Something to Treasure

by Virginia McCullough

  Seeing his expression darken, she held back the probing question on the tip of her tongue. “Okay, I’m listening.”

  With nothing else to say, she reached for a cookie, surprised by the beads of sweat forming at the back of her neck. She wrote it off to the hot tea, the pain pill, even the stress of the accident, but it was hard to ignore the tension in the air.

  “To put it bluntly, I’ve only told you part of my story,” Jerrod began.

  Putting the mug on the coffee table, he said, “I told you I lost my wife, which is true. But what I left out was that I also lost my older daughter. At the same time. In the same way.”

  She drew in a breath. “I’m so sorry.” Hearing him say the words out loud, especially after reading about his tragedy on the internet, she understood why his expressions and moods shifted moment to moment, almost like a sudden change of wind direction. With Gordon’s face immediately flashing through her mind, Dawn could barely bring herself to imagine such a loss.

  “It was my fault, you see.”

  She swallowed back her impulse to break in, spare him from going into self-blame mode. But what did she know about him, anyway? Not much. What if it was true, that it was his fault?

  A grimace distorted his features, and as if reading her mind he said, “Thanks for not immediately jumping in to negate what I just said.”

  “Is that what most people do when you blame yourself for what happened?”

  He lowered his head in a solemn nod. “Exactly. But denying it would make it even harder to describe what killed my wife and daughter.”

  Sensing he needed to tell her in his own words, she made a quick decision to keep up the ruse that she knew none of this. “Can you start at the beginning?” Her mind on alert, she sat up a little straighter.

  “I can, but the short version is easier, and then I can backtrack. Augusta, my wife, and Dabny, our daughter, were killed in a terrorist attack overseas. In Bali. Carrie and I, along with Wyatt and Rob, weren’t with them, and nothing happened to us.”

  Dawn rubbed her fingers across her breastbone as if she was soothing the ache that had settled there.

  “The day it happened, Carrie pleaded to go with me on what she assumed were wonderful adventures off the boat. Augusta and I relented and let her come along. This was a few weeks before her third birthday and for her, most everything was fun. Earlier, she’d wanted to go off with Rob and Wyatt, who were exploring some of the local tourist attractions.”

  Jerrod stared off into space again, his gray eyes filled with pain. He shook his head. “It’s hard to explain, but I can’t think about the day without including all the good things going on. In fact, every one of us was having a great day. When Carrie and I left the boat, Augusta and Dabny were doing her social studies lesson. Like a magician, Augusta had made homeschooling exciting for Dabny.”

  “Were you diving, I assume?” Dawn tried not to focus on him too intently. She wanted to temper her own electric response to hearing him reveal such personal information. When she’d read the articles on the internet about this attack, it had seemed unreal. But hearing him say the word terrorism, her mind took flight and formed horrible images of explosions and fire. The chaos inherent in disasters, natural or otherwise. Her heart picked up speed. She couldn’t entirely bring herself back to the safety of her living room. Even the peaceful atmosphere of the town she called home suddenly seemed fragile.

  Jerrod nodded again. “We were location scouting. Augusta and I were preparing to branch out. We chartered a boat in Bali so we could get some experience in the area and plan new excursions. We checked out marinas and met with officials at the tourism bureau. Typical information gathering.”

  “Were you planning to relocate the whole business?”

  “No, no, nothing that drastic.” A wistful smile crossed his face. “After we had the girls, Augusta and I thought in terms of two or three year chunks of time. We used those chunks to guide our plans.”

  Over the next few minutes, the facts Dawn already had gathered about Augusta’s and Dabny’s deaths receded as pictures of their lives emerged. Dawn listened to Jerrod describe the off-beat, adventurous way he and Augusta and their kids had lived.

  “Of course, we knew we’d settle down one day,” Jerrod said, rubbing his hand up and down his cheek as he spoke, “but while the girls were young, we tried to pack in as much novelty as we could.”

  Jerrod stopped talking and turned his attention to draining the mug. Dawn took advantage of his silence and said, “I don’t want to make assumptions, so I need to ask why you blame yourself.”

