A Reason to Stay

by Melissa Ellen

  “Who would have thought you would be the one abstaining.”

  “Who would have thought you would be the one having wild wanton sex.”

  I couldn’t help laughing at that. It was true.

  “Well, I’m happy for you and Mike. I think you guys are great for each other.”

  “Thanks, he is pretty great….and I’m sure I’ll find out one of these days that he’s great in bed, too.” She winked at me.

  The rest of the drive we laughed, singing and dancing along with the songs playing on the radio. It had been awhile since we both had been in a relationship, and I loved that we both were experiencing happiness at the same time. I knew Mike would take care of my best friend’s heart. I just hoped Rhett would do the same with mine.

  Time with my family usually flew by. This week though, seemed to be filled with never-ending days. I was anxious to get back to Wellesley. Back to Rhett. As if the memory of his piercing blue eyes and feeling his stimulating touch weren’t enough torture, Rhett would text me through the day. His words heating my face, making me blush. It didn’t go unnoticed by my family either. I got asked more than once if I was “okay” or “do you need to sit down” or “drink some water, you look flushed.” To say it was embarrassing was an understatement.

  It wasn’t just the texts. The phone calls at night had me just as desperate and flustered. We would talk late into the night, after I could sneak away to bed. He could seduce me over the phone with his voice, and I found myself fighting the urge to cut my trip short. Our conversations and flirting would go on for hours until one of us fell asleep.

  I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to hide him from my family. I knew they would love him. It was just too new. I was in my own little bubble with him and wanted it to stay sacred for a little while longer. I think I feared, once I told them, things would be more serious with us, and I still had some reservations about where this was going.

  It wasn’t until Thanksgiving Day, I unwillingly told my sister about Rhett. She had been watching me all week and knew something was up. I had set my phone down on the kitchen counter while helping Mom with some pies. Emily was standing near it when it vibrated with a new text. Hearing a vibrating phone next to her, she instinctively looked at the screen. Her eyes got wide, a huge smile spreading across her face. I watched her slowly look up from the phone to me.

  Panicked about what she read and was about to blurt out, I shook my head in desperation. Mom was standing next to me, going on about one of our cousins, oblivious to our whole silent exchange. Emily gave me a we-need-to-talk look, nodding her head towards the bedrooms. I nodded my head in agreement. She walked out of the kitchen towards my childhood bedroom. I excused myself, grabbing my phone, following her out. I looked down at the screen to prepare myself for what she saw, and I would have to explain.

  R: I can’t stop thinking about those lips of yours. I need you. Preferably naked in my bed.

  Shit. There was no twisting those words into an “it’s nothing” conversation. I walked into the bedroom where she was sitting on the bed, waiting for me with the biggest smile on her face. “I knew it!” she exclaimed. “You have a new man. A horny man, at that,” she ribbed.

  “Emily! Keep your voice down. Dad is in the other room napping. He’ll hear you,” I pleaded with her, while whisper-yelling.

  “Fine, but you better tell me everything right now!” She laughed.

  I rolled my eyes at her, taking a seat with her on the bed, folding my legs under me. “Okay, but you better keep your mouth shut.”

  I told her all about Rhett, how we met, the house in the Hamptons and that we had just started spending time together, right before I left to come home to Litchfield.

  “Holy shit! He sounds hot for you. Just what you need after what happened with Chris.” Surprised by her comment I stared at her confused. “Don’t give me that look, Ava. Did you think I didn’t know? I live in this town. People talk or should I say gossip. And his little girl is older than she should be based on your relationship timeline.”

  “How long have you known?” I asked, both of our tones taking a more serious turn.

  “For a while. Probably a couple months after you left for your freshman year of college.”

  “And you never said anything to me?”

  “No. I didn’t know what to say. I could tell you were hurting. You had your reasons for not telling us, and I was going to respect that. I wasn’t going to make you relive it by telling me all the details. I figured if you needed to talk to me, you would. And I would be here for you.”

