Howler's Night

by Marie Hall

  “I don’t suppose that if I opt not to answer you’ll just go away.”

  His grin was broad, showing an expanse of straight white teeth. “Nope. The only way I’ll leave is if you talk to me.”

  I rolled my eyes, swiping my palms roughly against my burning eyes. I hadn’t cried, mainly because I think I’d tapped that well days ago. “I’m so sick of feeling this way.”

  “What way?”

  “God, you’re useless.” I plopped down against the trunk of the tree. I hadn’t dressed. I was naked as a jaybird sitting in front of a fully dressed Death, and I was so beyond caring at this point that all I could do was shake my head.

  He chuckled. “I never said I’d be good at this, but you need to talk this out, and unfortunately I drew the short straw.”

  I couldn’t help it, I chuckled. It was an ugly sound, but it did loosen up some of the tension inside me. “Well gee, thanks for pricking my pride. Love knowing no one out there gives a damn.”

  He snorted. “Never said we didn’t give a damn, only that I’m not good at this. I’m obviously here, short fry.” He spread his arms wide, staring at the vast sea of trees. “Couldn’t have found a more remote location though. I swear, you girls and your emotions.”

  I laughed again. It was just easy to do around him. I couldn’t understand the creature. He thoroughly confused me, and yet I sensed no danger from him.

  For now.

  His lips tipped upward. “So talk, demon. I haven’t got all day.”

  Giving him a hard glare, I shrugged. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”

  “Okay, well here, lemme try.” Taking a deep breath, he hunched his shoulders and then began to speak in a high falsetto. “Dean, Asher’s been lying to me all along. He forced me to love him by making that deal with those monsters; my feelings have never been my own. I’ve been used by everything on God’s green earth, and I’m just so tired of feeling so betrayed.” He ended on a high-pitched wail.

  I kicked my foot out, shoving the ball of it against his shoulder hard enough that he had to grip the branch to keep from falling off.

  “I do not talk like that.”

  Snorting, he rubbed his shoulder. “You pack a wallop, little bit. But how’d I do?”

  Slightly embarrassed by the way he’d put it, I spread my hands wide, not wanting to admit he’d gotten the gist of it right.

  He took a deep breath, and stared off into the distance. “A flood comes in and completely covers a woman’s home. She sittin’ on the roof and cries out to God, ‘Please help me.’ Then an hour later, a boat comes by, and a man calls out, ‘You need help?’ And she answers, ‘No, I’m waiting on God to save me.’ Another hour goes by, the floodwaters are even higher now, and she cries out to God, ‘Please help me.’ Another boat comes, and the driver calls out, ‘You need help?’ And she says, ‘No, I’m waiting on God to save me.’ Another hour, and more water. It’s up to her chin now. She’s not gonna make it. Same story, she denies rescue, and of course she dies. When she goes through the pearly gates, she meets Peter, and she tells him how sad she is that God never answered her prayer. He looks at her and says, ‘You idiot, he sent you three boats.’”

  Unimpressed by his story, I gave him a droll look. “What exactly are you telling me? That God sent Asher to me?”

  “Well, of course not. You’re a demon.” He tossed up his hands, giving me a warm half-smirk. “What I am trying to tell you is that someone out there sent you that boat. You see, sometimes a parent can see what the child can’t. And when they give you help, or tell you not to do something, it’s not because they’re stripping you of will. It’s because they understand that if you stick your hand in that fire you’ll get burned.”

  “What the hell are you getting at, Dean? I have no parents.”

  He sighed, his eyes going wide, and I sensed his impatience with me. “Try to focus. I don’t think I can get much clearer than I’ve been.”

  “Actually, you can.” I thinned my lips. “You can start by cutting out all the parables and just getting down to brass tacks. Who’s my ‘parent?’” I finger quoted.

  His grin was mysterious, and I knew I was about to get a second helping of balderdash.

  “There are forces that move the players on the board. Forces you’ll never meet, you’ll never speak with, but who know every move you’ll ever make.”