  His expression unchanged, Jerrod said, “Extremist groups had been tracked to other parts of Indonesia, but Bali was considered relatively safe—at that time.” He shook his head, regret dominating his face. “But I can’t claim we were kept in the dark about potential dangers. Threats existed everywhere and we always weighed them. Most of our clientele would have come from Australia and New Zealand.” His shoulders stiffened when he stopped talking. “It’s hard to believe now, but we were assured these tourist divers accepted a certain level of risk, just like we Americans do when we travel. It all seemed so doable.”

  He still hadn’t answered the question, Dawn thought, deciding to let him work his way to his full answer.

  “A dozen people were killed that day by a bomb planted under the dock and detonated in the middle of a typically busy day. Many more were wounded. A lot of tourists. And I wasn’t there. Looking back, I blame myself for being cavalier—much too willing to brush off risk.” He glanced up and met her gaze. “Before that day, when I was challenged about the life Augusta and I chose, I argued that life is filled with hazards, and we can’t protect ourselves or even our families from every bad thing.”

  She stretched her arm toward him. “You weren’t wrong about that.” Wasn’t that obvious?

  Cocking his head, he said, “Let’s just say I pushed the logical limit. Yes, diving itself poses risks, but I was always a super-safety kind of guy. Even Rob and Wyatt used to tease me about it. They don’t tease anymore.” He jabbed his index finger into his chest. “But, the fact is, I tempted fate. I put my family at risk and my wife and daughter paid the price.”

  That statement took on an air of finality. Dawn sensed he’d disclosed all he cared to. For the time being, anyway.

  “I’m glad you told me about...your situation.” That was the only word that came to mind. “I know that word is inadequate.”

  The faint smile Jerrod gave her relieved some of the tension in the air.

  “I’ll fill you in another time about what’s gone on the last couple of years.” His voice returned to his typical businesslike tone. “But establishing myself up here is part of my company’s comeback.”

  A comeback for the business, or for him? Maybe both. “New location, new website, new home. You have a full plate.” She wanted to acknowledge Carrie, and how happy she seemed, but was afraid of going to places she didn’t belong. She was saved from making a decision when the school bus pulled up in front of the house.

  “That’ll be Gordon,” she said.

  “Sorry, I should go.” Jerrod stood and retrieved his jacket off the chair.

  Dawn raised her hand to stop him. “You don’t need to rush off. In fact, I’m glad you’re here to meet him. I’ve told him about your business. Naturally, he thinks it’s very cool—or rather, you’re cool in his eyes.”

  The wider smile in response wasn’t lost on Dawn. He also watched the front door, as if eager for Gordon to come in. But why? Especially now, knowing more about his past, the new client in her lineup was in some ways even more of an enigma.

  Gordon registered his surprise when he pushed the front door open. First, he rarely saw her sitting on the couch on a weekday, or more to the point, a work day. His eyes opened wide when he got a better look at her. And saw Jerrod standing by the chair.

/>   “I was in an accident,” she said, “but I’m not badly hurt. Just bumps and bruises.”

  “Is your wrist broken?” Gordon asked, nodding at her hand.

  She dismissed that concern with a flick of her good wrist. “No, no, just a sprain. I wanted you to meet Jerrod, the new client I was telling you about.”

  “And I’ve heard a lot about you, Gordon.” Jerrod approached and held out his hand.

  Dawn almost laughed out loud to see how eagerly Gordon shook Jerrod’s hand. And not in a little boy way. Her son looked like a grown-up making a connection with another person...another man.

  “I was able to make sure your mom got home okay,” Jerrod said.

  “Uh, that’s good. Thanks.” He paused. “What happened to the car?”

  “Bad body damage. It was towed over to Vandenburg’s garage. I’ll get the estimate tomorrow. Or, they’ll tell me it’s totaled.” A moment of silence passed. “Why don’t you sit with us a minute?” she suggested. Gordon didn’t need to be coaxed or asked twice, but immediately sat in the chair across from her.

