by Cathryn Fox
He glared at her and she pulled the blankets up to cover herself, before adding, “You know what, Garrett? Maybe the Committee is on to something.” Her voice was even, controlled when she added, “Maybe you really are emotionally damaged.”
Garrett scoffed. “Look at you. You finally found your voice, did you? Too bad you couldn’t have learned to use it earlier and gone to battle with your family instead of hiding behind me. Then you wouldn’t have needed a fake fiancé and we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“If you didn’t want me to speak my mind, maybe you shouldn’t have taught me how.”
“Tallulah—” he breathed out, his heart aching as he remembered that special night together. “You knew I didn’t want kids, that they weren’t part of our business arrangement. I told you I couldn’t be a father.”
Jesus Christ, all he ever wanted was to be a father.
“I never asked you for that.”
“No, you just took it.”
She angled her head away from him. “You should go.”
He gripped his head and took deep breaths, his mind racing, trying to sort things through. God, how could he ever be a father and take care of something so tiny and precious when he couldn’t even take care of himself.
“I want you to leave, Garrett.”
“Tallulah, wait.”
“No. Go, now.”
He was about to protest, but what the fuck could he say. Obeying her wishes, he turned toward the door but before he exited she said, “Just for the record, I’m not the one who gave up on you. You’re the one who gave up on yourself. You would have been a great father and the only person who doesn’t believe in you, is you.”
Chapter Eleven
Tallulah woke up with a throbbing headache and a topsy-turvy stomach. She jumped from her bed and made a beeline to the bathroom where she spent the next twenty minutes throwing up. When she was finally able to stand, she glanced at herself in the mirror, but the swollen eyes staring back, the hair in total disarray, the pajamas that she’d been in for days was a reminder of the fight she’d had with Garrett. They’d both hurt each other, Tallulah wanting this baby and a life with Garrett every bit as much as he didn’t want it.
She placed her hand over her stomach, and a mixture of joy and sadness rushed through her blood. God, she wanted a child more than anything in the world, and even though the life growing inside her was nothing short of a miracle, she wasn’t the kind of girl who’d go against someone’s wishes and take what she wanted.
With slow, careful movements, she padded softly to her kitchen, forcing herself to go to work after two days in bed. At least it was Thursday and she only had to suffer through today and tomorrow before the weekend. She glanced at her cell phone and noted all the messages from Kat. She’d been avoiding her best friend, not wanting to talk about the pregnancy, or that Garrett didn’t want anything more to do with her…or their child.
She grabbed a few crackers from the cupboard and nibbled on them. When her stomach finally settled, she jumped in the shower. Once finished she put on her work wear, tried to hide her swollen eyes with makeup and left for the center.
The bright lights and all the smiling faces and hugs that greeted her helped cheer her up a little, but every now and then she glanced at the door, wishing she’d find Garrett on the other side.
It was a little before lunch when her boss called her into her upstairs office. Fighting another bout of nausea, she climbed the stairs and took a seat on the other side of Andrea’s desk. That’s when she noticed her application on the table and knew this meeting was about the position she wanted so badly.
“How are you feeling?” Andrea asked. “You’re not still fighting the flu are you?”
“No, I’m feeling much better,” Tallulah said, keeping her pregnancy to herself for the time being. “Thank you.”
“Very well. I just wanted to let you know that the committee and I have gone over your application, and I’m afraid to inform you that we don’t think you’re suitable for the director’s position.”
The room swayed before Tallulah’s eyes and she gripped the arms of her chair to keep herself balanced. “Not suitable?” she asked.
“That’s right,” she said and without even trying to soften the truth she explained, “This position requires someone who is assertive, someone who can speak their mind and persuade board members and the municipality to implement new rules. Your ideas are brilliant, so we’re going to hand them over to Janice.”
“Janice? You’re going to give the promotion…and my ideas to someone you hired three months ago?” She shook her head. “You’ve got to be kidding me?”
Tallulah climbed from her chair, and with her emotions and hormones all over the place, she said, “I’ve been working here for three years, giving this organization everything I have, writing reports and papers on how to better serve the children, and you’re telling me I’m not suitable for the promotion?”
Her boss pushed back in her chair, and putting an end to the conversation she said, “I think the best thing for you is to go back to the classroom with the children.”
“And what I think is best for me is to find an organization that values me and treats me with the respect I deserve.” With that she scooped her reports off her boss’s table and left the office. She gathered her belongings, gave a hug to all the kids she loved, and jumped in her car. Tears flowed fast and furious as she drove home, and she questioned the logic of her actions as she negotiated traffic. Now, not only was she pregnant and alone, she was also unemployed.
The second she entered her condo, she grabbed her laptop and booted it up. She pulled open her patio door and walked out into the sunshine, letting it warm her suddenly chilled body as she Skyped Kat.
Kat came on the screen. “Lu,” she said, as soon as she saw the tears. “What’s going on? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for days. I even called Ving.”
“You called Ving?”
“Yes, but he said he hadn’t seen you either.” Kat leaned closer to the screen, and Tallulah could see she was in her office at the hospital.
