by Ali Dean
“But I thought you didn’t want to be done?” I reminded her.
“Oh yeah. Too late now, I have to keep reading, nothing can stop me.” With that, she put her head back in her book and continued walking.
Charlie laughed. “I love that girl. It’s so good to have her back from college.”
“Yeah, she’s a good kid.”
“Maybe I should read that series. I keep hearing about Virginia Rose but I’ve never read her.”
“I can’t see you being a big reader.”
“No?” She asked it like a challenge. I love it when she did that.
“You don’t like to sit still. Even yoga wasn’t fast enough for you.”
“I watch TV sometimes.”
“Only with Mia on Wednesday nights.”
“Maybe I’ll take up reading just to prove you wrong.”
“I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing.”
“You should know by now I’m competitive. And something about this conversation makes me feel like I’ve been dared. Well, I accept. I will read the entire Virginia Rose series that Jane was talking about by the end of the month.”
Fuck. No. Please don’t.
“Isn’t your half marathon at the end of the month? Maybe you should wait until after that. You’re running practically every night. How will you find the time?”
“I’m sure it’s on audio. Does that count?”
“Not if you’re doing this to prove you can sit still.”
She took the last bite of her cone and wiped her hands as we reached my truck. “All right, I wave the white flag. I honestly can’t imagine sitting down and reading eight books. I don’t care how good the books are. That’s hours of sitting. I guess I could do it on a Pilates ball while I’m bouncing up and down. Jane walks and reads. I could try that.”
I started to laugh and I couldn’t stop. It was partly out of relief that she probably wouldn’t end up reading my books, and partly because she was right. She absolutely could not sit still for hours on end. Not in a chair that didn’t move at least.
Charlie slapped my chest to scold me for laughing so hard but she was laughing too. “Stop! It’s not that funny!”
The entire way home she bragged about all the times she sat still. Like when she was eating. Occasionally. Though she usually stood. And while she did paperwork for her job. Except she backtracked there too, admitting her desk at work was a standing desk.
“Are you headed back to work?” I asked as we went in the house.
“Actually, I don’t have anything this afternoon. I think I’ll go for a run.”
“You just ate ice cream.”
“Oh yeah. And I’m supposed to do hill sprints. That probably wouldn’t go well. Are you going back to work?”
I sent a draft to my editor yesterday, so I didn’t have a story I was itching to get back to. “No, I just finished a big project.”
Two months ago, I would have lied and said I had work. I would’ve have wanted to write and be alone more than I would have wanted to be with Charlie. But now I was more interested in what would happen next with Charlie, what she would do or say, than I was about what words I would write.
“Want to take the dogs for a walk? You wouldn’t want to do my run with me later, would you?”
“You really hate being alone, don’t you?’
I cringed, realizing how harsh that sounded. Before I could apologize, she brushed it off. “Yeah, I like being with people. I know you’re not like that so it’s hard to understand, but I’ve always been this way.”
That was another thing I loved about her. She owned who she was.
I opened my mouth, about to tell her I liked being with her at least, but changed my mind and asked, “Why do you think you hate being alone?”
“I just love people. Their energy gives me energy, I guess. I’m a classic extrovert and we extroverts are filled up by being around people while you introverts are filled up by being alone.”
She hadn’t exactly answered my question, only told me why she liked being with people, not why she hated being alone. “Yes, but I don’t hate being with people.”
“You don’t?”
I started to answer automatically but paused. The answer to that had changed. And it wasn’t only Charlie’s company I enjoyed more than I used to. Frisbee with all those people was fun, I hadn’t been lying about that. And I looked forward to the festivals and events in town. Lately, I didn’t feel quite as wiped out, defeated, and itchy to climb into my writing cave after a gig.
“I like some of it. With certain people.”
“I slept in my moms’ room until I was ten.” She let that sink in before repeating, “Ten.”
“So you really hate being alone at night the most?”
“Yes. You’re the only other person who knows that.”
“I won’t tell anyone.”
“Can we go for a walk now? I’ve been still for too long.”
Chapter Nineteen
Charlie
I spend Saturday afternoon searching Tanner’s room. I’m not proud of it, but I feel it’s necessary. He’s performing at a retirement party at the rec center, and I know he’ll be gone for at least an hour.
My friends and parents seemed to accept the inheritance story. They aren’t hung up on it like I am. But I did some research, and looked up his mom’s relatives in Maine. I didn’t find any trails leading to a wealthy great-aunt. Then again, I’m no private detective and it got a little tricky to follow with all the last names changing upon marriage. Besides, it could be from his stepdad’s side. Allen raised Tanner most of his life and is his dad in every way that matters.
Still, I can’t drop my suspicions that the millions in cash come from something more sinister.
But my search reveals nothing, and only leaves me feeling massively guilty and wondering if I have a paranoia disorder. He must have put a lot of his belongings in the barn in addition to his furniture, because it’s mostly just clothes. Even his desk is pretty barren. Just a computer charging, a lamp, an empty mug of coffee.
Or if not drug dealing, maybe it’s something he does on his computer all day, like gambling. I can’t figure out if I’m looking for a reason not to trust him, or if there’s really something there.
