Restless (Relentless Series Book 2)

by Alyson Reynolds

  Until it all was too much.

  A shard of glass flew up and cut my cheek. My hand shot to my face, and I gasped, more from shock than pain.

  “Oh god. Taylor, I’m so sorry!”

  He stepped towards me, but I scrambled back.

  “Don’t.” My voice was calm. Steady. Everything I wasn’t in that moment. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re bleeding. Just let me look at it.”

  “I’m fine,” I growled. “I’ll send Jax to pick up my stuff.”

  “Taylor.”

  “No, you were right. I’m broken. There’s nothing to salvage here; you’ve already made up your mind about us. Our relationship might as well be that vase. Nothing will ever make it right again, Stephen.”

  “I shouldn’t have said you were broken.” Anguish filled his voice, but I couldn't look at him.

  Tears still streamed down my face, but I didn’t bother wiping them away. My chin trembled. “It's the truth, so you don't need to apologize. I love you too, Stephen, but you deserve better than me. You always have.”

  My steps echoed off the walls of our house as I walked to the door. My keys sat on the front entry table. As I left I took the key to the house off and left it sitting on the table we found at a local flea market. Every piece of furniture had a memory linked back to Stephen. I could start over again. It wouldn’t be the first time, or the last. I sucked in a sharp breath and took one last glance around. The door clicked shut behind me, and I slowly moved towards my car. Every step made my chest ache even more.

  Somehow I made my way back to Violet’s, but instead of going inside I sat in my car. The first sob caught me off guard, but the release came hard. My hands clutched the steering wheel as I wept. I lost my breath, and I swear it felt like my soul was being ripped apart. It hurt. Everything hurt and there was no fixing it. Running wouldn’t help this time.

  My feet dug into the sand as I ran along the tide. This pace was punishing and I couldn’t keep it up long, but I needed to feel alive for one second. Something inside me died after my confrontation with Stephen. Cold water splashed my ankles, and it made a forgotten part of me come alive again.

  I raised my hands over my head as I slowed my stride and tried to catch my breath as I made my way to Violet's. The emptiness was creeping back in; no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t keep it at bay. It wasn’t only the emptiness though; it was the self-loathing and heartbreak that were the worst. If I tried there was no way I could name every emotion I felt. I was fucking drowning.

  Violet was standing on the back deck as I walked towards the house. I had been successful in avoiding her for the past few days, but my luck had run out. Maybe Gage would let me crash on his couch so I wouldn’t have to listen to my sister. She would just tell me I needed to see a therapist about my issues again.

  I was almost past her when she reached out and grabbed the earbud out of my ear. Fuck me.

  “What’s up, Vi?”

  “We need to talk.”

  “I wanted to go take a shower. Can this wait until I’m done?”

  “Actually, no it can’t.”

  I sighed and followed her to the seating area. Instead of sitting I leaned against the railing so if I needed to make a quick getaway I would be able to.

  “What's so important that you need to talk right this second?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t act like a bitch. What in the hell is going on with you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Taylor, this is like pulling teeth. Something is wrong. I don’t normally push you to talk, but I’m worried. It’s different this time.”

  “I’m just trying to figure things out. I came back, so that should mean something, but it doesn’t really matter to anyone here, does it?”

  “It means a lot to me that you came back. Harper missed you. I missed you. Jax missed you. We all fucking missed you.” I looked away, and she sighed. “What happened with you and Stephen?”

  I winced at his name. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I know you don’t, but he’s not talking either, and I need to make sure you two are okay.”

  It surprised me that she wasn’t able to get anything out of Stephen. He normally told her everything. Why would the issues in our relationship be any different? When we first started whatever it was between us, that had been one of my major concerns.

  “Stephen’s fine. I’m fine. We are fine separately. You don’t need to worry.”

  “Did you guys talk?”

  “We talked,” I said bitterly. My hands fisted at my sides. “Seriously Vi, just leave us alone.”

  “You’re walking around here like you’re fucking dying inside and Stephen locked himself up in that house. I’m not leaving this alone. Start talking damn it!”

  "There’s nothing to talk about!" I took two deep breaths before continuing. "It’s over, Violet. He’s done and there’s nothing I can do to change his mind. I fucked up, then I apologized, but that's not enough for him. End of story.”

  Violet folded her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. “That’s not end of story.”

  I pushed off the railing. “Look this has been fun, but I’m going to go shower.”

  “Taylor, don’t give up.”

  “Don't give up on what? There’s nothing to hold on to anymore, Vi.”

  I stalked inside the house and to my room. The scalding water from the shower helped calm me as I stepped under the stream. If I tried hard enough, maybe I would be able to wash away the feeling of failure. The whole reason I came back to California was to get Stephen back and tell him how sorry I was, but he didn't care.

  Violet meant well, but there wasn’t anything else to say on the subject. Stephen told me everything I needed to know. I’m in love with a man who knows I’m broken and thinks being with me isn’t worth it. I don’t blame him, but it still hurts like hell to hear. Really, I never believed I would get close enough to any man to be hurt, so maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Relationships weren’t in the cards for me.

