Cowboy SEAL Christmas

by Nicole Helm

  “Well, you guys suck,” Rose muttered.

  Becca slid a bagel slathered in cream cheese in front of Rose.

  “Okay, a little less now,” Rose said, pulling the plate toward her. “So,” she began, her tone of voice changing and everything about her expression going far, far, far too innocent for Rose. “Jack mentioned Gabe was your little Christmas-tree-obtaining helper yesterday.”

  Monica kept her face bland. “Yes. I’m not an expert at cutting live Christmas trees, so the help was very welcome.”

  “He’s very good with Colin,” Becca added, also far too innocently, though Becca was better at pulling it off.

  “He is. They all are. I have to say I was not expecting that when we moved here. They’ve been beyond anything I could have hoped for him.”

  Becca’s smile was sweet and genuine this time. “It’s nice having Colin around. Sometimes it’s what the place needs. Kid’s laughter. Something…light.”

  “Are you worried it’ll be a different once the other men get here?” Rose asked, picking at her bagel. “It’s definitely going to change things.”

  “It is,” Monica agreed. “And I’ve certainly considered that it might change how Colin fits in here. But it’s just another reason to take things slow as we build. We don’t want to overextend ourselves when we’re dealing with people who need a lot of help. I think starting with two is an excellent idea, and it seems like the two Becca and I selected will be really good additions.”

  Rose settled her hands over her slightly swelling stomach. “Well, I hope so. Jack doesn’t want to say anything yet, but we’ve talked about him taking some time off from here when the baby is born. He’s torn, I think. He wants to be able to contribute and feels guilty taking a paycheck if he’s not working, but I—”

  “Stop right there,” Becca interrupted. “He’ll damn well take time off, and he’ll damn well get paid. We are a family. We’ll do whatever it takes to support each other as family. That’s more important than the business side of things.”

  “You can’t risk your business at the cost of family,” Rose said sternly.

  “And we can’t hurt our family at the cost of our business. There has to be a balance. We can’t ignore the fact that we have to earn money from the cattle. But we also can’t ignore that the whole purpose of this place is healing and hope. Not just for the men and women who will come here as former soldiers, but for us too.” Becca settled herself at a seat in between Monica and Rose at the table. “This is me reclaiming my independence from my very sheltered life. This is Monica’s opportunity to give her son and herself something she’s worked long and hard for. This is as much about them as it is about us. We can’t lose sight of that.”

  “I agree,” Monica said firmly. “But there’s something else we can’t lose sight of.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Your wedding is in two weeks, and we have lots of work to do.”

  “Okay.” Becca straightened in her seat, looking at Monica then Rose. “But first I have to say something.”

  “Is it going to be a sappy something? Because this baby makes me cry at the drop of a hat, and I do not cry in front of anyone.”

  “I never had any friends growing up,” Becca continued as if Rose hadn’t spoken.

  “Becca, I’m warning you.”

  “And meeting both of you and having you be part of my life and my family has been more than I could have ever dreamed.”

  Rose sniffled, her dark eyes wet and wide. “I’d kick your ass if I wasn’t pregnant,” she muttered.

  Becca grabbed Rose’s hand, then Monica’s. “It means the world to me that you’re here and that you’re going to be part of my wedding. And I’m not going to let a few tears stop me from saying that.”

  Rose flicked a few tears from her cheeks. “I’ve only ever had my sisters as friends. It means a lot that you two are also here to talk to and support me. Because God knows having a baby is the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve survived a lot of scary.”

  “The good news is, in my experience there’s nothing scarier in the world. So once you’ve conquered that, you’re good.”

  “I guess that’s comforting.”

  “And I’ll add my mush to the pile,” Monica said, squeezing Becca’s hand, then reaching across the table for Rose’s free one. “I’ve been doing this thing alone for a lot of years. I’ve had my parents, and they’ve been… I wouldn’t have been able to survive without them. But there’s something to be said for building your own support system, too, and doing something you love and being able to trust that your child is in the right place at the right time. It’s possible because of all of you.”

