by Pamela Ann
It was as if he had dug into my heart and mirrored every fear that had plagued me since Trista had brought that article to my attention. It was rather frightening when one’s fears were brought out in the open. It made it even more real. As Brody had stated, Claudine was a part of his daily life while I was living my own that didn’t include Dimitris.
Chapter 10
Lindsey
After finishing our coffee without bothering to play checkers, since the mood between us was rather somber, he and I left the coffee shop so he could drop me off at the hospital’s parking lot where I had left my car.
The drive back left me in my own world of doubts and fears, while Brody was in a much subdued mood, as if confessing all of those feelings he had hidden inside had somehow freed him from the demons that kept him awake at night. I supposed, when one lived with a lot of regrets, it was rather hard not to feel the burden of it all.
The moment we got back to the hospital lot, he parked a few spots away from my car.
Releasing a breath, I unbuckled my seatbelt before I turned to him. “Thank you for persisting we have this talk,” I started before reaching out to hold his hand. It felt warm and familiar. “I love you, too. I’ve loved you all my life, but you must set me free. I don’t want you to wait for me and wish my relationship with Dimitris won’t ever work out, because even if it didn’t, I’m not giving up on him. Not even Claudine and her stubborn persistence will push me away. So, please, do us both a favor and try. It’s the only option that’s on the table. I’m always going to be here for you—always—but I belong to him, Brody. I belong with him.”
He pressed his lips together, as though to refrain himself from responding to my little speech. Without letting go of my hand, he used his other one to tug me close, giving me a warm, comforting hug. Cheek to cheek, his lips grazed my ear.
“I will always love you, Pookie. But I will set you free because you asked me to. I love you enough to try to be brave, even if it breaks me. I want you to be happy.” He kissed my cheek before I felt a little moisture from his eyes. “I’ll see you in my dreams. At least there you’re always going to be mine.”
“Brody,” I choked out on a sob, feeling horrible for doing this to him.
“Shhh … Don’t cry. It tears me up inside if you keep doing that, and I might get tempted to kiss you just so you’d stop crying,” he murmured softly. “Let me just enjoy holding you for another minute because I might never get the chance to again.”
Holding my tears at bay, I merely nodded as I silently bid him farewell. During that one minute farewell of silence, he and I shut the door on the good times we had shared—from the great laughs that had tickled us until we were blue to the sweet moments shared that we cherished the most. It was sad saying goodbye to a past lover with whom I had shared so many amazing memories. It was as if I was placing him and the rest of what reminded me of him in a section in the back of my brain, securely locking it without wanting to look back. While Brody represented my past, it was Dimitris who represented my future.
Slowly disentangling him from me, I held his face with both of my hands before giving him a tiny kiss. “Goodbye,” I whispered without looking him in the eyes before pushing myself to move and get out of his car. Once I did, I stood behind it, waiting for him to leave. He merely gave me a sad look then drove off slowly, watching me from his rearview mirror until he no longer could.
I stood there, paralyzed as I memorized the back of his car as he drove away. I wasn’t one that liked saying goodbyes to the people I cared about, but I felt that Brody had to hear it from me—that I had no intentions of ever going back to him. Maybe he had based his hopes on my past actions, because I did come back to him even after I married Dimitris as well as after I divorced him. However, things were truly different this time. This time, I had no barriers to keep my feelings at bay. This time, I was ready to be with a man as intense as Dimitris. This time, I was ready to face all of my doubts and fears, never wanting to hold back from the profound love I felt for this one man. I would endure all of it, as long as he and I were together.
He was my future. That was all that counted.
“That was rather touching,” a deep, familiar voice boomed from behind me, making me instantly tense.
Fuck. Fuck. Triple Fuckity fuck! Just my luck.
Rooted to the spot, I didn’t bother turning around. I was too much of a coward to look into those bright blue eyes. I knew without having to look into them that they would bear great hurt and maybe also a little accusation. I’d rather stay this way, gazing into the fallen darkness of the night, playing oblivious to what he had just witnessed.
“I didn’t know you were coming. You should’ve text or called me.”
“So that I’d miss out on the nice display of you getting cozy with your lover? I think not.” He made a dry laugh, not bothering to hide his obvious sarcasm. “I went to see your brother, and he told me you left to go home, but when I got to your house, Trista and Amber said you all left together with Brody. When your pretty little self couldn’t be found, I had to retrace my steps, wondering where you’ve been. When I drove back here and spotted your parked car, yet you were nowhere to be found … Well, you can guess that I didn’t have to wait long until you two showed up, appearing as if you were being torn apart. Should I even bother to ask where you’ve been, Lindsey?”
I knew what he was getting at, but he was so wrong.
“I know it appears as though something’s going on, but it’s not like that at all. We had a talk, and I was trying to convince him to move on,” I shakily said, hoping he’d believe me.
“All right, if you say so, then it is so,” he murmured noncommittally. “Well, this trip was rather a waste of time and purely unproductive. I’m here to bid you farewell so I can be with the people that love and care for me during this splendid holiday celebration.”
Wait…
“You’re leaving?” I spun around to face him, alarmed that he was leaving without even trying to convince me to go with him to Athens anymore. “Did you just decide that after you saw me with Brody, or had you made this decision prior to even coming here to see me?” You can’t just leave me. Not like this, not after last night. We still have a lot to talk about.” Shaking my head, I pleaded with him, feeling at a loss when I saw how distant he was.
