by Brandt Legg
“This is fine.”
“We’ll add the film of you at the center and the affidavit to the propaganda videos,” Booker said. “They’ll be released when the time is right.”
“Propaganda makes it sound made up.”
“You’re right. How about we call it ‘the truth’ instead? We’ll get the truth out.”
“When is the time going to be right?”
“Soon... when you finish up this Outin business,” he said, with a wink, then hugged us all quickly and boarded the chopper. Half a minute later they were gone.
We ran to the trees for cover. I put the three of us in a warm dome and found, with a little effort, I could keep it moving with us. A particularly large sugar pine caught my attention.
“Let’s meditate here,” I said.
“Are you kidding?” Amber asked. “Soldiers could be anywhere. The snow is getting worse, and we have no idea how to get back to Outin.”
“Exactly,” I said, sitting beneath the lower branches.
“Nate,” Amber said, “it’s not safe.”
“With the dome and our snowsuits, it’s easy to ignore the cold, and if we hope to avoid soldiers and find an entrance, we need to be as in tune as possible.”
“Remember, we need to meet Kyle, too,” Linh said.
“I’m hoping he can just pick a spot at Outin to go from the Crater Lake portal.”
“Then why didn’t they just take us to Crater Lake, and we could have done the same?” Linh asked.
“Because it probably won’t work. Outin is another dimension,” Amber said.
“Come on, let’s meditate. Then I’ll go on the astral and see if I can find Kyle.”
Time was tough to track. We might have been there half an hour or more. I silently thanked Kyle for teaching me the importance of meditation and Wandus for explaining that any answer I needed could be found.
“There are entrances all over Shasta,” I began. “That means we should be able to find one easily, but that also means Lightyear could stumble upon one too.”
“How did you find that?” Amber asked.
“I meditated on that question.”
“If it’s that simple, maybe you should meditate more. Where’s Dustin? How do we defeat Lightyear? What’s the best way to free our families? Stay alive?”
“I get your point, but it doesn’t always work like that. This was a basic question. I might have to spend years in contemplation for those others.”
“By then it’ll be too late,” Linh said.
“Can we go find Dustin, now?” Amber asked.
“We’re going back for more than just Dustin.” They both looked at me. “This is a battle for Outin.”
“Nate, there are three of us, five at most if we’re lucky enough to find Kyle and Dustin. If you’re certain we’re going to be in a battle, then we better get some help,” Amber said, clearly shaken.
“We already have the advantage,” I said. “Outin is a foreign country to them. They have no idea what they’re going to encounter. The ground is a starry sky, the sky an ocean; it’s all upside down. The soldiers will be disoriented. I mean there’s never been a killing in there before us. Outin is the safest place we can be right now.”
63
Once we were moving again within the air dome, Linh asked why Spencer didn’t come with us. “They think we’re going to die,” I answered.
They were both silent for the next few minutes before Amber said, “Because of the nonviolence?”
“I think they believe that if we use our powers to kill all the bad guys, we would win.”
“We would,” Linh said.
“The battle but not the war,” I said.
“I know,” she said quietly.
“We’re eventually going to have to face a choice,” Amber said. “It might come down to us dying rather than taking lethal action. Yangchen said that was the danger point. If we can avoid getting ourselves into that kind of a position, we could succeed.”
“What did she mean by her message about a floating flower?” I asked.
“Yangchen said that a flower is more than something beautiful to look at. The fragrance of a flower floats in the breeze, spreading beauty and the awareness of beauty. All who encounter it take it with them, and therefore the flower is everywhere. The flower is more than beautiful, it is powerful. She said we need to be like that.”
“I don’t really know what she means,” I said.
“Not sure I do either,” Amber said softly. “But she said that while we’re at Outin, it would make sense.”
“You two spent a lot of time together,” Linh said.
“We’ve known each other over many lifetimes.”
“She told me, too, that I cannot kill again or my fate will be forever changed. The Movement will be lost for millennia.”
“But Spencer says the opposite,” Linh said. “Who’s right?”
The question was unanswerable. It was too hot as we trudged up hill through the snow so I lifted the dome. A few minutes later Amber pointed.
“What is it?” I whispered.
“Isn’t that an entrance?” She ran over and reached her hands above her head. Linh and I looked at each other. We couldn’t see it.
“Amber, what are you talking about? That’s just blowing snow,” I said.
She stepped inside and vanished. Linh and I ran over but couldn’t find anything. A second later, Amber crashed into us.
“Now do you believe me?” Amber asked, as we untangled ourselves and got to our feet. “I was gone almost ten minutes. It’s a part of Outin we’ve never been to before. Come on!”
Linh and I still couldn’t see it so we both held on to Amber while she parted the veil. “Oh!” Linh screamed, as we went through. At the same time, I found I couldn’t breathe. Suddenly we tumbled onto Outin’s beautiful ground of infinite stars.
While still gasping for air, I crawled to Linh. Amber was already kneeling over her. “She’s not breathing!” I pushed Amber out of the way.
“Make a Lusan.” I laid my hands on Linh’s face and began healing. It took enormous concentration as my limbs burned and ribs felt crushed around my lungs.