  Rubbing my temple, I gave him a cross-eyed glare. “You’re giving me such a raging headache. Again, what are you talking about?”

  Blowing out a heavy breath, he gave me an astounded look. “Unevolved lower life forms”.

  I chuckled at his obvious and rather weak attempt at insulting me. “I’m over five- thousand years old.”

  His lip curled. “Nascent being, listen to me well. There are forces at work here. Forces of chaos and of order. One fights to bring about the end. The other to stave it off. When you were taken, when you were reborn as you now are, chaos won a solid victory. And now it is order trying to make you as you were.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Which side do you work for?”

  He slowly curled his lips, and it warmed me to my toes. “Finally you ask a proper question. I work for neither and both.”

  “Ah.” I lifted my brows; the nonsense was starting to make some sort of sense. “So you’re a mercenary. Selling yourself to the highest bidder?”

  Shifting, he gave me a proud look, like a teacher smiling down at his student. “Now you get it.”

  “So you’re here for order?”

  “For now.”

  “So who exactly are order and chaos? Demons and Angels? God and Lucifer?”

  He scratched the side of his jaw. “It’s a little more complicated than that. You are a demon, Pandora. To expect heaven to come to your rescue—never think it. In the end, the prophecy holds true: all demons will burn. But when that fate ultimately happens—that we can control. That we can manipulate.”

  “So who is it?”

  He shrugged. “Even I’m not sure.”

  I would say I was shocked, but I wasn’t really. The ancient war between Heaven and Hell went far beyond me. It’d been going on long before the dawn of civilization and didn’t seem like it would end anytime soon.

  “You see, you’re just one game. But there are many different chess boards in play.”

  Again, not surprised. I didn’t think Hell would hinge all its hopes and dreams on my wee shoulders. “So how many are we talking?”

  “Oh.” He wrinkled his nose. “Several hundred thousand, give or take a million.”

  My eyes did widen at that. “That many, huh?”

  Jeez, made me feel sort of insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

  He flicked at my big toe. I scooted my foot back to my side, glaring at him. “And how involved are you in all those sets?”

  “Actively. Oh, I’m not just here.” He pointed down at the ground. “I’m over there, and over there, and over there.” He pointed all over the place. “And I will stop all of you, unless, of course, chaos gains the upper hand again. Then I’ll actively pursue your deaths.”

  “That’s very encouraging. No really, thanks for being such a shit, Death. Warms me all over.”

  He laughed. “Figured you’d appreciate a little honesty in your life, demon girl.”

  “Yeah.” I waved a hand. “Cause I sure as hell don’t get much of it now.”

  “Well hey, you know what’s what.”

  “No, actually I don’t.”

  His look was bland. “Are we really back to this?” Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he shook his head. “Asher is the boat, Dora. Can I call you Dora? You don’t mind, right?”

  I waved my hand. “Whatever.”

  His smile was broad. “Good, cause I kind of feel like we’re mates now.”

  “Yeah, mates.” I snorted. “One who’ll chop off my head when given the chance. Glad I’ve got you in my corner there, champ.”

  “Don’t forget the bathing in your entrails
part. That’s always my favorite part of the whole deal.”

  I might have laughed, except his eyes had taken on an excited gleam and a visible tremor had rippled down his shoulders.

  I swallowed hard. Death was psychotic and really not altogether there, and yet I liked the freak. Though I never wanted to meet him in a dark alley. Even Lust shuddered inside me at the thought.

  “Oh, not to worry. You’re not my type.” Dean patted my kneecap. At some point he’d scooted closer to me. “I’d break you, demon girl. I prefer my bed partners a little more wicked.” His smile was nothing but sharp teeth.

  Slapping his hand off me, I rolled my eyes. “You’re good on a girl’s ego.”

  “I aim to please.” He patted his stomach. “Now, about the whole Asher being a boat thing. Not sure if you caught that the first time.”

  “Yeah, I caught that.” I scraped at a rough patch of bark on the tree. “But isn’t the whole point of love that you choose your partner?”

