A Hard Day's Knight n-11

by Simon R. Green

  Merlin smiled. “You always were the wise one, Arthur. Do as you think best, my King. You always did. Good-bye, old friend. Good-bye.”

  And he was gone. One last vision, of a man who was so much more and less than he could have been.

  “Good-bye, Merlin,” said Arthur. “May you know peace, at last.” He turned abruptly away from the open grave to face the rest of us. “Merlin did his best to teach me some simple magics, when I was younger and he was older, though I confess I was never a very attentive student. But I did learn a few useful things. I think it is my turn to show you a vision, my friends, of the elves that were.”

  He moved his left hand through a series of sudden, abrupt gestures, and a great vista opened up before us. The end of the cellars faded away, replaced by a great green expanse that stretched away to a distant horizon. A huge, dark, primordial forest stood out against the skyline, shadowy and secretive, mysterious and menacing. Untamed. A vision of old England as it was in Arthur’s day. Standing between us and the forest was a great elven city: tall towers connected by delicate walkways, gold and silver buildings, shining bright in the sunlight, with vast glowing domes and wide-open chambers, all of it magnificent to the eye. The lines were smooth and flowing, more organic than constructed, grown more than built. The whole city sparkled in the clear light, looking like every fairy tale we ever believed in as children. Breath-stoppingly beautiful, alive and protective, in a way few human cities ever are. Beside the city lay a great natural open harbour, where massive elven sailing ships lay at rest, so intricately made and fashioned that they were works of art in their own right.

  The city was full of life, of elves walking in majesty and glory, with a simple grace that Humanity could never manage. They were nothing like the elves I’d known—beatendown remnants of a once-noble race. There was magic in their every movement and a dignity that bordered on arrogance. Their emotions were larger and purer than ours, and so their faults were greater, too. They were not so different from us, really. The elves ... were Humanity writ large, with all our virtues and our faults magnified. They moved like walking dreams that could become nightmares.

  Other magical creatures accompanied them—whole clouds of wee winged fairies, flashing through the air, shooting back and forth in patterns too complicated for the human eye to follow, leaving behind them shimmering trails of pure joy. Winged unicorns, of a white so bright it was blinding, flying gracefully down to graze on the great green pastures. There were gryphons and cockatrices and gargoyles, moving openly, with no fear of human hunters. There were trolls and ogres and darker shapes I didn’t even recognise, gone from history so long that not even their names remained. They bowed respectfully to the elves, who moved amongst them unconcerned.

  And then the marvellous scene was gone, the stone cavern abruptly back again. It felt like waking from a dream of something wonderful, lost. Arthur lowered his hand, looking tired.

  “The elves were worth saving, then,” said Arthur. “Perhaps they can become worth saving again. Honour requires I give them that chance.”

  “Never did share your enthusiasm for the pointy-eared bastards,” said Kae. “They did things no human being would ever do and gloried in it.”

  “They were different,” said Arthur.

  “And Mab was a monster!”

  “Grief and loss of her only true love drove her mad,” Arthur said flatly. “I sent Tam to her; so part of everything that happened after that is down to me. She never got over Tam’s death; and immortals have so much longer to grieve than us. Her rage against the fate that took him became a rage against the world, and all who lived in it. I have known grief and loss, too.”

  “It didn’t make you into a monster,” said Kae.

  “It might have,” said Arthur. “You never did realise how close I came, after I lost Guinevere.” He shook his great head again. “There’s been too much killing. There’s only one way to stop this coming civil war amongst the elves; and that’s to find them a new home. All of them. I have dreamed the elves’ sad history. They are stagnating in Shadows Fall and dying in the Sundered Lands the Droods found for them. Perhaps that’s why the Droods chose it. Always were a bunch of devious bastards. No—both sides need to move to a new world, where they can thrive and prosper again, far from humanity.”

  “Is this ... really such a good idea, Arthur?” said Kae, trying hard to sound tactful. “A new, revitalised elven race could be an even greater threat to Humanity. For all your ... dreams, I don’t think you realise exactly how far the elves have fallen. There’s nothing left in them but bitterness and hate for everything human. They live to screw us over because that’s all they’ve got left. Only this day, an army of elves broke into my castle and killed dozens of my good knights, simply because they could!”

