by Cathryn Fox
You already did.
He trudged back to his truck, drove around for endless hours, trying to sort out everything that had happened over the last month. Knowing he needed to talk to Tallulah before his head exploded, he headed to her place. Panic invaded his gut when he saw her car wasn’t there. He grabbed his cell and punched in her number, but when she didn’t answer, he headed to Ving and Jenny’s on the other side of town. He pulled into his brother-in-law’s driveway, and saw Tallulah’s car. But Ving’s truck was gone. With unease moving through him, he rushed up the steps and pounded on the door. When he got no answer, he called his sister’s phone.
“Garrett,” she said quietly. “Where are you?”
Fear moved down his spine. “At your place.”
“I was just about to call you.”
“Where is she?” he asked, running back to his vehicle because he feared he already knew the answer.
“At the hospital. She had some bleeding and called Ving.”
Goddammit she should have called me.
“Is she okay?”
“They gave her something to help her sleep. She hasn’t been getting much of that lately.”
He threw the SUV into gear and whipped out of the driveway. “And the baby?”
“The baby is fine.”
“I’m on my way.”
Garrett sped like a madman through the streets and when he reached the downtown core, he had no idea how he’d managed to make it to the hospital without a ticket. He hurried inside and stopped at the desk to ask for her room number.
“Only immediate family,” the nurse said.
“I’m her fiancé,” he explained and as soon as the nurse pointed out where she was he bolted down the corridor. When he reached her room and saw her sleeping, Jenny and Ving sitting next to her, it felt like his world had been ripped out from underneath him.
He stepped up to Tallulah, and worked to breathe as he brushed his thumb over her cheek. Then he glanced at his sister. “Jenny,” he croaked out.
Jenny climbed to her feet and hugged him. “She’s going to be fine, Garrett.”
“The baby?” he asked again.
“They did an ultrasound and the fetus is firmly seated.” A noise crawled out of Garrett’s throat a half sob, half cry of relief. “The doctor said the bleeding wasn’t serious, but since she has severe endometriosis, she’s going to need special care during her pregnancy.”
“I’ll take care of her.”
“Because you’ve been doing such a fine fucking job of that already,” Ving said, pushing past him.
“Jesus, Jenny,” he whispered, his throat too tight to swallow as Ving disappeared into the hall. “What the hell have I done?”
“Don’t worry about him. He’ll be okay once you do the right thing.” She paused and said, “You are going to do the right thing, right?”
“I tried. I told her I’d marry her.”
“You told her you’d marry her? God, sometimes you can be so dense.” Jenny shook her head. “Do you really think that’s what she wanted to hear from you?”
“I…I…” Christ, he was such a fuckup. He closed his eyes in distress.
“You should probably also know she didn’t get the director’s position and quit her job. So she has a lot of stress on her right now, which is probably what brought this on.”
His lids flew open, and everything inside him twisted into knots, his heart so heavy it became difficult to stand. “She quit?”
“Yeah, she basically told them where they could go.”
“She did?” He fisted his hair and looked at her sleeping so quietly on the bed, the IV in her arm replenishing her fluids. “She never told me.” Jesus, she was so strong, courageous and brave. Even without a job she was determined to stay here, face her responsibilities and raise her family, with or without him, when she could so easily have tucked tail and run back to her folks and let everyone else take care of her. He was the one who was chicken shit. Christ, maybe he could learn a thing or two from her.
He cleared his dry throat, rattled by the emotions she brought out in him. He scrubbed his chin with his palm, and when a noise in the hall pulled his attention, he glanced over his shoulder, then back at Jenny.
“I called Mom.” He gave Jenny a curious glance. “It’s her first grandchild,” she explained.
“What does she know?”
“Everything.”
Fuck.
Garrett dropped down into the chair next to Tallulah’s bed, and Jenny stepped into the hall. A few minutes later his mother and Donovan came in to sit next to him.
His mother wrapped her arms around him and it took every ounce of strength he possessed not to break down and sob like a goddamn baby.
“So you’re going to be a dad,” she said quietly.
“Looks that way.”
His mom held Donovan’s hand and looked heavenward. “Your father would have been so proud. I know he can’t be here, but I bet he’s looking down on you with a huge smile on his face.”
A strange strangled noise lodged in his throat and he propped his elbows on his knees and rested his forehead in his hands. “I somehow doubt that,” came his muffled reply.
“What are you talking about?” Donovan piped in.
Emotionally battered, Garrett rubbed the band on his pinky finger, then scratched at the scar on his face, and that’s when he noticed Tallulah still had the engagement ring on. “I never gave him anything to be proud of,” Garrett said.
“Garrett, there was no man on the force more proud of his son.”
His head came up with a start. “What are you talking about?”
“He talked about you all the time.” Donovan rolled his eyes before saying, “To anyone who would listen. I mean, I loved you like you were my own kid, but enough already,” he said laughing.
Garrett shook his head, hardly able to believe what Donovan was saying was true. “I doubt that.”
“If you don’t believe me, head on down to the precinct. Everyone knew your every milestone. From your first tooth, until you joined the army. That man was damn proud.”