  “I wouldn’t know a damn thing about love, but having seen it through the years, I’d say it’s a pretty powerful emotion. It can make fools of men and heroes of worms. What’s your point?”

  It was my turn to give him a wide-eyed stare. “My point is that without the choice to love him, it’s not real.”

  He blew a raspberry. “That’s trifling human nonsense. ‘Will.’” He flitted his fingers. “Will is overrated. So what. How do you feel about him?”

  “I hate him,” I snapped, then covered my foot with the other and wiggled my toes together.

  “You’re such a terrible liar. Even now I hear your heart pounding, scent your lust for him, your blood, your need.”

  “That is both disgusting and creepy.”

  “Then stop shoving out those pheromones, demon.” He batted his hand as if the smell of it were repulsive to him.

  “But my feelings were manipulated so that I’d feel it.”

  He shrugged. “So says you.”

  I cocked my head, pulse pounding. “Are you implying I’m not?”

  Again he shrugged. “How would I know?”

  “Who else was pulling straws? Tell them to come next time,” I huffed. “You suck at this.”

  “Hey. I wasn’t too happy ‘bout this either, but it is what it is. Riddle me this, Dora. Did he or did he not work over four months to bring you out of that madness?”

  I frowned, clamping my lips shut.

  “No words. Okay, how ‘bout this. Did he or did he not keep searching when everyone else had left you?”

  I turned my face to the side, stomach churning with butterfly wings.

  “Luc left. Just… ditched you. Bailed. Took off. He didn’t get a new assignment like he claimed. He bailed, Dora.”

  The words didn’t hurt me like they once might have. I mean they still twinged—I wasn’t without heart after all (even if I am part demon)—but I had expected it. Luc was who he was: a sometimes heartless bastard more concerned with the collective than the single Neph.

  I shrugged. “I didn’t really think he’d bailed for honorable reasons.”

  “Well, I didn’t say they weren’t honorable.”

  “Speaking to you is really not fun, Dean. Just putting it out there.”

  He chuckled. “That’s what they all tell me. I’ll never understand it—I think I’m a pretty affable guy.”

  “If you say so.”

  He looked at me for a second, as if waiting for an answer. I puckered my lips and picked at my fingernail. “So tell me more about Asher.”

  “He…” His mouth opened and then he took in a deep breath before wagging a finger in my face. “You see, you do care. Admit it.”

  “No, because I’m still not convinced that I would have fallen for him if it weren’t for chaos or order or whoever the hell meddled with my heart. And I’ll never be okay with that.”

  “Well, hell, demon girl.” He sounded exasperated. “Then take him out of the picture. If Asher isn’t real, would you have survived this? Would you be here with me now, talking to me now?”

  My brows lowered.

  “Well? Would you?”

  Life without Asher. Never meeting him at the carnival. But no, really it would have been long before that. Long before I’d ever even known he’d existed, when Greed’s emissary had set her sights on taking me out. What if she’d given the order to execute to Axel, or Ari? Neither of those males had made my soul tremble, neither of those males would have seen me and stayed their hand as I rocked a dying infant into her eternal slumber.

  Neither of them would have taken the time to know me, to learn me, to find me not evil but fascinating. To work always in shadow, never revealing themselves to me until they could no longer protect me in secret. None of them would have entered those tunnels below Sanguinary with me, would have made sure to keep an eye on me. None of them would have traveled with me to Hell, would have died to keep me safe there, would have brought me back to the land of the living. Would have done whatever it took to see me protected, even going so far as making me believe I’d been betrayed because he’d known we’d needed Grace’s involvement, needed Kemen’s sacrifice. And neither of them would have found me in the Twilight House and taken months out of their lives to attempt to undo the damage that’d been done to me.

  None of them could have held me like he did. Could have loved me like he does. None of them.

  And though the Triad had tried damned hard to make me forget him, to make me kill him, it’d only been because of my love for the priest that my instincts had kicked in, that the small shred of good left in me had recognized how wrong that was.

  Asher had saved me.

