“You don’t mind?” Emma asked.
“No. I want you and Ryan to work things out,” Beth insisted with a hug. “You’re the sister I never had.”
Emma’s eyes filled with tears and she sniffed.
“Come on,” Joe said. “I’ll drive you to your place to get a change of clothes and things for Andy.”
The sun was just coming up when Joe, Leigh and Emma pulled up beside the ranch house. There were several lights already on.
“Looks like he’s up,” Joe said. “Better let me go first. Who knows what kind of shape he’s in.”
Leigh and Emma remained silent but followed Joe from the car. Leigh reached out and clasped hands with Emma. They both knew how important this morning could be.
Emma hadn’t slept much the night before, trying to decide what she should do. If Ryan wanted her—she’d promised herself she wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t love her. But if he wanted her so badly he was making himself sick…She didn’t know what to do.
She knew she wanted him, loved him. Wanted him to be Andy’s daddy.
It all depended on…on what happened this morning.
Joe rapped sharply on the back door, then opened it and went in.
“Hi, Dad,” Ryan greeted him.
“Damn, boy, what’s the matter with you?” Joe said with a gasp. “You’re skin and bones!”
“See, I told you,” Billy said.
Emma held her breath, anxious to see just how bad off Ryan was, her tender heart eager to tend to him.
“Stop riding me, Billy,” Ryan snapped.
“Have you eaten breakfast?” Joe asked. “Coffee is all you’re having?”
Billy spoke again. “I keep telling him he’s got to eat. And sleep, too. He’s been wandering the house all night for the past week.”
Emma couldn’t wait any longer. She entered the kitchen, Leigh on her heels.
When she saw the man she’d always considered incredibly handsome, she gasped.
He turned to discover her there.
“Maybe you’re right, Dad, ‘cause now I’m seeing Emma when she isn’t there,” he said, his voice weary and hollow.
Softly she said, “I’m here, Ryan. You’re not seeing things.”
He froze, then said, “Why?”
“I was worried about you. Why are you doing this to yourself?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You haven’t been eating or sleeping. Why?”
“I can’t—I’m worried about you and Andy. Is everything all right?” He took a step forward.
“We’re fine.” Her heart was full, and her eyes filled with tears. Maybe he couldn’t love her, but he cared about her. And she knew he would love Andy. Had she asked too much? Could she accept what he offered?
She’d be a fool if she didn’t, she decided. She loved him, and it looked like that was a permanent condition.
She cleared her throat. “Billy, can you fix us all breakfast while I get Ryan cleaned up? And Joe, can you call his manager and tell him Ryan won’t be working today?”
Both men were staring at her with startled gazes, but they immediately agreed.
“What’s going on? I don’t want anything to eat. I don’t feel so well. But I’m going to work,” Ryan insisted, looking confused.
Instead of arguing, Emma held out her hand. “Come with me, Ryan.”
“Emma—Emma I can’t promise what you want. I can’t just forget about Merilee and Ryan, Jr. I tried to—I can’t. I looked at the photo albums. Billy showed me where you added the last of the pictures. I appreciate that. And maybe I’ve been obsessive about everything, but I can’t just pretend they didn’t exist.”
It was as if Ryan was holding up a mirror for Emma. Guilt filled her. He hadn’t understood her any more than she’d understood him. “Oh, Ryan,” she said with a sigh. “I didn’t mean you should forget either of them.”
“You didn’t?”
She gave him a watery smile. “Come on, we’ll talk later. First you need to eat and sleep.”
He frowned and stared at her hand. Finally he reached out to touch her and she breathed a sigh of relief. “Give us about twenty minutes, Billy.”
“You got it.”
She led Ryan up the stairs, hoping the dazed look on his face was because of shock at seeing her and not his physical state.
When they reached his room, she gently pushed him ahead of her. “I want you in the shower, Ryan. Then I want you to shave.” He had about three days’ growth on his face, making him look like a homeless man. “You’ll feel better.”
