Just One of the Boys

by Lexie Syrah

  The Ice Wolves’ coach calls a time-out, and we gather around Coach Z. But instead, Hayden stands up.

  All the eyes on the bench turn to him. He’s red-faced, sweaty, exhausted. We all look the same. And victory is just as close as defeat.

  “Can anyone tell me,” Hayden says, his voice growing louder with each word, “how many years it’s been since the Falcons have made the playoffs?”

  “Five,” Tyler says quietly.

  “Five years,” Hayden says. “And one game can change all that.” He skates in front of the bench, going up and down the line like a general in front of his troops. “One game. One goal. I’ve let you down. As your captain and as your teammate, I’ve let you down.” His jaw stiffens. “But no more. I’m playing for the bird on the front.” He smacks his jersey. “And not the name on the back.” He narrows his eyes. “And I’m playing for all of you. Every single one of us was meant to be here.” His eyes flick over me. “And Falcons stay together.”

  Slowly, the team rises, and Hayden throws his stick up in the air. “Who are we?”

  “FALCONS!” the team roars, thrusting their sticks up too.

  “Who are we playing for?”

  “FALCONS!” they roar again.

  “WHO ARE WE?” Hayden yells.

  This time, I can’t help myself. I throw my stick up too and shout with the team: “FALCONS!”

  “Come on, boys,” Hayden says as the buzzer blows. “Let’s soar.”

  Coach grunts his approval and smacks me on the back. “Glad to see to you’ve finally got your skates laced up straight. Tremblay and Bell, finish this off.”

  There’s only two minutes before the end of the period. We need a goal. Hayden looks over at me as we line up. “Stay with me, Bell.”

  I nod, and the puck drops. The Ice Wolves have put Freddy out against us. Suddenly, my ribs ache as if they remember what he did to me. I don’t want to get anywhere near him.

  But Freddy wins the faceoff. He skates toward our end. As he sprints past me, he looks up, flashing me his slimy grin.

  It’s a lesson I taught Hayden at our very first practice, and I’ll teach it to Freddy now.

  Never take your eyes off the puck.

  I dart in front of him, sneaking my stick around his and snatching the puck. Breath comes ragged in my throat as I hightail it toward the net. Behind me, Freddy screams with frustration. There’s only one person between me and the net.

  I pass the puck to Hayden, and he shoots it in.

  Goal!

  A flood of blue surrounds me, but I push my way to Hayden. With only thirty seconds to go in the game, victory is right in front of us. And I don’t care if he hates me—we did it. Together.

  I force myself right under his nose. “How’d you get such a clean goal like that, Tremblay?”

  He smiles at me, a real smile that reaches his deep brown eyes. Despite our team and the roaring crowd, it feels like we’re the only two people in the world. And everything is okay.

  “Had help from some short rookie.” He puts his hand on my helmet.

  We skate back to the bench, but we’re blocked by a large, looming figure. Freddy stands in front of us.

  “What did you do to Captain Tremblay to get him to favor you on the ice, Allie?” Freddy spits. “Probably everything you were too much of a stuck-up bitch to do with me.”

  I stop skating. “Uh, what?”

  His brows creep up his face. “You heard me, Alice. I see now how you got so good.”

  Hayden tightens his grip on his stick. “Al’s always been better than you.”

  Freddy’s ice-chip eyes burrow into Hayden like daggers, and he drops his gloves. “Bring it, Tremblay.”

  Hayden stands there, jaw tense, but he doesn’t move. My heart hammers in my chest; Hayden can’t get in another fight, not now.

  Freddy throws his head back and laughs. “Too afraid to face me, Captain? Playing with a girl’s made you soft!”

  “You want to see how soft this girl is?” I throw my gloves off. Anger courses through my blood.

  Freddy raises an eyebrow and starts to laugh. I don’t let him get a single smarmy sound out before I surge forward and snatch his jersey. He tries to knock me away, but I hold my ground.

  I told myself it didn’t hurt when he cheated on me. But it did. It fucking hurt—and I want to make him hurt too. I pry his helmet off. It clangs to the ice, and I can see his face: all sweaty and red and veiny—nothing attractive about that now.