  I felt sudden regret for not having talked to her about it before. She was my sister, and she loved me. She would have understood without judgement. I felt terrible for not trusting her.

  “Do Mom and Dad know?”

  “No. They still think he’s the best guy ever. The one that got away for you. I hate when they talk about him like he’s some kind of saint. It makes it hard for me not to blurt out what a jackass he is.”

  “I guess that’s my fault. I was too embarrassed to tell you guys. Not dating anyone the last three years, has probably just made them feel more pity for me.”

  “That’s not how they feel and you know that. They just want to see you happy. And it sounds like this Rhett guy will do just that.”

  I smiled, giving her a big hug. I was glad we had this talk. Not just about Rhett, but Chris.

  “I better get back to helping Mom with the pies,” I stood from the bed.

  “You know I’m googling him as soon as you leave. I need to see what Mr. Sex God looks like.”

  I picked up a pillow off the bed, swinging it at her as she swatted it away, laughing.

  “Just don’t let Jackson catch you! We might be calling off the wedding,” I teased while walking out the door. She gave me her middle finger and I stuck my tongue out at her like we were teenagers again.

  Thanksgiving dinner was delicious. I ate way too much as always and sat back in my chair in a food coma. The guys were all gathered in the living room, loudly cheering on various football teams while most of the women were in the kitchen, sitting around the table, gossiping and drinking wine. The younger kids in the family were running wildly through the house, playing a game of hide and seek.

  Lizzie was on her way over. She had enough of her own family and was headed over to hang out with mine. She planned on staying the night at my parent’s, so we could leave first thing in the morning back to Wellesley. It seemed I was not the only one in a hurry to get home.

  Emily, Lizzie and I had snuck away to my bedroom for a quieter area to finalize plans for the bachelorette party. We decided on New York City. There were plenty of restaurants, bars, clubs and spas for us to pick from. We all crowded around Emily’s laptop, trying to pick the best rates for staying in New York while still being centrally located, narrowing it down to three hotels.

  As we were debating which one, a Google Alert popped up for Rhett Blackwood. I was pouring a glass of wine barely catching it from the corner of my eye. Emily quickly clicked it closed, looking at Lizzie with a nervous expression. “What was that?” I glanced back and forth between them.

  “Nothing,” Emily replied hastily.

  “It’s not nothing,” I rolled my eyes, frustrated. “I saw Rhett’s name. What was it? You both look like somebody just died.”

  “It was just some stupid Google Alert. I must have added him when I was searching his photo earlier.”

  “Okay, well I want to see it.”

  They looked at each other, trying to silently decide whether to open it back up.

  “Just let her see it, Emily,” Lizzie finally conceded.

  Emily went back to her Google Alerts, opening up the article. It was a photo of Rhett with the blonde bimbo, whose name I learned was Serena Archibald, walking out of Rhett’s parents Manhattan condo. The description under the photo read Rhett Blackwood and Serena Archibald spending Thanksgiving together. The hot couple rekindling over the holiday.


  “Close it,” I demanded, my heart beating fast as tears built in my eyes. I shut them quickly before they spilled out.

  “Ava?” My sister spoke my name gently, as if approaching a wild creature. I took a minute to breathe, fighting back the tears. He promised previously they weren’t together. He’d mentioned they were old family friends. It was nothing. He already assured me of that. Besides, I wasn’t even sure what we were. If we were even exclusive. I just assumed we were, because I had never been with a guy and not been. Was I that naive?

  “I’m fine,” I opened my eyes. “I don’t need to read it to know what is truly going on in that picture.” I forced a smile, appearing strong and confident outwardly even though I was feeling anything but. “He’s already explained to me they’re old family friends. It only makes sense they would be having Thanksgiving dinner together,” I tried to say as convincingly, as possible. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince them or me or both.

  “Of course,” added Lizzie. “We all know half that crap is made up anyways,” she smiled half-heartedly.