  Without a hint of shyness, Gordon said, “I’ve been asking Mom about your business. As soon as school is out, I’m going up north to be with my dad at my grandparents’ cottage on Redwing Lake. I’ll be learning scuba up there.”

  “By the way, Jerrod, ‘up north’ is a generic term for anyplace north of here,” Dawn said, a laugh in her voice. “Could be sixty miles where Redwing is or a long trek of a couple of hundred miles to the Lake Superior shore. Bill’s family has had a cottage up on Redwing Lake since the 1920s.”

  “My dad can go back and forth to work, or just come up on the weekends,” Gordon explained.

  How different her son’s family life was from Jerrod’s daughters before the tragedy altered everything, Dawn thought. They didn’t have a typical lifestyle, but what did that matter? They were a real family. Two parents who loved each other and their kids all lived together in the same place. Would she ever get used to the idea that her son had to leave one house and go to another to see his own father? Yeah, yeah, it was common and all that, but she’d never become accustomed to it. Never.

  “If it’s okay with your mom, I’d be happy to take you diving when you get back,” Jerrod said.

  “Sure it’s okay,” she said, getting to her feet to get an ice pack from the freezer for her head, but mostly just to move around and energize her body. She weaved forward, though, and Jerrod and Gordon both got to their feet, their arms outstretched to catch her. Before they got to her, though, she flopped back down. Suddenly, her knee was a ball of fire. Her head didn’t feel so good, either. “I better stay off my feet. I’m feeling kinda woozy.”

  “What do you need?” Jerrod asked, glancing at Gordon. “We can get it for you.”

  “Just an ice pack from the freezer. Adele told me to put ice on my temple to keep the bruising down. She said to do it right away, but I forgot. I can put one of those packs on my knee, too.”

  “I’ll get them.” Gordon dashed to the kitchen.

  “I should have known you’d need to ice that bump,” Jerrod said. “I’m sorry I didn’t think of it.”

  “Oh, please, it’s not your job to look after me. Besides, you have your hands full with Carrie—and your crew. Right down to the housing.”

  Jerrod started to respond, but Gordon came back and handed her the packs.

  “I’ve been down to Key West,” Gordon said. “We went snorkeling with my friend Evan and his mom, Lark.”

  “Dawn mentioned that,” Jerrod said. “So you liked it, huh? Snorkeling?”

  “Oh, yeah.” He hesitated before adding, “I’m thinking maybe I want to be a marine biologist...you know, it’s something I’m considering.”

  “Now that’s a great ambition.” An expression of pleasant surprise spread across Jerrod’s face and stayed there. “There’s so much left to learn about this planet’s oceans, and even the lakes and rivers.”

  “Our trip was four years ago when the boys were nine,” Dawn said. “At the conference, Kym and I compared notes and it turns out that she and her husband had just left. It seems we missed crossing paths by a matter of weeks.”

  “I think we’d gone to St. Thomas in March and April that year to check in on our charters there. We only ran two boats then, but it was a busy season.”

  Gordon’s eyes lit up. “Do you still have those boats?”

  “Not that he’s eager or anything.” Dawn deliberately kept her tone dry. She could almost see the wheels turning in Gordon’s head thinking about diving in the Virgin Islands.

  “My company technically owns them,” he said, going on to explain that he leased the boats to some former crew, with the idea they could keep the company operating out of both St. Croix and St. Thomas.

  As she listened to more of Gordon’s questions and Jerrod’s answers, she was impressed by the respectful way her new client treated her son’s interest. He responded to his curiosity with the same seriousness that Gordon displayed. She relaxed deeper into the couch, the muscles in her body loosening.

  “Are you hungry?” Jerrod asked, breaking the silence.

  She shook her head. “No doubt my growing kid is, but he can—”

  “I have an idea,” Jerrod blurted. “You two need to eat, and Carrie and I do, too. Why don’t I fix us all something?” He glanced at Dawn. “If you don’t mind me using your kitchen.”

  Seeing Gordon’s face light up, she laughed and said, “No, I don’t mind. Gordon can help. He knows his way around the pots and pans. Melody is welcome, too.”

