Love Song Series Box Set

by Emily Minton

  As I walk out of the bathroom, I look around the garage. All the guys are standing around a candy apple red, ‘82 Firebird, talking. Not one of them has spoken a word to me since Becca left. Hell, they’ll hardly even look at me.

  Done with this cold shoulder shit, I walk toward them and step next to my brother. “When did we get the Firebird in?”

  Instead of answering me, he walks over to the shelf and grabs a clipboard. Tossing it at me, he heads out the door without so much as a goodbye.

  I look toward the other guys, waiting for them to say something, yell at me, try to knock my damn teeth out, anything. Instead, they turn away and follow Shane out the door. They all think I’m the biggest fucking bastard in the world. Hell, I guess I am.

  I can’t believe I’m doing this shit, cheating on Julie. What the hell am I thinking? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know all the drinking and fucking around is my half ass attempt to deal with Mom’s death.

  Only Matty and Shane know what I’m going through. Losing a mom isn’t easy for anybody. Losing a mom like mine is fucking intolerable, especially when it was my Dad’s fault. He just had to get him some on the side. If it wasn’t for that shit, my mom would still be here. The irony isn’t wasted on me. I guess I’m just like him.

  I get drunk to dull the pain of her loss. Once I’m trashed, it’s like my dick has a mind of its own. Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to fix this shit? How do you come back from fucking your girl’s best friend? Even Becca looked ashamed today. She froze up right in the middle. I don’t think she got off, but I don’t give a damn. Maybe she’ll leave me the hell alone now. It was a mistake, never to happen again.

  I come out of the garage and feel my foot sink into something. I look down and see my shoe encased in thick chocolate icing. What the hell? I bend down a little, to get a closer look, and see what’s left of my name written across the top.

  It takes a minute for my brain to process what I’m seeing. When it finally does, I throw my head back and suck in a deep breath. Shame courses through my body as the realization of why the cake is here hits me. Birthday cake. She made me a fucking birthday cake. Julie was here, trying to do something nice for me, and I was fucking her best friend.

  Guilt slams into me as I race over to my truck. Once I’m in, I lay on the gas until I pull into the driveway of our apartment. As I climb out of the truck, I notice that my brother Matty’s truck is here but don’t see Julie’s car anywhere.

  As soon as I walk into the house, I’m thrown back with a fist straight to the face. “You are a fucking stupid son of a bitch. You lost the best thing that ever happened to you. For what? A quick lay that you could have gotten from your own girl?” Matty yells at me.

  “What do you mean, I lost her? Where the hell is she?” I yell back as I climb off the floor.

  A cruel smile spreads across his face, letting me know he thinks I deserve whatever pain is fixing to come my way. “She’s gone.”

  I don’t bother asking more questions, just run up the stairs and start looking for her. She can’t be gone. There’s no way Julie would’ve just left me. No matter what, she would have at least let me try to explain. I might not have had the answers she needed, but she would’ve listened.

  When I step into the bedroom, my heart skips a beat. The bed is crumpled, pillows lying on the floor. There’s no make-up or perfume on the dresser. Even the pictures of her family are missing. Panic consumes me as I run to the closet. All of her things are gone. Every fucking thing is gone. No!

  I turn away from the closet, my head spinning with the realization that she’s left me. A second later, I notice my Grandpa’s dog tags lying on my pillow. She hasn’t taken them off in years, not one damn time. She knows how important they are to me, and she knows that wearing them makes her mine. The sight of the dog tags nearly brings me to my knees. I know her taking them off means she’s done. She hasn’t just left me; she’s done with me for good.

  I walk toward the bed, sink down onto the mattress, and cry. It’s the first time that I’ve cried since I was a kid. I didn’t even shed a tear when my mom died. I couldn’t let myself break down then; I thought I had to keep it all in, but I can’t keep the tears away now. It seems forever that I’m sitting alone, head in my hands, crying at my complete and utter fuck up. I cry for Julie. I cry for my mom. I cry because I know my life will never be the same.