  “And you never know when a little romance might show up at the right place at the right time,” Becca offered.

  Monica smiled indulgently but pulled her hands away. “And who would I meet in the middle of nowhere?”

  “You know, we both managed,” Rose said, nodding at Becca. “There is something to be said for a former Navy SEAL.”

  “If you’re getting at what I think you’re getting at, which is horrifying, I’ll stop you right there. I’m a military therapist. I will not be getting involved with another military man.” Monica didn’t add that she doubted any military man in this situation would be getting involved with a therapist, but that was there as well. “It would undermine my credibility as a therapist here, which is paramount both to acting as therapist for both of your significant others as well as the foundation.”

  “I might agree with you if Gabe had ever been your patient.”

  Monica gave Becca a pointed look.

  “All I’m trying to do is point out the fact you two have sparks. Serious sparks.”

  Monica laughed. “I haven’t had sparks since I conceived my child.”

  “And considering how long that’s been, I’d say you’re overdue for some. I did mention to Jack that Gabe needed a woman, and it might take a Christmas miracle to find him one. Well, Christmas tree, sparks…”

  “Result in fire. And death and destruction.”

  “Wow. Who knew you were so dramatic?”

  “I’m about to be dramatic about horse shit and wedding timelines,” Monica returned, pulling the binder Becca had put on the table toward her. “I mean, what if the horse pulling your sleigh to the aisle poops all over the place?”

  Becca laughed. “I grew up on a ranch. My life is horse poop. Why wouldn’t my wedding be?”

  And with that, Monica successfully changed the subject from sparks and foolishness to the very real upcoming event of two really good people joining their lives together in love and hope.

  Which was not in the cards for her at all, but especially with any confusing former Navy SEALs.

  Chapter 5

  “Damn, it’s cold,” Gabe muttered, pulling his stocking cap down lower as they piled out of the utility task vehicle. They mainly relied on horses to get around in the warmer months, but that was much harder on Jack’s leg, so they’d purchased the UTV. It had turned out to be quite handy this winter.

  Gabe glared at the sun slowly moving higher in the sky as the morning wore on. The ball of supposed light was doing nothing to warm the air. “Whose brilliant idea was this?”

  “When did you get to be such a wuss about the temperature?” Jack asked, rearranging the straw in the enclosure.

  “There are pros and cons to leaving the SEALs. One of the pros is not freezing for the hell of it.”

  “Well, until someone invents water that doesn’t freeze, get used to it. And stop complaining,” Alex returned.

  Gabe used the pick to break the ice that had accumulated on the top of the water tank. A few cows glanced his direction. It was strange thing, this ranch work. About six months in and he had to admit, he didn’t love it. He could tell Alex loved it bone deep. Maybe that came from growing
up here. The riding horses, the mountains, all that crap. To Alex, this was a kind of calling.

  Gabe didn’t mind it for as much as he liked to complain, but it wasn’t his calling. He’d only ever felt that in the navy. Which was ironic, all in all, since he’d never grown up with any military aspirations.

  But then again, maybe that was life. Maybe there were no callings. Maybe people just made the best of what they had. Quite frankly, that was more appealing than the idea he had to be satisfied and fulfilled all the time.

  “What about you, runt?” Gabe asked, handing Colin the ice pick. “What are you going to do when you grow up?”

  Colin shrugged, poking what was left of the ice with the pick. “I don’t know. Firefighter would be pretty cool.”

  “Firefighter. You told your mom that?”

  “I’m not stupid. She’d have a cow if I told her that. She wants me to go to college and be bored forever.”

  The three men glanced at each other. None of them could extoll the virtues of college exactly. Gabe doubted Monica would appreciate Gabe mentioning that.

  “Hey, what’s that?” Colin asked, pointing to a lump in the distance.

