by r. h. Sin
but you’re always alone
whenever real shit occurs
all those lovers
but you don’t even know true love
all those bodies
but nobody’s there when you need
them the most
all of this is all of nothing
November 22nd.
she’s full of pain
but filled with fight
before any proposals.
the idea of getting married
scares me
but not in the way you’d think
my fear stems from realizing
that I am truly alone
and that I’ll have no family
in attendance
my fear is in being reminded
that I have nothing more to offer
than myself
and throughout time
that has never been enough for anyone
including my family
sometimes mirrors lie.
I don’t really recognize
the person I’ve become
a year can change a lot
it has seriously changed me
restlessness.
no more losing sleep
over someone
who can’t even find time
to consider me
going to sleep
because you no longer
deserve my thoughts
the afterthought.
and so it happened
I set fire to every memory
we’d made then smiled
watching us go up in flames
his last resort.
I think there’s something sad
about the fact that he only reaches
out to you
so late in the evening
in his own way admitting
that he could care less about you
with each passing hour during daylight
horny and bored
he chooses to pursue you
in the evening, under the moon
under a blood moon.
stuck in the gaze
of the blood moon
its red eye shines
its light on me
and I am ashamed
for I have given in
to your pleas
and empty promises
I’ve given up on myself
by giving you another chance
to hurt me
I’m trying for you.
I want to dance with you
but my knees have been bruised
and weakened
by all the moments in my life
I spent kneeling for a prayer
that consisted of my desire
for someone like you
I’ll fight to hold your heart
even though my spine
has been weighed down
by a life of despair
and disappointment
how brave is it
to love completely
as if you’ve never been hurt
and though I’ve been
an emotional wreck
I’ll try for you
because you’re worth it
fragments.
I tried
you left
stay gone
from start to finish again.
just when I’ve reached my end
you return
expecting us
to begin again
the burial site.
and so I suppress
these feelings with whiskey
I bury you with my words
then cover what we were
with dirt
using a shovel in my journal.
sometimes nightmares are people
staying away means staying awake
being alone brings me closer to peace
surrounded by bars.
you’ve become like prison
I’m planning ways to escape you
midnight, often.
the morning rarely comes
stuck in a constant loop of darkness
the moon my only friend
I’ve gotten used to the silence
that surrounds me each night
closing my eyes, trying to forget
I remember everything I don’t want to
I’ve been hurt more than I’d like
trying to remain strong
my knees weak
from the weight of it all
my nights are war zones
at midnight, I go to war
when angels fall.
angels fall to earth
forgetting about their wings
holding on to things
they should fly away from
pride in brown.
my brown skin
will not be a burden
my brown skin
will not be my enemy
I love me
regardless of their hate
no entry.
I burned our bridge
then built a wall with no door
many maybes.
maybe your arms
were too short
to reach me
maybe your heart
was too weak
for mine
I struggle to comprehend
your inability to love me
as much as I loved you
cracked glass.
you don’t see how beautiful you are
because you’re relying on a broken mirror
she kept dancing.
the ground beneath her shaking
the foundation she stood upon
began to crumble
unbothered by the destruction
she danced like flames
at a bonfire
icy roads in Pennsylvania.
roads paved in ice
we slide calmly
through the snow
our backdrop
an empty white
the forest reaching inward
branches stretched toward us
as if to hold our hand
guiding us to our destination
even in the most dangerous
of conditions
we are safe
hopeful romantic.
I assure you
that when this life ends
and the dust settles
I will find you
in the next
no room.
do not let temporary people
and the sadness they bring
make homes out of you
necessary evils.
I believe you were
simply necessary
I had to get hurt
by you
in order to find
my strength
after ruins.
I reached my breaking point
every part of me fell apart
sitting here in ruins
I’ll rebuild without you
these words I.
I think I’m just trying
to write away my pain
as you turn the pages
in this book
you’re reading away yours
these words II.
you’re reading this
with hopes of finding something
that’ll give you a peace of mind
you’re reading these words
in hopes of settling the dust storm
that has been living in your soul
I hope you find your clarity
in my words
I wrote all of this for you
witnessed.