  The sound of the shower muffled my sobs. I sank down onto my knees and cried for everything I could have had. It was time to start letting go, starting with Stephen.

  My hand hovered over the milk while I second guessed my choice. I wasn't good at making decisions lately, so here I was questioning what to buy. I was freaking pathetic. A shadow cast over the almond milk and I looked up. Stephen stood behind me. The familiar ache started in my chest, but this time I kept the tears at bay.

  “I’ll get out of your way,” I said, grabbing something blindly and stepping back.

  “You’re not in my way.”

  My eyes met his, and I bit down on my lip. He had dark circles and at least three days of stubble on his jaw. My hair was thrown up in a messy bun from hell and I didn’t have on concealer, so I’m sure I didn’t look much better.

  “I’ll see you later,” I mumbled.

  "Taylor wait." His hand touched my arm and I gasped. He pulled back and I felt the loss down to my bones. "I wanted to apologize for how things happened the other day. That’s not how I wanted it to go the first time we talked. Well, I wanted the sex to happen, I'm not going to lie. I wanted us to rationally sit down and figure shit out, but I couldn’t help myself and things got out of control.”

  I blushed and ducked my head. “Don’t worry about it, Stephen.”

  “Are you okay? How’s your cheek?” He raised his hand as if he was going to touch my face, but he stopped. I could tell he was mentally chastising himself.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Baby, I know when you say it’s fine, nothing is actually fine. You use that phrase to push me further away, and I'm done letting you do that.”

  I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath at his nickname. I wasn’t ready for that, for him, for any of it. Taking another step back, my gaze caught his as I reopened my eyes. His hand was reaching out to steady me, but if he touched me ag
ain I would fall apart in the middle of this stupid fucking store.

  “I need to go.”

  “Taylor, please.”

  “I’m fine, Stephen. I can’t do this right now.”

  “Taylor—”

  “Stephen, standing here with you is killing me. Is that what you want to hear?”

  He tugged me off to the side and wrapped his strong arms around my body. I laid my head on his shoulder and took a few deep calming breaths.

  “Baby, that’s not what I want at all. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for everything.”

  “You told the truth, and I can’t be mad at you for that. You have every right to be mad at me. I get it. But I can’t do the back and forth, Stephen. We can’t keep hurting each other like this.”

  “God, we’re right back in the same place we were when you first came to California, aren’t we?”

  “We tried, Stephen. You did at least. I’m sticking around for Violet and Harper, but don’t feel like you have to—”

  “Don’t say another word. I want us to work through this.”

  “How can we?” I whispered.

  “One day at a time. We both need to learn to trust each other again. I'm not going to let you ignore what's between us.”

  His lips crashed down on mine and I fisted my hands in his shirt. The feel of his muscles under my fingertips was the best kind of torture. I missed this amazing man and no matter how horrible of an idea it was to kiss him, I was going to do it. His tongue teased the seam of my mouth and I opened to him. I shivered as he showed me just what I had been missing. For a few seconds we forgot where we were.

  “Fuck,” he said pulling back. “We can’t do this here.”

  I ducked my head. “We shouldn’t be doing this at all.”

  He ran his hand down his face and then kissed my forehead. “Baby, I just meant that some idiot with a camera would catch us kissing and send it in to TMZ.”

  “Nothing is settled between us. We can’t just try to solve everything with sex. That worked out so well last time didn’t it?”

  The sight of his sexy smirk did things to my insides. “I thought the sex was fucking amazing. It was just my afterglow that needed some work.”

  Despite my dark mood, I chuckled.

  “There you are. I’ve missed my girl.” He ran his fingers along the side of my chin. “Go to dinner with me. Let me apologize for being such a dick.”

  I nodded, and he squeezed my waist. Stephen grabbed a half-gallon of milk and threw it into his basket. He shot me a heartbreakingly beautiful smile and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the front of the store.

  It might be spring, but in California it was warm enough to wear shorts. I loved living in a place that never really got cold. Deep down I was a summer girl. Two dresses were laid out on the bed for me to choose from for my date with Stephen. My nerves were out of control and the butterflies in my stomach were trying to escape.

  Violet called me from the hall and I peeked out to see what she needed. Harper was perched on her hip gurgling away. She giggled and reached out when she saw me. I took her from Vi and tickled her feet.

  “We thought we might grill out tonight.”

  “I’m going out for dinner.”

  She looked at me suspiciously. I’d been staying at home a lot since my fight with Stephen, so this was a new development.

  “You’re not pissy anymore. What happened when you went to the store?”

  “Nothing.”

  Harper tangled her hands in my long dark hair as she squealed and flailed. She was always excited to see me, but she must have picked up on my good mood.

  “You’re lying.”

  “No, I’m not.” I narrowed my eyes at her, but a muscle below my eye ticked.

  “You so are! You’re doing that thing.”