  They all shaded their eyes against the sun. There off across the pasture was a lone cow, but it wasn’t standing exactly. Gabe couldn’t quite make out what looked wrong about it.

  Alex’s expression went grim. “Why don’t Gabe and Colin stay here while Jack and I check it out?”

  “I can go,” Colin said boldly, but then some of that surety melted. “What is it?”

  “Looks like a dead cow. Got caught in a drift maybe. Jack and I are going to have to dig him out, then we’ll have to transport him to the composting area. It’s not a fun job, Colin.”

  Colin chewed his bottom lip, looking out across the expanse of white.

  Gabe figured Monica wouldn’t care for what he was about to do, but if the boy was going to spend the next eight years on this ranch, there were some things he was going to have to learn.

  “We all came out. We’ll all dig it out.”

  Alex cleared his throat, but Gabe raised an eyebrow.

  “How old were you?” Gabe asked. Alex had grown up here, and Gabe was under no impression Alex had been sheltered from ranch work.

  Alex didn’t respond, so Gabe turned to Jack, who might have been as new to this whole ranching thing as Gabe was, but he’d grown up on a farm, not out in the burbs. “And you?”

  “Younger,” Jack said, shrugging toward Alex. “Gabe’s right. Gotta learn sometime.”

  “Gotta learn what?” Colin demanded.

  Gabe looked down at the boy. “When you see a responsibility, you meet it, even if you really don’t want to. Cattle ranching means sometimes cattle die, and we have to be responsible to handle it.”

  “What do we have to do?” Colin asked, frowning at the dead cow.

  Alex went through the procedure as they all got in the UTV. The drive across the pasture was slow-moving thanks to all of last night’s new-fallen snow. Which gave Gabe all sorts of time to doubt his insisting Colin be a part of this.

  They worked in a grim kind of silence, digging the dead animal out of the snow, then only spoke instructions to each other as they used the UTV to drag the cow out of the pasture. It wasn’t exactly gruesome work, nor was it fun work pulling a dead cow across snowy ground.

  They dragged the cow all the way to the composting area at the edge of the property. Gabe, Jack, and Alex had built the area in the spring, but they hadn’t had cause to use it yet. Once they got close enough, they all had to get out and pull the cow the rest of the way by hand.

  Once they’d actually gotten the carcass into the area, everyone was huffing, and Gabe no longer had any complaints in him.

  “Why don’t you and Colin take the UTV and go get what we need to finish?” Alex said, nodding toward the vehicle.

  Gabe nodded, giving Colin a nudge toward it. The kid wouldn’t be making the return trip, but he didn’t need to know that yet. “Let’s go.”

  “Isn’t this part of the responsibility too?” Colin asked, but his voice was scratchy and hell, the kid was only ten.

  “Yeah, but sometimes a man needs a break too. Besides, if we don’t get what they need, who’s going to?”

  Colin nodded and got into the UTV. Gabe flicked glances at him as they drove, and he couldn’t help but worry he’d pushed the kid too far here. Maybe Colin was too young to be dealing with the basics of ranch life.

  Gabe stopped the UTV at the barn, but he pointed to the house. “Let’s go on up for a second. Get a few thermoses,” he offered. He’d make an excuse about getting coffee or something, so he could convince Colin to stay at the house without making him feel like he wasn’t man enough for the rest.

  Colin got out of the UTV wordlessly, and they trudged through the snow toward the house. Gabe was tempted to wrap his arm around the boy and give him a squeeze, but it was hard to know what was appropriate with someone else’s kid.

  “Why… They just left the rest of them out there,” Colin said softly, frowning.

  “You heard Alex explain this cow was old, got caught in a bad place. Accidents happen.” He thought about what Monica had said last night about how her husband had died. Gabe didn’t want to draw any correlations, so that’s all he said.

  “But…that isn’t fair.”