“When I came through before, I looked around and nothing seemed familiar. Outin is huge, we could be anywhere.” Amber’s tear-filled eyes were desperate. Her fear stole my confidence and the healing energy stopped.
She finished a Lusan and held it to Linh’s chest. I Skyclimbed above a group of bright-white trees, hoping for a view of the lakes, but only miles of black and white forest were visible. I couldn’t believe it; we’d come back to Outin only to have Linh die in the damn entrance. Maybe Wandus and Yangchen were right: the girls were going to die one way or another, and I was powerless to stop it.
“Nate, let’s get her back to our dimension. The reverse time—we can save her.”
“God, you’re right,” I scooped Linh up and crashed back through the veil, skidding in the leaves and snow of our world an instant later, but actually it was an instant earlier. Linh pulled herself up.
“Why can’t we get in?” she asked.
Amber smiled. I hugged Linh, thinking I almost let her die and gave Amber a grateful glance. She nodded slightly. I could read her face; next time it could be her. We were sure to be in for more crises and challenges, and I needed to remain calm or one of us would die. Before I could explain to Linh what happened, my temperature rocketed. “Get down,” I whispered, pulling Linh to the ground. As I scanned the forest, something moved about four hundred yards away. “Damn it, soldiers.”
“We’ve got to get through,” Linh said.
“No!” I barked back.
Linh looked at Amber.
“You may die.”
Linh’s face told me she didn’t understand. There was no way we could do anything without the soldiers seeing us. There were only seconds.
“We’re going to die if we stay here,” Linh said.
I closed my eyes and asked my guides to show m
e. Nothing came for a painfully long moment. Then I saw the veil to Outin open, with Amber and Linh going through, and smiled.
“Amber, take her back through and then come back and get me.”
“We go together,” Linh said.
“If we do, you or I, or both, will die. Go, now!”
Linh threw me an angry glance, but her trust was absolute. Amber grabbed Linh’s hand. As soon as they were on their feet, the soldiers spotted them. Just as they punched through the veil, shots whistled above me. I was almost sure they made it without getting hit. Vising allowed me to slam a wall of fog and heavy rain up against the Special Forces unit. Because of reverse time, Amber was back in seconds. She locked her hand around my arm and pulled me through.
64
Linh appeared to be floating through space, lying on Outin’s stunning ground curled up clutching a Lusan. Her eyes were open, and they brightened with a brief smile when she saw me. I added my healing energies to the Lusan and cradled her face in my lap.
“We may not have much time. Those soldiers could get through,” Amber said.
“I know, let’s just give her a few minutes. She’ll be fine.”
“What was different this time, and why didn’t you or I get hurt?”
“It’s because Linh and I killed people last time we were here. Remember, Spencer said no one has ever killed in Outin. And the portals are alive, part of the consciousness. It was trying to keep us out. As far as Outin is concerned, you’re pure, so you could go through. As long as we held onto you, we could get in but when we all joined hands, it increased the negative energy too much. We could get through but also had to endure whatever powerful energy was blocking us. I felt pain but not as much as Linh.”
“I’m ready to go,” Linh said. I knew she didn’t like to think about the killings. “Let’s not wait around for the soldiers.”
“Yeah, we led them here,” Amber said, as we moved into the denser part of the shimmering forest.
“They may have their own issues getting through,” I said. “And remember, they know about the other entrance.”
“Where’s ‘here’ anyway?” Linh asked, pointing to the trees. They weren’t like the trees from our last visit. Their trunks and limbs, although massive, seemed to move altogether like a huge stand of seaweed flowing with an underwater current. I touched one and my hand slipped inside six or seven inches before hitting anything solid.
“There are no rules here,” Amber said.
“At least no rules we understand,” I said.
“Yeah, it’s a different dimension, and we don’t have a clue. There’s no guarantee anything will even be like it was when we were here before. We may not ever see the lakes again.”
A breeze blew the familiar pastel powder flakes and dust, but soon the gentleness was gone and heavy winds swayed whole sections of the forest. The sparkly powder storm nearly blinded us. I Skyclimbed to the treetops in search of shelter or a clearing anywhere, but visibility was worse at those heights. I could see that the ocean-sky, which was typically some exotic shade of blue, had changed to bright red while producing inverted white-caps. It made me nervous.
I returned to the girls. There was very little underbrush and nothing available for a shelter. The blowing powder and sparkles were eerily silent and brutal. Gogen kept us from being tossed around. After a few exhausting minutes, we found refuge in a group of trees growing close enough to block some of the monsoon. We quickly devised a plan to use Gogen to hold Amber on my back so Linh and I could Skyclimb. Battling our way through the storm kept me on the edge of panic. I knew it could consume us at any time, but I had to remain calm or I’d lose my concentration and Amber would fall off.
“Linh, look at the colors,” I yelled.
“What?” She was ten feet away running-leaping-flying parallel to me on the treetops.
“Do you see the way the colors swirl? Even in these hurricane conditions, the pinks stay with pinks, blues with blues. Do you see it?”
