Whiskey Words & a Shovel I

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Whiskey Words & a Shovel I Page 4

by r. h. Sin

I was holding on

  to nothing

  I’ll dig deeper.

  the parts seen and unseen

  the portions of you that require me

  to dig deeper

  appreciating every inch

  of your existence

  there are several layers to a woman

  and some men are simply stuck

  on the surface

  but I’d like to learn you

  discover my rightful place

  within your mind and heart

  allow it and we’ll begin

  see I’m no longer who I was before

  my mind under construction

  growing closer to completion

  as I transition to a place

  where I’ll have the opportunity

  to explore you

  and hold on to everything

  that those before me

  were willing to walk away from

  I’d like to love every part of you

  that those in your past were too blind

  to acknowledge

  the parts within you

  that they failed to appreciate

  allow me

  no fun.

  drugged by the culture

  you struggle to fit in places

  where you don’t belong

  you struggle to understand people

  who don’t deserve your effort

  innocence robbed

  by the party scene

  loud music

  drinks flowing

  surrounded by all these people

  and yet you still feel alone

  you’re only here

  because your friends

  wanted to go

  in fantasy.

  that’s the problem

  you’re living in a fantasy

  that involves him being

  more than he actually is

  you’re in love with a dream

  that will never become a reality

  because he refuses to be

  the man you deserve

  genuine love.

  love me when things are bad

  love me when the storm arrives

  love me when I’ve lost all hope

  love me through my imperfections

  willing.

  the heart is broken

  but the heart is still willing

  and that’s what makes you strong

  the essence.

  sweetheart

  you’re a star

  never apologize

  for burning too bright

  wet Marie.

  with two fingers

  a few strokes

  she began to overflow

  and I was willing to drown

  for her

  demolish temptation.

  she knew I was taken

  she knew I was in love

  she offered up herself

  but I declined, I said no

  see, pussy can only sway

  a weak man

  strong men refuse to stray

  my love for my lover

  is so much stronger

  than anything anyone else

  could ever offer me

  more.

  she’s not easily impressed

  shallow compliments

  have no meaning

  it takes a bit more work

  to flatter her

  she needs more

  she deserves more

  2:30 a.m.

  I think the heartbreak

  changed the temperature

  of my heart

  your lies became more like bricks

  which I used to build this wall

  the barrier that sheltered my heart

  and kept my love safe

  was also the very thing

  that kept new love

  from getting in

  the whiskey fights.

  I yelled because I actually cared

  I only argued with you

  because I gave a fuck

  and now I’m silent

  nothing left to say

  no more fight in my heart

  this is when you should worry

  more consistency.

  I demanded consistency

  and you consistently destroyed

  the best parts of me

  I guess I should have been

  a bit clearer

  about what I was asking for

  alone now.

  no one wants to be alone

  and so they find themselves

  in the company of someone

  who makes them feel lonely

  there is loneliness

  in being with the wrong person

  the brave.

  she wore her scars within

  beneath her skin

  and you’d never know

  her pain

  as she’s chosen not to complain

  being hurt, being silent

  having courage as she fights

  through it alone

  so much strength in a woman

  so much strength within you

  inconsiderate.

  young woman

  do not compromise yourself

  for someone who refuses

  to do right by you

  overly entitled.

  a lot of men feel like

  they deserve everything

  from a woman

  who deserves more

  or someone better

  I wonder.

  what happened to actually

  making an effort

  for the woman who

  continues to prove

  that she has your best interest

  at heart

  the good man.

  I care about a woman’s

  experience when she’s with me

  I care enough to ensure

  that being with me

  feels easy and secure

  how could you not care

  about the impression you leave

  with the woman you’re with

  love and excuses.

  love should have never

  been a reason

  to hold on to someone

  incapable of loving you

  many devils.

  but sweetheart

  you’re an angel

  don’t let these devils

  undress you

  the nights.

  each night

  the same old shit

  you wait up for a call

  that’ll never come

  while he misses out

  on the opportunity to speak to you

  I know it’s hard

  feeling the way you do

  I know you’re restless

  lying in bed

  while reading this book

  but remember the next few lines

  in this piece

  you are strong, intelligent

  you are worth it, you are beautiful

  and you deserve so much more

  than you have allowed and accepted

  July ’15.

