Journal of a Lifetime (Journals of Love)

by Wolfe, Lisa M.

  “I do. It’s not as bad as it sounds. I get to work from home most of the time and the rest is traveling around to hospitals and doctor’s offices. I could never be happy stuck in an office building.”

  Steve nodded. He knew that the feeling he got from her had been correct.

  “So … you haven’t been here before?”

  Lindsey reached for the cross on her neck. “No, but it’s an important trip.”

  Steve stared at the cross in her fingers. It reminded him of something that he’d seen before, but he didn’t have time to give it much consideration, as the bus was pulling into the parking lot for the gondola ride. His thoughts were scattered and he stood up without a word to Lindsey and reached for his microphone, not realizing until later that his actions might be considered rude.

  “We’ve arrived. We already have your tickets and will split up into three groups for the ride. The groups will be of seven or eight, so if some of you want to ride together, please form groups in the parking lot for us and we’ll go from there.”

  He finished with a smile and then leaned in toward Lindsey. “You’ll be going with me,” he whispered.”

  Steve almost lost his balance and grabbed for the handlebar as Don turned quickly into a parking space. Steve glared at him with a look that said, why did you do that? He regained his center as Don stopped the bus.

  Don turned around in his seat and looked at Lindsey for her reaction. Normally, he and Steve stayed on the bottom of the mountain, so Steve’s offer to Lindsey had surprised, and disturbed, him. “I promise to protect you on the way,” he spoke up so Lindsey could hear him. “From this,” he punched Steve in the arm, “or any other vultures that may be up there.”

  Lindsey was beginning to feel like a competition prize between these two men. She barely knew them, but was already feeling like she was coming between lifelong friends and couldn’t help but feel that Don was trying to protect Steve from her. That was a strange feeling. She was harmless and if anything, as the woman, would have liked protection from these two strangers who already seemed to have formed strong opinions about her.

  Since most everyone else on the bus was touring together, the rest formed the last group. The gentleman she sat next to on the ride to the hotel, two women, Steve, Don, and herself were all that remained for the final gondola.

  Don hung back until everyone else was on, then he climbed in and stood on Lindsey’s right side. Steve had already positioned himself on her left, and they reminded her of a pair of flame bookends in their orange and red uniforms.

  The door closed and they began their ascent up the mountain. What should have been a relaxing adventure was suddenly filled with tension as she felt Don and Steve mouthing words to each other behind her back.

  “What are you doing?” Don asked Steve.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why are we going up the mountain? What do you see in her?”

  Lindsey tried to ignore the two and reached in her purse for her camera. The snowcapped mountains were a beautiful sight, and one that she wanted to remember.

  “Shhh. Can’t we just enjoy the view and talk about this later?” Steve said as he put his hand on Lindsey’s elbow and turned to look out at the view with her.

  She heard Don exhale and saw him shake his head as he looked at his shoes.

  Her head was spinning trying to figure out how all of this confusion began. “Are you okay?” she asked Don.

  He removed his gaze from his shoes and looked at her. “Sure.” He paused. “I, uh … have a little fear of heights, though.” He didn’t really, but they needed another topic of conversation to distract her.

  Lindsey removed her elbow from Steve’s hand and placed her own hand on Don’s. “Oh, no. Really? Is there anything that will make it better?” she asked with concern.

  Don appreciated her kindness. “Not really. I think I’ll just have a seat here and try to not look down.” His attempt at humor made her smile.

  Steve’s jealousy once again surfaced. He couldn’t play helpless as Don had done, so he returned to his guide personality and pointed out the sights in the distance and told her a little more of what to expect at the top. “I’d love to take you on the hike, and then for dinner, if you’d like,” he suggested.

  Don stood up. “The hike really is amazing. It takes you up higher than the gondola and there’s a separate one-way car to bring you back down to the restaurant.” He paused, realizing what he was saying. “Uh … the height doesn’t seem as bad when you’re walking, and, um, knowing I’m coming down makes it easier for me.”

  Steve would not be beat. “The peak is called Sanson’s Peak for Norman Sanson who walked to the peak every week for thirty years to check the weather.” Top that, Don, he thought.

  “I’ve always thought that was incredible. He was eighty-four when he made his last hike,” Don added with a silent humph.

  “That sounds great, guys,” Lindsey said, in an effort to include them both. This was getting a little strange.

  They arrived at the top, and Steve and Lindsey made their way over to the railing to get a better look at the mountain range.

  “Can you believe that the first visitors up here had to come by horseback?” Steve asked. “After that, there was a tractor with a type of platform attached to the back to bring visitors. You wouldn’t catch me coming up this high on a tractor,” he chuckled.

  Lindsey looked at him. “You really do know a lot about this, don’t you? Does it remain exciting, or is it boring after a while?”

  He turned to look at her. “My grandfather passed these tales down to my father and him to me. It’s a part of who we are and a part of our history too. Each time I come up here, it’s like the first time.” He paused. “Of course, I’ve never been here with such a beautiful woman before,” he added.

  She gently punched him in the arm. “You had me going there for a minute,” she laughed. “I thought I was finally seeing a bit of the real Steve, and then you had to go and give me a line like that?”

