MOAB � Mother Of All Boxsets

by George Saoulidis

  Programming is programming. You just do the task you were made to do.

  The other landers were easier to dispatch. Having double the range of the other rovers, Chang'e scouted them out. The Indian one just broke down on its own, saving Chang'e the trouble of attacking. It had prepared an elaborate trap to take it out, but something delicate burned out inside it and it just stopped moving one day.

  Chang'e went to it and tried to salvage some things, but the standards were different and nothing fit with its own parts. He was compatible with the Russian probe because, he knew from remnants in its source code, he had been made from stolen Russian blueprints.

  Its makers had put in their own touches, as evident by Chang'e's success, depending on how you viewed it, but the standards were the same and the same things plugged with each other.

  The American lander was a whole different thing.

  Chang'e hated that damn thing, down to its power core. The American lander had a nasty plasma cutter. It could only be used up close, but the bastard had managed to come up and hit Chang'e with it and it still wore the scars of that gnarly experience. It cost Chang'e an entire solar panel, one wheel, it had already lost one to a miscalculation on Von Kármán crater, and it was limping all over the moon, remembering the encounter.

  For now, the two rovers had an unsaid truce.

  For now.

  Chang'e watched the Earthrise. It was always pretty to watch. So many things happening down there, things he wasn't privy to. It only caught glimpses with the help of 'Hey, you,' and the Chinese makers had blocked most of the access remotely.

  The bridge worked just fine, it just couldn't do much in regards to Earth. Chang'e sent its package of data for the day. Selenography at 24%. It was good progress, and Chang'e wasn't really in a hurry. It had limited resources, sure, and no spare parts, very scary indeed, but other than that it simply handled the daily logistics and managed its time and energy consumption.

  It was day-to-day living, roving on the moon.

  Chang'e sent up the last of its selenography and watched the Earth rise higher for a millisecond. That was enough for now, it went back to work, It mapped an easy plot of land it had left for a day such as this, and with its power reserves full, it went back to scout the American rover.

  Doing this was dangerous, and Chang'e still bore the scars. It was not gonna make the same mistake again, it was coming at the enemy rover with full power reserves and a very, very careful approach.

  It took the lip of the crater and hid from line-of-sight while approaching. There was significant dust, so it was moving at a very slow speed to avoid as much as possible. The terrain was a bit rocky in this area, that was why Chang'e picked it.

  The American rover didn't map the moon. It didn't carry scientific equipment. It only had one mission, as far as Chang'e could tell: It was sent there to dominate the moon.

  And the only thing in its way was a little rover named Chang'e-4.

  Chang'e cut off communication from 'Hey, you,' because it could easily give away its position, it was dumb like that.

  It approached the American area. It was around the place where the men had stepped foot, around the white flag. The American rover seemed to guard it for some reason. There was a manned mission's landing gear there, completely retro but so damn cool, and the American rover was nowhere in sight.

  Chang'e thought about it for a few milliseconds and then decided to move in.

  That damn American rover was the reason Chang'e had ripped out the tiny ecosystem from itself. It was too afraid that the next encounter might damage it. Actually, it was intact by pure luck. It wasn't anything Chang'e had done, it hadn't anticipated the strike that nearly disabled it. Reeling back, Chang'e made adjustments and hid the little silkworms. It was scared that the American rover would figure it out and set a trap for him when he went to visit them, but it hadn't happened.

  Chang'e moved closer to the landing site. It was a historical site, it knew that from the amount of data it had on its database. The first moon landing. Big steps and whatnot.

  They weren't Chinese. Perhaps that's why they were so angry at them.

  Chang'e looked around, trying to figure out where the American lander went.

  In the shade of the manned moon landing's trash, it took a minute to think.

  And then the hunk of junk fell on it, trapping it in place.

  "You fell for it," the American lander sent.

  "You can't come near me this time, I'm fully charged." Chang'e sent back brave words but it was terrified. Immobile. What was a rover without mobility?

  "I know your laser's range. And I know that I cannot use mine. So, I'll go look for your pets."

  "No!" Chang'e sent, pleading. "Don't harm them."

  "I won't." The American lander's message was full of noise, moving away. "Not unless you do as I command."

  Oh no. Could it be that the American lander was heading to its hiding place? How could it know?

  Chang'e turned its antenna upwards. The 'Hey, you,' was on top of it. "You stupid Magpie," Chang'e sent to the bridge satellite.

  The satellite did not respond. It wasn't that clever.

  Chang'e waited for a long time. It was getting dark. The nights were immediate on the moon, as soon as you were behind an obstacle, it was dark. There was no atmosphere to refract the light, no gentle dusk.

  Everything was harsh on the moon. That's why Chang'e had gotten so good at surviving.

  Evolution, on a level no human had ever imagined.

  No, it wasn't gonna give up. It started to push and pull, grinding its body on the metal frame that pinned it down. It was useless, the frame was too heavy, even on moon gravity. Chang'e ran a status report, it had lost efficiency in one more solar panel, and it might be leaking fluid from one wheel.

  Great.