“But I never did anything he wanted.”
“Didn’t mean he wasn’t proud.”
A long pause, and then, “But I could never have lived up to his expectations of me.”
Donovan eyed him, his look thoughtful. “Why is that, Garrett?”
“That man did everything right. I couldn’t compete.”
“Did you somehow think you were in competition with him?”
“No…yes…I don’t know. I guess I just never thought I could follow in his footsteps because nothing ever scared him.”
Donovan let loose a harsh bark of laughter. “Believe me, we all have our issues, but as adults we’re just better at dealing with them. Or hiding them,” he said solemnly. He glanced heavenward. “He was a courageous man on the streets. I’ll give you that. But he certainly wasn’t fearless.”
Garrett scrubbed his hand over his chin. “He wasn’t?”
“I spent a lot of hours with that man and let me tell you, he was scared of one thing and one thing only.”
Finding it hard to believe that his father was afraid of anything Garrett raised a skeptical brow and asked, “What was that?”
“Raising you and your sister. Your father would rather face the streets any day. Isn’t that right, Diane?”
When his mother nodded and patted Garrett on the knee, Donovan continued, “He said the streets weren’t nearly as scary as rising kids. He was always afraid of messing it up and doing something wrong by you two. But you know what, Garrett? He did it anyway. He faced his fears and did it anyway.” Donovan gave a slow nod. “And when I look at you and your sister, and see what fine, upstanding adults you’ve both become, I know he did a damn great job.”
Garrett swallowed, sorting through everything Donovan had just told him. With his heart pounding so hard he was sure his mother and Donovan could hear it, he shifted to face his mother.
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br /> “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“Garrett, you have nothing to apologize to me for.”
His throat was so swollen he could barely speak. “Yeah, I do. I took off after Dad died. I left when you and Jenny needed me.”
“Garrett, we all grieve differently, and I knew that’s what you were doing. Besides, we did okay, and we all got through this in our own way.”
“But Jenny, she went through that rebellious stage. I should have been here.”
She wagged her finger at him. “Jenny is my responsibility not yours, and just look at her today. I must say I did a fine job with her.” She held his hand and squeezed. “Just like I did a fine job with you. I’m so proud of you two.”
“Your mother is a strong woman,” Donovan said.
“And I raised a strong son,” she replied, smiling at Garrett before she turned her attention to Tallulah. “I think you two need some time alone.” She climbed to her feet, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. As he watched his mother and Donovan leave, Garrett fought back tears.
A new sense of calmness came over him as he stood and walked to the bed, the knot in his stomach loosening. He took Tallulah’s hand in his and cursed himself for being so cruel to her. She was sweet and kind, so easy to love, and so easy to be with that he could feel her affection even when she was asleep.
He thought more about Tallulah and how she always had faith in him, even when he didn’t deserve it. She never stopped believing in him even when he didn’t believe in himself. He’d told her to battle for what she wanted, and yet fear made him run away from everything he’d ever wanted, everything Tallulah was offering.
Christ, if his father could face his fears, then he could damn well do it too. And maybe, just maybe, it was time to join the force here in the city, and instead of trying to fill his father’s shoes, just walk quietly and proudly beside them.
Just then Jenny came back in. “The nurse said she’s going to sleep through and we should all head home and do the same.”
Garrett shook his head, a wave of possessiveness swamping him, because he knew deep in his heart he and Tallulah belonged together. He’d pushed her away because he was scared of the things she made him feel, the things she made him want, but he was tired of being afraid.
“I’m not leaving.”
As he stared at the beautiful woman he wanted in his life, he knew he wanted to become the guy she needed him to be. Christ knows she made him care, and gave him the courage to want to try. He felt a rush of love and stood there a moment longer, thinking about everything that had happened over the past few years, and knowing it was time for changes, time to let go of the past and concentrate on the future. But they couldn’t have a future until they started at the beginning. And he knew just what he had to do.
Sucking in a long, breath as he warmed to the idea and let the decision settle into his brain, he turned to Jenny. “I need a favor.”
Chapter Thirteen
Tallulah woke up feeling completely refreshed and pain free. She glanced around to gather her bearings, then stretched out her limbs. Feeling more rested than she had in a long time, she spotted Garrett asleep in the chair beside her and her heart tightened inside her chest. Fighting down the barrage of emotions, she turned to the nurse and watched her take her vitals.
“The baby?” she asked nervously, even though they’d told her last night everything looked good.
She smiled. “Still perfectly fine.” Tallulah relaxed and the nurse nodded toward Garrett. “Should I wake him?”
Her heart jumped again when she turned Garrett’s way and she worked to sound casual when she said, “No, he looks so peaceful, we should let him sleep.” After the nurse took her blood pressure, which fortunately had stabilized, the doctor walked in.
“Am I free to go?” she asked.
He flipped through the pages on his clipboard and read a few notes. “Yes. But you have to take it easy for the next few days. No stress. You’re high risk, and you need lots of rest and relaxation.”
She nodded in agreement, then spent the next few minutes speaking with the doctor while her IV was removed. When they left the room to give her privacy to dress, she pulled on her clothes and felt a little rush of love as she gave Garrett one last look. She’d thought about waking him, talking to him. But what was left to say?
