[My Paper Heart 01.0] My Paper Heart

by Magan Vernon

  "And this is your room." Aunt Dee flipped on the lights. As my eyes adjusted, I wasn't pleased with what I saw. The room was barely bigger than my closet back home, and it looked stuffed with the twin bed, white wicker night stand, and a huge desk along one of the walls that was piled with what appeared to be craft supplies.

  "Sorry, this has been my scrapbooking room for the past ten years, but I'm sure you can share with my supplies." She smiled as she patted me on the back. "This is Brittany's old bedding, but we can go to Wal-Mart later and see what we can find you for a comforter." I smiled weakly. I was so tired that I didn't have the energy to protest sleeping on the hideous bubblegum pink bedding.

  Aunt Dee left me in the tiny room alone with my thoughts. I was lucky that I was so tired that there wasn't much time to think. I didn't even feel like exfoliating, washing my face, or even putting on my pajama pants. I turned off the lamp and collapsed into the cheap polyester comforter.

  There was a window directly over the bed. Sheer, white curtains could barely keep out the moonlight that streamed in. There were more stars out than I could ever remember seeing anywhere. When I was younger I used to wish on stars all the time. Living near a big city, I couldn't see as many as there were here. My eyes slowly started to flutter and close as the grasshoppers chirped outside my window, and my last thoughts were of the stars, hoping that wishing on stars wasn't just a fairy tale, and maybe if I wished hard enough I could be back home.

  Chapter 4

  I could have slept all day long, but I awoke to the bright sunlight streaming in from the tiny window. I would have really been more upset if my nose didn't perk up to the smell of something amazing coming from the kitchen. The last time I had a home cooked meal was when I visited one of my sorority sisters over Christmas break. My mom didn't cook, and my dad definitely didn't get any of those southern cooking genes. I wiped my eyes and slid my feet out of the fluffy pink marshmallow cavern I had made for myself in the tiny bed. I squinted as I peered over at the pink alarm clock on the night stand. I was too tired to open my eyes all the way, but the sunlight was too harsh to keep them closed.

  "Eight A.M.?" I sighed and stood up. If I was awake anyway, I might as well start off the rest of the first day of my new life in the south.

  "Oh, it sounds like Libby is up!" I heard Aunt Dee yell over the sizzling sound of bacon.

  I shuffled along the floor barely awake as the top of my sweatpants hung off of my hips. I made a point of double knotting the drawstring so they wouldn't fall. I wasn't sure how keen Aunt Dee would be to see my stomach, or anything else that could be seen for that matter.

  It was hot out already, and even with Aunt Dee's fans blowing and the window air conditioning unit going, the cooking was just making it hotter. The house looked even more outdated in the daylight. The walls looked like they could use a few coats of paint and all the light fixtures looked like they were straight out of a museum. I wondered how Aunt Dee didn't notice all the work that needed to be done to the house, or if she even cared.

  I rubbed my eyes to look and see where Brittany was. I thought since she was fifteen, she would be close enough to my age, maybe she could at least steer me in the direction of the closest mall. All I saw when I opened my eyes was what looked like a chubby, pasty boy with freckles and a bad black bowl cut.

  "Where's Brittany?" I mumbled as I flopped down in the yellow plastic kitchen chair.

  "I AM Brittany." An annoyed voice came from the other person at the table. Maybe I was wrong about it being a boy at the table, or that she would be able to point me in the direction of the mall. The girl was a hot mess!

  She was chubby and short, probably around five feet tall. That would have been forgivable if she at least had some sense of style. Her black coarse hair was just styled in a bowl cut, and freckles took over her plump pale face. She slouched over the morning newspaper in her oversized LSU t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts. It looked like I would have a summer project ahead of me with this girl.

  "I hope you two are hungry!" Aunt Dee sang as she poured some grease into a frying pan. I could smell the biscuits in the oven and knew that I would definitely have to go for a long run after breakfast to make sure they wouldn't be sticking to my thighs.