After a search that ended up taking less than ten minutes, I sit in my car and have an internal war. Do I drive to the retirement party or take this opportunity to investigate the barn? Dolores and Barry Hartland are friends with Clyde Bailey, who is retiring, and they will be at the community center. But what if someone sees me? Remembering the Hartlands’ daughter is about to have a baby any day now helps me come to my senses. She lives in the cottage and if she’s home, she would definitely see me drive up.
I’m relieved when I start driving in the other direction, toward town. Why do I feel this pull to be all suspicious? I don’t like the feeling one bit, yet I can’t seem to shake it. I want to put it to rest, and a little voice nags me telling me I can’t until I search the barn too. But the rest of me tells it to shut up already and stop being such a weirdo.
I already went through his underwear drawer, enough is enough.
Tanner is a good guy. I accept it. But that means he needs to move out of my house, because if I let this drug lord theory go, that makes it harder for me to keep my hands off of him. I can’t be trusted around that guy, who drips with sex appeal just by breathing. If he keeps living in that house with me, I’m not going be able to suppress the urge to play out in real life the fantasies that run through my mind constantly when he’s near me.
“You ready for our longest training run tomorrow?” Mia slides up next to me in the potluck line.
I want to whine about how unnecessary it is to run longer than the race we’re training for, but I can only admit so much weakness. “I might throw up, but I’m doing it.”
“That’s the spirit!”
Morgan appears on the other side of the table as we dish food onto our plates. “I can’t
believe you got Tanner to do hill sprints with you on Thursday. You can get anyone to do anything.”
“I don’t know about that. I seriously doubt I could get anyone else to agree to run fourteen miles with us tomorrow.”
Jamie’s on the other side of the table and pipes up, “What? Mia didn’t tell you? I asked to come and she said no.”
I glance at him to confirm it and then at her. “You said no?”
“He’s too fast.”
“I might be able to run fourteen miles.” That smooth voice has me turning around and nearly dropping the spoon full of mashed potatoes on my feet.
“Look, just because you kept up with me on those hills, doesn’t mean you can run fourteen miles.”
“What time are you going?”
I groan because I already know how this is going to go down. “Do you remember when you saw me out running with Mia on Frog Leap Road way back in the spring?”
“Yeah. I gave you a ride home.”
“That was because we were talking about a long run right here, in this line, at another retirement party and I did what you’re doing.”
“What I’m doing?”
“Thinking you can run way longer than you can just because Mia can do it. She’s like, super legit, dude. I trained my ass off the last two months to be able to run with her on long runs.”
Tanner narrows his eyes. “I know Mia’s super legit. But if I can’t make it, you can pick me up and drive me home later, return the favor, right?”
Does Tanner Moon have a competitive streak? Or does he run way more than I know in the mornings when I’m still asleep? I guess we’ll find out.
“We leave at eight.”
I dump the mashed potatoes onto my plate and turn to move to the next dish on the potluck buffet line.
“If he gets to go, can I come?” Jamie asks.
“You’re relentless,” Mia answers, but she’s smiling.
“Hey, I get Mia all to myself every Wednesday night. You don’t have to let me have her on Sunday mornings too. I can share.”
Jamie gives me a pointed look. He doesn’t have to spell it out, but he does anyone. “That goes both ways. You know I can share too.”
“Aw.” Grace claps her hands from behind me. “Great job communicating, you two! I feel good about this.”
Everyone starts laughing. “Can we graduate preschool now that we’ve got sharing and communication down?” I ask Grace.
“Only if you eat your vegetables.” She dumps a pile of green beans on my plate.
Tanner sits with us to eat before getting up to talk with Clyde, who is the honoree tonight after teaching music at the high school for the past thirty-five years. I watch as he then goes over to the little platform where he’s playing acoustic tonight. “That last time we saw him on acoustic was at the mountain, and do you remember that?” Morgan exclaims. “I get chills just thinking about it.”
I’ve gotten a private concert in my backyard twice now, but I don’t brag.
The buzzing auditorium comes to a hush when Tanner starts talking. “Mr. Bailey was one of those teachers who could get teenagers to wake up and look around. He really saw me. And he taught me more than music. He taught me to be true to myself. But first I had to figure out who I was before I could do that. This song is about that.”
The tune is peppy, upbeat and catchy. Instead of sinking in deep and moving within me like the music he played at the mountain, it lifts me up and makes me lighter. I didn’t know music could do all those things and have such a physical effect. It’s perfect for the moment, for the spirit of the night.
“Didn’t Tanner quit soccer his senior year to focus on music?” Mia asks.
Valerie has slid into Tanner’s empty seat and answers. “Yeah, he was the top scorer on varsity and was supposed to be captain, but he’s such a good musician no one could be mad at him about it.”
My eyes stay on Tanner as he puts down his guitar and people start coming up to him.
“Remember that girl from Brew Fest?” Valerie asks, but I’m only half listening.
Grace is paying attention though. “Which one?”
“The one who thought Tanner was the one.”
“Did she say that?” I ask, finally ripping my eyes off him to engage in the conversation.