  I’m startled from my thoughts at the sound of Matty’s voice. “Told you, man. You fucked up, and you have no one to blame but yourself.” I look up and see him standing in the doorway.

  “Where is she?” I pull myself together and stand up. My body, tense from trying to swallow the pain of losing my girl, lets out an involuntary shudder.

  “I don’t know, man. She packed her shit and left. She’s just gone.”

  “She can’t be gone. Where would she go?”

  “I don’t know. She refused to tell me, said she didn’t even know herself.”

  “Fuck!” I moan out in a voice filled with pain.

  “You should have seen her. She was fucking broken,” he sneers, shaking his head. “Shit, brother, I told you when you started with her to keep your dick in your pants. Wherever she goes, I hope she’s happy.” Contempt fills his face as he looks at me with disgust.

  Turning away from me, he stops in the doorway. Without looking back, he starts to speak in a voice filled with determination. “If she comes back, she’s not yours anymore. You better remember that, because I hope like hell that I can make her mine.” With that, my brother slams the door.

  What the fuck have I done?

  Chapter 1

  Nine Years Later

  Jase

  Today is family dinner at Pop’s. I think it’s total bullshit. He started this shit after Mom died. As far as I’m concerned, it’s too fucking late for him to turn into a family man now. He should have done it when she was still alive. If he had, maybe she’d still be with us.

  Don’t get me wrong; I love my pop, always have and always will, but he screwed up with Mom. If it weren’t for him fucking around, she would’ve been home that night, not running away to Aunt Sue’s. Then, she never would have flipped her car, and our family would not have fallen apart.

  There’s always disappointment in Pop’s eyes when he looks at me. I’m not sure if he’s still disappointed about what I did to Julie, or because of all the women I fuck. Maybe it’s the whiskey dinner I have every night. It’s probably all of it.

  The last nine years have been total fucking shit. I lost my girl, the only woman I will ever love, because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. For months after she left, I thought she would come back to me.

  I tried looking for her but always came up empty. I begged her family, fucking begged them, to tell me where she was. I talked to her friends, but if they knew anything, they weren’t telling me. No one would give me a fucking clue, so I finally quit asking, but I’ve never lost the hope that I’ll find her someday.

  I turned to whiskey and sex to fill the void she left. I have a different woman every night. I never date; it’s always just a quick lay. I never fucked anyone at my place either; bathroom in the bar, alley, truck, anywhere but the home I shared with Julie. When it’s over, I always go back to our place and think about how fucked up my life is. Then I drink myself into oblivion. Most mornings, I don’t even remember the girl I fucked the night before. If it weren’t for missing a condom from my wallet, I wouldn’t have even known that I’d gotten laid.

  I never thought I’d be this kind of guy, but I have to do something to dull the pain. I never knew someone could hurt this bad and still be alive. Some days, I wonder if I’m really living at all. Maybe this fucked up life is my own personal hell. I deserve it. I deserve to live in hell. Shit, I deserve worse than hell.

  My phone rings, shaking me away from my thoughts. “Yeah.”

  “What’cha doing, babe?” The whiney voice coming through the phone makes me wish I had looked at
my screen before I answered.

  I don’t bother answering her question. “What the hell do you want, Becca?”

  “I was hoping you would come over later.”

  “Not gonna happen.” Fuck, would this bitch ever give up?

  Yes, I cheated on Julie with her. Even worse, I kept fucking her after Julie left. I was always too damn drunk to remember it, but even I know that’s not an excuse. It was nearly a year later before I finally had the balls to kick Becca aside. I got to a point where I just couldn’t be with her anymore. She represented everything I’d lost, and I couldn’t forget it. I know it was my fault. I know I’m the one that fucked up, but Becca played a major role in the mess my life has become.

  I tried to do the friends thing with her, but she was always there trying to get another shot at my cock. I finally had to tell her it was over; no more hook-ups or drunken nights, but she’s still always around. Sometimes, I swear she’s my fucking shadow. I can’t look over my shoulder without seeing her.