  "I'm Libby, your cousin by the way." I leaned in toward Brittany.

  Brittany sighed, in an annoyed sort of way. "I know."

  "Well, I mean, since I’m going to be living here at least for a little while, I figure maybe we could get to know each other. You know, you can like show me around." I twirled a loose strand of hair. I couldn't ruin the only chance with potentially the only person I had to talk to all summer.

  Brittany looked up from the newspaper and then back at Aunt Dee who was busy stirring up some gravy with her back to us. Brittany then locked her green eyes on me.

  "Alright, look, there's a party tonight at my friend's place. I mean, it's no society party or whatever, but it'll be something to get you out of the house." Her thick Louisiana accent poured out of her chapped lips. She sounded reluctant at first, like she was hoping that I might say no, but then a small smile crept across her face like she maybe had some fate in a future friendship.

  "A party?" What kind of party could a fifteen-year-old girl be going to? I mean I guess there had been plenty of people in my high school that could throw some parties. Not that I was ever invited to any. But I remembered almost the entire football team getting suspended for a party that got a bit out of hand in another suburb. So it was entirely plausible that some high school kids in Louisiana might be able to throw something together.

  "Shhh." She pursed a short, nubby finger to her lips. "We'll tell Grandma you're going with me to my friend Sarah's, which is half the truth, and she won't know half the difference."

  I nodded as Aunt Dee turned toward us with a big pan of jumbo biscuits in her hand. "I am so glad to see you two getting along." She smiled. "Now, who wants breakfast?"

  ∞

  "What to wear. What to wear," I mumbled as I tossed through my clothes, aimlessly throwing them on the floor as I went through my suitcase.

  "You know this isn't one of your Chicago parties. It's just more of a t-shirt and jeans type of thing." Brittany chimed in as she leaned against the bed post.

  "Yes, but I want to make a good first impression. What do you think all your friends would think if they saw me walk in with what I had on when I met you?" I questioned and looked over a halter top to meet Brittany's gaze.

  I spent most of the day getting situated around the house. After I put away my things, I searched the internet for anything that could be remotely entertaining in Elsbury, Louisiana. Needless to say, when the population is only five thousand people there isn't much around for entertainment.

  Aunt Dee had told me that she would take me over to the gift shop the next day so that I could start working. The pay would be very minimal, but like she had said, with free room and board I couldn't really complain. I wasn't sure what to expect because it really wasn't like I had ever had to work while I lived at home. Dad was the dentist to most of the professional athletes in Chicago, and sometimes I would help with the filing in his office. That was just about the extent of my work experience.

  Mom had always thought that it was more important to concentrate on my school work than to have a job, and the fact that I never had to want for anything. Even while I was in college, my parents paid me an allowance. I found myself always using this money to foot the bill when I went out with my friends at the bar, but it didn't bother me. I was just thankful to have friends and people that at least pretended that they wanted to be around me.

  To say that I was privileged was somewhat of an understatement, but I wouldn't exactly say that I had been spoiled growing up. I didn't especially take advantage of the fact that my parents were wealthy, or that I lived in one of the upper-class suburbs of Chicago. Before college I was a nobody.

  It wasn't like the football team was knocking down my door to come have a party a
t my house. When I said I didn't have friends before college, I meant it. So every friend that I made in college mattered. And that's why I actually started to get excited about Brittany's company, which I didn't think would matter to me. I made it my secret mission to give her a full makeover by the end of the summer…even though she spent the whole day refusing to let me pluck her eyebrows.

  "Well, they would have asked you to maybe not wear your pants so low that you can see your underwear." She giggled, so I threw the halter top at her.

  "Hey! I had just woken up, give me a break!"

  "It’s not like any of the boys are going to be able to stop gawking at you anyways. A pretty blonde girl from Chicago, you could probably walk in wearing a paper sack and they would be happy." Brittany looked down at her hands as she said that.