Her face radiated with the glow. It was the presence of love completely extinguishing fear. We’d be all right. The overwhelming magnificence made us all laugh. We sailed through until it eased on the fringe of the forest. There, like a desperate beggar, the fear returned, and this time it was not alone.
65
We arrived at the place where Linh had shot the soldier, but the body was gone. Any chance our memories were wrong faded when we found the scene of my battle. All the bodies had been removed.
“Who moved them?” Linh asked.
“Lightyear must have found the entrance. They must be here.” I’d been edgy since we discovered the first body gone, now I was struggling to remember the lesson I’d just learned, remembering what Wandus had said so many times, that we keep repeating until we learn, until we finally remember.
“What if the bodies just fell into space?” Amber asked. “I mean, we don’t understand this dimension. Maybe if you stay in one place long enough you just fall into the ground and end up floating through space. Maybe if we had telescopes powerful enough, we could see them floating above our world.”
“We have to assume Lightyear is here,” I said.
“What about Kyle?” Linh asked.
“He’ll find us. But let’s go check out the lodge. If he’s waiting, that’s where he’d be.”
“Yeah and if Lightyear’s waiting, that’s probably where they are too,” Linh said.
“She’s right,” Amber said quickly. “Nate, can you do a Timefold, like Spencer did with me at Moab?”
“I tried a few times at Marble Mountain and wasn’t successful.”
“You know what happened up in the storm? We all felt it,” Amber said.
“Yeah, the fear left,” Linh said.
“We’ve got to hold on to that feeling,” Amber said. “It was so empowering.”
“The fear is already back,” I said, looking around as we got back into the trees.
“I know, but we need to push it out.”
Wandus had said conquering fear is one of life’s longest battles but also one of the most rewarding. Now that I’d seen the reward I understood.
Along the way, we were nervous, knowing Lightyear agents or soldiers could be anywhere. The trees protected us from view, but our enemy had the same advantage and they had been here longer. “The mystics warned of a battle the likes of which I couldn’t imagine,” I said. “Yangchen was firm when she told me I’d face a choice of death or killing.”
“She said you cannot kill again, Nate,” Amber said. “Or you will forever change your fate, and everyone’s.”
“I remember.”
“So let’s make a pact. There are other ways. We saw it in the storm. Let’s do this without any more violence on our part. No killing.”
“It’s not fair. They can do whatever they want,” Linh began. “They have every weapon and kill so easily. And we’re supposed to what, turn the other cheek? Smile while they cut our throats?” Linh was talking in a yelling-whisper. “Amber, are you saying you wouldn’t kill someone to prevent Nate from being killed?”
“That’s not a fair question,” I said.
“Isn’t it? We’re all going to face that question about each other sooner or later. Probably much sooner than we’d like to think.”
“I think me killing someone would do more harm to the Movement than if I let Nate die,” Amber answered.
Linh scoffed. “How can you say letting Nate die is better for the Movement than letting some Lightyear assassin live?”
“Because. Love. Does. Not. Kill,” Amber said.
“I don’t understand a kind of love that lets someone you love die,” Linh wasn’t whispering anymore.
“Hold on.” I stopped walking and turned to face them. “I agree with Amber.”
Linh gasped and turned around.
“I want to beat Lightyear, but without the awakening, the victory would be pointless. I can’t deny who I am. My lifetime as Clastier is part of me. As are my countless i
ncarnations spent protecting the Jadeo and sacrificing everything else to preserve it. If I use violence now, after knowing what I know, it all have been for nothing, and this will start yet again. I cannot allow that.”
“Then do you get a free ride for the killing you’ve already done just because you didn’t understand,” Linh asked, then added, “because we didn’t understand?”
“No, unfortunately, that karma will still have to be dealt with. And taking a life is not an easy debt to repay karmically. You know that from your Buddhist studies. Kyle will be able to help us understand that, too.”
“So, we agree? No more violence,” Amber stated.
“Yes,” I said.
Linh closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and, after a long pause, said, “Okay.”
There were no Windows along the way, no trace of Dustin nor Kyle. As we neared the lodge, we stayed hidden in the woods, watching. The place seemed deserted. I surveyed the area from high up in a coal-black, silver-flecked tree. My black outfit camouflaged me well as I peered from behind luminescent-colored bubble-leaves. Finally, by unanimous decision, we cautiously approached the lodge.
It was probably ten tense minutes of complete exposure before we reached Outin’s only structure. As we entered, I knew something was horribly wrong, even before we saw the bloodied body.
66
Linh screamed. I yelled for Amber to take her outside. Linh shoved Amber against the stone wall hard enough to knock her down. I used Gogen and all my physical strength to restrain her then forced her to sleep with Solteer. Then I had to come to grips with my own shock. Amber cried softly. I approached the body of my best friend. Amber looked away as I lifted Kyle’s bullet-riddled body onto my shoulder.
“Wait here,” I managed to say.
By the time I reached Floral Lake, Kyle’s blood had saturated my clothes. I walked into the water and floated him among the healing flowers. As the water cleansed him, dozens of bullet holes became visible, confirming what I already feared—Kyle was not coming back to life.