  Getting up to retrieve his phone from his jacket, Jerrod said, “I’ll text her now. Believe me, Melody will be happy to have a night off. We more or less split the cooking...well, that’s an exaggeration. We’re doing mostly takeout now that we’re all in hotel rooms. But I like to be there with Carrie, mostly to make her life as routine as possible.”

  His fingers moved rapidly as he texted. “How about tacos?” He glanced to Gordon, who nodded enthusiastically.

  “Do I have a say?” Dawn asked.

  Gordon chuckled, but Jerrod’s neck turned red. So, it was possible to embarrass this serious man.

  “Just teasing. Tacos happen to be one of my favorites. Gordon and I feast on them a lot,” she said, although her mind was focused elsewhere. It seemed Melody was only the nanny, after all, Dawn thought. Lark had been right about her jumping to conclusions.

  “She makes me stir the ground beef on the stove and chop up stuff, so I know what I’m doing.” Gordon spoke as if bragging about a big accomplishment.

  Dawn saw Jerrod sucking in his cheeks in his attempt not to grin—or maybe laugh. Then he was on his feet and getting into his jacket. “Let’s get this dinner underway,” he said, hastily adding, “if you’re sure you’re up to having us.”

  Dawn rested her head on the back of the couch. “As long as I’m not expected to help in the kitchen, I’m good.”

  “You stay right where you are. We’ll handle the rest.” He nodded to Gordon and then disappeared out the door.

  Gordon picked up his backpack and headed to his room, but not before calling over his shoulder, “He’s cool.”

  What just happened? Whatever it was, Gordon was right. Her new client was definitely cool.

  * * *

  DAWN SAT AT the table with her arm companionably resting on the back of Carrie’s chair. Jerrod watched his little girl’s shy side show itself since they’d come into the house, although Dawn welcomed her like she was the special guest she’d been waiting for. Dawn even took care to explain that her temple, swollen and still bruised close to her eye, didn’t hurt too much.

  Carrie had rewarded Gordon with a bright smile when he admired the big polar bear stuffed animal she’d carried in by its ear. Lately, that bear she’d named Candy was her new security blanket. The only place sh
e didn’t bring it with her was to preschool.

  Earlier, in the grocery store with Carrie, he’d had a few shaky moments while he let her help him pile food into the cart. Hard and soft shells, refried beans, guacamole and seasoning plus all the fresh ingredients needed for a perfect taco. He added soft drinks and ice cream, just because. Carrie was happy having a new adventure, but he had to honestly ask himself what he thought he was doing. A dinner between friends? Helping Dawn out after a bad day? Getting to know this newest member of his team? Maybe all of that was true, but was that as far as it went? It had to be.

  He and Gordon put the platters of the vegetables and beans on the table. “Time to put it all together,” he said to Carrie as he assembled a taco for her and cut it into pieces.

  “Looks like I have to cut up a taco for my mom.” Gordon directed his comment to Carrie.

  Finding that notion very amusing, Carrie took special interest in Dawn’s plate of food being turned into manageable bites. With her right hand unencumbered, Jerrod knew perfectly well that Dawn could have used her fork to break up the shell. But they’d have missed a moment of playfulness with Carrie.

  Jerrod shook off the hint of sadness and turned his attention to the food. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he inhaled the aroma of browning meat and taco spices. It had been so long since he’d experienced the sense of normalcy to be found in simply sharing a meal around a table with new friends. But danger loomed like an invisible line just beyond him. A couple of steps more and he’d be in trouble. Dawn’s pretty face and open heart. Gordon’s poise for his early teenage years. It was all just a little too much.

  “Did your daddy die?” Carrie asked out of the blue. She was looking at Gordon.

  An uncomfortable silence followed.

  “No, Carrie, he didn’t die,” Gordon said after a second or two had passed. “He lives in Bellwood, not too far away.”

  “Oh, okay,” Carrie said, apparently satisfied with the answer. “My mommy died. But I don’t remember her much. I don’t remember my big sister, either.”