Latent Memories

by Charlotte Mills

  “I want you so badly,” Jamie whispered against my lips before her attention moved to my neck.

  I heard the need in her voice. Powerless to resist, I replied with a groan. She took my hand, which was still firmly on her ass, leading me through her house, up the stairs. We appeared in her bedroom in no time. The dusky light of the day lit the room just enough to see the layout; the large bed dominated the room, facing a picture-frame window that looked out to sea. Standing near the side of her bed, she made short work of my clothing, discarding it in a pile on the floor. Taking my turn, I relieved her of her top before tugging at her trousers, slipping them down her thighs.

  “I see you still have good taste in underwear,” Jamie said, snapping the elastic of my shorts before pushing me back towards the bed. My hands stretched out behind me, breaking my fall as Jamie knelt between my thighs to grip my underwear, whipping them off in one swift action. Fully naked, I retreated up the bed, quickly followed by Jamie.

  She sat astride me before I realised in my disorientation I had ended up at the top of the bed, leaning against the headboard. Her hands held my head, devouring my mouth with wild kisses. I could feel her arousal as she pressed against me. Gripping her hips, I pulled her closer. Wrapping my arms around her, she ground into me, rocking her hips.

  I needed to touch her, feel her. Spreading my thighs, I slipped my hand between us, delving into her wetness. Her breathing hitched as my hand immediately found her hardened clit. She pressed against my hand, seeking release. I pulled away, not wanting her to peak too soon. Using two fingers, I stroked her shaft several times, spreading her hot juices before focusing on her entrance. Slipping in one finger, I pushed deep inside. She was so hot and tight. Pulling out, I added another finger. Jamie pulled back, releasing my mouth to groan a breathy, “Yes,” at the ceiling as I met her tempo of rocking hips, my thumb grazing her clit with each stroke. Holding her in place, I licked at the salty skin on her chest as she got closer to the edge with each thrust. Her muscles began to contract around my fingers as her body shuddered against mine. I held my position until she tipped over the edge, releasing a loud groan before collapsing against me. I loved the feeling of her muscles twitching as her body finally gave in to it.

  Her hot breath vibrated in my ear. As it slowed to a whisper, she pulled back to look at me, cupping the side of my face. “You know, you’ll have to let me go sooner or later.”

  “What if I don’t want to?” I said softly.

  “I’m not going anywhere … I promise.”

  I slowly withdrew my fingers. Holding them up between us, I brought them to my lips. The scent was intoxicating. Just knowing they had been deep inside Jamie, I couldn’t stop myself from dragging my tongue along the length of them before sucking them into my mouth.

  Her breath hitched in her throat as she watched me. I heard a low growl as she captured my lips, pushing her tongue firmly between them and pressing me against the headboard. A hand cupped my left breast, pinching my nipple as she continued to overwhelm me. I turned my head, gasping for breath as she paid my neck and chest the same attentiveness. I felt a loss of heat as Jamie moved back. I looked down to find her resting on her haunches, her hands gripping the backs of my knees.

  “Lie down.”

  Assisting her, I shimmied down the bed as she moved with me. I turned to face her, pulling her close as she settled alongside me, our bodies touching from head to toe. I needed to feel her under me. Crawling on top, I slipped my thigh between hers. I felt her arousal immediately as I pressed against her, grinding against her hip bone, seeking release. Her hands rummaged through my hair as I kissed her, tentatively at first, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth. Her growl in response made me grin wildly as I freed her. I could see in her eyes she was deciding on a retaliation plan.

  Jamie quickly flipped us over, slipping both her thighs between mine. Resting her upper body weight on her hands, firmly planted either side of my shoulders, she compressed our lower bodies together, rocking her hips to grind against me. Her eyes locked on mine as our breath came in short pants. Craving more pressure, I pulled my legs up either side of her thighs, flattening them to the bed, pushing my hips towards her. Dipping her head, she kissed the side of my face as her muffled whisper filled my head.

  “I’ve fantasised about fucking you like this.”

  Jamie pulled back as if to gauge my opinion as she continued to press against me, rocking her hips. I managed a slight rakish grin in response to her words. Dipping her head again, she continued, “With a strap-on buried deep inside you.”

  I could only groan in response. Catching my breath, I managed to speak. “You read my mind.”

  She pulled back to look me in the eye again, one eyebrow raised to make a point.

  “I’d make you come so hard.”

  “You soon will,” I managed to whisper as her mound ground against my sex again.

  “No. Not yet.”

  Jamie quickly moved away, transferring her weight to her knees hovering above me. The cool draft rushed over my skin from her missing warmth. I really didn’t want to have to beg, but at this point she was leaving me with little choice. She moved to kiss me again, but stopped, her face floating above mine.

  “I want to taste you.”

  Her request only made me ache more as her mouth travelled between my breasts, her hands cupping them as she moved on further down. I looked down to see her slipping between my thighs, her tongue danced along my slit before slipping into my wetness. The softness of her touch as she skipped over my clit almost made me come. She must have sensed how close I was as her mouth stilled immediately before travelling further down my shaft, circling my entrance before slipping inside. She kept a steady cadence, probing me with her tongue as she circled my clit with her fingers.