  It took me awhile, but I finally figured out what Becca was doing. She was trying to make me see her as my next Julie, but I would never let that happen. There’s only one Julie, and she’s the only one for me. I miss her. I miss her laughter. I miss the way her eyes light up when I make her come. Most of all, I miss the way she would whisper she loved me into my ear every night right before closing her eyes.

  Fuck, I just miss everything about Julie.

  I pull into Pop’s driveway and shut off the truck. Becca is still muttering away, but I cut her off. “I told you before. Don’t call me anymore.” With those words, I end the conversation and shove the phone in my pocket.

  I get out of my truck and walk toward Pop’s door. I know my brothers are already here, and I notice Julie’s Aunt and Uncle’s car is around back. I don’t know why Pop does this shit to me. Doesn’t he know how damn hard it is to see Mack and Angie all the time.

  “That fucking bastard did what? How is little Jenny?”

  What the hell? Who the fuck is Jenny?

  “You tell Julie that Matty, Kristen, and I will be up there as soon as we can. You keep her daughter with you. I don’t want her bastard of a husband anywhere near our little girl.”

  My Julie got married? She has a kid?

  My heart drops. I feel bile rising up in my throat at the thought of Julie being with someone else, having a family with another man. The finality of it all hits me, and I swear I can feel my heart ripping in two. Part of me wants to turn around and hit the whiskey, while the other part wants to find out what the fuck is going on.

  Temptation wins.

  “What the hell happened to Julie?” I say as I storm into my pop’s kitchen and see Mack talking on the phone.

  Julie

  I wake up to the sound of machines beeping. I should be used to it by now. Lord knows this isn’t my first rodeo. I open my eyes and notice the room I’m in. The same gray walls and green curtains I saw only a few months ago. Yeah, I’ve been in here before. They should keep it reserved for me.

  I look around the room and see my daughter Jenny sleeping in one of the hard metal chairs, holding on to her favorite doll Lulu. My sister-in-law, Bethany, is sitting in the other chair, stroking Jenny’s hair. Bethany notices I’m awake and rushes over to me.

  “How are you, hun?” she asks, taking my good hand in hers, the one the bastard didn’t break.

  “I’m…um…I’m okay.” I try to talk normally, but it comes out in a nearly silent whisper. “How’s my baby?”

  “Jenny is fine, sweetie. She’s been here with me the whole time. I told her you fell down the stairs again.” Bethany shrugs her shoulders. In other words, Jenny doesn’t buy it.

  “How long this time?”

  “A little more than a day. The doctors wanted to keep you sedated for a while. You were in a lot of pain, so they wanted you to sleep through the worst of it.”

  More than a day? “Oh my God! Jenny must have been scared to death.”

  “Don’t worry. I haven’t left her side the whole time. I picked her up from school, and we’ve camped out here the entire time. I explained to her that you were just sleeping. She’s frightened, but she’s okay.”

  I look over at my little princess. She’s still sleeping like a baby. She looks so much like her father that I can’t help but think of Jase each time I look at her.

  After I ran away from Tennessee, I ended up in Kansas City. Kristen was attending College here, and I wanted to be near her. I needed to be with someone that I knew loved me, someone that I knew would never hurt me.

  Luckily, her roommate Bethany was a sweet girl and let me crash in their dorm room. Bethany is shy, even shyer than me. She never once complained about having me there. In fact, she even pushed me to sign up for classes. Before long, she became one of my closest friends. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her over the last nine years.

  “Thank you for taking care of her,” I say as tears fill my eyes.

  After leaving Jase, I thought I had cried as much as a person could, but I was wrong. When the doctor told me I was pregnant, I proved that a body never runs out of tears.

  I didn’t know I was having his baby when I left Jase. If I had, I would’ve stayed. I wouldn’t have stayed with him, but I would have never left Tennessee. At first, I didn’t even realize I had missed a few periods. When I did, I didn’t really think much about it. I was so upset about Jase and Becca that I just assumed it was the stress. Then, I started getting sick, so I decided to go to the clinic. By the time I found out, I was roughly three months along.

