A Family to Heal His Heart

by Tina Beckett

  His wife had protested his decision, saying, “It won’t bring Marina back.”

  It hadn’t. But what it had done was destroy any possibility of saving his marriage.

  At the time, he’d felt he had no choice. As if his penance was in trying to save other people’s children. Even if doing so carved out another little piece of his heart.

  Lindy shifted beside him, reminding him that he had a job to do.

  So he took a deep breath. “Ready, people? Let’s get to work.”

  And work they did. The patch of infection was the size of a baseball, bigger than he’d originally thought, and it required cutting away more tissue than he’d anticipated. But he wanted to get it all, otherwise it might come back, and none of them wanted that.

  Lindy was right beside him, having instruments at hand almost before he asked for them. It was what separated a good surgical nurse from a great one. And she was definitely one of the great ones. Even after having been out of the game for...what had she said? A little over three years?

  “Looks like we’ve gotten it all. We’ll ship the tissue off to Pathology and have another culture done.”

  “It looks good. Really good.” Lindy murmured the words over his shoulder.

  Her praise sent a burst of warmth through him that had nothing to do with a job well done and everything to do with the stuff that had led to that crazy kiss.

  He’d better put a stop to those thoughts right now.

  Soon they’d closed the wound, and Zeke breathed a sigh of relief. Part of the patient’s aftercare would be IV antibiotics, and the culture would help determine what this particular strain would respond to, although they’d tried most of the broad-spectrum ones already. The ball of infection had lain there unchanged by anything they’d thrown at it. Hopefully manually removing it would make any microbe that remained lose its hold on her.

  One of the other nurses took the specimen cup and marked it with their patient’s number and date of birth and hand-carried it down to the pathology lab. She called up saying the lab was going to put a rush on the results. “Tell them I said thanks. They can ping my cell when they get it.”

  “I’ll let them know.”

  Zeke waited until his patient came round, while other members of the team worked on getting their instruments packed away for sterilization.

  When they were done, he turned to Lindy. “I could use a coffee. How about you?”

  At her slight frown he realized, given the circumstances, he probably shouldn’t have asked, but he’d done it out of habit. How many times had he invited whoever happened to be standing around if they wanted to go for coffee? It didn’t mean anything, but she evidently thought differently. And maybe it did. But he wasn’t going to attempt any big explanations. If she wanted to say no, that was fine.

  “Sounds good.”

  He blinked in surprise but couldn’t say he was disappointed by her answer. He liked having company after a difficult surgery. No one had ever taken those invitations to mean anything other than what they were. The camaraderie of teamwork. Sometimes there were seven staff members seated around that table in the hospital cafeteria. And sometimes there were two. He looked around, but the room had basically emptied now that the patient had been wheeled to Recovery, so there was no one else to invite.

  He could do this. They were both grown-ups, both capable of getting past one little mistake. Little? Hmm, not according to the dreams that still plagued him at night.

  Saying that, he’d rather not have a bunch of people see him having coffee with the new nurse, especially in light of what had happened. So, yes, he’d been stupid to ask. But maybe if they went somewhere else, there would be less cause for tongues to wag.

  “I know a coffee shop just down the road from the hospital. It’ll get us out in the fresh air for a bit, if you can spare the time.”

  “I’m due for a half-hour break, so it’s fine.” But she didn’t sound quite as sure as she had a moment ago. Did she think he was asking her out on a date? He didn’t want to set her straight and embarrass her, although he had a feeling she had no such illusions.

  “Are you up for walking?”

  She glanced down at her shoes, which looked comfortable. “I’m good.”

  Soon they were out the door. “Is it Mulroney’s just down the street?”

  “Yes. I forgot you’re from the area.”

  He stuffed his hands in his pockets as the full force of the Savannah heat hit him.

  “I might need to worry more about melting than what kind of footwear I have on.” She laughed as she said it, though.

  “I take it you’d rather not have your coffee on the shop’s patio?”

  “I’d prefer my air to be conditioned, if you don’t mind. The cooler the better.”

  This time he was the one who laughed. “I admit I didn’t think this out as well as I might have.”

  Thankfully, it didn’t take long to reach their destination, and the interior of the shop was indeed blessedly cool.

  He found a table in a secluded corner of the coffee bar and motioned her to take a seat. A minute later, one of the servers came over and asked for their order. “Go ahead,” he said.

  “I’d actually like an iced coffee, please, with extra sugar.”

  His brows went up, but he said nothing, instead ordering his own coffee black and waiting until the server moved away to another customer.

  “Would you have ordered that at the hospital cafeteria?”

  She smiled. “Have you actually had the coffee there?”

  “Have you?”

  “No.” Her teeth came down on her lip. “I just assumed it was the same as most hospital cafeteria meals. I’ve come here the last two times I’ve had a break. I even brought Daisy here once and ordered her a hot chocolate.”

  “Your husband never...?”

