a Perfect Stranger (1983)

by Steel, Danielle

  He grinned down at her with a sheepish smile. I feel the same way. It's nice, isn't it? Now I realize how empty the house was. It's so different now. And as though to prove it, the impish little face poked through the door. The bruises were gone now and the look of devastation was fading slowly from her eyes. In the month that she'd been in San Francisco, she had rested, gone for long walks, and talked almost daily to a psychiatrist, who was helping her to live with the fact that she had been raped.

  Hi, you guys. What are you up to?

  Nothing special. Her uncle looked at her happily. How come you're not in bed?

  I'm too excited. And with that, she walked into the room and took two large cumbersome packages from behind her back. I wanted to give you both these. Raphaella and Alex looked at her with surprise and pleasure and sat up on the floor as she held out the gifts. She looked as though she were going to explode with the excitement, and she sat down on the edge of the bed, swinging her long blond hair away from her face.

  Should we open them now? Alex was teasing. Or should we wait. What do you think, Raphaella? But she was already opening hers, with a smile, until she pulled away the paper, and then she caught her breath and let out a little gasp.

  Oh, Mandy' . She looked at the young girl with amazement. I didn't know you could paint. And with casts on. It was amazing. But she shielded the gift from Alexander, suspecting that his gift was the mate to hers, and a moment later she saw that she was right. Oh, they're so lovely. Mandy ' thank you! Her pleasure was written all over her face as she embraced the girl she had come to love, and for a long startled moment Alex just sat and stared at his gift. Mandy had sketched them without their realizing it and done their portraits in watercolors. The paintings were stunning, both in composition and attitude. Then she had them framed and had given the one of Alex to Raphaella and the one of her to Alex. It was at a perfect reflection of Raphaella that he now stared. And it wasn't only accurate in detail and feature but in the spirit she had caught, the warmth and the sorrow and the loving of the rich black eyes, the softness of the face, the creaminess of her complexion. One had a sense of precisely how the woman thought and breathed and moved. And she had done just as good a job with Alex, catching him when he wasn't aware. Raphaella had been harder because she was around Mandy less often, and Amanda hadn't wanted to press herself on them when they had so little time alone. But it was clear from the awed faces of the recipients that her gifts were an enormous success.

  Alex stood up to kiss and hug her tightly, and after that the three of them sat on the floor by the fire and talked for hours. They talked about people, about life, about dreams and disappointments. Amanda talked openly now about the pain inflicted by her parents. Alex nodded and tried to explain what Kay had been like as a young girl. They talked about Charlotte and what it had been like to have her for a mother, and Raphaella talked about the rigidity of her father, and how little suited she had felt for the life imposed on her with her mother in Spain. In the end they even talked about her and Alex, speaking openly to Amanda about how grateful they were for whatever they could have of each other, in whatever little bits of time. It surprised them both that she understood it, that she wasn't shocked by Raphaella's marriage, and Raphaella herself was startled to realize that Amanda thought her something of a hero for sticking by John Henry until the end.

  But that's what I'm supposed to be doing. He's my husband, even if even if everything is changed.

  Maybe, but I don't think many women would do that. They'd go off with Alex just because he's young and handsome and they loved him. It must be hard to stay with your husband like that, day after day. It was the first time they'd discussed it openly and for a moment Raphaella had to force herself not to change the subject, but to face it with these two people she loved.

  It is hard. She sounded very soft and very sad as she thought of her husband's worn face. Very hard sometimes. He's so tired. It's as though I'm the only thing that makes him want to go on. Sometimes I'm not sure I can carry the burden of that another step. What if something were to happen to me, what if I had to go away, what if' ? She looked mutely at Alex and he understood. She shook her head slowly. I think then he would die.

  Amanda was looking at her face, as though searching for an answer to a question, as though seeking to understand this woman she had come to admire and love so much. But what if he did die, Raphaella? Maybe he doesn't want to live anymore. Is it right to force him? It was a question as old as the ages, and not one which could be answered in one night.

  I don't know, darling. I just know I have to do whatever I can.