I’ve seen women fight
I’ve seen women break
I’ve watched women fall
I’ve witnessed women
pick themselves up
I’ve observed women
be everything and still get treated
like they’re nothing
and even through all of that
I’ve seen women get through it
I know it hurts
but you’re strong my lady
you’re going to be fine
confusing.
he loves you
but hurts you
he misses you
but never shows up
I get it.
you’re not happy with him
and I know this because
you’re reading this now
while questioning his commitment
my own value.
I began to see the true value
of my own heart
this is when walking away
became a bit easier
loving you meant
that I didn’t love myself
control yourself.
men are often using the words
"I miss you"
in an effort to manipulate
a woman’s emotions
remember this always
open your eyes.
when you read the words
"I miss you"
pay more attention
to the actions that follow
instead of allowing your heart
to feel things
for the person who at one time
broke it
know and understand.
the words
"I miss you"
will always sit
upon the lips
of the man
who tried
to break you
but failed
imbalance.
the most loyal hearts
are broken by betrayal
a solid regret I.
never make a woman
regret investing her trust in you
a solid regret II.
today wasn’t easy
tomorrow will be even harder
I’ve accepted my fate
my punishment for allowing you
to reenter my life
without good reason
your hidden motives
and bad intentions
revealed to me once more
after you took what you wanted
leaving me to feel empty
and filled with the regret
of believing in you again
share this with him.
listen, she loves you
she adores you
be more considerate
of her feelings
be more understanding
of the things she expresses
because if you were to lose her
you’ll have lost everything
perfect match.
more than anything
my heart longs for
a lover who will always
appreciate my worth
and match my effort
a real man.
has a man ever asked you
if you’ve eaten today . . .
has he ever given you a compliment
without expecting anything in return . . .
has he ever congratulated you on your achievements
and pushed you to aspire to do more
has he ever claimed you as his queen
not with words but with his actions
has he given all of himself to you
to the point where
he could never share anything with another woman
has he ever done or said anything sweet to you
not because you asked but because he knows
that you are to be treated like the queen you are
have you ever had a man be consistent in the positive treatment
that you’ve been longing for
does he make you smile even without having to do a thing
have you ever had a man who is afraid of losing you
because you are that valuable to him
this is a real man
have you been with a real man . . .
dirt.
buried alive
under my own
expectations
heart rate.
the pulse of my heart
has been screaming
for you
a standard.
treat her like you’re afraid
of losing her to someone else
search party.
I am trying to find myself
under the rubble
of my own heart
the mind, her eyes.
talk about her mind
compliment her eyes more
she’s too rare
for average compliments
1:04 a.m.
everything is poetry
when your heart is in flames
11:11 p.m.
she wants a man
who doesn’t want
anyone else but her
dried up.
we were roses
slowly dying
fighting to bloom
summer ’11.
searching for something
to numb the pain
I’m tired of pretending
it doesn’t hurt
the death of an indie.
I was wrong about you
hiding a mountain of lies
underwater
but the truth always rises
to the surface
true colors.
it’s funny how much a person’s
true colors shine
after they’ve gotten
what they wanted from you
exhibits.
watching you in the museum
is like witnessing art
observing art
savage.
the heartache made me
so fucking unforgiving
note this.
in you
lives a love
that most people
won’t be able to comprehend
hate the process.
it takes too long
to realize
that they’re no longer
good for you
challenge.
hashtag
stop wasting
your time
on him
a tweet.
you’re way too valuable to be in a
relationship with someone who has
proven incapable of understanding
your worth
living in denial.
do not live in false hope
you can’t find love
in places filled with hate
just stay.
I’m just a fucked-up lover
searching for someone who
will understand my scars
and never leave my side
thirty-six notes.
it hurts
and I just want
to stop thinking
about you
fifty-six notes.
it feels hopeless
and yet you’re still
hoping for something
that’ll never happen
/> reading regret.
you’re the chapter in my life
I should’ve skipped
2007.
I hope those lies
burn your lips
pain to remember.
we’ve become a set
of memories
I’d like to forget
distorted.
our relationship
a room filled with broken mirrors
I barely recognize myself anymore
deadly habit.
my most dangerous habit
is overthinking
pillars of salt.
you were salt
hiding in a bag
labeled sugar
all in the end.
this was never meant
to work