  She didn’t ask what he was talking about. “No, never.”

  There was a tight set to her lips that warned him not to push his luck, so he moved on to a less volatile subject. “Did Mulroney’s chocolate get Daisy’s stamp of approval?”

  “She loved it. My mom actually brought her to meet me that day. She’s been great about watching Daisy for me. She insists, actually. I don’t blame her. She missed out on a lot.”

  So had his mom.

  His mom had loved Marina, had loved every second of the time they’d spent together. And then after her diagnosis everything had changed.

  They’d no longer had entire days to simply let her visit with her grandparents. By that time Marina had been sick more often than not. Their lives had been taken up with fighting an enemy that refused to let go. In the end that enemy had won, and Zeke had lost everything.

  His parents had been devastated when they lost not only their granddaughter but also their daughter-in-law. Janice had told them she was sorry, but it hurt too much to stay in contact with them, so she’d dropped out of their lives completely, moving out west.

  His mom never said anything directly, but every once in a while she hinted about him remarrying one day. Her ultimate dream was probably another grandchild, especially since she was now alone, his father having died a year ago. She was still grieving his passing.

  As for marriage, Zeke didn’t see that happening.

  After the way he’d shut Janice out during his grief, he’d been wary of relationships. He hadn’t liked who he’d become after Marina’s death. He’d been selfish and unsupportive, basically crawling into a dark emotional tunnel that only had room for one occupant: him. His wife had been out of luck.

  It had been ugly and wrong, and he didn’t trust himself to do things differently if faced with a similar crisis. So he didn’t try. He wasn’t willing to risk someone else’s happiness.

  And that kiss with Lindy?

  It had been a momentary surge of lust. Nothing more. N
othing less. He’d already nipped that in the bud.

  “What about you?” Lindy said. “It seems we’re always discussing my personal life. What do you do when you’re not at the hospital? You’re not married...right?”

  She was fishing. It made him smile.

  “Don’t worry, Lindy. You didn’t break up a marriage with that kiss. I did that all by myself quite a while ago.”

  “So you were married?”

  “Yep.” He already knew what was coming and braced himself for it, although he was surprised she hadn’t already heard. There were still some people at the hospital who’d been there at the time of his daughter’s illness.

  “Any kids?” Her eyes were curious, but there was still no hint that she knew anything about Marina.

  What did he tell her? The truth. After all, look at what she’d shared with him.

  “I did have. She died five years ago.”

  “Oh, Zeke, I’m sorry. What happened, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  “Not at all. She had an incurable lung disease. She died when she was three and a half.”

  Her hand touched his, but this time it wasn’t out of anything other than sympathy. “I didn’t know.”

  “It’s not something that comes up in most casual conversations.” Was he saying this wasn’t that type of conversation? Maybe. Either he was slipping in his old age, or she had a knack for inviting confidences.

  Before he could say anything else, their coffees came, and the discussion soon turned to work, and Tessa’s case. “Any idea yet when surgery will be?”

  “Soon. The hospital is trying to sync their schedules with our open time slots. I imagine it will be sometime this next week after the open house on the women’s crisis center.”

  “She’s a sweet little girl.”

  “Yes. She reminds me of Marina a little bit.”

  And just like that, he’d circled back around to the subject of his daughter.

  “Tell me about her. What was she like?”

  “She was a sweet baby. Janice—my wife—and I knew each other in high school and fell in love. Then came med school and all the pressures that came with it. By the time I was done with that and we were ready to have children, nothing seemed to work. We finally went in for fertility treatments and along came Marina. Everything seemed good. At first.”

  “You said she had a lung condition. Was it asthma?”

  “No, an interstitial lung disease. ChILD, to be exact. She had a type called cryptogenic organizing pneumonia, which is just what it sounds like. She had repeated bouts of lung infections until she couldn’t fight them off any longer.”

  “Did you and your wife split over that?”

  “About a year after Marina’s death. I wasn’t a very nice person during that time.”

  Lindy’s head cocked to the side. “What do you mean?”

  He could almost see the wheels in her head turning. “I found out too late that I don’t react well to crises. I shut down. Not a trait most women want in a life partner.”

  “There are worse things.”

  Looking at it from her point of view, he guessed there were. “Maybe, but in our case it meant the end of our marriage.”

  “Does it hurt? Treating other people’s children, I mean?”

  Today’s case had been hard. “Sometimes. Especially when the patients are the same age or have a similar illness.”

  “I can imagine. I’m surprised you still opt to treat those patients.”

  He shrugged. “How fair would it be of me to refuse to treat a patient simply because it made me sad? Or uncomfortable?”

  “I get it.” She paused as if thinking. “I get it, but it can’t make it any easier.”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  They sat in silence for a minute or two, then Lindy sighed and closed her eyes. “They do have great coffee here.”

  No more confessions? Maybe she was right. There’d been enough soul-baring for one coffee session. And it was probably time to get back.

