What You Do To Me (Unexpected Love)

by Izzy Cullen

  “You’re probably right, but the way he’s going about it isn’t exactly smart.”

  I turned my body to face him, propped myself up on my elbow and rested my head in my hand like he was doing. “Well, you did say he was using again, so he probably isn’t thinking clearly, but thinking he’s already losing you, probably made him lash out at you by grabbing me tonight. He probably thinks I’m the reason you want to stop touring.”

  Alex’s hand reaches over and his thumb glides against my cheek, “You are the reason, you and the girls. Abby, I hate being on the road and that one day I spent with you and the girls was the happiest I’ve been in a long time, if not the happiest I’ve ever been. You have no clue how empty I felt after I returned to the tour. I don’t want this life anymore; I want to try a life with you and the girls.” I could feel the tears in my eyes.

  “What if you try and find out it isn’t the life you want, that this life you have now is the life you want. I don’t know if I could take it or if I can let the girls get attached and then you leave. I’m scared.” I couldn’t believe I said it aloud, but I felt relieved that it was finally said.

  “Abby, you and the girls are what I want. I want to be the person you come home to, the one who helps them with homework, takes them trick or treating and sits up with them when they can’t sleep. I’m already in love with them.” He reached over and wiped the tears coming down my face. “I’ve been in love with their mother since the first night I met her and talked her into coming back into my hotel room. I can’t let you go.” I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

  I reached up, grabbed him, and kissed him. “I love you too, but I was scared to say it. I was so scared I was the only one feeling that way.”

  Alex kissed away the tears and held me. We didn’t make love that night, but he held me and I held him, we talked and laughed. I could feel the intimacy between us and felt that whatever might happen, that we would be able to figure out the future as we went.

  22.

  The next morning, we called Sam to have breakfast with us. Steve ended up coming in to talk to Alex about Johnny. They decided to cancel the last two shows and to try to get Johnny to agree to rehab.

  “You need to do this, because he is your family. If it takes months to convince him, then take the time, but you need to be there for him. Whenever you get it settled, I’ll still be here.” I felt Alex needed to be there. Pushing Johnny aside, as much as I disliked him, was something that Alex might regret later and resent me for. Besides, family is family and you have to be there for one another.

  Alex leaned in and kissed me, “This is why I love you.” I smiled back at him.

  “Okay, kiddos, I’m heading out. Alex, I’ll fly back to California with you and we can figure things out from there.” Sam stood to leave, so I walked with her to the door and gave her a big hug. “Have a safe flight back and I’ll come for a visit, if you don’t mind. I could use some R & R.”

  “I would love it, and so would the girls. You need to experience a fresh water beach; you’ll never feel the same about the ocean.”

  Sam leaned in and whispered in my ear. “I’m so glad you guys talked last night and I really enjoyed hearing Alex admit out loud how he feels about you. I tried getting him to say it for weeks.”

  I smiled and responded, “Well, I love him too and I finally admitted it out loud to him and now to you.” Sam pulled back with a fake shocked expression on her face. We both started laughing as she left the room.

  “Oh boy, you will have your hands full if Sam and Abby keep that up.” Steve was looking at Alex. Alex didn’t respond, but winked at me. “Actually, I’m happy for you, but be prepared, Abby, he’s a sore loser. So be careful when you play board games or cards. If he doesn’t win, he will pout worse than your girls.”

  Alex started to laugh, “Hey, don’t tell her all my faults; she may reconsider.”

  “I haven’t even started on your faults yet, but I’d be more than happy to start.” Steve looked away from Alex and turned to me. “I have a lot I can and will tell you about, but right now, I don’t want to scare you off. I’ll spoon feed you so you don’t get overwhelmed, but are still hungry for more.” We all started laughing.

  “I am looking forward to it, but I’m hard to scare.” I looked at Alex and winked at him this time. “Do you guys have everything figured out yet? I can go for a run and give you some time to talk about what you’re going to do. Actually, I need to go for a run. I’ll go change and give you some time.” I stood up to head to the bedroom to change. Alex followed me and sat on the bed as I grabbed my bag.