  Amanda looked at her in open admiration as Alex watched them both with pride. But you do so much for us too.

  Don't be silly. Raphaella's embarrassment was obvious. I don't do anything. I just turn up here every evening like a bad fairy, peering over your shoulders, asking if you did the laundry then she grinned at Alex telling you to clean up your room.

  Yup, that's all she does, folks. Alex was teasing as he stepped in. In fact she doesn't do a damn thing except eat our food, hang around in our bedrooms, decorate the house, occasionally feed us, polish the copper, read the briefs I sweat over, teach Amanda to knit, weed the garden, bring us flowers, buy us presents. He looked at her, prepared to go on.

  It really isn't very much. Raphaella was blushing, and he tugged at a lock of the jet black hair.

  Well, if it isn't, pretty lady, I'd hate to see you at full speed. They kissed softly for a moment, and Amanda tiptoed to the door.

  Amanda smiled at them from the doorway. Good night, you two.

  Hey, wait a minute. Alex stretched out a hand to pull her back. Don't you want your presents now too? She giggled in answer and he stood up and pulled Raphaella to her feet. Come on, you guys, it's Christmas. He knew that Raphaella wouldn't be with them the next day until late.

  The three of them trooped downstairs, laughing and talking, and pounced on the presents with their names on them with obvious glee. Alex had a beautiful Irish sweater from his mother, a set of pens from Amanda, in addition to the painting she'd given him upstairs, a bottle of wine from his brother-in-law, nothing at all from his sister, and a Gucci briefcase from Raphaella, along with a tie and a beautifully bound old leather book, which was the book of poems he had told her about a month before.

  My God, woman, you're crazy! But his reproaches were interrupted by Amanda's squeals as she opened her gifts. But then it was Raphaella's turn. She had a little bottle of perfume from Amanda, and a pretty scarf from Charlotte Brandon, which touched her a great deal, and then there was a small flat box that Alex handed her with a mysterious smile and a kiss. Go on, open it.

  I'm afraid to. Her voice was a whisper and he saw her hands tremble as she pulled off the paper and stared at the dark green velvet box. Inside, there was a creamy satin lining and on it nestled an exquisitely simple circle of black onyx and ivory banded in gold. She saw instantly that it was a bracelet, and then noticed in amazement that there were earrings and a beautiful onyx and ivory ring to match. She slipped the whole set on and looked in the mirror at herself in stupefaction. It all fit perfectly, even the black and white ring. Alex, you're the one who's crazy! How could you? But they were so lovely, she could hardly reproach him for the expensive gift. Darling, I love them. She kissed him long and hard on the mouth as Amanda smiled and started the little train.

  Did you look inside the ring? She shook her head slowly and he took it off her right hand. It says something. Quickly she held the ring up and looked at the engraving on the gold band that lined the ring, and she looked up at him with tears standing in her eyes. It said SOMEDAY. Only that. Just one word. His eyes pierced into hers now, filled with meaning. It meant that someday they would be together, for always. Someday she would be his, and he would be hers.

  She stayed until three o'clock that morning, an hour after Amanda finally went to bed. It had been a beautiful evening, a wonderful Christmas, and as Alex and Raphaella lay side by side o
n the bed, staring into the fire, he looked at her and whispered it again. Someday, Raphaella, someday. The echo of his words still rang in her head as she walked the last block home and disappeared through the garden door.

  Chapter 19

  Well, children, if old age doesn't kill me, undoubtedly my own gluttony will. I must have eaten enough for ten people. Charlotte Brandon stared around the table with a look of happy exhaustion, and the other three looked much the same. They had devoured a mountain of cracked crab for dinner, and Raphaella was serving espresso in little gold and white cups. They were among the few nice things that Rachel had forgotten when she'd left for New York.

  Raphaella put the cup of coffee in front of Alex's mother and the two women exchanged a smile. There was a quiet understanding between them, based on a compatible sharing of someone they both loved a great deal. And now they had two such bonds to bring them closer. There was Amanda as well.