With a heavy heart she left the hospital, called a cab and went to Ving’s to pick up her car. From there she drove through the quiet Saturday morning streets to her home. She plopped herself down on her sofa and stared at the television set, but her mind was so preoccupied with Garrett, the baby, her job—or lack thereof—she needed to find something else to occupy her mind and ease her stress.
Deciding to head to the health club to oversee her morning ballet class from a comfy chair, she threw on her gear, jumped in her car and headed across town.
“Good morning,” she greeted the girl at the counter, then slipped inside the small classroom reserved for her, to find a few of her students already there. She grabbed a chair and rifled through her bag for her music.
“You know you should be home resting, right?”
She glanced up to see Nurse Jan as her little girl joined the others for warm up. Tallulah patted the chair. “If I’m not sitting here, I’ll just be sitting at home. Are you just getting off work?” Tallulah asked.
Jan stifled a yawn and nodded. “I’m heading home to sleep. Jacinda’s dad will be here for pick-up time.” She waved to her daughter. “I’d better get going, but you make sure you take care of yourself.”
“Don’t worry. I’m taking it easy and would never do anything to harm the baby. And I didn’t want to let the kids down.” Not to mention that she needed something to occupy her mind.
She gave Tallulah a hesitant look. “Your fiancé stayed there the whole night with you.”
She nodded. “He was still asleep in the chair when I woke.”
“He was pretty worried about you and the baby.” Tallulah went quiet and Jan went on to explain, “He told me if you needed blood, he was a universal donor.”
“He did?”
“Yeah, he said he had a spare kidney too.” She chuckled. “I know it’s not funny, and I shouldn’t be laughing…”
Tallulah grinned. “Really, he said that?”
“He offered every spare organ he had, but I think he would have given you his heart if you needed it.”
Tallulah swallowed, realizing his heart was the only thing he wasn’t offering her. She thought of his marriage offer, something he felt he needed to do out of duty, but she didn’t want to be his wife if his heart didn’t come with the proposal.
With that Jan left and Tallulah’s phone beeped. She pulled it from her bag, and clicked on the messages from Kat. “This was when he was watching you dance with Brad,” the message said, and when she saw the pictures, saw the look on Garrett’s face, her world tilted upside down. Tears pooled in her eyes, and her stomach knotted because she recognized that look, had seen her father give it to her mother millions of times.
She touched the screen and looked deeper into Garrett’s eyes. She saw love shining there, but just beneath the surface she saw something else—something that resembled fear. She thought about all the things he’d said to her, about his father, his time overseas, how he always lets everyone down, and that’s when a new calmness came over her. Maybe they weren’t so different after all. When it came to people they cared about, they both retreated into themselves for fear of hurting someone they loved. But Garrett had taught her to stand up for herself and fight for what she wanted. Tallulah believed in Garrett, even when he didn’t believe in himself, so was she really going to sit there and not fight for what she wanted, what she knew he wanted?
Deep in her heart she knew he loved kids, knew he was lost and searching for a way, and dammit, she was just the girl to help him find it.
With her heart racing, trying to figure out her next step, she put on the music, and gave instructions from
her chair. But when the tiny hairs on her arms lifted, she didn’t need to look up to know Garrett was standing there. She felt his presence long before she saw him and didn’t miss the giggles coming from the girls.
“Tallulah,” he whispered, an urgency in his voice, one she’d never heard before. Her breath hitched when she lifted her head saw him standing there in a pink tutu. As she stared at him, she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“What are you doing?” she asked, shaking her head, loving this crazy, playful side of him. “Where did you ever get that?”
“Jenny’s.” He looked down sheepishly, his tension visible. “We had to stitch a few together.”
“Well you look ridiculous.”
And adorable.
He arched a challenging brow. “But it will make for a good story, right?” When she offered him a warm smile, and he returned it, she knew in an instant that he was going to be okay, that everything was going to be okay. He held a shaky hand out to her. “I think we should start again. I’m Garrett. Garrett Anderson.”
“Lu,” she said, grinning. “But you can call me Tallulah Duncan.”
A moment later the smile fell from his face, then he grabbed both her hands and lifted her from the chair. “Tallulah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.”
Her throat closed over, making speech difficult. “Garrett,” she managed to get out, but he pressed his finger to her lips.
“You make me care,” he said. “You make me want to try. I want to do right by you and the baby.”
“I want you to be doing it for the right reasons.”
His face softened and he smoothed her hair back. “Don’t you see, Tallulah, I’m in love with you and want to be the man you need.”
Tears filled her eyes. “You are that man, Garrett.” Her heart swelled inside her chest as she poked him in his. “You’re the only one who doesn’t know it.” When she saw the way he looked at her, the same way he looked at her in the picture Kat had sent, the tears fell harder, because in that instant she knew he was giving her every bit of himself, even his heart. “I know you’re frightened. I’m frightened too,” she said. “We might not always do what’s right, and we’ll make mistakes along the way, but know that you’ll always be my hero.” She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. “Our hero.”