  “I appreciate all of this.” I looked at him a bit confused. “I didn’t want to help Johnny, not after DC and after last night. I’ve punched him twice this tour and it’s two more times than the last tour.”

  I walked over to Alex. “I’m not doing anything, you need to do this. He’s a part of you and even if you are pissed at him, you need to help him. He isn’t in a good place right now and he’s not the same person you knew. I would be disappointed if you didn’t help him.” I kissed his forehead. “Now get out so I can change.”

  Alex stood to leave and took a step towards the door. He stopped and turned back to me, reached out and hugged me close. “I love you. You have no reason to care about him or what happens to him, especially after last night, and yet you still do.” Alex leaned in and kissed me.

  “Don’t make me out to be Mother Theresa. I’ll be honest; I don’t care about him or what happens to him. I care about you and what will happen to you if you don’t help him.” I gave him a quick peck and pushed him towards the door. After Alex left, I changed into my running clothes and when I walked out into the main area of the room; Alex and Steve were talking to someone who was on speakerphone. I blew Alex a kiss and headed out the door.

  When I got down to the main lobby, I headed to the concierge desk to see if they had a map of the area so I could plan my run. The man at the desk had a map of some running trails near the hotel, so I decided to walk to the Riverfront Park Trails and start the 3-mile loop before crossing over to the 4-mile loop. I had my iPod on, but I didn’t pay much attention to the music. I was lost in thought. Alex and I said the words, but we never did figure out where we would go from there. I knew he understood that I couldn’t move, with school starting in less than a month, but I didn’t know if he understood I would never move to California and I couldn’t see him being happy in a small town. I didn’t know if love would be enough to get us through that point of the relationship. A long distance relationship was fine for now, but how long would we be able to make it work. I hated bringing it up now, because he had so much to deal with already.

  I was so lost in thought that I had no clue where I was at on the trail. I didn’t even know if I had crossed the footbridge to the other side or if I stayed on the same trail to start another loop. I decided just to keep running and I would eventually come out somewhere. I remained focused on my run, but I was slowing down and getting tired. I was over 9 miles and that was more than I had run most the summer. I finally came out, found the footbridge and crossed back. Once I hit 10 miles, I decided to end my run, just walk the rest of the trail, and then back to the hotel.

  When I came out of the trail into the park, I was grabbed and thrown up against a tree. My right headphone fell out of my ear. My right cheek was pushed up against the tree. I was pinned by a forearm to the back of my neck and the body weight was against my back. I felt hot breath close to my ear.

  “You fucking bitch,” I immediately recognized the voice as Johnny’s. “It’s bad enough you’re ruining Alex’s life by making him give everything up, but now you’re fucking with my life.” I tried to use my hands to push myself from the tree, but I couldn’t budge and where his hands were, I couldn’t reach them. The more I struggled, the harder he pinned me to the tree. “Listen, bitch, you need to tell Alex you are over. You will be anyway. It is just a matter of time, so just end this shit now.” He leaned in c
loser and I could smell his breath, which smelled of cigarettes, whiskey and stale beer. I still couldn’t find my voice. Johnny grabbed me and whipped me around. He placed his forearm to my throat and his leg in between mine. My hands reached up, trying to scratch him, but this only made him madder and he backhanded me on the right side of my face. “Do you honestly think you and your little family can make him happy? I know him and I tell that you can’t. He’s only going to cheat like he has on everyone else, but you probably don’t care, because you only want him for his cash and to support you and your brats.” I couldn’t speak, because his forearm was crushing my throat, and I could feel the tears running down my face.

  I heard someone yelling at us. A man, who was walking his dog, was asking me if everything was okay, but I couldn’t answer, even if I wanted too. Johnny released his grip a bit, as he was telling the man to get lost, but he released it enough and the man distracted him, giving me a chance to knee him hard between the legs and to shove him down. I took off towards the hotel in a panic. When I got outside, I saw Steve getting into a car. When he saw me, he immediately stopped and ran over to me.