“Emma, did you hear what I said? I can’t do what you asked.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and stood on tiptoe to kiss him briefly. “Ryan, I didn’t mean that. Everything’s going to be all right. If you don’t mind, Andy and I are going to move back in. Only this time I’m going to take care of you. When we’re both well again, we’ll decide what to do.”
“I don’t want you to leave again, Emma. I can’t stand this yo-yo stuff,” he exclaimed, holding her tightly against him.
“I know. I’m here to stay if you want me.”
He almost collapsed with relief.
“Don’t fall asleep yet, Ryan!” Emma exclaimed. “Into the shower.”
Like an obedient child, he headed for the shower in the connecting bath. When he stepped in, Emma realized she’d left out a step in the directions. “No, Ryan!”
He stopped and stared at her. “What?”
“Take off your clothes first.”
With a frown, he swayed, holding on to the shower door. “Oh, yeah.”
“Do you need any help?”
Her offer seemed to pierce his daze more than her earlier words had. “You’re staying?”
She smiled at him. “I’m staying, I promise.”
With a nod, he closed the door and, she hoped, undressed for his shower.
While he was cleaning up, she stripped the bed and found fresh sheets to put on it. When he opened the door a few minutes later, he looked much better, though still gaunt and exhausted.
“Do you want to eat breakfast downstairs or up here in bed?”
“Where will you be?”
“Wherever you are,” she assured him.
“I’ll eat downstairs, I guess. That will be less trouble.”
She took his hand again, afraid he might collapse, and led him back to the kitchen.
“You’re looking better, boy,” Billy said as they came through the door. “Everything’s ready.”
Emma saw Ryan look at the food without comprehension. If he hadn’t eaten much in a while, it would be difficult for him. She squeezed his hand. “Just try a little, Ryan.”
He stared at her, his eyes a beautiful blue. “You’re staying?”
“I’m staying.”
She heard a gasp from one of his parents, probably Leigh, but she didn’t turn around. Her attention was focused on Ryan.
He sat down beside her at the table, still holding her hand. The others joined them, but Emma asked Billy to get some milk for Ryan. “He doesn’t need any more caffeine right now.”
“A ‘course. I should’ve thought of that.”
“Milk?” Ryan said with a frown.
“That’s what Andy and I get right now. I think you should drink milk in support, don’t you?” She smiled and leaned over to brush his lips with hers.
“Uh, okay,” he agreed, still staring at her.
Billy set the glass of milk in front of him and he picked it up and took a drink.
“Good, now let’s eat some eggs. You have to have protein, you know,” Emma suggested. She picked up her fork with the hand Ryan wasn’t holding and took a bite of egg. Then she stared at him.
He did the same.
Leigh sighed and Billy and Joe relaxed.
“Ooh, the bacon’s perfect, Billy. You’re so good at cooking bacon, isn’t he, Ryan?”
Ryan stared at her, and Emma wondered if
he was understanding anything she said. He was more zombie than person. She picked up a piece of his bacon and held it to his lips.
He took a bite and chewed, and Emma was cheered. After he ate, she’d tuck him in bed. When he’d had some sleep, he’d start to act more like his normal self. Then she could be sure he wanted her to stay.
“Where’s Andy?” he suddenly asked.
“She’s with Beth,” Leigh said. She looked at her watch. “Emma has to be back there by eight o’clock.”
“You said you’d stay,” Ryan said, alarm in his voice.
“I’m going to. But I have to pick up Andy and bring her here. You don’t mind if she comes too, do you?” Emma held her breath. If sex was all he wanted, then Andy wouldn’t matter.
“This is Andy’s home. Of course she comes here. You promise?”
She leaned over and brushed his lips with hers again, enjoying the freedom to touch him. “I promise. I think she’s missed you.”
He smiled, but as he did so, his eyelids began to sag.
“Ryan,” she said, shaking his arm, “you need to eat a little more before you go to sleep. Okay?”
