by James Hirt
convictions
Latching on to ideas and beliefs
Getting dragged around
Avoiding confrontation
Living the pseudo-life
Must be true to myself
The time is never right
To piss off the host and assert oneself
Walking on eggshells
Existing with bated breath
To the spineless I bid farewell
I created my own social death
Walking tall; you deem it arrogance
I call it confidence
In your mouth dances heresy
I’ve always hated your company
You only covet yourself
Your evils come a la carte
That’s why I’m serving
My thick face black heart
Your diversion of friendship
Hides what you savor
Building pleasure on grief
Is your favorite flavor
You don’t like me? Get in line!
Goodbye
Boomerang logic gives it a throw
Your sure bet has just crapped out
Clarity’s arrival though not apropos
Beckons that I no longer do without
Hands tied I can’t help you up
Floating in cold blood without a lagan
Irretrievable without a doubt
Speak to me of trust never again
Crucified commitment
The tact and couth of a sot
Trading forthrightness for denial
The last bite is the most bitter
I can’t pay the ransom
The hostage doesn’t want to be saved
What triggered this downfall?
You’re inhumed under a wall of regret
Juggling emotions; when can I stop?
Though looking through a mask of pain
How do I say goodbye?
To who once was my transcendent ally?
The wall must be built
A garrison to guard from malaise
Enervation has taken its toll
A necessary but heartsick segregation
Letting go should be easy
Looking back in history
The next move needed is so final
Why still the flame of misery?
Guest
Dine with me
Your invited guest
Our time carefree
Here at your behest
We sit together
We click right away
Don’t worry I won’t stay long
Just let me know and I’ll be out today
As you grow fond of me
You will take heed to my suggestions
I’ll remind you that your will is free
I’ll make it a constant mention
As we grow closer still
You’ll find that I’m not the one you met
But enjoy a slow coast downhill
Know that I don’t pose a threat
Constant companions now
From master to minion
Your periphery demands we part
They’re entitled to their opinion
From companion to pawn
And substance to shell
Every breath that is drawn
Prompts pealing the death knell
Though against your desires
You tell me to go
But you’ve long stoked the fires
Your freedom for me; quid pro quo
You’ll invite me back
This is a given
I’ve got your back
Body and soul now riven
Now in a sinister place
You’re watching the score
As a team we’re debase
I’m the friend you abhor
Sever the ties
It can be done
But I’ll offer you lies
That it can’t be won
A daily conflict
Even down to the hour
Body and mind contradict
Living in your ivory tower
Helpless
Emotional tightrope
Hope and suspicion fight for balance
Self-dialogues from rote
My neurotic parlance
My affinity
My weakness
My decisions
Help me digress
Fool me once
Though I foresaw
Fool me twice
Yet I won’t withdraw
I gravitate toward the tactile
Turn my back on the sage
I’ve already walked this aisle
Shut the book then turned the page
An ill-matched contest
Yet I go in for the kill
Still I leave myself second-guessed
Desires have overthrown my will
This constant of life
Should I even look for an outlier?
Though I won’t settle for less
I am my own saboteur
I Don’t Know What I Want
Our Genesis
Led to our sweet Exodus
Reciprocal rescue
Building the legacy the days we spent
Progeny
Destiny
Weaving the fabric for future days
Internal solace
Contingent on nothing
Two souls with one thing to keep
Who gladly brought their offerings
Days drift into years
Our affinity grew stronger
The present subject to tears
Those days are no longer
Cryptic logic
Taking more than your portion
Your faculties sliding
Into self-absorption
Exuding denial
Only fragments concluded
From selfless to vile
Perspectives deluded
Motives are suspect
Scattered dead zones
Ringing your own neck
You’re here but alone
Reaping already
What was foretold
Brazen but clueless
Damn the torpedoes
Don’t know what you want?
But know what you don’t
Persuading delusions
Excuses from rote
Collateral damage
The onus is yours
For the psyches you’ve pillaged
You’ll wear the scourge
I Stand Still
I stand still
You’re waning from sight
Circling this hole to fill
Self-dialogues become trite
Graveyard children dragging shadows
Imminent heartache waiting to fall
Solace ebbs as decisions disendow
Consciousness demands doleful recall
Withdraw, deflate, a torpid form
Pain now the surrogate
For what used to be the norm
Willingness for an open mind abates
The present begs qui vive
Recalling the past offers only sorrow
Only rattled stability on which to cleave
No glimpse of hope on which to rest for the morrow
Expectations fade into the void
The nagging inquisition persists
Rummaging for what I haven’t tried
Obscurity infests as I reminisce
Integrity
Show me where it hurts
So I know where to aim
I don’t need the rules
I’m the master of this game
Malign, vilify, seek pity, and bemoan
Coddle and reassure as you sever the head
High priestess of dysfunction; inherit the throne
No filter or net; give yourself the go-ahead
Words cleverly chosen
To be lauded and admired
A closer look post-delivery
Words wrapped in b
arbed wire
Beating the mule without mercy
But it doesn’t realize its fate
Develops a taste for your heresy
Always declines to recriminate
Unyielding ground and brass sky above
Impenetrable edifice amidst sanity’s rubble
Loathsome effluence from puppy love
From open and luxurious make the move to your hovel
Your words and deeds hit like a fist
Not far away I’m now looking to fight
I’m not guilty of innocence
No better than you we’re not in the right
Endless conundrum
Futile efforts to elucidate
Grieving; the rule of thumb
Evil in the human soul is innate
Intrinsic
I am part of you; we share the same vessel
Of a mysterious origin, I exist
With you from birth yet I am ageless
Inseparable; the two are one, you get the gist
I’m the nature of man
The enemy in your back pocket
Contesting me, is the game plan
For anything can be my target
Just take in what’s around us
The depravity of man
Darkness, demons, or evil
Label me using what you can
Like a creepy gardener peeking through the window
I make my rounds with timing impeccable
It’s your evil thoughts and actions that I bestow
The force I wield is other-dimensional
Evil with a proclivity for good
Unfortunately it’s not the other way around
Get used to it, let it be understood
From early beginnings remember what Abel found
Don’t think me fatalistic, it shows through history
We need to see all of the cards
Knowledge of self makes this less of a mystery
It’s time to throw off the old guard
Lucid
I’ve one foot in and I’ve one foot out
I’m positive but I have my doubts
A pat on the back while flipping the bird
I’m translating not knowing what I’ve heard
Take your time but make it snappy
Let yourself go but hold on for now
Always smiling but never happy
I’m the expert who doesn’t know how
Detail oriented just thrown together
My whole life ahead of me with just one last chance
I’ll concentrate on the present going on forever
The band is buttoned down but I can’t dance
Though I’ve never done it I’ll not ask how
I’m feeling entitled and rightfully so
I shouldn’t be trusted, and to this I will avow
I’m out of control and have my ducks in a row
It’s a well thought out plan as I roll the
