, accompanied by the nod of approval he followed them with, meant more to me than if he’d waxed poetic all night.

  Turned out Jared really didn’t need to say much to make himself heard. And I heard him loud and clear. I was wrong about him.

  He liked me just fine.

  Which was good, since Ethan loved me. Was in love with me.

  This was by far my favorite Thanksgiving ever.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Emily

  “Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.” I peeked through one bleary eye as I entered the kitchen and stopped when my eyes fell on Ethan.

  He was already dressed, looking delicious as he held out a huge travel mug of coffee.

  I was struck silent at the sight.

  Standing in his enormous, gleamingly clean kitchen, looking like sex on two legs and offering me my morning fix?