  “Come on guys!” Don yelled from a safe distance away from the edge. “Let’s get going, so we can make it to dinner on time.”

  Steve didn’t move fast when Lindsey turned and walked away. He wanted to kick himself. He hadn’t meant for it to sound like a line.

  It had also been the first time she’d said his name, and it was the sweetest sound he’d heard.

  Ten

  LINDSEY AND HER tour guides made their way up the trail, visited the compass station and rode the gondola back to the restaurant. Don was surprisingly quiet, but was never more than ten feet from the two of them.

  Lindsey began to feel as if he were a chaperone. She tried a sneak peek at the journal a few times during the hike, but the men were determined to keep her company. She resigned herself to the fact that she’d have to look it over once she returned to the privacy of her room.

  That was probably better anyway, she reasoned, then she could fully absorb what Nana had written and enjoy the fact that they had been in the same place at the same times—just years apart.

  Dinner was set for the entire group, and Lindsey was seated next to the two women that she rode up with in the gondola.

  “Isn’t this the most beautiful view you’ve ever seen?” the red-headed woman with the rose-print blouse asked her. She had a distinct New York accent.

  “It is lovely,” Lindsey agreed. “Another way to feel God’s incredible power and creativity.” She had felt His presence since they arrived at the top. Even with Don and Steve vying for her attention, she had felt an incredible peace there.

  “Isn’t that the truth!” said the brunette in the black jacket. “This is our second time here and we never cease to be amazed at the calm we find.” She extended her hand. “I’m Joyce and this is my sister-in-law, Martha.”

  “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Lindsey.”

  “We know who you are, Miss Waters,” Joyce said, and both women laughed.

  “How’s th
at?”

  They looked around as if trying to avoid being caught telling a secret. “We overheard Steve talking about you to Don after lunch today,” Martha explained. “After their presentation in the lobby, they sat down to wait for most of the group to return. We had finished lunch, and were looking around the gift shop and overheard their conversation.”

  Joyce continued with the story. “Don told Steve to quit following you around and that you would only bring him heartache.”

  “Then Steve told Don to stop flirting with you, or he’d deliver more than heartache to him!” Martha’s red hair bounced in excitement. “We didn’t hear the rest because you came down the stairs, and they both scattered back to work, but we think that Steve has taken quite a liking to you.”

  “He hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you,” Joyce said. “Haven’t you noticed?” She motioned toward the end of the table where Steve was sitting.

  Lindsey blushed as she finally saw what the women were seeing.

  “Do you think anyone else noticed?” Lindsey asked.

  “Nah. The rest of the group is too distracted deciding when and what to eat, or just too busy enjoying the view. Don’t worry about it, honey. We’ve all been there,” Martha joked.

  “What do you think I should do?”

  “What do you want to do?” Joyce asked bluntly. “You could have an enjoyable vacation romance, make a new friend, or keep him in his place as your tour guide.”

  “I think it’s up to you at this point. He’ll take whatever it is you’ll give,” Martha said.

  Lindsey’s meal arrived and smelled delicious. The salad looked fresh and had every color of vegetable included, but she couldn’t enjoy one bite. She was churning inside with both anticipation and hesitation. She knew the women were right. She controlled the outcome of this situation. But she didn’t know if she wanted that power.

  She excused herself and went outside in search of the peace she had found earlier. She found an empty bench near the ridge and had a seat. She closed her eyes to the snow-topped mountains and began to pray for decisiveness and direction. She hadn’t had thoughts of a relationship in so long and didn’t know if her heart was open to one at all. Besides, none of the relationships she had had in the past had ever amounted to much. She didn’t know if she could set herself up for yet another failed romance.

  The words from Psalm 139, verses one and five, floated through her mind as if in answer to her ponderings: “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me … You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.”

  Her heart was still healing from the loss of her Nana, and she didn’t know if it had healed enough to feel. All she could do was pray.

  “Dear God, thank you for your protection. Already I feel closer to you in this beautiful world you created. I pray for your guidance as I continue this journey. Please help me make the right choices to comfort me and bring me peace. Help me move beyond my grief and find the connection to Nana and to you. I know she is with you. Lord, I pray that you put the right people in my path, people that I can trust and be myself around. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

  When she finished, she felt a hand on her shoulders. The touch was light and not intimidating, or threatening. She knew without turning around that it was Steve.

  “Are you all right?” he asked. He sat down next to her. He didn’t want to interfere, but had overheard the end of her prayer. He said a silent prayer of thanks that he had met a woman with strong beliefs.

  “I think so,” she said. “I just needed to get some air, and wanted one last look at this beautiful scenery before we return to the bottom.”

  “I know what you mean. Those crowds can get a little overwhelming sometimes. I don’t get up here as often as I’d like, but when I do, it’s hard for me to leave.”

  Lindsey mumbled in agreement.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” he admitted. “It wasn’t a line. What I said. You are a beautiful woman and I’m happy to be here with you.”

  Lindsey was silent. She looked away and wondered what she was going to do with the butterflies in her stomach. As if those butterflies gave her courage to admit to her feelings, she said, “Thank you. I’m happy to be here with you too.”