  My breath came in short bursts as I gripped handfuls of the sheet beneath me. Her hot tongue plunged deep inside me again and my body finally relenting. She must have felt my spasms as I climaxed, pushing myself off the bed. Her hand held my hip firmly as I came hard against her mouth. I fell back onto the bed panting wildly. Retrieving her tongue, she sucked on my clit as she made her way up my body, making me flinch all over again.

  I looked to the side, seeing Jamie resting on my flattened thigh while I caught my breath.

  “I think I might be a little out of practice,” I managed between gasps as a wide smile crept across her face.

  “Well, you’ve come to the right person.” She moved closer, capturing my lips before pulling back to look at me. “Literally … Let’s get you back in shape.”

  Chapter 11

  I woke unsure of my location, panic starting to settle on my chest. It must have been early; there was just enough light to take in my surroundings. I turned my head to see Jamie, her hair strewn across the pillow as she slept soundly. Any anxiety I had subsided at the sight of her. I was wildly attracted to her; it felt like we were meant to be together, but not like this, not yet.

  I lay there stock still, not wanting to wake her while I silently berated myself for last night’s events. I felt like I had gone backwards in my life. I was disappointed in myself for not having the strength to resist her charms, cravings she made me feel just by being close to her. I remembered Jamie’s question about what I was looking for in all this. I knew it wasn’t this. I wasn’t ready for this. I needed to get away, to give my head some space to think. Slowly I edged out of bed, careful not to wake Jamie. Grabbing what I could find of my clothing on the floor, there was no sign of Murphy as I slowly crept down the stairs. Fully dressed, I walked over to the breakfast bar. My diary was still open to May, almost two years ago now. The photographs were piled up next to it; we still hadn’t managed to put them in order. I flicked through them, finding the one of the two of us, both oblivious to the camera. We looked so happy and in love. Moving to the sofas, I sat on the coffee table facing away from the large windows. The brilliant sunlight poking through the curtains made my eyes ache as it created sharp lin
es on the opposite wall. I covered my face with my hands to shield my eyes. Her heady scent covering my fingers was intoxicating. Memories of last night tumbled through my head, the feel of silky skin under my touch, her soft lips moving against mine. It was all moving too fast; she knew every detail about me, but I only knew snippets about her. Once I would have been happy with that, but I wasn’t that person anymore. I’d had a taste of something more, no matter how latent it was in my memories, and I wanted it again. I didn’t care how long it took. I had been so sure I wasn’t capable of maintaining any kind of long-term romantic connection, but obviously I was wrong, Jamie was a testament to that. I thought of all the wasted years of my past as my eyes bulged with tears. I didn’t even know why. It’s not like I knew what I had lost. I pictured Jamie upstairs, peacefully asleep after our night of restored passion. My guilty conscience reared its ugly head once more at my actions, even more so as Jamie had no idea how I felt as I sat on her coffee table scolding myself for letting things go as far as they did.

  Jamie had seemed pretty consistent in her story of our past, but should I just be taking her word for it? Surely any decent client would get a second opinion. Shouldn’t I be corroborating her story at least? I knew this meant talking to several people I’d been actively avoiding lately, but what choice did I have now?

  “Robbie?”

  Jamie’s voice pulled me from my daydream. I quickly wiped my eyes before she entered the room. She was dressed in the same pyjamas as last night.

  “You’re up early … and dressed, too. Are you okay?” Her tone had quickly travelled down the scale towards concern.

  Murphy appeared around the side of the sofa, glued to Jamie’s legs. She looked as guilty as I felt.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” I said weakly.

  Jamie sat on the sofa opposite me, her knees brushed against mine.

  “What would you like to do today?” she asked. She seemed oblivious to my brooding over last night’s events, reaching for my hand before continuing. “I thought maybe we could spend the day together, make breakfast, then we could watch one of your movies or go back to bed.”

  I looked down at our linked hands, unable to meet her eyes. I knew I couldn’t do what she wanted. I just didn’t know how to break it to her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  My silence only confirmed her fears.

  “Are you angry with me? Please, talk to me.” Her voice was strained, peppered with frustration. I didn’t even know where to start. I was angry, with myself and everyone that had lied and kept the truth from me. The initial victory that I had felt after finding Jamie had faltered, becoming tinged with indignation.

  “Jamie, I can’t just carry on as if nothing’s happened … I don’t know this life.” I kept my voice calm. I didn’t want to light the touch paper, just get out in one piece. “I know you were more than just a fling. You made me realise I could have more … and I know it might sound crazy, knowing me as you do, but I want that back.”

  “I want that, too. I’m so happy you’re in my life again. I thought I’d lost you forever.”