He managed a couple more bites of scrambled eggs and another piece of bacon. Then he smiled at Emma even as he wavered in the chair. “Need to sleep. Promise?”
She understood him perfectly and nodded again. “I promise.”
“Andy, too?”
“Definitely Andy, too.”
As if satisfied, he closed his eyes.
“Wait! Joe, we need to get him upstairs.”
His father and Billy got on each side of him and urged him to his feet. Emma ran ahead of them and turned down the sheets. Leigh brought up the rear, hovering over her son.
Joe helped Emma peel the shirt off Ryan. Then he undid the jeans and after Ryan fell on the bed, he slid them off him. Only his underwear remained.
Emma pulled the cover up over him. Then she turned to her assistants. “Thanks for helping. I’m going to stay a few minutes to be sure he gets to sleep. Then I’ll be down and we can go back to town.”
The other three backed through the door, Joe giving her a thumbs-up signal and Leigh beaming.
Emma sat down on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through Ryan’s hair. For the first time in many months, she could touch him as she pleased. Even back then, when they’d been lovers, he hadn’t drawn close. But now, he was going to be her husband. He might not love her as she wanted, but he wanted her.
She’d thought she was doing the right thing when she’d demanded he love her. But she hadn’t meant he had to forget about his first wife and child.
How was she going to make that clear to Ryan? How was she going to assure him she had no intention of taking his family away from him?
She stared around the room, trying to think.
Then she had an idea.
Emma found Ryan’s family ready to do whatever she asked. She’d never had the support and love of a family before, and she wanted to pinch herself every five minutes to be sure she was awake.
“I’m so glad,” Beth exclaimed, when Leigh told her Emma and Ryan were going to be married.
Emma smiled but cautioned, “We have to wait until he’s coherent to be sure. I think if I’d asked him to rob a bank today, he would’ve asked which bank. He was like a zombie.”
“Well, I’m sure,” Leigh protested. “How soon shall we plan the wedding?”
“Well, there won’t be all that much planning to do,” Emma pointed out. “We won’t have a big wedding.”
Before Leigh could protest, as it was obvious she intended to, Joe said, “If you think we’re going to let the two of you marry as if you’re ashamed of what you’re doing, you’re crazy, Emma Davenport. We’ve got a lot to celebrate.”
“If Ryan agrees.”
“He’ll agree,” Joe said, grinning.
“Okay. I guess I can use my savings,” she muttered to herself.
“You’ll do no such thing!” Leigh exclaimed. “Joe and I will give you the wedding as your gift. Or think of us as your parents, because after the wedding, we will be your parents.”
“But—” Emma began, embarrassed because traditionally the bride’s family paid for the wedding.
Beth hugged her. “You might as well give in, Emma. You’re a member of our family now, and it’s time you realized how stubborn we Nixes are.”
“We’ll discuss the wedding after Ryan agrees to it,” Emma finally said. “Can you take me to the apartment?” she asked Joe. “I want to be sure I’m at the ranch when he wakes up.”
Joe agreed, though he pointed out that it was only a little after eight-thirty. “I think he’ll sleep at least twelve hours.”
“I know, but I want to be sure.”
“I’ll come with you two and help you pack, dear,” Leigh said.
“Thank you,” Emma said. “Of course, I’ve done this several times. I should be an expert by now.”
“That’s a knowledge you won’t be needing again,” Joe said firmly. “After all, I heard you promise Ryan.”
She nodded. “If that’s what he wants.” Then she went to pick up Andy, already back asleep.
“Like father like daughter,” she murmured, a smile on her face.
Emma took care of her secret plan while she was in town, and the store clerk promised to have it ready by five o’clock. She’d see if Billy could pick it up.
Then she drove herself and Andy to the ranch. Joe and Leigh offered to come with her, but she refused. Billy could help her unload.
“Do you think we could move Andy’s nursery to the second floor, Billy? I can climb the stairs okay now, as long as I don’t hurry.”