  “Holy hell, what happened to you?” His eyes were searching me, but he focused on the mark that Johnny left on my face. “Abby, are you okay?” He reached over and threw an arm around my shoulder, taking me to a bench outside beside the valet booth.

  All I could manage to say was, “Johnny.” At first, Steve didn’t say anything, but I could see the anger in his eyes.

  “Damn it, he’s unstable. Look, you can’t tell Alex. Well, you can, but if he knows Johnny did this to you, he won’t get him the help he needs and we will never have a shot at being a band again. It’s your choice, but Johnny isn’t right and he isn’t like this, I swear to you.” I could see the pleading in his eyes. I understood where he was coming from with his request.

  “I don’t know if I can lie to him. He needs to help, but it feels wrong.” I knew that this lie would be protecting him, but lying was lying in my book, whether you were protecting someone or not.

  “This is up to you. If you want to press charges, I’ll support that too.” I shook my head no, because I didn’t want to press charges. It would be all over the news that the girl Alex was seeing was pressing assault charges against his band member. Right now, I didn’t know what to do, but that was not an option. “Where did you see him last? I need to find him so he doesn’t do anything else stupid.”

  “In the park on the path leaving the running trails.” I pointed in the direction. I was no longer crying, but my face stung and hurt like hell. I had never been hit in the face before. I didn’t know if I’d ever been hit before, period.

  “Will you be all right or should I take you up to the room?”

  “I’ll be fine, go find him and stop back later to tell us what’s happening with him.” I looked at Steve and gave him a tight-lipped forced smile.

  “Okay and Abby, if you tell Alex the truth, I won’t be mad. You don’t owe Johnny anything, not after the way he has treated you.” Steve gave me a quick hug before taking off towards the park.

  I sat outside for a minute and decided I had better go in, since I’d been gone awhile. When I got to the room, I saw Alex pacing back and forth. He looked at me and his mouth dropped. “What the hell happened?” He immediately held my face in his hands. “I knew I should have gone looking for you. You were gone forever.” His eyes were burning into mine.

  I still didn’t know what to say, but Steve was right, I knew I needed to lie about what happened. “I’m sorry; I got lost on the running trail.” That wasn’t a complete lie. I did get lost, due to not paying attention to what I was doing.

  “That doesn’t explain your face.”

  I looked down, because I couldn’t look into his eyes, knowing that I was lying about what happened on the trail. “I slipped and I face planted into the side of a tree.” I was hoping my voice sounded steady and not shaky. I knew my hands still were, so I kept them clenched by my sides. I brought my eyes back up to Alex’s.

  Alex’s eyes searched mine, but I couldn’t tell from his expression if he believed me or not. He dropped his hands from my face and brought me in for a hug. “I’ll have room service bring up some ice. You need something on that, so it doesn’t bruise.” I nodded my head yes, and sank into the hug. I wanted to cry, but knew if I did, he’d know it wasn’t a slip and right now, I needed him to believe it, not for me, but for him.

  “I’m going to go jump in the shower. I stink.” I looked up at him and forced a smile. I pulled away and headed into the bedroom towards the bathroom.

  While I was in the shower, I started to feel pissed off that it happened and I wondered how Johnny even knew I was in the park. I didn’t understand how he could blame everything on me, but I knew the timing of everything made it look like I wanted Alex to quit or take a break.

  Johnny’s voice still haunted me. What he said about Alex not being able to stay faithful bugged me. I knew that Johnny was screwed up and what he was saying was more to hurt me and chase me away, but I figured there must be some truth to what had said. I heard Alex enter and decided to bury that thought for now. Alex gave me no reason to doubt him.

  “You almost done?” I heard Alex over the shower.

  “Yep, I’ll be out in a second. The water feels too good right now.” I tried to yell over the water.

  “Well, I know something that will feel even better, but you have to get out for that.” I immediately smiled.