  I could tell she had some self-esteem issues. She didn't grow up like I did with a mother who had used every wrinkle cream and makeup product ever made. She grew up with Aunt Dee, a woman whose idea of a facial was when she got mud on her face from working in the garden.

  "Well, I mean, I’m sure you have to have a boyfriend." I picked up a pair of kitten heels and set them aside. "This town isn't big enough for you not to."

  "Well there is this one guy..." She peered out the window.

  "Well, tell me about him!" I hit her with a tank top to draw her attention back to me.

  "He's not my boyfriend though!" she squealed defensively. "I mean he's probably the hottest guy in the parish, but he's definitely not my boyfriend."

  "Well, what's he like?" I pushed. "Will he be there tonight?"

  She twiddled her thumbs in her lap. "I guess. He usually doesn't miss a party."

  "So we know he's a partier. That could be a good thing." I held up a jean skirt, a possibility, and set it next to the heels.

  "Well he's not just a partier. He’s your age, and he already has a job working for the highway department. So he looks really good without his shirt on from working outside all day. Sometimes I make Grandma take the long way home from school just so I can see him."

  I smiled as I saw a genuine look of happiness on Brittany's face. She had a crush, but not a crush on any guy I would ever go for. A road crew guy? Ew. But none the less, I was going to try and make her look hot for him at this party tonight.

  "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked after she went on for what seemed like forever about the road crew guy, Blaine, who I could have probably told you his whole life story by then.

  "It’s kind of on-again, off-again." I bit my lip and sat down on the bed next to Brittany.

  "So is he your boyfriend or is he not?" Brittany looked at me for an answer.

  That was a hard one to answer. The last time I saw Beau was at school, and we had gotten in a fight because he said he was just helping a Tri-Lambda get something that was caught on her skirt. Of course if that was the case I don't think he would have needed his entire hand up her skirt. But that was Beau. Every time I caught him with another girl it was some kind of an excuse, and then the girl would just run off without saying a word, with her cheeks red as a tomato.

  Of course I didn't believe his lies, but I didn't know what else I was supposed to do. He was popular. Something I had always wanted to be. He was an officer in the Alpha Mu fraternity, and probably one of the most well-known guys on campus, and not just for his rugby skills. I knew exactly why I started dating him: instant popularity. Why I stayed with him for so long was a mystery even to me.

  I guess I just let the popularity of being the girlfriend of one of the hottest guys on campus get to my head, and I tried my best to ignore his infidelities no matter how much it hurt. But that was over. His project with me was done. He would soon find another girl to be his arm candy. As he put it, "We had fun Libby. But it's better to go off on a good note." That was the last thing he said to me, as I was almost in tears when I called him to let him know I was leaving for Louisiana.

  No sense of sympathy, not even empathy, it was like he was just bored with the conversation. Soon after, he broke up with me, and he told me he had to go because he was really busy. I knew that it was probably because he had a girl with him, or at least someone. He was the last person I expected to spend the night alone.

  "Well, I guess for now I am single and free." I beamed. "Maybe your Blaine boy has a friend for me." I winked, almost convincing myself that maybe I would meet someone too, but I thought that would never happen. Even though I had only had one boyfriend in my life, from what I saw of the locals I wasn't going to find the type of guy I normally went for. I saw these guys walking down the block, wearing trucker caps, while walking their hunting dogs. I wasn't even sure I was ready to put myself out there, just to get let down again.

  Chapter 5

  "What are you so dressed up for?"

  Aunt Dee looked up at me with her glasses brimming on her nose. I didn't think I was too dressed up, at least not for me, just a white lace tank top, jean skirt, and a pair of black kitten heels.

  "Well, I have to make a good impression on the locals, don't I?" I strutted down the little carpet runner to the couch where Aunt Dee was. I had tried to get Brittany to wear something a little nicer or even put on some makeup, but she said she was fine in a lime green cut off shirt and gym shorts. I was going to burn those gym shorts by the end of the summer.

