A Matter of Trust: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 3)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

Tyler loved how Melanie’s eyes sparkled and her face lit up when she talked about her work. There was never detachment there. She had been devoted to the Center’s purpose even when she’d been just a student in college working toward her degree.

  She continued to talk about the program but stopped when the waitress appeared with their food. They ate in silence for a few minutes before she said, “So are you flying to be with your mom for your birthday?”

  Tyler would have been pleased that she remembered his birthday if it weren’t for the fact that it was the same day as hers. “Nope. This year Momma and my stepdad are coming to me.”

  “Nice! Are you having a party while they’re here?”

  “Nah. Probably just have dinner with them and maybe Ryan.” Tyler scooped up a forkful of mashed potatoes but didn’t stick it in his mouth right away. “What about you? Any plans for the big three-o?”

  “Really?” Melanie wrinkled her nose at him. “You had to remind me?”

  “Hey, I survived turning thirty last year. It really wasn’t that bad.”

  “Is your mother constantly on you about getting married and having kids? Cause my mom is. Although, to be honest, Adrianne is getting the brunt of it since she’s older, but my mother is starting to spread it to all of us.”

  “I’ve already done the marriage thing,” Tyler reminded her, not really wanting to admit that his mom was on the “get my kid married” kick as well. “Given how it ended up, I think my mom was just as glad no kids were involved. And my mom is pretty young still, so she’s in no rush to become a grandmother.”

  “How old is she?” Melanie asked as she cut the piece of grilled chicken that had come with her salad.

  “She’s forty-five.” Tyler waited for Melanie to do the math. They hadn’t talked much about his mom in the past. He wasn’t sure why, but it had just never come up, and Melanie had never had the opportunity to meet her since his mom preferred him to fly to where she was.

  “She was…fourteen when she had you?” Melanie asked, her dark eyes widening.

  “Yep. We kind of grew up together.” She hadn’t married until after Tyler had joined the military, so for a whole lot of years, it had just been the two of them. “Momma’s more than happy to just let me do my thing—for the most part. All she wants is for me to be happy.”

  Melanie sighed. “My mom wants that too, but somehow in her books, being happy is equated with marriage and children.”

  Tyler tried to ignore the unsettled feeling in his gut and at the same time told himself this was a heavier more personal subject than they usually discussed. He really should turn it in a different direction. “So you’re not interested in getting married? At all?”

  Melanie twirled her fork in the salad on her plate. “It’s not that. Well, it is partly that. I’m in no rush. I like my job and my life right now.”

  Tyler felt the same way about his life, but lately, the idea of a relationship was growing on him. This was a subject they needed to end, he decided and began to search for a new topic.

  But it seemed Melanie wasn’t done with it just yet. “To be honest, I am fairly particular about who I would marry—if I marry at all. My mom says I’m fussy.”

  Tyler swallowed the last bite he’d taken and murmured, “Standards are always good to have.”

  Melanie laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I think, but my mom seems to feel that I’m getting to the age where having the standards I do will leave me a spinster.”

  “How is everything?”

  When Tyler heard the waitress’s question, he almost got up and hugged her. “Everything is just fine.”

  “Yes, it’s great,” Melanie added with a smile at the young woman.

  After a glance at his watch, Tyler said, “If you could just bring me the bill, that would be great.”

  The woman nodded before she walked away.

  “Hey, on the subject of parents, would it be okay to bring mine by the Center while they’re here?” Tyler asked, grateful for the opportunity to move on from the topic of marriage.

  “Sure. That would be fine.” Melanie tilted her head, her brows drawn together. “If you are so close to your mom, why wasn’t she here when you were staying at the Center?”

  “Well, actually, it’s because we’re so close that she wasn’t here. Her husband and I decided it would be better for her to not be around me while I was trying to get back on my feet. She would have hovered and made it hard for me to concentrate on what I needed to do. I would have been too worried about how she was dealing with things to be able to do that.” Tyler smiled. “But I did talk to her on Skype pretty much every single day.”