  “I’m leaving some Motrin and water on the sink for you. Take them when you get out.” I heard the door shut. A few minutes later, I emerged from the shower and dried off. I walked over to the vanity counter, picked up the Motrin, and chugged the water. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was from the run. I refilled the glass and drank another full glass. I grabbed a hand towel and wiped down the mirror. I immediately saw my face and sucked in a deep breath from shock. I had a bruise forming and some scratches from the bark of the tree when I was first pushed against it. Then I saw there were a few bruises starting to form at my upper chest and throat area. I wasn’t sure how I would explain these to Alex and I didn’t want to admit I had been lying to him earlier.

  When I left the bathroom, I was relieved that Alex wasn’t in the bedroom. I riffled through my bag and found a t-shirt that had a tighter neckline that covered the bruises. I wasn’t sure what I would tell Alex tonight when I would be in my pajamas or no clothes at all, for that matter.

  When I walked into the room, I saw Alex and Steve talking. Alex looked at me, stopped talking and walked over to the table, grabbing ice from a pail and placing it in a towel. Steve looked at me, but didn’t say anything. I walked over to the table where Alex was standing and took the towel from him. “I can watch TV in the bedroom if you guys want time to talk.”

  “No, Steve was telling me that he found Johnny. When we went to talk to him while you were on your run, he wasn’t in his room.” I looked over at Steve.

  “So, what happened to your face?” Steve asked with an even tone.

  “I got lost on my run, then I slipped and face planted into a tree, clumsy me.” I kept looking at him to see if there was an expression on his face, but it didn’t change.

  “You better keep ice on it and stay away from the cameras. Christ, the paparazzi will have a field day with you if they see you all banged up, especially since you’re here with Alex.” I hadn’t even thought of that and now I felt panicked.

  Alex stepped in, wrapped his hands around my waist from behind, and rested the top of his chin on my head. “I’m not worried about it.” He then bent his head, kissing me on the top of my wet head.

  Steve looked at Alex, “I need you to get on this plane with me. He is completely out of his mind. It’s more than the booze this time. It’s going to take more than me to get him into rehab.” I could hear the pleading in his voice as he spoke to Alex.

  At first, Alex didn’t respond, but let out a sigh, “Let me talk to Abby first.�
�

  “No, there’s nothing to talk about. You need to go.” I turned to look at him, removing the ice from my face. “He’s your family and he needs you right now. I’ll be fine, plus I fly home in the morning. Maybe, I’ll try and get a redeye tonight.”

  Steve remained silent, but I could feel his gaze on us as we talked. “I’m not ready to leave you, you just got here.” Alex grabbed the ice from my hand and placed the ice back on my face. I winced as it touched my cheek. He leaned down and kissed my nose.

  “When everything settles, we’ll figure things out, plus I need to get my classroom ready before school starts. We can text, talk, Face Time chat, you won’t miss me.”

  “No, I will miss you and I promise when this is all settled, I’ll fly out to see you. I’ll have Sam stay with you until you fly out.” Alex looked up at Steve. “Fine, I’ll fly out with you, but can I have at least an hour?”

  Steve nodded his head yes, “That shouldn’t be a problem.” He then changed his gaze to me, “Thank you, Abby, I appreciate this, all of it.” I could tell by the look in his eyes, he meant it and I understood the last part, keeping it from Alex.

  Steve left and Alex scooped me up and carried me to the couch. He sat down with me on his lap, replacing the ice to my face. I pulled it away, as I was getting wet from it melting in the towel. “I don’t have to go. If you ask me to stay, I will.” Alex leaned in and kissed my good cheek.

  I wanted to ask him to stay. It hurt to lie and have him help the man who hurt me, but I couldn’t tell him and I knew he needed to help. If what Steve had said was true, then the Johnny he knew needed to be found again. “No, go he needs you more than I do. Plus, we would be separated again tomorrow anyway. It’s just a day earlier than planned.” I rested my head on his shoulder thinking about what we would do. We just kept telling ourselves we would figure it out, but we hadn’t. “Alex,” I didn’t wait for a response. “What are we doing? I mean how are we going to do this? We haven’t talked about it and we need to. I can’t fly back and forth, not with school starting and my girls.”