  “Who wants more wine? Let’s get back to party planning!” I feigned excitement, trying to steer the conversation away from Rhett and I. They allowed me the change in topic and went back to selecting hotels. We spent the next few hours finalizing plans before going to bed. It was the first night Rhett didn’t call.

  CHAPTER 8

  The ringing of my phone woke me at five in the morning. It was Rhett. I ignored it. As quick as it stopped ringing, it started again. I hit ignore again, turning it to silent. I looked over at Lizzie, who was still blissfully sleeping. I rolled over, trying to go back to doing the same, pulling the pillow over my head. It was hopeless. I couldn’t. We had planned to get up in an hour to get on the road. Lizzie was anxious to see Mike, and she only had the morning to see him, since he had a full day’s shift. I got out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen, leaving my phone behind.

  The house was quiet. A sign that my family was still sleeping. I put on some coffee and stared out the window as it brewed. A light snow had started falling in the middle of the night. The ground was dusted in a white blanket still untouched by the world. I made a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table, pulling my knees into me.

  I was deep in thought about Rhett and what to do when my dad entered the kitchen. Looking up, I gave him a half smile as he came over to kiss me on my head. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

  “Morning, Dad.”

  “You’re up early.” He moved to the coffee pot to make himself a cup.

  “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “You want to talk about it?” he asked, taking a seat at the table with me.

  I hesitated for a moment before shaking my head no. We sat in silence and watched the snow fall in the backyard through the French doors, both lost in our own personal thoughts. My dad was the strong but silent type. I had no doubt he was handsome in his day. He was a man of few words, but the words he would say to us growing up always had more meaning to them than we understood at the time. He was the wisest and bravest man I knew.

  “Dad… I’m scared I’ll be alone forever.” My darkest fear tumbled from my mouth.

  He looked at me with a stoic expression on his face. He took his time before slowly delivering his thoughts.

  “There’s nothing wrong with having that fear. Many people feel that way, at least once, at some point in their life. The important thing, Ava, is to not let that fear make decisions for you. The more power you give it, the more likely you are to succumb to it.” He looked at me with concern in his eyes and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Ava, you have to trust. Trust in yourself and others. I’ve watched you grow into such a beautiful woman. I have no doubt you’ll find someone that adores you the way I do.”

  I reached over, giving him a hug and kiss on his cheek. He took a sip of coffee and set it down, furrowing his brow, “That’s not to say, I won’t still give the guy hell before I allow him to have my baby girl.”

  “I wouldn’t want it any other way,” I laughed, bringing a smile to his face and mine.

  The sun had barely risen in the sky, when we got to our apartment. Walking in the front door, I dropped my bag as Lizzie closed the door behind us. “I’m just going to shower and then head to Mike’s.”

  “Sounds good,” I called over my shoulder, making my way into the kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast. There was a knock on the door. She looked at me with a questioning expression. I just shrugged, not knowing who it would be. “Maybe Mike couldn’t wait for you to get there,” I teased her, pulling some eggs from the fridge.

  She moved back towards the door, answering it. She stepped aside, holding the door open, “On second thought,” her voice slightly raised, gaining my attention, “I’ll skip the shower and leave now.”

  Rhett was here. I felt his presence before I saw him. He was brooding, looking dangerous in a dark navy, tailored suit that brought out his sexy blue eyes. He was staring at me as I stared back. I was doing my best to pretend he had no effect on me, though my treacherous body was already responding to his presence. Breaking our eye contact, he turned to Lizzie, “You must be Lizzie.” He offered his hand to her.

  “You must be the asshole that didn’t call,” she clipped, refusing his hand.

  “Lizzie!” I squealed in shock and embarrassment. At the same time, I was loving her for saying it. He didn’t look amused.

  “Well, I guess I’ll be going. Unless, you need me to stay?” she looked at me. I shook my head. She picked up her purse and keys before she left.