“Are you at home?” Kat asked and checked her watch. “What are you doing at home?”
“I quit my job today.”
Kat gasped. “What happened?”
“I was the most qualified for the director’s position, and they gave it to someone else.”
“Shit,” Kat said. “Why?”
“Because they said I wasn’t assertive enough.”
“Bastards. Hang on a sec.” Kat turned to say something to a colleague, and Tallulah took that moment to think about things, like even though it stung, maybe her boss was right. Before she’d met Garrett she’d never do anything to rock the boat. If they needed someone to go head to head with the board, or government officials, she could see why they turned her down. Heck, last month she never even would have stood up to her boss, or told her what she really thought. She would have tucked tail and run.
Like Garrett is doing.
Kat came back on the screen. “But you know what, Lu, maybe this is the push you needed to start your own center. It’s what you always wanted.”
“Yeah, I thought about that, but I have something else to tell you.” Tallulah thought about the miracle inside her and blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”
Kat exhaled slowly and pressed her palm to her forehead. “Oh, my God, Tallulah.” She went silent for a second then asked, “How did Garrett take the news?”
“How do you think?” Tallulah fought off a wave of nausea. “We’re different people who want different things.”
“Hey, I told you before, opposites attract.”
“Sexually maybe.”
“He’s crazy about you, Lu. I could see it in his eyes at the wedding reception. You need to see those pictures yourself to understand. I’ll get them scanned and forward them to you.”
“I think what you saw was lust.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, and sniffed. “We never should
have pretended we were engaged, then none of this would have happened.”
“Honey, I’m so sorry. I feel like this is my fault. I’m the one who talked you in to seducing him.”
Tallulah shook her head. “No. You might have given me a little push, but it wasn’t like I hadn’t thought of it, or wanted to do it. I take full responsibility for my own actions.”
“Do you think you should come home?”
“No. I just need to figure out what to do next.”
Just then a noise at her gate gained her attention, and her heart jumped into her throat when she turned around to see her brother, Ving, standing there, his hands fisted, his body tensed for battle. That’s when she realized he’d heard her entire conversation.
His nostrils flared and the muscles along his jaw clenched. “Where is he?”
Sitting at their favorite pub, Garrett took a long pull from his beer bottle and then slammed it down hard on the scarred and dented table. “Pregnant,” he said. “How the fuck did that happen?”
Brad twirled his bottle. “You really want to know. Okay then, when a man is attracted to a woman…”
“Fuck off.” Garrett ran his hands through his hair. “What I know is she got me so goddamn hot for her I forgot to use a condom. Twice at the wedding and again the other night.”
“Hey, it takes two, pal. The blame isn’t entirely hers.”
Christ he hated when his friend was right, and after spending days rehashing their hospital conversation, he knew Tallulah didn’t deserve what he’d said to her. “I told her up front I didn’t want to have a kid.”
“Did you ever think that on some level you forgot protection on purpose because you wanted to give her the baby, the family, she wanted?”
Garrett snorted. “What kind of psycho bullshit are you trying to sell me? You know I’m not cut out to be a father.”
“Why?” Brad pushed.
“You know why.”
“What I know, Garrett, is war is pretty fucking horrific and you couldn’t have stopped or changed what happened over there any more than any of us could. It wasn’t your fault your guy lost his shit, and you did the best you could in a bad situation. So don’t you think it’s time you stopped blaming yourself. Because if you don’t, pal, you’re going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to you.”
Garrett’s head came up with a start. “You mean Tallulah?”
“Of course I mean Tallulah.” He took a swig from his beer and shook his head. “Jesus, you’re denser than I thought. Come on, I see the way you look at her. You’re crazy about her.”
Garrett swallowed and thought more about Tallulah. Jesus, he never meant to hurt her. Deep in his heart he knew she was kind and sweet and had never manipulated him. He’d shot back at her and said hurtful things in anger—in fear. Christ, she wasn’t the one with the problem. He was.
“You couldn’t change the outcome overseas, but you can change the outcome here,” Brad continued. “You’re a guy who goes to battle for what he believes in, and yet when it comes to Tallulah you’re so scared shitless, you’ve been fighting what you really feel and have been running in the opposite direction. Grow a set why don’t ya?”
“Fuck, Brad, why don’t you tell me what you really think,” Garrett grunted.
“Okay, how about this then. If you’re running away from Tallulah and the baby because you’re afraid of letting them down, well guess what, pal, you’ve already succeeded in doing just that.”
Sometimes he really hated how well Brad knew him.
Garrett pushed back from the table, and was about to get up when Ving came crashing through the door.
Shit.
“You son of a bitch.” He stormed across the room. “You fuck with my sister, get her pregnant, and then walk away. What kind of a fucking guy are you anyway?”
“A pretty fucked-up one,” Garrett said.
Ving leveled him with a glare. “Oh yeah, well you ain’t seen fucked up yet.”
Brad pushed to his feet but Ving ignored him, and before Garrett could even put his hand up, he took a hard hit to the jaw that sent him flying backward. He toppled over a table and crashed to the floor. Ving went after him, but Brad stepped between the two. Garrett climbed to his feet, wishing Brad would back the fuck off because he knew whatever Ving was about to dish out, he more than deserved.