  “Life’s not fair, bud. You know that better than most kids your age. We’re all going to die at some point. People. Animals. It’s never going to feel like the right time. It’s never going to feel fair. Sometimes it’s only going to give you more questions than anyone could hope to answer.”

  “I know I’m supposed to be sad my dad died,” Colin said in that same scratchy voice, but his posture had gone defensive as they tramped across the yard. “But I was a baby. I never knew him. I know Mom’s sad, but I didn’t know him. He’s no different to me than that cow. Except I can see the cow.”

  “You know, I didn’t know my dad either before he died.”

  Colin peered up at him, clearly curious but not going to question it. Which Gabe figured meant he had to keep talking. Unfortunately. “My mom was so sad about it she didn’t even want to tell me his name. So I don’t miss him, since I never knew him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t miss the idea of him. I’ve wondered what might’ve been different in my life, and that doesn’t help, but death leaves a mark even if you don’t remember it.”

  Colin shrugged. “I’m tough. I’ll be fine.”

  They both climbed up the stairs, but before Colin reached for the door, Gabe placed a hand on his shoulder. He knelt, winced when his hip gave a little shot of pain, then ignored it.

  “Being tough isn’t about ignoring the things that touch you. Being tough is about facing things that are hard. Being tough is about facing things that a lot of people wouldn’t. And sometimes being tough isn’t the answer. You have to be tough in the face of things that are wrong. You have to be tough in the face of your own responsibilities and the choices you make. You have to be tough in the way you protect your mom and anyone else you care about. But there are going to be times in your life when things will be hard and being tough won’t be the answer.”

  “How do you know the difference?”

  “Honestly? You probably won’t always know the difference.” He was a hell of a pep-talk giver, wasn’t he? But he’d started this and he’d see it through. “You have to figure it out for yourself. But knowing that it’s an option, that you don’t have to be tough all the time, it’s a good step in the right direction.”

  Colin stared at him like he’d just spoken gibberish. That’s probably all it sounded like to the kid. With a grunt he tried to swallow, Gabe got back to his feet.

  Colin frowned. “What’s wrong with you? Is it why you got all those scars?”

  Since they’d been swimming this summer, Col
in had seen the handiwork of a grenade and a vehicle crash mapped over Gabe’s upper right side. “Yup.”

  “How?”

  “Afghanistan. While I was on patrol, someone threw a grenade into our vehicle. The blast caused Alex to crash into an embankment. My right side got twisted and sliced to hell.”

  “But you lived.”

  “Three of us did. One of us didn’t.”

  Colin’s frown deepened at that, and Gabe tried not to picture Geiger, the friend he’d lost. Tried not to remember that day or the months of pain and healing that came after. He tried to focus on today and the cold and this little boy in front of him.

  “You are tough, runt, and no one can take that away from you.” Gabe patted Colin’s back. “But it’s a cold day, and this is complicated work. I want you to stay here.”

  Colin’s expression went mutinous, but Gabe couldn’t let that sway him. “You want to help next time, I want you to read up on disposing of deceased livestock. Alex, Jack, and I spent a lot of time learning about what we’re about to do, and you’ll need to as well if you want to help.”

  “Reading is boring.”

  “Then I guess you don’t want to help.”

  Colin grumbled something under his breath as he pushed the door open, but Gabe had a feeling the kid would read up on it. Gabe had a feeling the kid would see his responsibilities through.

  He didn’t have any idea why that made him proud when Colin was nothing to him, but it was there anyway.

  He decided to ignore it.

  * * *

  Monica never allowed herself to lead a conversation with anger. She counted to ten when she wanted to scream at Colin for being a little jerk. She breathed through hideous customer service. She’d learned to squeeze her palms together when talking with her father and wanting to throttle him.

  None of those tactics seemed to be working.

  Last night, Colin had woken up from a nightmare. He’d been sobbing, and he’d crawled into bed with her like he was tiny again. After she’d calmed him down, she’d finally convinced him to tell her about the dream.