  I was scared shitless. I had no idea what I was going to do. I didn’t know how I was going to support myself, much less a child, without going back home. By that point, I knew going back to Cromwell was not an option for me. Even if I could have faced Jase and Becca again, I didn’t think Jase was in any condition to be a dad.

  When I told my family and Pop about the baby, they warned me to stay away. They all said they would help all they could, but that Jase was in no way ready to be a father. I kept asking them when I should tell him, but they all kept saying to wait. No one would tell me what was going on with him, so I finally called Matty. He said Jase had fallen apart after I left. He was drinking all the time and fucking up his life. In other words, he was getting drunk and fucking anything that could walk.

  He said the Jase I knew and loved was gone, and if I came back, he would do nothing but cause me more heartache. More importantly, he would hurt our baby; not physically, but his drinking would leave scars that would never heal. Having an alcoholic mother, I carried enough of those scars. I didn’t want my child to bear that pain.

  I hated that Jase was so messed up, but a part of me thought he deserved it. Jase didn’t just hurt me; he shattered me. He tore the heart right out of my chest and stomped all over it. It took me three years before I moved on, before I tried to leave my love for Jase behind. When I first met Bethany’s brother Dean, I thought he was a great guy. He wasn’t handsome in the way Jase was, but he was cute. His dark blonde hair and deep blue eyes immediately grabbed my attention. That, teamed with his drool-worthy body, had been the icing on the cake. He wasn’t just easy on the eyes; he had also just graduated from medical school and joined a small gynecology practice about an hour out of Kansas City. Best of all, he was amazing with Jenny. Dean was everything a girl could want.

  After months of him asking me out, I finally gave in. Bethany tried to warn me. She told me time and time again to stay away from him. She always acted strange whenever Dean was around, but she never really explained why. She just kept saying, “My brother is not who you think he is.” I wish I had listened.

  “Has Dean been here?”

  Bethany takes a deep breath and slowly nods her head. “He was here the first day. He followed the ambulance to the hospital, but he left after you were admitted and hasn’t come back.”

  I let out a bitter laugh. “At least he called the ambulance this time.”

>   Dean was a wonderful boyfriend. He was attentive and always included Jenny in our plans. When we went out, we went to places like the park or the zoo. He even took us to Worlds of Fun and spent the whole day riding baby rides with Jenny. I thought he would make a wonderful step-father.

  I didn’t love him, but I did like him a lot. There were no butterflies, no erratic beats of my heart, none of the things I had felt with Jase, but he made me smile. In a life full of tears, a smile meant a lot to me. So what if I wasn’t in love with him? I wasn’t sure I could love anyone except Jase. Naively, I figured liking him was enough. We dated for two years before he asked me to marry him. I didn’t say yes the first time, but a year later, I was tired of being alone, and I figured being married to Dean was better than being by myself all the time.

  I was wrong.

  He didn’t become abusive until after we were married. The total transformation in Dean is still difficult to wrap my head around. It was like I was living in some screwed up fairytale. I said I do to a prince and woke up married to the evil villain.

  He hit me for the first time while we were on our honeymoon in the Bahamas. He slept in on our third morning there, and I decided to go lay out in the sun while I waited on him to wake up. I put on the new bikini Kristen bought me as a wedding gift, left a note near his pillow, and headed for the pool.

  About an hour later, Dean walked out of the hotel. I noticed him as soon as he stepped outside, and a huge smile spread across my face. He was looking back and forth, trying to find me, and I remember feeling a jolt of excitement. I immediately got up and started to walk to him. As soon as his eyes met mine, I realized that he was angry. Really angry. He ran over to me, literally knocking people out of his way. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to our room, while everyone watched me struggle to keep up.

  As soon as we got through the door, he backhanded me. I flew across the room, but he was on top of me before I even landed. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even open my mouth. Dean screamed at me for leaving the room. I was never supposed to go anywhere without getting his permission first. He screamed at me for wearing a bikini. I was his, and no one was allowed to see my body but him. He then started hitting me, and he kept hitting me until I blacked out. The last thing I remember thinking was that this can’t be the same man I just married.