  “And how many of them did you kill, Kae?” said Arthur. “The killing has to stop sometime.”

  “You always were a dreamer,” growled Kae.

  “And sometimes I make dreams come true,” said Arthur. “Isn’t that why you founded the London Knights, to keep my dream alive?”

  “I don’t know why I ever argue with you,” said Kae. “You always could talk rings round me.”

  “Kae, even Gawaine could talk rings round you. And he only had fifty words, thirty of which were arse.”

  They both got the giggles, which was somewhat incongruous for such large men.

  “I can find the elves a new world,” I said, thinking quickly, and they both stopped laughing to look at me. I did my best to sound calm and composed. “There is an establishment here in the Nightside, with many Doors, that lead to every place you ever dreamed of. Doorways to all the worlds that ever were or may be, worlds without end. And one Door in particular leads to a world I think would be perfect for the elves. As long as we’re careful to bolt the Door firmly behind them. If I lead you to such a Door, Arthur, can you persuade the elves to go through it?”

  “The returned King’s authority should be enough to summon both sides to parley,” said Kae. “Always assuming a suitable neutral ground can be found.”

  “Again, I have a place in mind,” I said. “I’ve been there before, and it’s probably the one place that would impress the shit out of both sides.”

  “Good!” said Arthur. “Now, for the sake of all that’s good and holy, let us leave this dismal and unpleasant place!”

  “Best idea I’ve heard yet,” said Alex. “Come on up to the bar. Drinks are on me.”

  “Ah!” said Arthur, beaming. “Best idea I’ve heard so far.”

  Alex led the way back to the stone steps. I moved in beside him.

  “Can’t help noticing you were a bit quiet back there.”

  “What is there to say?” said Alex. “That’s King bloody Arthur!”

  He had a point. But I’ve never believed in being over-impressed. Especially not by the good guys.

  Up in the bar itself, Arthur took a good look round, and wasn’t immediately impressed. The few remaining customers took one look at him and decided to leave right then before the trouble started. Alex moved quickly behind the bar and set about dispensing drinks. Back in his usual position of authority, he was immediately much more at ease, and a lot of his usual caustic manner returned. He even told Kae off for leaning on the wooden bar top in his armour and leaving scratches. Arthur eyed the bar-stools dubiously, and decided to stand. I couldn’t help noticing that Suzie was being even quieter than usual and keeping a watchful eye on Arthur.

  Before anyone could think to warn him, Arthur reached out to pet Alex’s vulture, Agatha, still squatting balefully on top of the till. He rubbed her head and chucked her under the chin, talking cheerful nonsense to her, and to everyone’s surprise the bird sat there and let him do it. She actually looked bashfully at Arthur, and fluttered her eyelashes at him. Anyone else, she’d have had his hand off at the wrist.

  “Arthur’s always had a way with the beasts and the birds,” said Kae. “Never would go hunting with me.”

&n
bsp; “Barbarian sport,” Arthur said briskly. “Killing for necessity is one thing. You’re not supposed to enjoy it.”

  He studied the ranks of drinks available behind the bar and beamed happily. “We never had anything like this in my day, did we, Kae? Mead and uisge, and wines that were always half-way towards vinegar. This looks much more interesting. I want lots of drinks, and I want them now. Start pouring, bartender; I have it in me to try at least one of everything. Nothing like sleeping fifteen hundred years to work up a real thirst.”

  We all looked on, suitably impressed, as Arthur knocked back the drinks as fast as Alex could produce them, to no obvious effect. Kae smiled proudly, though I noticed he made no attempt to keep up with Arthur. I sipped at a wormwood brandy, to be sociable, while Suzie barely touched her bottle of Gordon’s Gin. She was still watching Arthur carefully. After a while, Arthur belched loudly, stretched as unselfconsciously as any cat, and looked at all the empty glasses racked up before him.

  “Don’t suppose there’s anything to eat here, is there?”

  “I wouldn’t,” I said quickly.