  Freddy didn’t get to be the goon for years without having taken some hits himself…like the rib he broke ten months ago.

  Maybe it’s a low blow, but so is cheating on me. So is blackmailing my brother. So is checking me into the boards so hard it broke the glass.

  I wind my fist back, and hit him in the rib with all the hatred I can muster.

  He squeals like a stuck pig and clutches his stomach. Hot madness runs through me and I don’t stop. I curl up my fist the way Hayden taught me so long ago and punch him straight in the nose. He falls back, blood gushing from his fingers.

  “I’d suggest you keep what you know to yourself, Fred,” I say, lowering my voice, “unless you want everyone in the league to know you got your ass kicked by a girl.”

  He looks up at me glaring, his nose broken for the second time in a month.

  Sorry, handsome.

  The ref slings an arm around me and skates me toward the penalty bench. It might as well be a golden throne. I turn around to see Freddy’s crying face one last time.

  Instead, I catch Hayden’s eye. He grins at me—and my heart sails right out of my chest. Instead of forcing it away, I let it float inside me. This is my last game playing for the Falcons, playing with Hayden. Even with everything I’ve done, I think I can be happy for the next thirty seconds.

  …

  Hayden

  With Fredlund’s complete annihilation, the Ice Wolves barely give a yip for the last thirty seconds.

  The clock runs out, and the game ends. Three to two for the Falcons.

  The crowd erupts so loudly, I think the whole arena might explode. The team jumps off the bench screaming as if we’ve just won the Stanley Cup. Coach Z holds my gaze and gives me a proud nod. My body flushes with relief. For the first time in five years, the Falcons are going to the playoffs.

  It really is all because of Alice. I’m pretty sure she can do anything if she puts her mind to it.

  The team surrounds Al and me. We actually pulled it off…not just the deal we made before third period, but the one we made months ago. She said she’d help me make it to the playoffs, and I said I’d teach her to fight. Looks like we both succeeded.

  Before I look down, I can tell she’s in front of me. The connection we had on the ice is still palpable even now. She’s being crushed between our goalie and Sacs in a huge hug—but as if she can sense my gaze, she turns her face toward mine. It’s impossible not to see her as a girl now; with her big doe eyes, and round face. How did I not notice how beautiful she was before?

  And this last period…it was like nothing had ever changed between us. On the ice, she was my teammate. But here—I find myself lost in those giant gray eyes again—she’s Alice. Whoever that is to me.

  The team disbands back to the locker room to celebrate, until it’s just me and her on the ice. She looks over at me almost shyly. I guess she thinks I hate her.

  Which I do.

  But with the high of the win, it’s hard to feel any of that right now. “Good punch,” I murmur.

  “Thanks,” she says, and then skates back a little bit. “I’m really gonna miss this.”

  There’s no resentment or hatred in her voice. Only sadness. She looks around the arena, as if soaking it in, with her mouth guard half-hanging out of her mouth. It always bugs me how she does that.

  I skate closer to her and gently push her mouth guard back into place. “You’ll have to stop doing that,” I say, “unless you want to lose some teeth in the playoffs.”
r />   She’s silent, and I realize I still have my thumb on her lip. I quickly drop my hand.

  “The playoffs,” she breathes, looking up at me. “Seriously?”

  “You’re the best line mate I’ve had. That’s the truth,” I say. “I don’t want you to give up hockey. The Falcons need Al Bell in the playoffs.”

  “Right. The Falcons need me,” she murmurs, skating toward the bench. She gives me a weak smile. “Well, tell Captain Tremblay that #44 will be there!”

  I stand still for a moment, not quite ready to leave the ice. The crowd’s clearing out, and all the players are in the locker room. I just told Alice I didn’t want her to quit. I thought she’d be excited, but instead, a cloud of sadness still hangs above her.

  “I-I’ll…see you in the locker room?” she says and steps off the ice.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.”

  When she’s gone, I take a deep breath and do a full lap around the rink. I can’t think about Alice anymore. Whatever we have on the ice doesn’t matter—she still lied to me.