  That was all Steve needed for encouragement. Unfortunately, before he could say anything else, the rest of their travelers exited the restaurant and were walking toward them, Martha and Joyce leading the way.

  Lindsey could see the apologies in their eyes. Once the group finally caught up to them, Martha pulled Lindsey to the side. “I’m sorry, honey,” she drawled in her New York accent. “We tried to keep them in, but they are determined to get back to the hotel.”

  “It’s okay, Martha. I think Steve and I will have plenty of time later to catch up.”

  She listened to Steve’s tour and chatted a bit with Joyce on the way, but for most of the drive she continued to pray for open eyes and wisdom. Something deep inside had awakened in her. It told her to take the time to know Steve and not worry about the “what ifs.” The last thing she needed was a missed opportunity. Nana had taught her to take every chance that was given to her. Nana hadn’t regretted anything in her life and had lived her years well, and Lindsey wanted to follow that example. But she didn’t think she was as brave as her Nana had been. She could use a little push at times.

  Once she did get rolling, it was difficult to stop her from her goal. Today, her goal would be getting to know Steve better.

  However, Don’s eyes were still full of warning as he stared at her in the rearview mirror. She would tread cautiously and be mindful of his warnings, but she knew she would never intentionally harm anyone.

  Eleven

  THE BUS PULLED up to the resort. Lindsey was the first one off, but waited for Steve before she began walking towards the resort. He fell into step next to her.

  “Did you enjoy yourself tonight?” he asked.

  “I did. It was so beautiful and peaceful up there.” She didn’t add that being on the mountain had renewed her courage.

  They entered the lobby. It was dark now that the sun had gone down, but the light from the fireplace gave the room a romantic feel. “Would you like to sit with me for a minute?” Lindsey asked.

  Steve couldn’t contain the surprise on his face. He also couldn’t form a word, so he placed his hand on her elbow again and gently led her toward a cozy area by the fireplace.

  Lindsey avoided his eyes as she sat down on the light green loveseat, and her hand automatically went to the gold cross on her neck.

  Steve had noticed this habit of Lindsey’s appeared whenever she seemed nervous. “Is that special to you?” he asked, pointing at the cross.

  She held it up a little higher and he could see the engraved lines on the face of it. They looked like waves. “It was my grandmother’s,” she said. “It was given to her by a very special man and when she passed away, she wanted me to wear it.” Thinking that it might help me to find love, no doubt, she thought.

  Steve heard the sorrow in her voice. “When did she pass?”

  “Just a few months ago. She had cancer.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” He could tell she didn’t want to talk about it, so he thought of a way to change the topic. “Was she a Christian?”

  “Yes, so I know I don’t have to worry about where she is, but she’s still not with me.” Lindsey hesitated, and then asked the questions she’d wanted to ask for three months. She turned to look directly at him. “What does it look like in Heaven? What is she doing? Has she forgotten about me?” She couldn’t hold back the tears that had formed in her eyes.

  Steve didn’t know the answers to those questions, but he saw her desperation and wanted to help. He collected his thoughts before responding. “I know she hasn’t forgotten about you. Remember it says in 1 Corinthians that what remains is love. It is the greatest gift God has given us, and He allows it to continue on when we go to be with Him. I’m sure of that.”

&n
bsp; Even though Lindsey knew this to be true, she still struggled with her unanswered questions. “But, I still picture her sitting in her chair working her crossword puzzles, or going to church, or out to dinner. What is she doing now?”

  Steve took another moment before he answered. “I used to struggle with the after-life too, but as with the rest of my faith, I have to trust that God provides the best for us. We will be with Him, worshipping Him, and I’m sure we’ll be with our loved ones. I believe that we’ll be together and hopefully will be able to look down on all of our family left on earth.” He paused, and then whispered, “I secretly desire that I’ll be able to travel to all of the places I’m unable to make it to while I’m alive.” He smiled.

  “I know what you mean. Maybe I’ll be able to sing in front of others instead of by myself in my car.” She decided to play along.

  He saw the light return to her eyes. “Maybe I’ll be able to climb Mount Everest without the oxygen depletion.”

  “And, maybe I’ll be surrounded by tons of little babies to snuggle and love.” She clamped her lips tight. That might not have been the right thing to say.

  He took it well though, because he had always wanted a large family of his own. He saw her hesitation, and instead of trying to make her feel better, he attempted to change the conversation again. “Tomorrow we’ll go to Lake Minny for the boat tour. It’s supposed to be warm weather, and the breeze on the lake will be cool, so you might want to bring a jacket.”

  He knew he sounded like a tour guide, but was suddenly uncomfortable sitting so close to her. He felt as if he had known her before and didn’t want to let her go.

  This feeling was new to him. He had dated a few women from his church, but what developed had been a brotherly type of love and nothing more. The beginnings of the interest that he felt for Lindsey didn’t compare to the initial interest he had in the others. Lindsey he found emotionally, physically, and spiritually beautiful.

  Lindsey was thankful that he had distracted her. She took that opportunity to stand up and smooth out her skirt. “Thank you for everything tonight,” she said.