  Alex glared at me. “I’m sure I could find something ...”

  “That’s what worries me,” I said. “A somewhat merry King Arthur is one thing; a King full of killer E coli, bent over a toilet when he should be out saving the world, is quite another.”

  Alex sulked. “It’s been days since we had a real case of food poisoning.”

  “What about that nun who exploded?”

  “Coincidence!”

  Kae got Arthur really excited over the concept of cocktails, so I moved off down the bar and left them to it. I paused a moment to murmur in Suzie’s ear.

  “Why are you keeping such a close eye on King Arthur? He’s saying all the right things.”

  “They always do,” said Suzie. “You of all people should know that legends rarely turn out who you expect them to be.”

  “But this is King Arthur! If you can’t give someone like him the benefit of the doubt ...”

  “I have,” said Suzie. “I haven’t shot him yet.”

  “But can’t you ... well, just feel the nobility pouring off the man?”

  “I’ve never trusted my feelings,” said Suzie.

  I moved even further down the bar, took out my mobile phone, and contacted the Authorities, to find out what had been going on in the Nightside in my absence. I got put straight through to Julien Advent.

  “Where the hell have you been, Taylor? All hell’s breaking loose in the Nightside!”

  “It always is,” I said.

  “Not like this! You’d better come straight to me, so we can talk.”

  “Okay. Where are you?”

  “You’ve got Walker’s old watch. He programmed it to bring him right to me, in times of need. Open it and say my name, and it’ll lock on and bring you here.”

  He hung up on me. I took the gold watch out of my pocket and looked at it thoughtfully. I had to wonder what else Walker might have programmed into it. He always was a great believer in little surprises, and leaving nasty booby-traps for the unsuspecting. I looked back down the bar at the others.

  “I have to pop out for a minute. Arthur, don’t touch the bar snacks. Suzie, don’t let Alex put any of this on my bill. I’ll be back soon, then we can set about stopping the elf civil war and saving all Humanity if you’re not too busy.”

  “There’s time,” said Arthur expansively. “If there’s one thing sleeping for centuries teaches you, it’s that there’s always time. Now, Sir Alex, more of that peach brandy, I think. Yes. I like the peach brandy. Off you go, John Taylor. Don’t mind us. Lots of drinking still to do. Never face an elf sober; they’ll just take advantage.”

  I opened up the gold watch and got the hell out of Strangefellows before I said something someone might regret.

  The Portable Timeslip delivered me straight to Julien Advent, dropping me off right on the top of Griffin Hill. I arrived standing on the edge of the great pit where Griffin Hall had once stood, before the Devil himself appeared to drag it down into Hell, along with the Griffin himself and his awful wife. He really should have known better than to make a deal for immortality. No matter how good a contract you have, the Devil is always in the details. I turned my back on the pit, and looked down the long, sloping hillside that led eventually to the Nightside city streets. The strange primordial jungle was still there, still horribly alive and active, thrashing violently as parts of it went to war with the rest. One of these days, the jungle is going to advance down the hill and march on the Nightside, and it will take a lot more than weed-killer to stop it.

  I’d put my money on industrial-strength flame-throwers and napalm.

  Julien Advent had his back to me, looking out over the Nightside streets, but I had no doubt he knew I was there. The great Victorian Adventurer had been dodging assailants and assassins for longer than I’d been alive. He could spot a ninja in a darkened room two houses away. I moved over to join him.

  “Hello, John,” he said, not looking round. “So good of you to join me at such short notice. Hell of a view from up here.”

  “Why are we here?” I said. “You know this place has bad memories for me.”

  “This is where Walker died, isn’t it?” he said, still not looking at me.

  “Yes,” I said. “He tried to kill me. I had no choice.”

  “Did he die well?”

  I thought about it. “He died in character,” I said finally. “He was himself, right to the very end.”

  Julien shrugged. “I suppose that’s the best any of us can hope for. Look out there, John. Look what they’ve done to the Nightside.”