  Her words spurred me on. I had to get it all out in the open before I changed my mind. “I know that you don’t want to hear this, and maybe I don’t have any right to say this … but I need to say it so I – we – can move on.” I looked up, meeting her eyes for the first time. “It hurts that you walked away.” My vision began to blur with tears. I wiped them with the back of my hand as a trace of relief started to set in at finally getting the words out in the open. I looked up to see the hurt in her eyes. My words had cut deeply into her. I felt the awful gut twisting guilt at the tears streaming down her face. Her hand went to her trembling mouth as she tried to speak.

  “Robin, I feel guilty every time I look at you.”

  Her words were barely recognisable as coming from her. They sparked another question: how could we move on if she carried this guilt with her?

  “I don’t want that … and I don’t want your pity like my parents and all the other people that knew me before.” I got up and headed for the back door, picking my jacket up on the way.

  “Where are you going?” I could hear the alarm in her words.

  “I need some time to think, get away for a bit … I’m sorry.” I didn’t even wait to put Murphy on her lead; I just called her to me as I opened the door, closing it behind me, unable to look at the hurt in Jamie’s eyes again.

  I made short work of our walk home. The brisk wind stopped my tears from falling as freely as they had before. Once home, I tried to block out the events of last night and, after a scolding hot shower, I quickly began gathering things together for our journey back up north. I had to see my colleague and supposed ally. I needed to hear his side if it. A month ago I would have trusted James with my life; we had been firm friends since meeting at university, both full of big dreams. Developing our business was our way of finding our niche in the world. Now I didn’t fit mine anymore.

  It amazed me how much stuff Murphy had accumulated in her short life so far; she could quickly become a high maintenance girl if I wasn’t careful. Covering the passenger seat with a blanket, I attached her seatbelt harness and clipped her in. Throwing my bin bag of clothing in the boot, we were off. Murphy waited a good twenty minutes before finally giving in and settling in for the long journey. I was grateful my accident hadn’t occurred on a major road, not that this part of the country had many. Thankfully, I hadn’t had the need to travel to London, allowing me to avoid the A1120; heading further up the country certainly made it easier. The drive turned out to be good thinking time; as I was focused on the driving, subtle thought processes were going on in the background of my mind.

  James had been put in an awkward position by my accident and the aftermath. He’d supported me throughout my recuperation even after my failed return to work. I understood that and I was grateful, but he of all people knew me well enough to realise how significant Jamie had been to me. My mind scrolled through the photographs I’d left in Jamie’s kitchen. I kept going back to the one of the both of us together at the party. Jamie seemed so happy, we both did; I wanted to be that happy again. I began to worry about the conversation I’d had with her earlier; could she ever forgive me for my cutting words?

  Chapter 12

  There had been Carsons occupying this patch of land for almost two hundred years. The now large, cream-coloured farmhouse had been extended and gentrified since its initial creation after my grandfather took over in the 1960s. The acreage had been reduced, with the excess sold off to neighbouring farmers. The now five-bedroom cottage was still surrounded by almost three acres of land with amazing views over existing farmland in all directions. The house itself was mostly open plan downstairs; after several rebuilds over the last century, it was largely exempt from planning restrictions. A number of period features littered the house, including two large inglenook fireplaces, leftovers from the original build.

  My parents had moved into the ancestral home when I was nine years old, after my grandfather had suffered a stroke. For him it was an opportunity to remain in his own house, for my parents it was the chance to finally live in a house that suited their supposed lifestyle and status. Previously, we had live in a modest town house on the outskirts of New Mills. My father had refused to move despite my mother’s constant nagging, but he knew he would end up here eventually. My father was an only child. My grandmother had died three years earlier of complications after suffering a serious bout of pneumonia, so in many ways it was a logical choice. I barely knew my grandfather, as I was away at school most of the time. When I did see him he didn’t speak to me. I didn’t realise at the time it was due to his stroke. Apparently he had refused any speech therapy in favour of his own solitude, withdrawing from life after his wife’s death.

  Any thoughts he had of dying surrounded by his family were dashed the day he collapsed and died of a heart attack in the back garden besieged by mole hills. He’d had a running battle with the moles sin
ce retiring almost ten years earlier, before they finally polished him off. I was away at school and both my parents were absent at the time; he was discovered several hours later by the district nurse who had stopped by to check on him.

  Although my parents had lived here for over twenty-five years, I only spent my school holidays here. My mother had redecorated more times than I could remember, which only added to the fact that it had never really felt like home. The best thing about this house was the proximity to my friend Cass, who lived on a neighbouring farm. We had met away at school and were united by our love of tree houses. I’d spent many a long summer day with Cass and her father as he built the tree house of our dreams.

  Pulling into the driveway, I could see there were no other cars present. Great! In my haste to leave I’d forgotten my parents’ house keys. We’d been travelling for over four hours. I released Murphy from her seatbelt harness and we headed around the back of the house to the sundeck to wait for someone to arrive home. Murphy sped off, exploring the garden, leaving me to make myself comfortable on the outdoor sofa located under the sheltering awning. Murphy returned, nudging my leg with an old punctured football. No matter where we were, she could always find something to amuse herself with. Standing up, I threw it as hard as I could, smiling at her scrambling run to retrieve it.