“Something like that. I’ve heard that boy really knows what he’s doing in bed and with everything else on top of that…” She flutters a hand in his direction, letting it speak for itself. “I could see how someone might get wrapped up in it.”
She’d heard about Tanner in bed. How? Who was talking about him in bed? That fire inside of me flares up and I look around, as if the culprit might be here in this room and I’d spot her somehow.
“Anyway, I saw that girl again later that night. She was crying because Tanner told her he didn’t want a girlfriend or anything serious.”
“Aw, that’s so sad.” Grace sounds pretty upset about it.
“Yeah, part of me was like, girl, are you kidding me? You’re one lucky bitch to have had him one night. Enjoy the memory and stop crying. But I also felt bad. Because I’d probably be crying too if I were her.”
I do not want to be in that girl’s shoes, crying over Tanner Moon.
Morgan comes back from getting punch and sits down. “Are we going out after this? What’s the plan?”
She looks at me expectantly. “I’ve got to do a fourteen-mile run tomorrow. I kind of want to stay in and get to bed early.”
Morgan stares at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Not alone,” I clarify, and she breathes a sigh of relief that I’m still the same Charlie.
Until the other night, I hadn’t used the fire pit since Mia moved out. “Let’s roast marshmallows.”
“I’m in.” Grace raises a hand.
“Sounds good to me.” Morgan shrugs.
“Can Jamie come or is this a girls thing?” Mia asks. Jamie’s moved to another table for a moment to catch up with Oliver and Mia’s oldest brother, Cliff.
“Can you stop asking that and just invite him unless I specifically say not to?”
“Not our Wednesday night sleepovers though, that would be weird.”
“Can I come?” Valerie asks.
“Yeah, of course.”
It’s still a night in, but it does turn into a bit of a party by mistake. With so many of our friends at the retirement party, word spread, and my backyard is now filled with about thirty people. I have a big yard, so it’s cool. When I go inside to use the bathroom, I realize it might be more like forty or fifty people once I take into account the back porch and a few in the kitchen. They’re all locals, no strangers, and other than worrying if Tanner is going to be mad when or if he ever gets home, I’m having a great night.
The downstairs bathroom is being used so I jog upstairs to use the other one. When I’m done, I find Tanner coming out from his bedroom.
“Oh, you’re home. Have you been here a while?”
“Not too long.”
He doesn’t say anything about the impromptu party happening in the house. “Sorry about all the people. I invited my friends over for s’mores and the next thing I knew…” I gesture in the direction of the backyard. “I’m going to kick everyone out soon. It’s almost ten and I still plan to run at eight in the morning.” I’ve got houses to show in the afternoon, and with only two weeks left until the half marathon, I don’t want to blow off this last hard run.
“I don’t mind. You know I’m up later than you anyway.” He takes a couple of steps like he’s headed downstairs, but stops right next to me. “This is your house, Charlie. I knew you’d have people over when I moved in.”
He doesn’t move to keep walking though.
I forget about all the people downstairs and outside as a stir grows between us. The air feels a little thick and my breathing gets slower. I can’t tell if a second or a minute has passed as we both seem to lean closer.
Tanner reaches a hand out and when his palm takes
my chin and cheekbone, I close my eyes at the touch. His thumb brushes my lower lip so softly, it’s a whisper. But I feel it all the way down to the tips of my toes.
“Charlie.” He says it reverently, and it reminds me of what he said the other night. People worship me. He had been hamming it up to make up for potentially offending me, and I’d dismissed it. But when I open my eyes and see the way he’s looking at me, I wonder if there’d been a nugget of truth there, and if it wasn’t about people, but Tanner himself.
The sound of a loud engine, followed by whoops, hollers and shouts, shakes us loose from this trance. Morgan comes up the stairs.
“Dude, a ton of people from the mountain just showed up. Not sure you want this to turn into a rager, do you?”
Tanner’s hand brushes my lower back, his knuckles skimming the top of my ass, and I fight leaning back into him. He’s barely grazing the fabric of my dress, and it’s nearly too much to take. Tanner’s touch is like magic.
Morgan scrunches up her face. “I mean I guess it’s already a mini rager, but you know how the ski bum crowd can get, trying to reenact their frat and sorority days.”
Right, I’m supposed to be saying something. “No, I was about to shut things down soon anyway. I’ll talk to them.”
The magic of Tanner’s touch evaporates as I reluctantly walk to the front door to intercept the new visitors. There are cars parked along the side of the road, and two Suburbans with people still getting out the backs have squeezed in next to Tanner’s truck, parked in the grass.
An SUV comes up the hill and double-parks behind Tanner’s truck, blocking him in and sticking out into the road. The driver beeps his horn a few times and waves a celebratory hand out the window, like he expects me to raise my hands in joy at his arrival.
Topher gets out of the passenger seat. “Hey Charlie! We brought a keg!”
He starts to move around to the trunk but I walk over and say his name sharply. “Topher. What are you doing?”
“You’re mad I’m here? I know you kicked me out last time I was over, but that was months ago. I thought we were cool.”