  “What thing?” I asked exasperated.

  “That ticky eye thing. Your eye twitches when you lie.”

  “It does not,” I said stubbornly. Vi looked past me into my room.

  “So you’re going out to dinner? Who’s your date?”

  “God, you’re so fucking nosy. I thought we were past this. Aren’t we supposed to be adults now?”

  “Language!” Vi chastised. I winced as I looked down at Harp. “Baby ears.”

  “Oops. Sorry, Harper.”

  Violet grabbed my arm and drug me into my room. I followed her in reluctantly. She stared at the dresses and pointed at the green one.

  “It’ll bring out your eyes.”

  “My eyes don’t change like yours do according to what you wear.”

  She scoffed. “Of course they do. Everyone’s eyes do that. Throw it on.”

  I grabbed the dress and handed Harper back to Violet. The skater dress really did flatter what little curves I had. Instead of being curvy like my sister, I had a lean runner’s body. For years I had been jealous of her boobs and ass, but now I see it as a blessing. I won’t have to worry about sagging as I get older.

  “So what do you think?”

  “Stephen’s eyes are going to fall out.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Who said it was Stephen? I'm going out to dinner with a friend.”

  “A friend,” she said rolling the words around on her tongue. “Okay. Well, at least this friend has you in a better mood. I can’t deal with the moody bitch anymore.”

  “Thanks, Violet. Love you too.”

  “I’m just worried about you. You have to admit, you haven’t been yourself lately.”

  “That’s because my life is falling apart around me.”

  “You can fix it. Go out with your friend and talk about your issues. Your friend misses you too.”

  “I don’t know why I put up with you sometimes,” I said as I looked at her in the mirror. Pulling my hair up into a messy bun, I quickly tugged pieces into place. It was time to get away from Violet and her knowing eyes.

  “You love me.”

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  Harper clapped and grinned up at me. “See, even Harp likes it.”

  “As long as she approves, then I guess this is what I’m wearing.”

  Violet stood up and started towards the door. She hesitated and turned back towards me.

  “What do you feel like you need to say and haven’t?” I asked putting my hands on my hips.

  “Just,” she paused. “Don’t push him away. He needs you as much as you need him. You came back, and that says something about what you want. Don’t beat yourself up because you made a mistake.”

  The lump in my throat was hard to swallow around. I nodded and ducked my head. Sometimes my sister knew me better than I knew myself.

  Stephen stared at me over the menu he held in his hands. There was a tension between us that wasn’t normally there. I’m sure I was to blame because I’m awkward as fuck most of the time. Instead of just being normal I have to do something stupid like tell him that we can drive separately. Fucking A. All he wanted to do was pick me up and take me out to a nice dinner, but I can’t even let him do that because I’m such an idiot.

  “What’s going on in your head, Taylor?”

  “Believe me, if I knew I would tell you."

  He looked nervous. “Do you even want to be here with me?”

  “Of course I do!” People turned to stare, and a blush rose up my cheeks. I lowered my voice. “I do, I’m just really nervous about screwing something else up.”

  “Why are you convinced you will screw something else up? We’re just here to talk about things. There was a time when we could talk to each other about anything.”

  “Yeah, and then you saw my vagina. That changed things, Stephen.”

  “I’ve seen your vagina several times through the past couple of years, tons more over the past few months. Why does it have to change anything? I’ve known you your whole life.”

  I sighed. “You know me too well. Maybe that’s the problem. You knew I was going to leave before I did. I bet you and Violet were even taking bets on when I would run
.”

  My head dropped and I dug my fists into my eyes trying to hold back the tears. His hand reached out and brushed a piece of my hair back that escaped my bun.

  “You have got to quit beating yourself up, Taylor. What’s done is done. All we can do now is try to move on from it. And that starts with you explaining what happened.”

  “Why don’t we discuss how you talked to me in the kitchen?”

  He leaned back in his chair and eyed me wearily. “Okay. We can talk about that.”

  I folded my hands and set them in my lap, waiting for him to continue.

  “Everything I said was out of anger, I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. It wasn’t fair for me to say those things and I wish I could take them back. I’m so sorry for calling you broken; that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  “Stephen, that’s where you’re wrong. I am broken. When I found the ring in your desk drawer, I panicked because I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for that step. As happy as I am with you, I can’t guarantee I will ever want to get married.”

  He ran a frustrated hand down his face. “Who said we have to get married?”

  I looked down at my lap. My fingers nervously played with the edges of the napkin. Stephen moved to the chair next to me. His hands lifted my chin so I had to look at him.

  “We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. My mother didn’t mean anything by giving me the ring, baby. She just wants me to be happy. She wants us to be happy.”

  “I can’t make you any promises about the future,” I whispered.

  “I’m not asking for any.”

  His hands cupped my cheeks gently. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand. When his lips brushed my cheek, my lips parted.

  “Let’s go.” His breath along my neck sent a shiver up my spine.

  “What about dinner?” I asked pulling back.