“Oh. I’ve heard of stuff like that. You know, Plato thought that at one time humans had four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. He said that Zeus was threatened by their power, and split them all in two, condemning them to wander the earth looking for their other half.”
“Oh,” she said, flipping her hand dismissively, “that’s just silly. I’m not just spinning tales, this is real. Min has known many Holders it’s happened to. She can even tell if a Holder has found his or her Anam without even asking. The change in the Holder after coming into contact with their Anam is so profound, that it’s actually apparent in their saol. She says she can see it plain as day. Though sadly, she hasn’t been lucky enough to find her own.”
“You mean there is no guarantee that you will find this person?”
“No, in fact these days most Holders never meet their Anam and spend their lives alone. It’s a bit of a curse really. The only person a Holder can ever be truly happy with is their Anam.”
“So you’re saying that most Holders are destined to be miserable? Oh, yeah, sounds great.”
“No, no, not miserable. That’s the good part I guess; you don’t fully know what you are missing until it happens, and then once it’s happened, you don’t have to worry about it.”
“And it’s always a Holder and a regular person?”
“Always.”
“What about the regular person that the Holder is bonded to? Do they get any say in all this?”
“They don’t have to return affection or interest, but they almost always do.”
“OK,” I said, trying to wrap my mind around this. “So, a Holder meets this one special person, and then bam, they just fall instantly in love? Seriously?”
“Oh, but it’s so much more than that!” She leaned forward, placing her hands on my knee. “It’s having someone who understands you, and is there for you no matter what. They say it’s like finding something you lost that you can’t live without, but didn’t know that you lost until you find it. It’s said to be the most completely fulfilling, all-encompassing, incredible love imaginable, and heaven and hell as my witness, one day it will be mine! I know my Anam is out there somewhere,” she said, a faraway look in her eyes. “And if I have to meet every single man on earth, I am going to find him! I don’t care how long – what?” she asked when she saw my lips pressed together in an attempt not to laugh. “I’m serious!” she whined with a grin, swatting my leg.
“Oh, no, I can see that,” I laughed. “It’s just that I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this movie before,” I teased. “Now, either the boat’s going to sink and he’ll die, or you’ll eat some fruit, pass out, and he’ll have to come and kiss you to wake you up.”
She crossed her arms and glared at me as I giggled, though as offended as she was pretending to be, she wasn’t quite able to hide her smile. “You laugh if you will, but it’s true.”
“You are really excited about all this, aren’t you?” I sighed, sobering.
“You have no idea,” she sighed, tipping her head to the side and closing her eyes.
It was easy to see why Alex had called her an expert. Hopeless romantic might have been a better description.
“Wait,” I said, suddenly remembering. “Alex had said that Jocelyn had been married to his Anam?” Chloe nodded, sobering slightly. “So… my mom is supposed to be Jocelyn’s Anam?”
“That’s what we’ve been told,” she said timidly, wringing her hands. She could evidently see that I wasn’t happy with the idea.
“That can’t be,” I said decidedly. “If everything you just told me is actually true, then there is no way.”
“This is probably why Alex didn’t want me bringing it up until you were ready.”
My blood began to boil. “Jocelyn left us, he left her! If this connection is so important and profound how could he…?”
“I don’t know.” She stopped me, raising her hands apologetically. “I don’t think anyone is sure about all that, you know, with your mother and Jocelyn and all. He never talks about it, and of course we don’t ask. I’m only telling you what we have always believed. Maybe you could ask Min sometime, she might know more about it having been here for so long.”
“Right.” I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just… Sorry.”
“It’s all right,” she smiled, giving my knee a squeeze. “No worries.”
I sat silently trying to wrap my mind around the idea of a profound tie connecting Jocelyn to my mother, and quickly realized that I had no desire to think about it. It just wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. Either this whole Anam idea was just a story, or Jocelyn had lied about having a bond with Mom to, I don’t know, create sympathy or something.
Luckily, before I could get too worked up over any of it, I heard feet slapping against the stone floor making their way toward us. A few seconds later, Ryland came barreling into the lounge, a big smile on his face, calling for me like he was trying to wake the dead.
“Becca!”
“Ryland! Keep your voice down! For God’s sake, you’re in a school!”
“Sorry.” He rolled his eyes. “Hi Chloe!”
“There’s the lad,” Chloe said, patting the seat next to her.
“I just met my dad,” Ry gushed, plopping down next to her. “Becca said I wouldn’t go, but I did!”
“Did you now? And how was that?” she asked, shifting to face him.
“Great! His hair’s red like mine, how come you never told me that?” he asked, turning to me. “You always told me I had red hair because I was weird!”
“I guess I forgot,” I said, shrugging. Before he could retort, Alex’s arrival at the door caught my eye. “Can you keep an eye on him for a sec?” I asked Chloe.
“Sure, sure,” she said, waving me away. I left Ry to describe every detail of his meeting, while I went to get the scoop from Alex.
We walked down the hall a bit, making sure we were out of earshot before I asked, “How did it go?”
“Really well. He was reluctant at first, but it only took a few minutes for me to be able to slip out of the room without him even noticing.”