  “In that case, I think it’s mandatory for her to come see where you spent your time. And I can tell her what a great patient you were.”

  They stuck with small talk as Tyler took care of the bill and drove them back to BlackThorpe.

  “Thanks for lunch, Ty,” Melanie said as she stood beside his car. “I really enjoyed it.”

  “Me too. We should do it again soon.”

  Emotion quickly crossed Melanie’s face, but Tyler couldn’t put his finger on what it was.

  “Yes, we should.” Melanie paused. “Guess I’d better get back to the Center. Make sure the place is still standing.”

  “Speaking of,” Tyler began, “I’ll probably be back out on Thursday, and if Simon is interested, I’ll see about taking him out on Saturday.”

  “That sounds great. Thank you again for being willing to meet with him.”

  A few minutes later, Tyler watched as Melanie’s dark gray SUV headed for the exit. He shoved his hands into his pockets and let out a sigh. For the first time, he wondered if her standards included a man with two fully functioning legs. If that was the case, it was a good thing he wasn’t interested in a relationship with her.

  “Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that,” the little voice in his head said.

  ~*~*~

  Melanie tightened the belt of her robe as she made her way to the desk in her bedroom. One last check of her email before heading to bed. Her body felt pleasantly fatigued after another hard workout, and the hot bath afterward had been divine. It was too bad, though that her exercise regimen didn’t occupy her thoughts as well as it did her body. Both last night and tonight, her thoughts as she’d worked out had been focused squarely on Tyler.

  First, she kept thinking about the lunch they’d shared and then tonight all she could think about was that she’d get to see him the next day. Her behavior when it came to the man reminded her a lot of people who knew what the right thing to do was but chose the opposite because it felt so good. Like knowing that chocolate cake wasn’t good for them, but choosing to eat it anyway because it tasted so wonderful.

  Unfortunately, she found it a whole lot easier to resist the cake than she did Tyler.

  She sank down on the chair at her desk and clicked to open her email program.

  As unread emails filled her inbox, Melanie leaned close when a familiar but rarely seen name appeared. She ignored all the other new messages and clicked on that one first.

  My Darling Lanie ~ It’s been forever since we last were in contact, and I know that I’m the reason for that. Stupid me, I just assumed that if I cut off all contact with people from that time, I could forget. But I can’t.

  Can you? Have you figured out a way to forget?

  I really don’t know what to do. But I do know that I just can’t go on like this. Most days I just don’t want to go on at all.

  Melanie’s chest grew tight, and she fought to draw in a deep breath.

  I can’t trust anyone because the first person I ever really loved and trusted betrayed me. How do I learn to trust again? How do I not look at every man and wonder if he’s just biding his time until he can lure me into another trap?

  I’m too scared to leave my apartment because I know that some of the girls weren’t lured the way we were but were outright kidnapped by strangers. How do I not know that that will be the way
they come for me the second time?

  I can’t sleep because as soon as I do, the nightmares come. Too many times I fall asleep only to be woken by a huge figure looming over me. Afraid to fall asleep. Afraid to wake up. How am I supposed to survive?

  I can hardly eat because of the drugs they put in our food. How do I know if what I’m eating is safe?

  I’ve shaved off all my hair. I never wear makeup. I need to know that no one will look at me and see beauty again. Beauty was what led me into that trap. I don’t ever want to hear anyone tell me I’m beautiful again.

  It’s been fourteen years, and I still can’t get past the horror of it. Why am I so weak? How did the others manage to go on with their lives? Why is it just me who can’t put the past in the past and move forward?

  Please tell me what to do.

  Loving you always ~ Jenni

  Taking deep, gasping breaths, Melanie brushed at the tears on her cheeks. In her mind’s eye, she could see Jenni as she’d been fourteen years ago. Her beautiful auburn curls had fallen to her waist, and her green eyes had been bright and full of life…at first. Yes, there had been fear there too. They’d all had the fear, but Jenni had been full of life…until she wasn’t.