  I hate to ask, Mother, but how's Kay doing? Alex looked only slightly tense as he inquired. But Charlotte looked at him frankly, and then at her only grandchild.

  I think she's still very upset that Amanda's out here. And I don't think she's given up hope that Amanda will come back. Charlotte's audience immediately wore tense faces, but she was quick to reassure them on that head. I don't think she's going to do anything about it, but I think she realizes now what she's lost. Amanda hadn't yet heard from her mother in the four weeks since she'd left New York. But I don't really think she has time to pursue it. The campaign is beginning to get under way. She fell silent and Alex nodded, glancing at Raphaella, who wore a worried smile.

  Don't look so uptight, pretty lady. He spoke to her softly. The wicked witch of the East isn't going to hurt you.

  Oh, Alex. The four of them laughed, but Raphaella was always uneasy about her. She had an odd sense that if she had to Kay would do anything to get what she wanted out of life. And if what she wanted was to separate Alex from Raphaella, perhaps she would find a way to do just that. Which is why they made sure she knew nothing about them and they led a totally hidden life. They never went out in public. They only met in the house. And there was no one who knew about them, except Charlotte, and now Amanda.

  Do you think she'll win the election, Mother? Alex looked searchingly at his mother as he lit one of his rare cigars. He only smoked Havanas when he could get them, long, narrow, pungent, aromatic wonders, which he got from a friend who flew in and out of Switzerland, where he bought the Cuban cigars from another old friend.

  No, Alex, I don't. I think this time Kay has bitten off more than she can chew. The incumbent is a great deal stronger than she is. But she's certainly trying to make up for it with a lot of hard work and a great many tough speeches. She's also fighting for an endorsement from every powerful politician she can find.

  Alex looked at his mother oddly. Including my ex-father-in-law?

  Of course.

  God bless her. She's incredible. She's got more goddamn nerve than anyone I know. And then he turned to Raphaella. He's a powerful man in politics, and he's one of the reasons Kay was so pissed off when I got divorced from Rachel. She was afraid that the old man would be mad. And he was. He grinned at Raphaella in amusement. He sure as hell was. Then he looked at his mother again. Is she seeing Rachel?

  Probably. Charlotte sighed. Her daughter would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. She never had.

  Alex turned to Raphaella again and took her hand in his. See what an interesting family I come from. And you think your father is peculiar. You should only know some of my cousins and uncles. Christ, at least half of them are nuts.

  Even Charlotte laughed in amusement, and Amanda slipped into the kitchen and began to clean up. Alex noticed it after a moment and raised an eyebrow in Raphaella's direction. Something wrong?

  She whispered softly. I think it upsets her to talk about her mother. It brings back some difficult memories.

  For an instant Charlotte Brandon looked worried, and then she gave them both the news. I hate to tell you this, now, children, but Kay said she was going to try to be here by the end of the week. She wanted to see Amanda around Christmas.

  Oh, shit. Alex sat back in his chair with a slump and a groan. Why now? What the hell does she want?

  His mother looked at him bluntly. Amanda. What do you think? She thinks it's hurting her politically to have Mandy out here. She is afraid that people think there's a secret, maybe the girl's pregnant or she's coming off drugs.

  Oh, for chris-sake. As he said it Raphaella disappeared into the kitchen to chat with Mandy as they cleared. She could see that the child was distressed by the conversation, and at last she put an arm around her shoulders and decided to tell her, so that she, too, would be prepared.

  Amanda your mother is coming out here.

  What? The girl's eyes flew wide. Why? She can't take me back with her. I won't go' I'll' she can't' . Her eyes filled instantly with tears and she clung to Raphaella, who held her tight.

  You don't have to go anywhere, but you should see her.

  I don't want to.

  She's your mother.

  No, she's not. Amanda's eyes went cold and Raphaella looked shocked.

  Amanda!

