by r. h. Sin
I was holding on
to nothing
I’ll dig deeper.
the parts seen and unseen
the portions of you that require me
to dig deeper
appreciating every inch
of your existence
there are several layers to a woman
and some men are simply stuck
on the surface
but I’d like to learn you
discover my rightful place
within your mind and heart
allow it and we’ll begin
see I’m no longer who I was before
my mind under construction
growing closer to completion
as I transition to a place
where I’ll have the opportunity
to explore you
and hold on to everything
that those before me
were willing to walk away from
I’d like to love every part of you
that those in your past were too blind
to acknowledge
the parts within you
that they failed to appreciate
allow me
no fun.
drugged by the culture
you struggle to fit in places
where you don’t belong
you struggle to understand people
who don’t deserve your effort
innocence robbed
by the party scene
loud music
drinks flowing
surrounded by all these people
and yet you still feel alone
you’re only here
because your friends
wanted to go
in fantasy.
that’s the problem
you’re living in a fantasy
that involves him being
more than he actually is
you’re in love with a dream
that will never become a reality
because he refuses to be
the man you deserve
genuine love.
love me when things are bad
love me when the storm arrives
love me when I’ve lost all hope
love me through my imperfections
willing.
the heart is broken
but the heart is still willing
and that’s what makes you strong
the essence.
sweetheart
you’re a star
never apologize
for burning too bright
wet Marie.
with two fingers
a few strokes
she began to overflow
and I was willing to drown
for her
demolish temptation.
she knew I was taken
she knew I was in love
she offered up herself
but I declined, I said no
see, pussy can only sway
a weak man
strong men refuse to stray
my love for my lover
is so much stronger
than anything anyone else
could ever offer me
more.
she’s not easily impressed
shallow compliments
have no meaning
it takes a bit more work
to flatter her
she needs more
she deserves more
2:30 a.m.
I think the heartbreak
changed the temperature
of my heart
your lies became more like bricks
which I used to build this wall
the barrier that sheltered my heart
and kept my love safe
was also the very thing
that kept new love
from getting in
the whiskey fights.
I yelled because I actually cared
I only argued with you
because I gave a fuck
and now I’m silent
nothing left to say
no more fight in my heart
this is when you should worry
more consistency.
I demanded consistency
and you consistently destroyed
the best parts of me
I guess I should have been
a bit clearer
about what I was asking for
alone now.
no one wants to be alone
and so they find themselves
in the company of someone
who makes them feel lonely
there is loneliness
in being with the wrong person
the brave.
she wore her scars within
beneath her skin
and you’d never know
her pain
as she’s chosen not to complain
being hurt, being silent
having courage as she fights
through it alone
so much strength in a woman
so much strength within you
inconsiderate.
young woman
do not compromise yourself
for someone who refuses
to do right by you
overly entitled.
a lot of men feel like
they deserve everything
from a woman
who deserves more
or someone better
I wonder.
what happened to actually
making an effort
for the woman who
continues to prove
that she has your best interest
at heart
the good man.
I care about a woman’s
experience when she’s with me
I care enough to ensure
that being with me
feels easy and secure
how could you not care
about the impression you leave
with the woman you’re with
love and excuses.
love should have never
been a reason
to hold on to someone
incapable of loving you
many devils.
but sweetheart
you’re an angel
don’t let these devils
undress you
the nights.
each night
the same old shit
you wait up for a call
that’ll never come
while he misses out
on the opportunity to speak to you
I know it’s hard
feeling the way you do
I know you’re restless
lying in bed
while reading this book
but remember the next few lines
in this piece
you are strong, intelligent
you are worth it, you are beautiful
and you deserve so much more
than you have allowed and accepted
July ’15.