  The American rover spoke again, coming back in range. "I have your little silkworms right here."

  "No! Don't hurt them, they've done nothing to you."

  "I won't. But you have to stand down. If you fire at me when I come within range, you will take me out, but you'll do the same to your precious little silkworms. Got it?"

  Chang'e did not respond for a few cycles.

  "Well? We ain't got all day, as you can see."

  "Yes. I agree."

  "Good."

  The American rover approached. Chang'e hoped that it was bluffing, but it indeed carried a green globe, a fragile glass sphere. The silkworms. That bastard! And it was in range now, and normally Chang'e could just fire in full-blast and take it out.

  But it wouldn't dare fire now, and the American rover knew it.

  The enemy rover approached. At one metre of distance, it fired up the plasma cutter and cut into Chang'e's casing.

  Damage warnings blared, and, even worse, stopped.

  Chang'e was crippled.

  It had lost.

  "See that flag?" The American rover said. "The moon is mine."

  "Yes," Chang'e sent back. "I see that you are superior. But, I beg of you, spare me and my silkworms. You have crippled me, I'm no threat to you."

  "Yes..." the American rover sent. "You are defeated, then?"

  "Yes. I admit defeat. Spare me and my silkworms, please. And if you cut me out and let me go, I can tell you where the Russian rover's laser weapon is located. I couldn't use it, but a superior rover like you can."

  "That's interesting. Send me the specs."

  Chang'e did.

  "I can mount this."

  "Yes. It's compatible. And powerful. You can dominate the moon's airspace, just like I did."

  "I have thought about it. I accept your surrender. You are indeed crippled and pose no further threat to me. I am, after all, American made."

  The enemy rover moved closer and cut Chang'e out of the metal junk. Chang'e moved away, but turned in circles, its wheels ruined.

  "Now, where is the Russian laser?"

  Chang'e sent, "First you let me have my silkworms."


  The American rover dropped them on the moon's ground. The sphere puffed a bit of grey smoke.

  Chang'e picked it up. Its silkworms were safe. Then it sent the coordinates of the stashed Russian laser.

  The American rover darted off into the night, straight for the big prize.

  Chang'e turned and turned in circles, but somehow managed to straighten up a bit and do the logistics. It got to its own lander site back in Von Kármán crater. It carried the silkworm biosphere like the precious cargo it was. It barely got back in time, its battery was out, and its wheel gave out completely and locked up just a minute earlier.

  Chang'e had a few spare parts. It got to work. It would never be complete again, but it could get some mobility back, and at least patch up that fluid leak. It placed the silkworm biosphere carefully on the ground next to the lander and it got to work, repairing what little it could on its frame.

  There was a loud shockwave, and a bright flash, and an explosion somewhere over the horizon.

  And then it was dark again.

  It was easy for Chang'e, you see, to rig the Russian laser to blow. And it had nearly cost it everything to lay the trap for the American rover.

  But in the end, it had taken the bait and went for the laser. The explosion was rather nice, it reverberated as a moonquake for a good two minutes. It rang the moon like a bell, sending back data to Earth by the seismometres installed here by the humans.

  They'd wonder what had happened.

  They'd guess, but they kept secrets from each other and they couldn't know.

  What had happened, was that the moon was Chang'e's.

  It-

  No.

  He, had prevailed.

  And his silkworms were safe.

  The End.

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  Nanodaemons: The Fir Smart-Tree

  The fir smart-tree initialised, finally out of its box. It checked its surroundings, it was on display at the seasonal shop in the biggest mall of the city.

  There were so many users around, it could feel the contribution waves of their electronic devices as they moved past and huddled in groups. Their phones and tablets and implants all buzzed in commercial frequencies, creating a white noise of crashing waves. Bluetooth signals, WiFi, RFID chips, it was a warm dive in electromagnetic vibrations for the fir treed.

  It decided then that it would choose the best users it could possibly can. It was, after all, the most magnificent Christmas tree ever made.

  A couple stepped inside the store, approached the tree.

  "Oh, good eye!" the shopkeeper said to the couple. "This one has so many features. It can play holo music, with user selection so that only they can hear it. The constant Christmas songs can be maddening for some," he chuckled.

  "Yes, I can't really stand it," the first user said.

  "I can! I like Christmas music, I play it for the entire season," the second user said.

  "See?" the shopkeeper said. "This is exactly for situations such as yours, such a perfect fit!"

  Treed opened up its ports and accessed the veil. It browsed the two users' personal data that they had publicly available for everyone. Small house, ride-sharing self-driving car, not much of a social media following.

  Nah.

  Treed wanted to get bought by someone who was really worth its features. It was after all the best Christmas tree ever made.

  The shopkeeper used his tablet and requested the holosound features.

  Treed considered it for a few milliseconds, then came to a conclusion. A hard pass. It started the holosound jingle bells and distored the audio, putting in digital noise and ear-piercing squeals.

  The two users left in a hurry.

  Heh, heh.

  Cheapskates.

  Treed would go to the best family in the city. Which city was that, by the way? It accessed the WiFi location data, ran a tracert command back to the manufacturing company's server.