  After allowing that memory of Jenni to tumble through her mind, it was like the box she’d kept the memories in had split wide open. Memory after memory ripped through her. Curling in on herself, Melanie reached up and grabbed handfuls of her hair, pulling on it. She couldn’t go down that path again. She just couldn’t.

  Melanie began to take deep, measured breaths.

  In. Out. In. Out.

  As the panic began to ease out of her body, she began to methodically pack away the painful memories. Then she went to that peaceful place in her mind. The place where nothing could hurt her.

  Finally, Melanie straightened and took in one last deep breath and slowly exhaled, expelling the last lingering wisp of memory from her body. Now that she was calm and detached from the memories once again, she could look at Jenni’s situation more clearly.

  But really, how could she help her friend when she herself was still as messed up as Jenni? She just knew how to hide it better. The ways she’d chosen to cope were as unhealthy as the ways Jenni had, but her methods were more easily dismissed as lifestyle choices. The darkened hair. The colored contacts. The obsession with eating healthy and making sure her body was strong. The need to know how to use all kinds of weapons. The decision to not love a man again.

  Although that last one was getting harder to stick to.

  Jenni had chosen to hide away. Melanie had chosen to arm herself. The bottom line was that both of them were living their lives in chains to their shared trauma.

  Melanie wished she had answers for her friend because then that would mean she’d have answers for herself. But nothing in her own personal counseling nor the years of training she’d taken had convinced her that she could accept her world and the people in it at face value ever again.

  Knowing she didn’t have the energy for a long response, Melanie just typed out a quick message assuring Jenni that she was not alone in her fears and that she loved her. She promised to write more at a later date and then tapped the button to send the email.

  After a cursory scan of the remaining emails, Melanie closed her laptop and pushed away from the desk. Instead of going directly to her bed, she returned to the bathroom and stood in front of the medicine cabinet. It had been awhile and though she hated that they made her feel somewhat groggy the next day, Melanie opened the cabinet and pulled out the sleeping pills her doctor had prescribed.

  At this point, it was more important that she sleep. She had to work the next day and trying to do so after a sleepless night was just not an option. After dumping two pills into her hand, she filled a cup with water and swallowed them. Once in bed, she opened the ebook app on her tablet and lost herself in a story until her eyes just wouldn’t stay open a moment longer.

  ~*~*~

  “So do you think you might like to come?” Tyler asked as he shook his pant leg down over the prosthesis on his right leg. He’d spent a little of their time together showing Simon the mechanics of having a prosthetic leg.

  The man looked up at him, his brow furrowed. “I don’t know. Am I even allowed out of this place?”

  Tyler sat back down and nodded. “I already asked Melanie Thorpe if it would be okay. It might do you some good to get away for a little while. You don’t have to play if you don’t want. You can sit on the sidelines and cheer.”

  Simon scoffed. “You want me to be a cheerleader?”

  Happy to see a bit of a smile on the man’s face, Tyler shrugged. “Sure. I’ll get you a pair of pompoms. Any color preference?”

  “Not cool, man. Not cool,” Simon said with a shake of his head, his mouth turned up slightly. “How about I give you a call on Saturday to let you know?”

  “Sounds good,” Tyler said as he got to his feet. “Just give me enough time to get out here to pick you up and still make it to the game.”

  “I will.”

  Tyler laid a hand on Simon’s shoulder and squeezed. “Nice hanging with you again today.”

  Simon covered his hand briefly then nodded. “Thanks for coming by.”

  Tyler felt good about his visit as he left the therapy room. Simon still wasn’t interested in dealing with the therapists or counselors at the Center, but he was opening up to Tyler and that was a good first step.

  Hoping Melanie would feel the same way, Tyler made his way to her office. Heather smiled when he appeared in the doorway and waved him through.

  “Hey, Melanie,” Tyler said as he knocked on the doorframe.

  She looked up and stared at him for a moment before smiling. “Hi. Come on in.”