“That’s good I guess. Did Jocelyn tell him about the test, or anything like that?”
“He told him enough, though he made it seem very casual. Ryland probably thinks that it’s something all the students here have to do, and no big deal, which is exactly what we want him to think for now. He knows you’ll be there too, and doesn’t seem worried.”
“Good.” That was a relief. The last thing I wanted was for Ry to once again feel nervous or out of place, especially when he had just started to fit in.
“Listen,” Alex said, looking down, “I am leaving for a few days. There is a Holder who helps us occasionally: a Reader. He can sense other Holder’s abilities and gauge their level of power. Jocelyn thinks it might be a good idea to have him here for Ryland’s test, so Taron and I are going to go get him. But there’s,” he looked down again, hesitating, “there was something I wanted to talk to you about first.”
“OK,” I said, when he didn’t continue.
“Well… I know you will be here for Ryland’s test, but afterwards… I wasn’t sure what your plans were. I know you had originally said that you would return home after Ryland was settled, but… well I was wondering if you might consider… staying.”
“Staying here?”
“Yes. I know you mentioned starting school somewhere,” he continued quickly, “but you also weren’t sure where to go. St Brigid’s has a lot of college-accredited courses you could take for a semester or two while you decide. Chloe’s taking a few. I’m sure Ryland would like having you close. Anyway,” he handed me a small booklet, “I got this for you to look at if you wanted. It has all the courses in it, and I was just hoping that maybe you’d think about it.”
I looked down at the booklet, not really seeing it. I didn’t need to see it. It took less than a moment’s thought to make my decisio
n. Hell, maybe I’d known all along, but needed Alex to bring it to my attention, or maybe it was Chloe’s words from that first night telling me again to think about myself for a change. Either way, in that moment, I knew what I wanted.
I wanted this. I wanted Alex. I wanted our walks and talks. I wanted to be wherever he was. But it wasn’t just Alex: I wanted it all. I wanted breakfast in the cafeteria, and crazy rainy weather, and girl talks with Chloe. I wanted random games with Mr Anderson and Mr Reid, and grandmotherly Min.
I wanted to belong.
I’d spent so much time thinking about how well Ryland was fitting in, that I hadn’t realized that I was fitting in too. Hadn’t thought that maybe we both belonged here.
“I know that it might be hard to be so far from your mother,” he continued, talking faster than he usually did, “but if you go to Princeton in the spring, you wouldn’t really be home anymore either way, and I’m sure she’d like knowing that you were with Ryla–”
“Thank you,” I cut in with a smile. “I’ll think about it.” I took the booklet from him with a smile, knowing deep down that the decision was already made.
The look on his face took my breath away, and made my heart pick up in a way that was becoming all too familiar. Though, for the first time my swoony-joy was just a little tainted as Chloe’s words echoed in my mind: The only person a Holder can ever be truly happy with is their Anam.
Alex was a Holder.
“I’ve got to get going,” he said, unaware of my creeping disappointment.
“Sure, yeah,” I said, crossing my hands over the booklet, hugging it to my chest. “Be careful.”
He moved to leave, but paused, seemingly unwilling to go. Then slowly, he lifted his hand, and lightly brushed his fingers along my jaw and down to my chin. He smiled once more, almost wistfully, before turning and striding off down the hall.
I stared after him, waiting for the red to fall back out of my cheeks. I knew Chloe had said that a Holder had to be bonded to be truly happy, but who knew, maybe Alex could be happy enough with me for a while?
15
“Becca? Are you up?” Chloe called through my room door. “You’re going to be late.”
Ugh.
Was it seriously morning already? Impossible.
Alex had been gone for two nights, and I hadn’t slept a wink and a half between the both of them. Ever since my first night here, I’d fallen asleep each night to the sound of Alex’s feet gently thumping on the floor as he paced back and forth across his bedroom. I had no idea what was keeping him from a normal bedtime hour so often, and while I was curious to find out, I could never quite bring myself to ask. First off, I already felt a bit intrusive just listening to the sound the way I did, and didn’t want him to think I was an eavesdropper. But moreover, I was afraid that if he found out I could hear him, he would stop, and – odd as I know it was – I was comforted by the audible proof that he was still nearby, even at night.
However, ever since Alex had left with Taron to get the Reader I had nothing but a yawning silence each night, reminding me that Alex was gone and that I was very much alone. It was dumb that I felt as lonely as I did, with Chloe right down the hall and Ry only a few buildings away. Though try as I did to ignore it, there was an ever-present weight on my shoulders that somehow I knew would pass only when Alex got back. Maybe deep down I was worried about him, or maybe it was his company I missed. I wasn’t sure, but what I did know was that I didn’t like it. It was uncomfortable and, honestly, made me feel like a weak and dependent little ninny, and I’d be damned if I was ever going to be anything other than self-reliant.
Plus, this lack of sleep thing was really getting old.
I cracked an eye open, only to be met by a blinding ray of sunlight streaming in through a crack between the drape and the window frame.
Son of a bit–
“Becca?” Chloe called louder this time. “It’s past almost noon, are you even in there?”
“Yeah, hang on, I’m coming.” I stumbled out of bed and over to the door, letting her in.