Brad said something to Ving, which seemed to calm him down. Then Ving pointed a finger at Garrett and said, “You need to do right by her.”
Chapter Twelve
Night fell over the city as Garrett drove through the streets, sick at the way things had turned out with Tallulah and still unable to comprehend the idea that he was going to be a father.
A father.
He and Tallulah, along with Phillip McNeil—the other man vying for the lead security job—and Phillip’s wife, were supposed to meet with the Committee on board the sail boat in less than twenty minutes. But the last thing he felt like doing was putting on a show, and pretending he was something he wasn’t.
Yeah, okay, so maybe he was emotionally damaged. Hell, maybe he really didn’t want this fucking job anyway. Honestly, when it came right down to it, by all rights Phillip should get it. He cared more about the position than Garrett ever did anyway.
He turned in to the marina and could already see a crowd on his boss’s boat. He fixed his tie, and ran his hands through his hair, working to come up with an excuse for Tallulah’s absence. Deciding to get this over with, he climbed from the vehicle, tried to wipe the snarl from his face as he walked along the aluminum gangway.
When he reached the yacht and heard familiar laughter, his heart lodged in his throat. Jesus Christ, he couldn’t believe she was actually here, that after all the hurtful things he said to her, she’d still do this for him. He must have done something right in another life, because he sure as hell hadn’t done anything in this one to deserve Tallulah.
His heart pounded harder as he stepped onto the boat and if sensing him there, Tallulah turned. Her eyes were bright with laughter, but the sadness lingering beneath the façade hit like a physical blow to the gut.
“There you are,” she said, nursing a glass of water while everyone else drank champagne. “I told Dave you’d be running late.” She grinned and wagged her finger. “That’s my workaholic fiancé. Always working to the bitter end to make sure every job is done right.” She went up on her toes and when he dropped a kiss onto her mouth he felt her body tighten.
He could hardly believe she was here, bragging him up in front of the others, following through with the charade and making sure he landed the job. The boat started moving, and when Dave placed a hand on Garrett’s shoulder, urging him toward the stern where the other men were talking business, he watched Tallulah’s face pale, her hand gripping the metal rail hard enough to turn her knuckles white. That’s when he realized she never would have taken anything for the motion sickness, not when it could harm the baby.
He couldn’t let her do this. Not for him.
“Wait,” Garrett said. “We need to go back.”
Her hair flared around her shoulders as she spun toward him. “Garrett, it’s fine,” she assured him, her voice full of panic as her eyes widened in warning.
“No, it’s not fine. Tallulah’s pregnant and she hasn’t been feeling well. Sailing is only going to worsen her condition.”
A chorus of agreement sounded and Dave made a circle gesture with his hand. Seconds later, the boat was back at the dock. Tallulah apologized, but the women fawned over her, giving her advice as Garrett guided her off. The all agreed to go to the country club in lieu of sailing, but Garrett politely declined, saying Tallulah needed her rest, and she didn’t argue the point.
They stood on the marina face to face and once the sailboat was out of earshot, he put his hands on her arms and dipped his head until their eyes met. “You didn’t have to do this. Not for me.”
“We had a business deal, and I want to follow through.” Her eyes mov
ed to the welt on the side of his face, compliments of her big brother. “I heard what Ving did. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m the one who’s sorry. I never should have said… I’m such an asshole. None of this is your fault and you didn’t deserve to be attacked.” As she stood there staring up at him, her big eyes wide while he begged for forgiveness, he continued, “I just…when the nurse said I was going to be a father…I didn’t know…I can’t…” He breathed deep and his chest shook as he let it out. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know,” she said quietly.
“I told you I was a fuckup.” He rubbed his scar. “I guess the Committee really was on to something.”
Instead of agreeing or disagreeing, she looked out over the water. “I hope I didn’t screw this up for you. Phillip is probably charming them right now.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t even want this job anyway.”
Her eyes moved back to his, and tension hung heavy. “No? Then what do you want, Garrett?”
He swallowed, hard, as conflicting emotions pulled his thoughts in a million different directions. “I want to do right by you. I’ll marry you.”
Sadness moved over her face and when her hands closed over her stomach, his protective instincts flared. “No. I never asked you to marry me just because I was pregnant. I’m more than capable of raising a baby by myself if you’re not interested in being a part of our lives. But if you want to be a part of my life, and our baby’s, I don’t want it to be because Ving told you to or because you think it’s the honorable thing to do. I want you to do it because you want to.” Her voice dropped, and became strangely quiet when she added, “Because you want us.”
His chest squeezed. “Tallulah,” he said, scrubbing his hands through his hair and trying to figure out how to make this right with her.
“I have to go.” With that she walked to her car, climbed in and disappeared into the night.
As he watched her go, he thought about his conversation with Brad. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he was nothing but a goddamn chicken shit. But what if he went after her, begged her to marry him, and then only ended up letting her down. Letting their child down.