  “I’m not sure about calling a drink with ice ‘coffee.’” He smiled to show it wasn’t meant as a true criticism.

  “Hey, it’s made from the same bean that yours is. Like iced tea or hot tea.”

  He couldn’t really argue with that.

  The door opened and two nurses from the hospital came in. Lindy recognized them and waved. It served to officially mark the end of personal conversations. And thank God she’d taken her hand off his when their drinks had come. That was all he needed...for the hospital gossip chain to decide to do a little matchmaking based on mistaken assumptions. It was why he hadn’t wanted to go to the hospital cafeteria.

  Talking about Marina had brought back memories he’d rather have left buried. And to get involved with someone who had a child that was almost the same age as his when she’d died, well, he couldn’t imagine it would be good. Or that he wouldn’t wonder, year after year, what Marina would have been like at each of those year markers.

  Hadn’t he already wondered that? His daughter would have been almost nine years old by now. He’d actually looked up a program that could “age” the subject of a photograph. He’d done it with his daughter’s picture last year to see what she might have looked like at different stages of her life. He’d printed the images off as a keepsake, but it had been a mistake. The passage of time on those faces had haunted him for months afterward, and he preferred to remember the flesh and blood child, rather than some hazy possibility that would never come to pass. He’d finally had to bury those prints deep inside one of his desk drawers at home. He probably should throw them away, except the thought of doing so felt wrong, like he was throwing away everything that could have been. So he’d kept them. He hadn’t thought about those photos for months.

  He’d be better off not thinking about them now either.

  “My mom is planning to come to the Q&A, even though I told her it was no big deal.”

  “I don’t blame her. She must be proud of how far you’ve come.”

  Lindy shrugged. “I’m only mentioning it because she’ll want to bring Daisy. Are you planning to show anything graphic?”

  “I haven’t actually thought about what I’ll say, but no. No graphic shots of wounds or anything upsetting.”

  Although the fact that they even had to have a center like this should be upsetting.

  “The hospital has a daycare center for employees. I wasn’t sure if you were aware of it. I imagine it will be operating for the Q&A as well, if she wants to drop her off there.”

  “That’s a great idea. It might free up time for my mom, if they take kids on a part-time basis as well. Thanks. And speaking of people in the medical field, I’d probably better get going, I imagine my break is just about up.”

  “And I need to check on today’s surgery patient, so I’d better head back as well.” He picked up their trash and tossed it into a nearby waste bin. “And I’ll let you know as soon as Tessa’s surgery date is set.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled, settling the strap to her purse on her shoulder. “And thanks for suggesting coffee. It was good to get away from the hospital, if only for a few minutes.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  And with that, they headed back toward the big white building and the reality that came with it.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  JUST AS SHE’D SUSPECTED, Lindy’s mom had insisted on coming to the Q&A, promising she’d whisk Daisy to the daycare center as soon as the actual meeting started, just in case the conversations became too much for little ears.

  Lindy wasn’t planning on sharing the worst of the worst, but still it made her nervous to have her mom there.

  “Just pretend I’m not here.”

  “Oh, sure.” She smoothed her skirt down over her legs. If she knew her mom, she’d be waving from the audience, which would make
it almost impossible to pretend anything.

  “And if you want to go out with friends afterward, I can always keep Daisy for the night.”

  Friends? Was her mom serious?

  She barely knew any of these people.

  Um...hadn’t she kissed one of them?

  That didn’t count. Besides, she didn’t know Zeke any more than she knew anyone else.

  Didn’t she? She’d told him things that no one else knew, except her parents, and Zeke had shared things about his daughter that he said didn’t get thrown around in casual conversations.

  Well, after today everyone in the room would know the basics of what had happened to her, but she certainly wasn’t going to get it tattooed across her forehead.

  She glanced at the clock and saw there were only ten minutes until she was on.

  “Okay, Mom, I should probably go.”

  “Love you. I’ll take our girl out in a few minutes.” Rachel kissed her on the cheek and settled into a chair with Daisy on her lap.

  By the time Lindy got to the front, Zeke was already beside the podium, talking to a group of people. So was Neil, the hospital administrator. He waved her over.

  Taking a deep breath, she smiled and joined them. Were they already volunteers, or were they new to the program like she was?

  Dressed in tan khakis and a snug black polo that hugged his biceps, Zeke looked confident and unruffled. A world away from the nervous slosh of stomach acid she was currently dealing with.

  “You look nice,” he murmured.

  A rush of warmth flooded her face. Great. Just what she needed.

  “So do you.”

  And her mom, right on cue, was holding Daisy up and using her hand to move her granddaughter’s in the semblance of a wave.

  Ugh. So much for presenting a professional appearance.

  She pulled herself up short. This wasn’t about professionalism. This was about helping women. Women like she’d once been.

  Neil nodded at the podium. “Once people take their seats, I’ll open with some introductions and then you’re on, okay?”