  Just as I’m about to head in, I spot the puck, still in the net. I bend over and pick it up. A memento, from the game where all our dreams came true.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Hayden

  I lie on my couch, tossing the puck up and down above my head. Even though the game was last night, a million thoughts still threaten to break out of my brain. It takes effort to turn my head when Kevin lumbers down the stairs. He stands at the entryway, smiling.

  “Pretty good game last night, Hayden,” he says. “Eleanor and I were able to make it for the last period.”

  “That was the only good part of the game,” I mumble. I had been able to avoid Kevin and Eleanor after the game, but I knew I would have to face him today.

  Kevin sits down on the arm of the couch. “It can take a while to get back into it after an absence. From what I saw, your team is one hundred percent with you, and you’re one hundred percent with them. That’s what’s important.”

  I give an inward smile. That last period had felt right, like everything had finally come together.

  “I’m not supposed to mention anything,” Kevin says, a grin bursting through his bushy beard, “but as the captain of the number one NHL team in the Central Division, I do tend to hear a thing or two about scouting and potential…”

  I jerk up. “What?!”

  “Our scouts were watching you play last night. The higher ups were very impressed.”

  A smile threatens to tear my face in half. “Are you serious?”

  “I’m serious,” Kevin says. “You’ll still need to wait a year to get drafted…but just keep doing what you’re doing. If you play like this next year, there’s no telling how far you could go.”

  “Hey now,” I say laughing, “if it’s true, I might be stuck with you in Chicago for the rest of my life!”

  Kevin crinkles his eyes. “Would that really be so bad?”

  “I guess not,” I murmur. It would be pretty cool to be around as my new niece or nephew grows up.

  Kevin stands and claps a hand on my shoulder. “So we’re thinking of leaving in about ten minutes. You want to ride with us?”

  “For what?”

  “The charity Ice Ball at the arena. The Falcons are scheduled to make an appearance. I know Zabinski’s insisting the whole team be there.”

  My stomach feels heavy, like I just ate an entire plate of Sacachelli’s homemade spaghetti. That damned charity ball. My grip tightens on the puck in my lap. “I’m not going.”

  Kevin looks at me quizzically, but he doesn’t break into a lecture about how it’s my duty as captain to attend. Instead, his face softens. “Hayden…where’s Al?”

  I plop back on the couch, turning my back to him. “The ball.”

  “All right.” Kevin walks to the door. But because he’s Kevin, he turns back and says: “In our whole life, I’ve never seen you bond with anyone the way you did with Al. I’d hate to see you give that up…because of what? A fight? Because you’re both stubborn?” He shakes his head. “Think of how many times we’ve fought and made up. What would have happened if one of us had just given up?”

  I wish I could tell Kevin the whole story, but a part of me wonders if he already knows. And another part of me keeps asking myself why I’m so mad. What does it mean to me now that Alice is a girl? She was still the same #44 on the ice today. So why is she different off the ice?

  She waited outside my house the night I found out she was a girl. And she kissed me like she meant it. My body reacted before my mind had a chance to catch up: kissing her back, my hands on her neck. But that’s how it’s always been with Al, ever since I met her: instinctual, as if I’m the puck, and she’s the stick, guiding me to her every whim.

  But she lied. Even when I shared the darkest parts of my life with her, her light was still a lie.

  And this terrible feeling keeps knotting itself in my chest over and over again. Because I know why that lie hurts so much.

  Al is so much more than a teammate to me. She’s even more than a friend.

  I’m in love with her.

  “I really hope you decide to come, Hayden,” Kevin says as he heads upstairs. “One bad period doesn’t equal a bad game.”

  …

  I stay on the couch until I hear the car pull out of the driveway. The puck lies on my chest. I can’t go to the ball. I can’t talk to her, but I’m pretty sure trying to ignore her would be like trying to ignore a million sirens going off at once.

  The doorbell rings from upstairs. That’s weird. I have no idea who would be visiting at this hour, and I didn’t order any food. I shove the puck in my pocket and head upstairs.