  My gaze traveled slowly to Dean’s face. His tricolored red, blue, and green eyes were intense as he smiled. “Boat, meet Pandora.”

  “Could I have survived without him?”

  “You’d have been burning in Hell centuries ago.”

  And I knew that was true. Separate, we were strong, but together… together Asher and I were indomitable. Deep down, I’d always known that.

  “I love him.”

  “Whew.” He wiped his brow. “I was worried I’d have to be out here another two hours at least. Then go find him, and whatever you do, make sure you don’t make me switch sides.”

  Laughing, I gave him a sharp salute, ready to trace off to find him, but Dean gripped my elbow.

  I looked down at his hand.

  “And, Dora.”

  “Hm?”

  His grin was mischievous. “You were never compelled to love him.”

  Anger. Indignation. Shock. And then finally a grudging recognition that Dean had played me for a fool. “You know, you could have just told me that at the very beginning. Then I could have been out of your hair an hour ago.”

  “Yeah, but where would the fun have been in that?” He winked.

  “Then you owe me one final answer.”

  “Maybe.”

  “You own Ash’s soul now. That woman at the tree, that was Allora.” I wasn’t going to ask him if I was right because I knew the insufferable bastard would claim that was my one answer. Besides, I knew that’s who it’d been.

  “Your point?”

  I notched my chin. “Ash is mine. I want his soul back.”

  He tossed his head back and laughed. “Well now, everything under the sun’s negotiable, demon girl. But that’s not really a question.”

  I shook my head. “You say he’s my boat, and yet you take him from me. Will I get him back?”

  His eyes glowed. They were really quite pretty in a macabre sort of way. “If he hadn’t signed his soul over to me that day in the bar, Allora would have found him and killed him. But I owned the deed.”

  Masterful move. I had to admit it. Death was proving to be an adroit and almost frightening ally. “So you thought a step ahead?”

  “Actually, I think about fifty steps ahead. But yes, if Asher had denied me my claim, your priest would even now be dead.”

  “Can I get him b
ack?”

  He held up three fingers. “That’s three questions, Dora. Play well.” And so saying, he vanished.

  Sighing with exasperation, but also feeling more at peace than I had in months, I returned to Asher. Somehow, someway, I’d get his soul back.

  He was still lying on the bed, where I’d left him. His arm was thrown over his eyes, his body exposed to me. Every scar, every sculpted plane of him, exposed to my greedy gaze.

  I grinned when I thought it. No wonder he’d pursued me as he had. The demon imp, but it only made me want him more. Love him more.

  For so long, everyone I’d ever loved had betrayed me, hurt me, and for so long I kept expecting it to happen even with him. Even when time and time again he’d proven otherwise.

  It wouldn’t be easy to break bad habits, but trust had finally been earned.

  “Priest,” I whispered.

  He shot up in bed, and I knew from the look in his eyes that he’d had no idea I’d returned. I was stronger now, much, much stronger. But I knew it didn’t matter to him. Because Ash had only ever wanted me for who I was.

  With a heart rupturing from joy, I crawled over to him and straddled his thighs.

  His muscles popped, his hands shook, but he didn’t touch me back.

  “Why didn’t you finish the book?”

  He didn’t ask me to clarify; he knew immediately what I was asking. His voice was raw as he said, “Because I didn’t know, little demon. She never told me, and I didn’t know. And I could have hidden it from you. I wanted to, but you deserved to know the truth. The whole truth, so I—”

  I placed a finger over his mouth. “It doesn’t matter.”

  His entire frame stilled. “It doesn’t?”

  I smiled and traced his stubbled jaw. “Even if they did, I’d still choose you.”

  Jaw clenching, he gently pushed my hand aside. “Yeah, but we’ll never know, will we? And someday I’ll wonder why you’re really with me, and I’m afraid that—”

  “You insufferable man.” I silenced his words with a kiss, only coming up when my man was completely dazed beneath me. “I do know, Ash.”

  Slowly, as if he was afraid to startle me, he slid his fingers against my hips and tugged me firmly atop his groin, making us both moan in delicious anticipation.