I once heard that the tongue
gives life
and so I spoke into her
flames within.
there are flames
within my soul
so deep where no water
can reach me
and I continue to burn
I enjoy the sensation
even though it hurts like hell
pieces of peace.
it’s amazing
the way your broken
gives me peace
you’ve been hurt
and yet
you’re still able
to make me feel whole
without judgment
I accept you as you are
scars and all
imperfections visible
you’re still beautiful to me
a search for love.
so many angels
are going through hell
in search of love
dating demons
temporary highs.
you were only meant to be
temporary
I wish I knew this before
I spoke you into my future
the slow death.
slowly, death crept up behind me
and as my grip got tighter
holding on to you
was killing me
the book of ashes.
together we wrote the book
on our relationship
and tonight I’ll burn the pages
deserving more.
you always end up trying
to please someone
who isn’t even satisfied
with themselves
you’re constantly searching
for a love within someone
who doesn’t even value themselves
you’ve been wasting your time
holding on to someone
who doesn’t truly care about
keeping you
the great wall.
maybe she built that wall
in front of her heart
in order to save herself
from the pain she’s become familiar with
maybe she’s protecting her heart
from anyone not willing to climb
that wall
to claim the love
which she refuses to give away
so easily
into the chaos.
I followed my heart
and it led me straight
into the chaos you always were
I nearly lost my damn mind
the lines.
there’s just something
about her
the type of high my mind craves
she’s the feeling of late nights
after hours on Fridays
she’s my good-time girl
whenever I’m stressed out
she helps me cope
like an actor doing lines
she’s always been my coke
the inside.
her tears
rarely visible
the sound of silence
as she screams on the inside
scars and bruises
in places you’ll never see
often overthinking
filled with words
she’ll never speak
going through hell
she’ll never tell
she has a guard up
refusing to believe
the bullshit stories
her man tells
not forcing.
I can’t force you
to be faithful
loyal
and honest
I can’t make you
appreciate everything
that I am
but I can force you
to live without me
as I invest my time
in someone better than you
the life lessons.
through relationships
I learned that someone
who is yours
can never be taken away
and if for any reason
you lose your lover
to someone else
that person never deserved
to be claimed by you
moonlit.
you’re the moon
just lying there alone
you shine in the darkness
your power
is in the night
this moment.
somewhere
right now
someone is searching
for everything
that you’ve wasted
on someone
who never deserved you
everything that you once thought
wasn’t good enough
will one day be appreciated
by the one deserving of you
vanishing.
I became a ghost to you
you missed me
sometimes you felt me
but you could no longer see me
I’ve learned to vanish
from those who fail
to appreciate my presence
some whiskey with dinner.
the truth was no longer
on the menu
and love was no longer
being served
this is why I left the table
I’d rather eat alone
all the little things.
if you don’t love the way
her eyes squint when she smiles
or the way her lips curl up
whenever she’s filled with laughter
stop wasting her fucking time
still beautiful.
you’re not perfect
there are scars
on the surface of your heart
I’m convinced that you’ve experienced
a set of painful events throughout
your life
as you’ve become
what people refer to as broken
in my eyes, you’re the most beautiful
arrangement of broken
I’ve ever witnessed in my life
looking at you, thinking to myself
there’s my future, she’s the one
fear of falling.
my biggest fear
is having my peace of mind
compromised for a person
who is comfortable
with telling me lies
my heart placed in the hands
of someone who refuses
to meet my demands
settling for a love
that feels more like hate
these are the things I fear
and yet I find myself
playing with fire
making mistakes
claiming it all as fate
until I find myself in love
with someone who causes
my heart to break
I fear loving the wrong person
and so I choose to not
love at all
and that’s the scariest part
possibly I’ll never fall
fake care.
I dread the winter
not because of the weather
solely because of a person
my peace interrupted
by the troubles that live within them
silence transforming itself
into tension
me wanting to get away
while they fight for some attention
I should be excited
but I’m not
I should be happy
but you’ve robbed me
of that very thing
being forced to share my space
faking a smile on my face
because that’s what good people do
sacrifice themselves for others
but I’m tired of being that person
I’m tired of being the one
from distance.
I can love you
but only from a distance
some people are more lovable
when they’re not around
our love 22.
I love our solitude
we live in this peaceful bubble
we’ve cultivated a garden
filled with roses
that bloom, nurtured by our peace
our silence gives me comfort
this is easy
this is us
sin-ergy.
and just like me
you’re a sinner
I’m your accomplice
on your knees
against the wall
on your back
I’m always there
a reminder.
just because you’re broken
doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful
a moment of weakness
doesn’t define your strength
the perfect aim.
I’ll walk away
and I won’t miss you
this .45 fits perfectly
in my hand
and my aim is so much
better than it was before
some optimism.
it hurts like hell
every minute of every day
but it’ll get better
one day you’ll understand
that everything meant to destroy you
only made you stronger