  He turned back to me to continue unnerving me with his eyes. I kept my eyes down, continuing to scramble my eggs. The silence between us seemed to last a lifetime. The tension radiating from his body had me on guard.

  “Is that why you’re ignoring my calls?”

  I responded with a noncommittal shrug with my shoulders. “How was your Thanksgiving?”

  “It was typical,” he replied impassively, tucking his hands in his pant pockets.

  “That’s it. No more details,” I huffed with incredulity.

  “I didn’t come here to make small talk about my Thanksgiving dinner, Ava. I don’t have time for games. I pushed my meeting this morning to come find you. Why don’t you just tell me why you’re upset?” He kept his voice low, controlled. Demanding an answer. Pausing, waiting expectantly for me to respond.

  My dad’s words from the morning were in the back of my mind. I needed to just face the problem head on and trust Rhett to tell me the truth.

  “Were you with Serena, last night?” I asked softly with my head still down, preparing my breakfast. I didn’t have the strength to look at him. I was too afraid to see the answer I was dreading in his eyes.

  “The tabloid,” he paused with a heavy sigh, “You think I was with her and that I didn’t call you, because of it.” He moved towards me, turning me to face him, leaving his tantalizing hands on my shoulders. “Ava, look at me, please,” he commanded.

  I took a deep breath before looking up at him.

  “Yes, she and her family had dinner with us. That was it. They left about an hour after we ate. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. Valerie begged me to watch a movie with her. Between the food and all our late night calls, I fell asleep during it. I called as soon as I woke up and realized.” His hand landed on the nape of my neck, his fingers inching up through my hair. “Ava, there’s only you,” his words were firm and soft, searching my eyes for a response.

  I guess I am the asshole. Feeling like a complete idiot and a horrible person for being mad at him about spending time with his little sister, I did the only thing that would make me feel better. I pulled him in for a desperate kiss, locking my arms around his neck. He cupped my bottom, hoisting me up. I folded my legs around his waist as he placed me on the counter without breaking our kiss.

  We desperately clawed at each other. I pushed his jacket off his shoulders before hastily working to unbutton his shirt. His han
ds moved over mine, stopping my efforts, breaking our kiss. Our heads still pressed together, we breathed heavily as our chests heaved.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked confused by his sudden restraint.

  “I want you, so bad, right now. You drive me crazy, beautiful.”

  “I’m right here,” I panted, pleading for him to take advantage.

  He moved one hand up to my face, brushing my cheek while the other held my hands still on his chest.

  “I have to go. I have a meeting. I would blow it off, if I could. My father’s going to be pissed at me for delaying it.”

  “I understand,” I gave him a small smile, trying to hide my disappointment.

  “Ava, don’t look at me that way. If you do, I’ll have to blow it off just to take care of you the way we both need right now,” he growled.

  I could tell he was struggling to restrain himself and me. I gave him a peck on the lips before hopping down from the counter. I intertwined our hands, reluctantly walking him to the door, opening it. He turned towards me, standing in the door way. “I want to see you tonight. Dinner?”

  “I have to work,” I said disappointed. I so badly wanted to call someone to pick-up my shift, but I needed the money. It had been over a week, since I last worked. I could see the annoyance in his face at the fact our schedules conflicted.

  It was the first time I resented my decision to put myself through school. My parents and Nana had both offered to pay for school. I wouldn’t allow it. This was something I wanted to do on my own. After what happened with Chris, I felt a need for independence and to be able to move forward dependent on no one.

  “Afterwards, then,” he demanded.

  I nodded my agreement, even though I was perfectly aware he wasn’t asking. His eyes slowly dragged over my body, scanning up and down as if he was trying to burn my image into his mind. The way he made me feel with just his eyes had me selfishly wanting to change my mind and not be so understanding about his meeting. If he didn’t leave now, I was going to have a hard time letting him. He gave me one last intense kiss and then he was gone, leaving me on shaky legs.