  I once heard that the tongue

  gives life

  and so I spoke into her

  flames within.

  there are flames

  within my soul

  so deep where no water

  can reach me

  and I continue to burn

  I enjoy the sensation

  even though it hurts like hell

  pieces of peace.


  it’s amazing

  the way your broken

  gives me peace

  you’ve been hurt

  and yet

  you’re still able

  to make me feel whole

  without judgment

  I accept you as you are

  scars and all

  imperfections visible

  you’re still beautiful to me

  a search for love.

  so many angels

  are going through hell

  in search of love

  dating demons

  temporary highs.

  you were only meant to be

  temporary

  I wish I knew this before

  I spoke you into my future

  the slow death.

  slowly, death crept up behind me

  and as my grip got tighter

  holding on to you

  was killing me

  the book of ashes.

  together we wrote the book

  on our relationship

  and tonight I’ll burn the pages

  deserving more.

  you always end up trying

  to please someone

  who isn’t even satisfied

  with themselves

  you’re constantly searching

  for a love within someone

  who doesn’t even value themselves

  you’ve been wasting your time

  holding on to someone

  who doesn’t truly care about

  keeping you

  the great wall.

  maybe she built that wall

  in front of her heart

  in order to save herself

  from the pain she’s become familiar with

  maybe she’s protecting her heart

  from anyone not willing to climb

  that wall

  to claim the love

  which she refuses to give away

  so easily

  into the chaos.

  I followed my heart

  and it led me straight

  into the chaos you always were

  I nearly lost my damn mind

  the lines.

  there’s just something

  about her

  the type of high my mind craves

  she’s the feeling of late nights

  after hours on Fridays

  she’s my good-time girl

  whenever I’m stressed out

  she helps me cope

  like an actor doing lines

  she’s always been my coke

  the inside.

  her tears

  rarely visible

  the sound of silence

  as she screams on the inside

  scars and bruises

  in places you’ll never see

  often overthinking

  filled with words

  she’ll never speak

  going through hell

  she’ll never tell

  she has a guard up

  refusing to believe

  the bullshit stories

  her man tells

  not forcing.

  I can’t force you

  to be faithful

  loyal

  and honest

  I can’t make you

  appreciate everything

  that I am

  but I can force you

  to live without me

  as I invest my time

  in someone better than you

  the life lessons.

  through relationships

  I learned that someone

  who is yours

  can never be taken away

  and if for any reason

  you lose your lover

  to someone else

  that person never deserved

  to be claimed by you

  moonlit.

  you’re the moon

  just lying there alone

  you shine in the darkness

  your power

  is in the night

  this moment.

  somewhere

  right now

  someone is searching

  for everything

  that you’ve wasted

  on someone

  who never deserved you

  everything that you once thought

  wasn’t good enough

  will one day be appreciated

  by the one deserving of you

  vanishing.

  I became a ghost to you

  you missed me

  sometimes you felt me

  but you could no longer see me

  I’ve learned to vanish

  from those who fail

  to appreciate my presence

  some whiskey with dinner.

  the truth was no longer

  on the menu

  and love was no longer

  being served

  this is why I left the table

  I’d rather eat alone

  all the little things.

  if you don’t love the way

  her eyes squint when she smiles

  or the way her lips curl up

  whenever she’s filled with laughter

  stop wasting her fucking time

  still beautiful.

  you’re not perfect

  there are scars

  on the surface of your heart

  I’m convinced that you’ve experienced

  a set of painful events throughout

  your life

  as you’ve become

  what people refer to as broken

  in my eyes, you’re the most beautiful

  arrangement of broken

  I’ve ever witnessed in my life

  looking at you, thinking to myself

  there’s my future, she’s the one

  fear of falling.

  my biggest fear

  is having my peace of mind

  compromised for a person

  who is comfortable

  with telling me lies

  my heart placed in the hands

  of someone who refuses

  to meet my demands

  settling for a love

  that feels more like hate

  these are the things I fear

  and yet I find myself

  playing with fire

  making mistakes

  claiming it all as fate

  until I find myself in love

  with someone who causes

  my heart to break

  I fear loving the wrong person

  and so I choose to not

  love at all

  and that’s the scariest part

  possibly I’ll never fall

  fake care.

  I dread the winter

  not because of the weather

  solely because of a person

  my peace interrupted

  by the troubles that live within them

  silence transforming itself

  into tension

  me wanting to get away

  while they fight for some attention

  I should be excited

  but I’m not

  I should be happy

  but you’ve robbed me

  of that very thing

  being forced to share my space

  faking a smile on my face

  because that’s what good people do

  sacrifice themselves for others

  but I’m tired of being that person />
  I’m tired of being the one

  from distance.

  I can love you

  but only from a distance

  some people are more lovable

  when they’re not around

  our love 22.

  I love our solitude

  we live in this peaceful bubble

  we’ve cultivated a garden

  filled with roses

  that bloom, nurtured by our peace

  our silence gives me comfort

  this is easy

  this is us

  sin-ergy.

  and just like me

  you’re a sinner

  I’m your accomplice

  on your knees

  against the wall

  on your back

  I’m always there

  a reminder.

  just because you’re broken

  doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful

  a moment of weakness

  doesn’t define your strength

  the perfect aim.

  I’ll walk away

  and I won’t miss you

  this .45 fits perfectly

  in my hand

  and my aim is so much

  better than it was before

  some optimism.

  it hurts like hell

  every minute of every day

  but it’ll get better

  one day you’ll understand

  that everything meant to destroy you

  only made you stronger

 

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