  I looked down at the city, that great sprawl of blazing streets and hot neon. The night was full of fires and explosions, strangely coloured flames and magical flare-ups. Buildings were burning like bale-fires in the night, and every now and again an entire block would vanish, to be replaced by something worse. I watched barricaded holdouts detonate, sending burning shrapnel up into the night sky like so many fireworks. There were vivid lights and horrid sounds, and here and there certain landmarks quietly disappeared, running off to hide in some safer dimension.

  “The elves have come to the Nightside,” said Julien Advent. “A whole army of the vicious little bastards, bursting out of new and old Timeslips, all across the city. I didn’t know there were so many elves left in the world. They’re killing everyone they encounter, butchering and slaughtering, and laughing all the while. I’ve got all of my people out on the streets, doing what they can; but things are bad down there. Almost as bad as the wars you started.”

  “I did not start the Angel War, or the Lilith War,” I said, a bit tetchily. “I wish people would stop saying that.”

  “If it quacks like a duck, stick an orange up its bum,” Julien said vaguely. “The elves are killing people, apparently to get themselves in the mood for their coming civil war. A chance to stretch their muscles and try out new weapons. They have a lot of new weapons, John—magical and scientific. Awful weapons, doing awful things. The elves are running wild in our streets, simply for the fun of it, looting ancient treasures and objects of power, and anything else that catches their eyes. We have to stop them, John. While we still can.”

  “Do we know whose elves they are?” I said. “Which faction they belong to?”

  “Does it really matter?” said Julien, looking at me for the first time.

  “It might. We’ve always been able to negotiate with Oberon and Titania. Mab ... is another matter since she returned from Hell.”

  “We don’t know whose elves they are,” said Julien. “They’re not interested in talking to us. The rest of the Authorities are down there now, fighting to regain control of the streets. Jessica Sorrow is walking up and down the Nightside, disbelieving in the elves till they disappear. The Unbeliever may be on our side now, but she still scares the crap out of me. Annie Abattoir has been using some really nasty magics, some so bad they even shocked the elves
. And Larry Oblivion has been using his magic wand to good effect. Yes, I know about that. Please don’t tell him I know; it would only upset him. He likes to think he can keep things secret from me. And Count Video and King of Skin are working together, for once, doing really horrible things to all those elves who don’t get out of their way fast enough.

  “They aren’t alone. I have a lot of people down there, fighting for control of the streets. But we’ve been through so much, lately, John; we’re all tired and worn-out. By the time we gain the upper hand and drive the elves from the Nightside, I’m not sure how much of the Nightside will be left. We’re still rebuilding from the last two wars. We’re not as resilient as we used to be.

  “I should be down there with them, leading and inspiring the troops. But I wanted to talk to you first. They say ... you have Excalibur.”

  “I did have,” I said. “I handed it over to the returned King Arthur. He’s back, Julien. King Arthur has come back to us.”

  “Any other day, that news would have gladdened my heart beyond measure,” said Julien. “But what can one man, even such a man, do against a whole army of elves?”

  “Well,” I said, “he may not have an army of his own, but he knows a man who does. In fact, I’ve had a really good idea. Do what you can to buy me some time, Julien; and I’ll come back with reinforcements that will really make your eyes pop.”

  “Taylor!” said Julien, as I flipped open the gold pocket-watch. “Don’t you dare disappear on me! You’re the Walker now!”

  But I was already on my way, back to Strangefellows.

  When I reappeared in the bar, Kae was leading everyone in a really quite appalling drinking song, “’Twas on the Good Ship Venus.” Complete with hand gestures. Arthur looked like he was having the time of his life. Alex was beating out the rhythm of the song on the bar top with both hands. Suzie was doing her best to join in, even though she has a singing voice like a goose farting in a fog. Even the vulture was dancing excitedly on top of the till.

  I did my best to get them all to shut up and pay attention, but when that failed, I had no choice but to give Suzie one of our little secret signals. She immediately stopped singing, drew the shotgun from its holster on her back, and fired both barrels into the air. The song cut off abruptly in mid verse. In the sudden silence, bits of the ceiling fell down. Arthur and Kae swung round to face me, their hands on the swords at their sides. Alex hid behind the bar, and the vulture hid behind the till. I gave Arthur my best I-mean-business glare.