  Tyler settled into the chair across from her, his gaze searching her face. There was something…off about her today. There was a puffiness under her eyes that he wasn’t used to seeing, and she seemed tense. “Everything okay?”

  Her eyebrows rose slightly at his question. “Yes. Why do you ask?”

  He tilted his head, uncertain how to respond. “Well, you just seem like something is bothering you.”

  Her eyes narrowed at his observation. “You figured that out rather quickly.”

  Tyler shrugged. He wasn’t sure why he’d been able to pick up on it at all, really. Lord knew he wasn’t the most observant person around when it came to things like that. Maybe if he’d been better at reading his ex-wife, she might not have left him. As he thought about that for an instant, he realized that it probably wouldn’t have mattered. He couldn’t change what she didn’t love about him.

  “Anything you want to talk about?” Tyler offered, wanting more than anything to be supportive. To show her that he was there for her. As a friend.

  Melanie gave an immediate shake of her head as she lifted a hand to her forehead. “Just a bit of a headache.” She gave him another quick smile then asked, “How was your visit with Simon today?”

  “He was more communicative today but still not too keen to deal with the people here.”

  “Did he want to go with you to the basketball game?”

  Tyler shrugged again. “Not sure. I think part of him does, but there’s that other part that so far has overruled everything else. The side ruled by guilt. Like if it’s something that might make his life better or that he would enjoy, he doesn’t feel right doing it since the guys that were with him that day can’t do it.”

  “That’s not an uncommon feeling among vets in his situation, but I think he has the worst case I’ve encountered since I started working at the Center.”

  “Yep. I’ve told him that the best way to honor the guys who lost their lives would be to live his life to the fullest. He doesn’t agree. Everything is filtered through that perception of it not being right for him to enjoy life.”

  “At least it seems you’re making some progress. I hope that he agrees to go with you.”

  “Me, too.” Tyler pushed himse
lf to his feet. “I hate to run, but I’ve got to pick up Momma and Hank at the airport at five-thirty.”

  A genuine smile spread across Melanie’s face. “That’s right. Tomorrow’s the big day. I’ve been trying to forget about it.”

  “Celebrate life,” Tyler said. “That’s my philosophy.”

  “And it’s a good one,” Melanie said as she got up from her chair. “I hope you have a good birthday.”

  “You too.” He paused for a moment then asked, “Would it be okay if I brought my folks by here tomorrow afternoon? I’ve taken the day off to spend with them so it would be a good time to come by.”

  “That would be fine. I look forward to meeting them.” The smile she gave him supported her words though there was still tension on her face.

  “Sounds good. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Tyler turned to go but then swung back around. He held Melanie’s gaze for a long moment. “And if you need to talk, give me a call. I’m there for you if you need someone.”

  She didn’t look away from his gaze, and he could see the softening of her expression as tension eased from her features. “Thanks, Tyler. I appreciate that.”

  “I mean it.” Giving her one last smile, Tyler left her office. He wanted to make sure that she knew that he cared about her. As a friend, of course.

  CHAPTER SIX

  WHEN HER PHONE chirped an alert for a text message, Melanie reached for it but waited until she’d finished signing the form she’d been reading to see what it said.

  I’m down at the front with my folks. Would you like to meet them?

  Melanie smiled as she began to tap out a response. Before she could hit send, another message arrived.

  BTW…HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  Her smile got bigger, and she felt a flutter in her stomach at the greeting.

  I’d love to meet your parents. I’ll be right down. TY for the HBD wishes. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you too!!

  After replacing the paper in its folder, Melanie stood up and slid her phone into her pocket. As she passed Heather’s desk, she told her she’d be back in a bit and to phone if something important came up.

  When she reached the top of the staircase, Melanie looked over and spotted Tyler standing with two other people talking to the receptionist. She walked down the stairs, her hand gliding along the smooth metal railing. As she stepped off the bottom step, she looked over to find Tyler watching her even though his parents were still engaged in conversation with Molly.