“Sex?” she asked, just to irritate him.
“Sssh!” Ryan ordered, his gaze going nervously to the kitchen.
“Your parents know we had sex, Ryan. If we hadn’t, Andy wouldn’t have come along.”
“I know that!” he returned, his voice louder.
Emma saw his father look their way, but she smiled at him and he returned to drying the dishes.
“So, now that you understand, we can go ahead and get married,” Ryan said, taking a step closer to her.
“No.”
Her brief answer irritated him, but he stepped even closer.
“Don’t try to tell me you didn’t enjoy what we did, Emma Davenport!” he snapped.
Though she was embarrassed, she didn’t hide from that fact. Raising her chin, she said, “No, I won’t deny that. But then, I was in love with you.”
“Was?” he asked with a frown.
He wanted his pound of flesh. Why not? It wasn’t going to make any difference. “Okay, I am in love with you.”
Smiling, he reached out for her. “Good. Then everything is all right.”
“No.”
“Stop saying that!” He paced several feet across the room and back. “Why isn’t it okay?”
“It’s not okay because you don’t love me. You don’t love Andy. I told you Andy can’t compete with a ghost. Well, I have no intention of doing so, either. I’ve been alone all my life, Ryan. No one wanted me. But that doesn’t mean I’ll never be wanted. Someday I might find someone who can love me and love Andy. Until then, the two of us will be fine on our own.”
“You want me to say I love you?” he roared, his anger hot. “Okay, fine, I can say it. I love you, Emma. Please marry me! Is that what you want to hear?”
Emma stared at him. She was going to have to move away sooner than she’d thought. He was going to destroy her if she didn’t. “No, that’s what I want you to feel, Ryan. Not just say it to get your way.”
“Damn you!” he muttered. Then, before Emma could respond, he seized her by the shoulders and kissed her. A hot, searing, desire-driven kiss that turned her knees to water.
When he released her, he turned around and stomped out of the apartment without saying goodbye.
Emma leaned against the wall, hoping she wouldn’t fall forward on her face. Hunger raced through her body. Until Ryan had taught her, she’d thought all the talk about sex had been made up. But after two months of him holding her, making love to her, she’d believed in the magic of sharing love. Until he’d let her know the only love was on her part.
But she still wanted him.
“Are you okay, Emma?” Joe asked, touching her arm.
She hadn’t even heard him approach. “Yes. Yes, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”
“We’re finished with the cleaning up,” Leigh announced brightly, as if everything were normal. “Come lock the door behind us. Then promise you’ll go straight to bed.”
“Yes,” she agreed. Her brain seemed to have been scrambled by Ryan’s kiss. She couldn’t think of much else to say.
When she fell into her bed after they left, a few tears escaped her tightly closed eyes. But she wasn’t going to indulge in a sob fest. She’d made her choice.
She only hoped Ryan would accept it.
Billy was serving dinner at 8:00 p.m. a week later, when Ryan came in from work. For the past seven days, Ryan had been driving himself for long hours, working hard, coming in late. When he got there, he scarcely ate anything.
Billy was growing concerned that his boss would fall sick before he figured things out. He’d lost a lot of weight, his eyes, with circles beneath, seemed sunken, and his jeans didn’t fit tight anymore.
“You gonna eat tonight, or just stir your food around like you’ve been doing lately?” he asked.
Ryan glared at him and took a bite of the roast.
Billy sat down beside him and served himself. “Baxter came to see me today.”
Ryan’s head reared up. “Is there a problem?”
“Yeah. And the problem is you. He’s worried about you.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“So are the hands. They’re wondering what kind of disease you have and if it’s contagious.”
Ryan choked on his bite of food and had a coughing attack. “I’ll set them straight,” he muttered after he’d managed to stop the coughing.
“I doubt it.”
Ryan glared again.
“Hell, boss, you’re lookin’ like you did after the accident, like you’d rather be dead than alive. The dogs are getting fat eatin’ your dinners. Neither of those things is healthy.”