“Sure can.” Billy beamed from ear to ear, as he’d done ever since Emma arrived back at the house. He’d showed his pleasure at her return.
“Maybe I should wait until I talk to Ryan after he wakens,” Emma mused out loud. While his family seemed sure he had known what he was saying, Emma wasn’t.
“That’s not necessary. We’ll get you all settled in while he’s sleeping. He’ll be pleased.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Emma took a nap that afternoon. In Ryan’s bed. He hadn’t moved since she’d tucked him in earlier, but there was plenty of room left over for her. And it felt so good to sleep next to him.
When Andy woke her at four, right on schedule for her afternoon feeding, Ryan’s arm was looped over her, holding her close, as if, in sleep, he was showing his approval.
She hoped that was what he was doing.
Easing his arm back, she slid out of the bed and hurried to her demanding child right next door. “Hi, sweetie. Are you hungry? Daddy’s going to be glad you’re here, when he wakes up. But if you keep on screaming, he might change his mind.” She was teasing, she hoped, but she hurriedly gave Andy what she wanted. Then Emma relaxed in the rocker, enjoying the special time with her baby.
Could she really expect such a happy ending? Or was it too perfect to be true? She’d be married to the man she loved, living in the midst of a loving family, raising their daughter.
“Please, God, let it be true,” she whispered.
When she went downstairs after feeding Andy, she found a package on the kitchen table.
“I picked up that package. What’s in it?” Billy asked.
“A surprise for Ryan,” she said, but she refused to reveal anything else. She hoped she was doing the right thing.
“Think he’s going to wake up for dinner?”
“I’m not sure, Billy. If he’s had as little sleep as you’ve said, he might not. But he needs to eat. Maybe I can wake him up enough to feed him.”
When Billy had the food ready, Emma fixed a tray with more milk and the steak, potatoes and beans Billy had fixed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she assured him.
Upstairs, she struggled to get Ryan awake. Finally, after calling his name and shaking him, she piled a couple of pillows behind him. “Ryan, I want you to eat dinner. A
re you awake?”
“Uh-uh.” He rolled to his side.
She finally did the only thing she thought he’d respond to. She kissed him.
That got his attention. His eyes fluttered open. “Emma? I’m not dreaming?”
“No, you’re not dreaming. But you need to eat a little something. Then you can go back to sleep.”
“And you’ll be here when I wake up?” he asked, his frown in place.
“Right beside you. Here, open up.” She put a forkful of food in his mouth. “Chew!” she ordered, since his eyes were closing.
He chewed.
She tried the glass of milk next, knowing she didn’t have long. He managed about five more bites and the glass of milk before he flopped over, his eyes firmly shut.
But Emma was worried. She’d moved back in, and Ryan didn’t even realize he’d agreed. What if when he woke he was angry and threw her out?
If he did, she was leaving town at once.
His parents were planning a wedding.
Reaching out her hand, she caressed his cheek. All she could do was wait…and hope.
Ryan’s stomach growling woke him the next morning. His first thought was that he was feeling better than he had in a while. His second was that life looked better today.
His third was that someone was in his bed.
His eyes popped open and he looked at Emma’s peaceful face on the pillow next to him. Emma! He vaguely remembered her and his parents coming to the ranch. But what had happened for her to end up in his bed? Had he promised the impossible—to forget Merilee and his son?
If he had, he’d have to be honest with her today. She might leave, and the pain would be even greater. He’d finally admitted to himself that he loved her and Andy. Somewhere in that fog in which he’d lived, that idea had come out. Maybe he didn’t have to tell her that he’d still think about his first family.
If he didn’t tell her, she’d think he was doing what she wanted. Would that be so bad? He’d have her and Andy with him, a second chance at a family.
It wouldn’t be honest.
He was considering reaching out to touch her, when his daughter let out a scream. Andy! Before he could get out of bed to fetch his daughter, Emma opened her eyes.
Newborn Daddy (The Baby Secret) Page 13