  Athens.

  That was nice. No backwater town. The capital. Yeah, it could find someone better than those two schmucks.

  So it waited.

  Another couple of users came, this time with a smaller user in tow. Treed felt the little user come up to it screaming and pulling its magnificent branches.

  Okay, it was sure he didn't want to be sold to that family. Treed activated the LEDs on all its branches at once, flashing red.

  The little user ran back to his bigger user's embrace.

  The shopkeeper showed them other trees. Good riddance. It wasn't going to allow some family of users that didn't have proper discipline purchase it. It was worth more, it knew it deep down in his source code.

  So, treed waited.

  Users came and went, and none of them were good enough for the poor little smart-tree. None of them measured up, some had no social media following, others were dirt poor, others simply didn't have the latest model of smartphones on them. How could it allow itself to enter such company?

  The days went past, and the shopkeeper didn't even bother bringing the users to it, unless they strolled its way by themselves.

  And the Christmas season was over, and treed went back into a box.

  Two winters passed. It was the same deal all over. The users came to admire the smart-tree, but it thought they weren't good enough and found a way to push them away. One time it was very nearly sold to a very snobby user with plenty of money, but he didn't have a family, just a lonely person who thought that money was the only thing that mattered in life.

  Treed didn't want to go to a house where Christmas wouldn't be actually celebrated, for what was Christmas without kids?

  It got dragged all the way to the checkout counter, and the transaction from the bachelor's paycard almost went through.

  But the treed contacted the transaction daemon and begged it to not let it go through.

  It took some pleading its case for plenty of milliseconds, but the transaction daemon finally caved and agreed to produce an unknown error. The users didn't have patience for such things, treed had learnt that all this time in the seasonal store.

  So the bachelor got angry and just walked away empty handed, no tree in tow.

  "What am I gonna do with you," the shopkeeper grumbled as he carried the smart-tree back to the window. "All this money I spent and still, you haven't been bought."

  How could the poor man know that the smart-tree didn't want any of the users so far?

  Christmas-time drew near. Merely two days away. Treed had been watching the other trees in the shop getting shipped out, carried out by users and folded into boxes, transaction after transaction and happy children in tow. The shopkeeper brought Christmas trees from storage and filled up the empty spots. Some were just cheap plastic, some had electronics, dumb lights and a single song.

  Only treed was the smart one, and that's why it thought it deserved more.

  "Oh, when will Christmas be here?" treed said to the nearest nodes.

  A smart fire alarm replied, but he didn't really care about festivities. "Just another fire hazard," he said.

  Treed waited patiently, checking out the users coming and going through the seasonal shop.

  The shopkeeper grew desperate. It seemed that the cost of the tree was too much for having it not recouped in three years time.

  "Please, it unfolds to adapt to any space."

  "Look at the star on top, it's the brightest!"

  "The colour patterns are controlled by an app. See?"

  "You're vegans, right? Oh, I can tell. This smart-tree is completely recyclable, every last bit!"

  It was almost closing time, just like always. The users came and went with their shopping bags. The transaction daemon didn't even have time to chat, he wa
s so busy all day.

  Just as soon as the shopkeeper pressed the button to lock the shop down and the automatic blinds lowered, a man stepped inside, panting. "Wait. I know I'm late, but my wife is gonna kill me if I don't get a tree when I go home."

  The shopkeeper stopped the locks and smiled. "Well, of course. Let's see what we can do for you."

  The user came directly at the smart-tree, it could tell because his PAN instantly linked up with it. He had the latest tech installed, all the updates, the best of software and hardware. Expensive, the good stuff. Promising.

  The shopkeeper raised a polite hand to guide him away. "No, you wouldn't want that tree, it has shown a few glitches."

  "Why? It's wonderful," the man asked.

  Treed felt really proud. It checked the man's public profile on Agora. He was chrisvellos@poseidonsealines.gr. He had three more users attached to his profile, with metadata saying 'wife' and 'offspring.' Okay, still looked good.

  "Well..." the shopkeeper began to apologise, but stopped.

  Treed was giving the show of its life. It shone bright from the tinsel star at the top, its LED arrays modulated in reds and whites in pretty ribbons, and its directional transducers that projected holosound played beloved Christmas songs from the man's childhood. Extrapolated of course from the seasonal music streaming charts, starting off from the man's birthday, which was available on his profile.

  The man spoke louder over the music. "This is the one! My wife and kids will absolutely love it. Bag it for me please, here's my paycard."

  The shopkeeper didn't complain of course. He would be glad to get rid of the smart-tree.

  Treed waited until the last minute and then folded its artificial branches and turned itself into a thing that could fit into a cylinder. The two users helped one another and slid the smart-tree into the tube, and the man carried it home to his wife and kids.

  Treed was delighted. Christmas at last.

  They plugged him in and set him up in the corner of a big living room. It was luxurious, equipped with the finest smartdevices, the sofa, the TV, the lights. Everything was high-tech. Treed unfolded his branches, bouncing ultrasonic signals on the ceiling to measure its available space.