“I’m all right,” Ryan muttered, throwing down his fork.
“You gotta eat more than that,” Billy protested and Ryan picked up his fork again.
They sat in silence, Ryan taking an occasional bite, staring into the distance.
“Talked to Leigh this morning. Beth and Emma are going in for their checkups tomorrow.”
Ryan snapped his gaze to Billy. “Why?”
“Ladies go to the doctor after three weeks. Then they go again at six weeks, to see if everything’s all right.”
“She’s not having any problems, is she?” Ryan demanded, leaning forward.
“I think Beth is doing fine,” Billy assured him, an innocent look on his face.
“Damn it, you know I meant Emma!”
Satisfaction in Billy’s eyes told Ryan he’d fallen into the old man’s trap.
“I guess she’s okay.” There was a taste of doubt in the words. “She didn’t have as easy a time as Beth, you know.”
“Of course I know! What time tomorrow?”
“Your mama didn’t say.” Billy was watching him.
Ryan took another bite to distract him.
“But she did say Andy is growing. And as cute as a button!” Billy added with a chuckle.
“What else would you expect her to say?” Ryan mumbled, but his heart ached. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Emma or his child since he’d kissed her. To show her what she was missing, he assured himself.
Instead, all he’d done was torture himself. He couldn’t sleep anymore, thinking about Emma, wanting her beside him. Wanting to hold Andy, to see for himself that she was growing.
Over and over again, he told himself all he had to do was say he loved her…and mean it. Tell her he no longer thought of Merilee as his wife. He no longer mourned for Ryan, Jr.
He hung his head, closing his eyes.
“Hey, boy, you’re not falling asleep, are you? I’d hate for you to bury your face in my special roast beef.”
“No. I was thinking.” The same thing he’d been thinking over and over again. All day. All night. He pushed himself in the saddle, hoping to be tired enough to sleep when he got home, but so far it wasn’t working.
He shoved back his chair and got up.
“Hey, you haven’t eaten enough. You got to eat more!” Billy protested.
But Ryan was already at the door. “Not tonight,” he said wearily.
He tromped down the hall to the small office he used. Falling into the chair, he picked up the phone and called Steve.
“Lambert here,” Steve answered the phone.
“Steve, it’s Ryan.”
“Hey, Ryan, how’s it going?”
“Fine. Want to meet at the café for dinner tomorrow night?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“Nothing much. Billy’s tired of my company. I thought I’d give him a break and eat out.”
“Good thinking. I should be finished about six. What’s good for you?”
“How about six-thirty? That will give you a little extra time in case you have an emergency.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow evening, then.”
Ryan slid into the booth and took the menu from the waitress. Not that he needed it. He’d eaten here a lot, although not since he’d broken up with Emma last October. Too many memories.
He scanned the
menu to be sure there hadn’t been any changes. Then he closed it and stared at the door, watching for Steve.
Leigh would’ve told him what he wanted to know, but he wasn’t going to ask his mother. He didn’t want Emma to know he was interested in her health. He wouldn’t give her that satisfaction.
He pictured Emma in his head, her delicate features, dark hair, that beautiful smile. When he’d first met her, he’d thought her plain. Until she smiled.
Then they’d gone to dinner, and he’d thought she was beautiful in a quiet way. Now she was all he could think about.
Because she was his responsibility, he assured himself.
Before he could admit his lie, he caught sight of Steve and waved.
“Sorry I’m late,” the doctor apologized as he slid into the booth across from Ryan.
“No problem. You know what you want to eat? I’ll call Patti over.”
“Sure, unless they’ve changed the menu,” Steve said with a grin.
After they’d ordered, Ryan looked at Steve to find him staring back.
“Are you all right?”
“Don’t you start, too,” Ryan protested. “Billy’s been on my back all week.”
“You’re beginning to look like skin and bones. Is anything wrong? Do you need to come see me?”
“Hell, no! I’m off my feed a little, not sleeping well. That’s all. It’ll go away.”