  I mean it. Giving birth to a baby doesn't make a woman a mother, Raphaella. Loving that child and caring for it and about it, sitting with it when it's sick, and making it happy and being its friend, that's what makes a mother. Not getting votes and winning elections. Christ, you're more my mother than she ever was. Raphaella was touched but she didn't want to come between them. She was always careful about that. In her own way she couldn't be more than an invisible partner in their lives, not for her or for Alex. She had no right to take Kay's place.

  Maybe you're not being fair to her, Amanda.

  No? Do you have any idea how often I see her? Do you know when I see her, Raphaella? When some newspaper wants to take pictures of her at home, when she's going to some goddamn youth group and needs me as a prop, when I make her look good somewhere, that's when I see her. That's the only time I see her. And then the final damnation. Has she called me here?

  But Raphaella knew better. Would you have wanted her to?

  Amanda was honest. No, I would not.

  Maybe she sensed that.

  Only if it suited her purposes. And then, with a shake of her head, she turned away, suddenly no longer a perceptive, angry young woman, but once more a child. You don't understand.

  Yes, I do. More than she wanted to admit to Amanda. I'm sure she's not an easy woman, darling, but

  It's not that. Amanda turned to face her with tears in her eyes. It's not that she's difficult. It's that she doesn't give a damn about me. She never did.

  You don't know that. Raphaella's voice was gentle. You will never know what's happening inside her head. She may feel a great deal more than you think.

  I don't think so. The young girl's eyes were bleak, and Raphaella shared her pain. She walked over to her and held her for a long moment.

  I love you, darling. And so does Alex, and so does your grandma. You have all of us.

  Amanda nodded, fighting back tears. I wish she weren't coming.

  Why? She can't hurt you. You're perfectly safe here.

  It doesn't matter. She scares me. She'll try to take me away.

  Not if you don't want to go. You're too old to be forced to go anywhere. And besides, Alex won't let that happen.

  Amanda nodded sadly, but when she was alone in her bedroom, she sobbed for two hours. The prospect of seeing her mother again filled her with dread. And after Alex left for the office the next morning, she sat staring mournfully out at the fog hanging over the bay. It looked like an omen of dreadful things coming, and suddenly, as she watched it, she knew that she had to do something, before her mother came.

  It took her half an hour to find her, and when she did, her mother sounded curt on the phone. To what do I owe this honor, Amanda? I haven't heard from you in a month.

  She didn't re
mind her mother that she hadn't called or written either. Grandma says you're coming out.

  That's right.

  Why? Amanda's voice trembled. I mean

  Just what do you mean, Amanda? Kay's voice was like ice. Is there some reason why you don't want me to come out there?

  You don't need to. Everything is just fine.

  Good. I'll be happy to see that.

  Why? Dammit, why? Without meaning to, Amanda started to cry, I don't want you to come out here.

  How touching, Amanda. It's always nice to know that you're just thrilled.

  It's not that, it's just

  What?

  I don't know. Amanda's voice was barely more than a whisper. It'll just remind me of New York. Of her loneliness there, of how little time her parents gave her, of how empty the apartment always was, of the Thanksgiving she had spent alone' and then been raped.

  Don't be childish. I'm not asking you to come here. I'm coming to see you out there. Why should that remind you of New York?

  I don't know. But it will.

  That's nonsense. And I want to see for myself how you are. Your uncle has hardly gone out of his way to let me know.

  He's busy.

  Oh, really? Since when? Her voice rang with contempt and Amanda bristled instantly at the words.

  He's always been busy.

  Not since he lost Rachel, darling, not Alex. What's he have to be busy with?

  Don't be a bitch, Mother.

  Stop it, Amanda! You may not speak to me like that. As it so happens, you're so goddamn blind about your Uncle Alex that you wouldn't notice his shortcomings. It's no wonder he wants you around. After all, what else does he have to do! Rachel tells me he's so stuck on himself, he has no friends. Except now of course he's got you.

  What a stinking thing to say. As always when she was confronted by her mother, she began to seethe with rage. He has a damn good law practice, he works very hard, and he has lots of things in his life.

  And how would you know, Amanda? There was a vicious implication in the words, which made Amanda catch her breath.