  "I told her she was too dressed up to just go hang out at Sarah's, but you know them blondes, Aunt Dee." They shared a laugh and I glared at the two of them.

  "And you are going to walk to Sarah's trailer in those heels?" Aunt Dee gawked down at my feet…and I was pretty sure she had just said trailer…gulp.

  "Grandma!" Brittany bellowed. "I walk to Sarah's all the time, and it ain't that far!"

  "Well you've never walked in heels." Aunt Dee got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen. "In fact." She reached into her purse. "I don't think I've ever seen you in anything close to heels." Aunt Dee threw me a set of keys.

  "Here, I ain't letting you walk all the way to Sarah's like that. You never know what kind of hooligans are out." Aunt Dee smiled at me as I looked down at the keys.

  "Gee, thanks Aunt Dee…"

  Brittany beamed and jumped up, taking me by the arm as she led me out the door. "Bye Grandma, we won't be home too late. Just watching movies and stuff," she called as we headed out the door. Somehow I think I knew then that this was definitely not going to be like any other party that I had ever been to.

  ∞

  When we arrived it became clear that this was definitely not a Chicago party, or even a college party for that matter. I pulled the car up to a rusted trailer with some terrible music that I didn't recognize, blasting from inside. I turned off the ignition and looked over at Brittany.

  "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, Aunt Dee does trust us,” I said.

  I couldn't believe I was being the sensible one. Usually I was the one begging the girls in my house to go out, the girl that was always looking for a good time, but for some reason I was getting knots in my stomach.

  It wasn't like I didn't go to a lot of parties in college or anything, but this one just felt different to me. At the time, I thought it was just the atmosphere. I had never set foot in a trailer or a swamp until that night, and I couldn't concentrate on anything else but the bowed out double-wide and how much my heels were sinking in the ground.

  "Yeah, yeah I do it all the time." Brittany unbuckled her seat belt and jumped out of the car.

  We walked past the gawkers on the rickety front porch and inside to the smoky house. Brittany was definitely right; this was a t-shirt and jeans party. Or more like cut-off shirts and shorts party, and I definitely stuck out like a sore thumb.

  "Hey you made it!" A very hefty blonde ran over to Brittany and gave her a big squeeze.

  "And you must be Libby. I'm Sarah!" The girl's accent could have rivaled Patsy Cline, but I was too busy being enveloped in her big arms to pay too much attention.

  "Why you are just as pret
ty as Dee said you would be!"

  I could feel the heat rising in my face. It wasn't like I didn't get a lot of attention at school, but sometimes it could be a little too much.

  Sarah looked behind her and then back at Brittany and she leaned in to the two of us. "Blaine is here," she whispered, giggling after she said it.

  I put my hands on Brittany's shoulder. "Aw, you hear that? You should go talk to him!"

  "No. I ain't going to go talk to him. He don't even know who I am," Brittany mumbled, crossing her arms across her huge chest.

  "Of course he knows who you are, there are only five-thousand people in this town!" I exclaimed. "Now, where is he?" I let my eyes scan the room. It was packed with boys chewing tobacco and girls wearing cowboy hats. Brittany pointed toward the couch.

  "That one, sitting in the middle."

  That's when I caught my first glimpse of Blaine Crabtree. He was sandwiched in between two guys that were laughing at who knows what. At first I didn't notice anything but a big mop of bleached blonde hair, then he looked up from his pack of cloves and I was locked into the bluest eyes that I had ever seen. His expression didn't change, he didn't smile and didn't blink. It seemed like I was lost in his eyes, like he was using them to do the most calculated math problem, and that math problem was me.

  I quickly gathered myself as best as I could and looked down, trying to hide my smile by biting down on my lower lip. I had hoped that no one was watching, but obviously someone else noticed our stare-down.

  "What was that all about?" Sarah teased. "You better watch your man." Sarah poked Brittany in the ribs. Brittany was not amused, and looked just about as embarrassed as I was, not taking her eyes off of the ground.