The waitress brought out their salads and Ryan hoped food would distract Steve.
“Busy day, today?” he asked, trying to sound casual.
“No more than usual. How’s the cow business? Having a lot of babies?”
Ryan’s head snapped up.
“Calves, I mean. Uh, are you having a good crop? I heard the vet’s been pretty busy.”
“‘Bout average.”
They both ate some salad.
Ryan tried to think of a normal topic of conversation. “Heard Baily got kicked by that bull of his.”
“Yeah. He insists on treating that miserable animal like a pet, but he’s a mean son-of-a-gun.”
“Heard he got an offer last month for him, an outrageous amount.”
“He should’ve taken it. That bull would be hamburger meat before I’d let him attack me again.” Steve grinned, but Ryan could feel his gaze traveling over Ryan, as if trying to judge his health.
“How’s Beth?” Ryan asked, giving up on conversation. “Heard she was in today for her checkup.”
“She’s fine.”
“And Emma?”
Steve stared at him before saying, “Fine.”
“That doesn’t tell me much.”
Laying down his fork, Steve said, “Ryan, I’m not supposed to discuss my patients with anyone. You know that.”
“I just want to know if she’s all right. That’s not exactly a detailed report.”
“I told you she was fine.”
The waitress brought their steaks and Ryan shoved the bowl of salad away. “You can take that.”
After she’d gone, Steve said, “You didn’t eat much salad. Green stuff is good for you.”
“Yeah,” Ryan muttered. “Is Emma eating properly?”
“Must be eating better than you. She doesn’t look like a ghost.”
“And Andy? Did you check Andy too?”
“Yeah. You’ve got a pretty little girl there. She didn’t even cry, which is more than I can say for your nephew. That boy has healthy lungs.”
“Has she gained any weight?”
“Yeah, she’s almost half a pound over her birth weight.”
“So Emma’s not havin’ any trouble, you know, feeding her?”
“No, she’s not. Want me just to send you the file?”
Ryan started nodding before he realized Steve was teasing. “Hey, that’s not nice!”
“Eat your steak.”
Since Steve was following his own advice, Ryan picked up a knife and fork and toyed with the meat. But he had no appetite. All he could think about was his family.
Steve watched his friend while he enjoyed his own steak, and took note of the fact that Ryan wasn’t eating at all. Which, of course, explained his hollow cheeks, his paleness. If he didn’t miss his guess, Ryan had lost about ten pounds since the last time he’d seen him.
It was time to bring in the heavy artillery.
Jack and Joe sat in the den of Jack’s house that same night, watching a college baseball game. The women, Leigh, Beth and Emma, were in the kitchen, supposedly doing the dishes. Joe figured they were comparing babies and their care, since he hadn’t heard any dishes clink together in quite a while.
A knock on the door brought Jack to his feet. “You think this is Ryan?”
“I don’t think so. Leigh called today to invite him, but Billy said he already had plans.”
“A new woman?” Jack asked, frowning.
“No!” Joe insisted with a scowl.
Jack opened the door. “Steve! Come on in.” He stepped back to let the doctor enter. Then he remembered his wife had seen him that morning. “Did you find something wrong? Is the baby or Beth sick?”
“No, Jack, everything’s fine with Beth and your son is a bruiser with a powerful set of lungs.”
Jack grinned, happy with that report.
“But there is a problem.” Steve hurriedly added, “Not with the babies or Beth or Emma.”
Joe stood. “Need me to leave the room?”
“No, Joe, you’re the reason I’m here.”
“You found something wrong with Leigh? What is it? Is it serious?” Joe grabbed Steve’s arm in a death grip.
“Easy, Joe, that arm used to work.”
Joe backed off, staring at Steve.
“It’s not Leigh, Joe. It’s your son.”
“Ryan? Ryan’s not sick.”
Steve took a deep breath. “When was the last time you saw him?”
Jack stepped closer. “Something’s wrong with Ryan?”