“Oh, dear! I knew it, you slept in,” she said, as I slumped over the couch. “Alex and Taron are back with Cormac, and everyone is setting up.”
Alex was back? “Setting up for what?” I yawned, ignoring the small burst of energy I got at the news.
“For the test. Ryland’s test is this afternoon, remember?”
I rubbed my hands over my face. “Oh, hell, that’s right. OK, hang on, let me get dressed.”
Twenty minutes later – after Chloe sent me back to change twice, saying I should look “nice”, then insisted on gelling and scrunching all the curl into my hair – we emerged downstairs to find everyone gathered in the lounge. Mr Anderson, Mr Reid, and Taron (oh joy) were talking with a man I’d never seen before, while Min was sitting by the door with Alex. As he looked up he gave me a smile that made my toes curl. I shook off the remainder of my unease, and stepped over to join them.
“Didn’t want to get up this morning?” he asked with a grin.
“Chloe’s been wearing me out the past two days,” I teased, bumping her with my elbow. Cheap trick, I knew, but it was better than saying, “I was tired because it seems I can’t sleep without you wearing a hole in the floor above my head” or something else equally crazy and looking like a total nut-bag. “When did you get back?” I asked quickly, hoping to change the subject.
“Late last night. That’s Cormac Dullin,” he said, motioning over his shoulder toward the stranger. “He’s our Reader. He’ll be able to tell us exactly what is going on during and after the test.”
From what I could see, this Cormac person seemed a very pleasant man. He appeared to be in his sixties – though Lord only knows how old he actually was – and had that certain look an older person can sometimes have, where it is obvious that they were extremely attractive in their youth.
“Speaking of the test,” Alex said, turning to me, “we thought it might be best to send Anderson over to get Ryland, if that’s all right with you.”
Mr Anderson was about the happiest, most laid-back person I’d ever met, and much as I would have liked to be the one to bring Ryland over, I understood. If anyone could set Ry at ease, it was Anderson.
“Sure, that’s fine.”
“Well, I best be off to class,” Chloe said, pulling on her coat, a small pout on her lips.
“You’re not going to be there?” I asked. I guess I’d just assumed she would be.
“What, me? No, of course not. I’m not cool enough to play with the big boys,” she sneered playfully at Alex.
“You know we love you,” Alex said, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her head, turning my brown eyes green for just a second.
“Yeah, yeah,” she laughed pushing him away. “All right then, good luck and I want to hear all about it tonight!” She waved and was gone.
“I ought to go and fetch the lad!” Mr Anderson said coming across the room, following Chloe’s example. “Is everything ready?” he asked Alex, nodding toward the Inner Chamber.
“Should be. Becca will be here waiting for you, the rest of us will be inside.”
“Righto.” Anderson smiled, gave me a wink, then headed out into the windy afternoon.
“What did he mean ‘is everything ready?’ What’s there to get ready?” I asked Alex.
“Come on, I’ll show you.”
We walked down the hall toward the Inner Chamber when suddenly I realized something. Jocelyn wasn’t in the lounge. That meant he could be…
“Where’s Jocelyn?” I asked, really not wanting to run into him without a large crowd as a buffer.
“His office,” Alex smiled, probably guessing why I’d asked. “He had a few things to finish up before we start.”
The large door to the Chamber was unlocked this time, and when we went in I saw that everything was as it had been the first time I’d been there, with one notable difference. The center of the room, which had before been open, now held a
small table with two items on it. The first I recognized as the Iris, but the other was new – and hard to miss. It was an enormous gold cuff with a vibrant green gem set in the center. The cuff itself had to be over six inches wide, with swags of gold chains hanging from it, and gaudy decorative carvings all over the thick metal face.
“What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the bejeweled monstrosity.
“That,” Alex laughed, “is – or will one day be – Ryland’s Sciath.”
“What? You’ve got to be kidding! That thing wouldn’t fit around his leg!”
“No, I’m serious,” he said, though he was smiling. “You have to understand, it was forged centuries ago for a ‘great and powerful warrior’, not a skinny ten year-old.”
“Ha!” I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s hideous! It looks like something from the set of Braveheart. Is he actually going to have to wear that thing?”
“Only for today. We want him to have it on for the test, just to be on the safe side. After that, Min can reset the stone into something more appropriate. The stone is the only thing that really matters anyway, that’s where the power is. Resetting can take a while, but like I said, Ryland won’t need a Sciath until his Awakening, so we have plenty of time.”
I giggled again, picturing Ry with this massive hunk of metal on his puny little arm. Poor kid would never be able to swim again, at least not without plummeting straight to the bottom.
“Becca?” Alex said after a minute.
“Hmm?” I looked up, still grinning, but sobered when I saw how serious he had become.
“Anderson and Ryland will be here soon and we should get ready, but I wanted to ask you,” he looked down and scratched the back of his neck, which I’d noticed he always did when he was nervous or uneasy, “are you busy tonight? There is something I need to talk to you about.”
“Sure. Is everything OK?”
“Oh, yeah, everything is fine,” he assured me, with a smile that made my knees shudder. “I’ll see you tonight, then.”
The Holders Page 14