  When I open the door, my pulse roars in my ears.

  It’s Al.

  I blink. Wait, it’s not Al. It’s like a shadow of Al, wearing her same baggy hoodie and jeans. The eyes are the same cloudy gray, but they don’t shine quite like Al’s do. And the mouth is all wrong: a straight line instead of the exaggerated frown.

  “Hi,” the shadow says, “I’m Xander. I’m Alice’s—”

  “Brother,” I breathe.

  He raises an eyebrow at me. “Can I, uh, come in?”

  I step back and let him walk in.

  He stands in the hallway. Christ, I’ve never met him before but even the way he stands is familiar, rocking on the balls of his feet. “I need to talk to you about Al,” he says.

  “Okay.” I cross my arms and hear the defensiveness in my voice. “What?”

  He throws his hands out beside him and shrugs. “Look, I get what she did—what we did—was wrong. But she kept my secret because we’re family. You have a brother, right? Wouldn’t you do anything for family?”

  “Of course,” I say. “Alice and I worked it out today. We can still play hockey together, so it’s fine.”

  “Is it?” Xander says, and he looks up at me as if he can read my mind. The more I look at him, the more I can see the differences between the two of them. Maybe I’m imagining it, or maybe I’ve just spent so long looking at her face that I can picture every detail.

  I shrug. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

  “I know my sister better than anyone,” he says. “She’s different…in a good way. I got so mad at her. I told her not to get close to you. But she couldn’t help herself. Hockey was Alice’s whole world, until it wasn’t.” He runs a hand through his hair. “She’s my sister, and I owe her for messing with her love life in the wrong way. So that’s why I’m here. To make it right. To see if you felt the same and were just being as stubborn as she is.”

  All of his words circle around my head, scrambling my thoughts. I step back until I run into the wall. “Felt the same?”

  Xander sighs dramatically. “Alice was willing to give up hockey for you.” I must give him a blank look because he sighs again. “Tremblay, she’s in love with you.”

  …

  Alice

  “You look lovely, sw
eetheart.” Ma straightens the tiara in my hair, and then tilts her head sideways. “I suppose this haircut can look cute at some angles.”

  I laugh. “Thanks, Mom.” I look down at my sparkly electric blue dress, embroidered with white beads: the colors of the Falcons’ jersey. I do look cute today.

  I walk to the edge of the ice. Despite the packed arena, I feel a brisk chill without all my gear on. Harmony finishes her routine, and everyone in the crowd throws down flowers and teddy bears. Man, is it ever full in here. Mom did an amazing job marketing this thing.

  My routine is last, and after that, the Family Fun Skate will begin. The Chicago Falcons and the NHL team are going to join all the families on the ice.

  I wonder if Hayden will come. My hand trembles to my lip—the last place he touched me. But I can only think of him as my teammate now. A wave of sadness hits me, but I push it away. At least I still get to play hockey.

  Mom pushes me forward as soon as the ice is cleared, and I skate to the middle of the rink. I used to feel out of place every time I figure skated: naked in a short dress and tights instead of my jersey and pads. But as I look around the booming arena, excitement grows through me. I’ve worked hard for this, too.

  The music starts, and I fall into the dance, just as I do when the whistle blows. This is a play, and I know exactly how it’s going to go. I land my spin and the crowd claps. I bask in the warmth of their attention.

  I fly through the rest of my routine, gliding into the finale with my arms up and a smile on my face.

  Maybe I’m a sweatpants-wearing, whole-pizza-eating hockey player. And maybe I’m also a lipstick-wearing, sparkly dress-twirling figure skater. Maybe I’m both of these things mashed together; a work-in-progress, a half-played game.

  And maybe Alice and Al aren’t so different after all.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Hayden

  I’m panting like crazy by the time Xander and I cut through the locker room and make it out to the bench. As if I wasn’t already out of breath, the air is kicked out of me again.

  Alice twirls on the ice, a spectacle of blue sparkles and long legs. Damn, those legs. Watching her move on the ice now, it’s no wonder she was able to outskate and out-stickhandle every boy on the ice. Her movements are as fluid as water.