“I just had dinner with him. He’s lost at least ten pounds this past week. His cheeks are gaunt, he’s pale.”
“Maybe he’s got the flu. Did you check him out?” Joe asked.
“At the café? No. I asked if he needed to come to the office, but he wasn’t interested. That’s why I’m here. I figure you’re the only one who can get him to come in.”
Joe rubbed his chin. “I don’t know. He’s been working himself to death, according to Billy. But I’ll try. I’ll go out tomorrow and talk to him.”
“Don’t wait any longer than that,” Steve warned.
“He’s that bad?”
“I’m afraid he’ll come down with something. His resistance can’t be very good.”
Satisfied that Joe finally understood how serious the situation could become, Steve said his goodnights and left.
Leigh poked her head out of the kitchen. “Did I hear a door? Is someone here?”
“Come here, Leigh,” Joe said.
She turned back to tell the girls she’d return in a minute. Then she came into the den. One look at her husband’s face and she grew alarmed. “What’s wrong?”
“That was Steve. He dropped by to ask me to talk to Ryan.”
“About Emma? There’s nothing wrong with Emma, is there? She said Steve told her she was doing well.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Emma. It’s Ryan.”
“Ryan’s sick? Don’t be ridiculous. He’s never sick. Why, he’s as strong as a horse.”
“Apparently he’s not sleeping or eating.”
Leigh’s eyes rounded. “Oh, no,” she whispered. “It’s like when Merilee and the baby died. Steve got him to take something to get him to sleep. Why didn’t he just—”
“Ryan says there’s nothing wrong.”
“What are we going to do?” Leigh asked, her lips quivering as she ran into her husband’s arms.
“I’m going to talk to him tomorrow. I’ll get him to go. Everything will be all right, honey, I promise.”
The kitchen door opened and E
mma and Beth came into the room.
“What’s wrong?” Beth asked immediately.
“Nothing,” Joe said gruffly, still comforting his wife.
The obvious lie brought Emma forward. “If you need to talk without me here, I can—”
Leigh turned around wiping her eyes. “Don’t be silly, Emma, dear. I was just—it’s—you tell them, Joe.”
“Uh, Ryan’s a little under the weather.”
Emma’s heart started beating overtime as fear spread through her.
Chapter Twelve
“What’s wrong with Ryan, Joe?” Emma demanded, almost holding her breath until he answered.
“He’s going to be okay, Emma. But he’s not eating or sleeping much right now. Steve’s worried about him. We think…that is…he’s upset about everything.”
“What can I do?” she asked, ready to spring into action. She didn’t want Ryan to suffer. He’d done nothing wrong.
“Nothing, honey,” Joe said, patting her on the shoulder. “I’m going to go talk to him in the morning.”
“I’m going with you,” she said, not bothering to ask.
“Now, Emma, that’s not necessary.”
“Yes, Joe, it is. This is all my fault,” Emma said, feeling guilty. Here she was enjoying Ryan’s family while he stood alone.
Leigh stepped forward. “Honey, what I think Joe is trying to say is that, if you go, it might give Ryan false hope.”
“False hope?” Emma asked, not quite sure what Leigh meant.
“He might think you love him. He might think you’re coming back to him.”
“He doesn’t want me, Leigh. I love him, but he doesn’t want me.” She bit her bottom lip to keep them from noticing its trembling.
Joe and Leigh looked at each other. Then Joe said, “I think you and Ryan got your wires crossed. Why do you think he’s not eating or sleeping?”
Emma couldn’t answer. She didn’t want to express the hope that was causing her heart to beat faster. She couldn’t let herself believe that Ryan loved her. Instead of answering Joe’s question, she said, “I have to go with you.”
“It will be early,” Joe warned.
She nodded.
Beth stepped forward. “Why don’t you and Andy spend the night here? Then I’ll keep Andy while you go out to the ranch. As long as you’re back here by eight to feed her, everything will be all right.”
Newborn Daddy (The Baby Secret) Page 12