He looked indifferent, his eyes as cold as the Arctic. “What is there to discuss? You don’t want to move to Athens, and I can’t move here, because my business is in Greece. So, I guess we’ll continue on … with this.”
No …
“Can’t you stay for a little while longer? Even just for tonight?” Slowly walking up to him, my shaky hand tried to reach for his chest, but it fell away in my fear to even touch him. “I’m sorry that you had to see that, and I’m sorry I can’t be with you in Athens, but please, don’t leave like this. If you do, we might end up fighting more, and then this rift—this massive black hole of a space that’s sitting between us—will get worse. And I don’t want to lose you. We’ve fought so hard to get here, so please, give me tonight; then you can leave first thing in the morning.”
“I’m afraid that’s not possible.”
“That’s a lie. You know it is! How often have I requested this of you, and you always managed to do it without hesitation?” I could feel my heart palpitate, leaving me breathless. “This is the first time you’ve said no to me … after we got back together.”
He let out an insufferable sound, as if he wasn’t sure what to say next. “I’ll be in New York a week after New Year’s. If you can fly out to see me at that time, then we’ll talk. I need to clear my head and so do you. Maybe it’s time we reevaluate what we both need and want from each other. And, since I can’t offer you what you want, maybe you really need to think long and hard, consider your options and see if enduring this relationship is worth it anymore.”
“I don’t have anything to reevaluate. I want to be with you,” I frantically said before I reached out
to his chest, bunching my fists as I tugged on his shirt. “Stop saying these things, Dimi. You’re hurting me too much.” Why wasn’t he trying to listen to me or at least giving me the opportunity to explain without fearing that he would immediately shut me down? I knew he was angry; I knew him too well to buy this indifferent side of him. “If you’re making this an excuse to break-up with me, please say so. Just don’t play me for a fool, using whatever excuses and justifications you can find because you don’t want to be with me. I’m not sure where you are after last night, but if this is your reaction after my accidental marriage proposal, then tell me so I won’t have to expect anything from you.” I wasn’t sure where I was going with this, but I knew I wanted him to be honest with me.
“I’m sorry. I truly am, but I have to go.”
He seemed adamant to leave, so I slowly released my hands from his once pristine black dress shirt. I merely shook my head before retreating my steps, forlorn and truly defeated.
“Lindsey!” he yelled when I was a few feet away from him, but I didn’t want to look back. What was the point? He had made his position crystal clear.
Wiping my tears away, I reached into my purse to retrieve my keys and pressed the unlock button.
“Lindsey!” Although I could hear him again, I wasn’t paying heed. Instead, I merely shook my head, blatantly ignoring him before I slid inside the safe confines of my car.
It wasn’t over, yet it felt like it was nearing. Neither of us was ready to say it—to fully end it between us—but I felt it. He didn’t have to confirm anything. I knew he intended for New York to be our last meeting. That had been him standing his ground.
Funny how I had thought it would be Claudine to break us apart when it was him and his opinion of me. He didn’t believe in me—that I’d changed, that I wasn’t the irrational woman who wrecked his heart.
It was too late. My love had come too late to save us both.
Chapter 11
Lindsey
A distinct sound of a glass being tapped, making that thunk thunk noise, snapped me out of my hazy funk. Sniffing as I cocked my head to the side, I wasn’t surprised to find him still trying to get my attention.
I thought he was leaving for the airport; what was he doing stalling? Was he trying to make me even more miserable than I already was?
Sighing, I barely cracked the window down enough to hear him. “Did you forget to tell me something?” I tried to sound as normal as possible yet failed immensely because my tear ducts weren’t cooperating.
I was a wreck, and I had no control over my emotions anymore. I knew I would regret it the next day, but the hard devil-may-care woman was no longer me. Dimitris had truly broken me, and there was no going back from that.
“You’re distraught, and I don’t want you driving in this state. Let me drive you home. As for your car, if you hand me your keys, I’ll have someone deliver them to your house tonight.”
He was the one who had made me distraught and then he cares? Well tough.
“I’m fine,” I argued, not meeting his eyes while gripping the wheel with both hands. “I can drive fine, so don’t worry about me. You can go now. I don’t want to delay you any longer.”
He growled, clearly irritated. “Lindsey, give me the bloody keys!” He tried to yank the door open, but it was securely locked, which only got him more aggravated.
I shrugged, past caring that he was angry. It was rather sad and pitiful that this was the only way I got a reaction from him.
After the previous night’s rejection, he had been pushing me away, and then, when he saw me despondent, he suddenly cared? If something were to happen to me, say I got into an accident, he didn’t want that on his conscience, did he? Well, I didn’t want to detain him any longer. He could very well be on his way to Greece and be with the people who loved and adored him. I was sure Claudine was included in that close-knit circle.
“I have to go. I’ll see you in New York.” Not bothering to look at him, I started the engine, getting him even more riled up.
“I swear to the bloody gods, Lindsey, if you drive this bloody thing—”
“What?” I shrilled at him. “It’s not as if you want me, do you? Maybe we can both end this miserable relationship the way my mother killed hers with my father. You fucking push me whenever it suits you. Maybe I’m just fucking sick of being called a fucking whore by your fucking people!” The last bit came out as a surprise. I kept telling myself I hadn’t care, but clearly I did. It was just one too many things I kept telling myself that didn’t matter. My self-delusion seemed endless.
Maybe Dimitris’s love was my own delusional making, too. Who fucking knew anymore? I was cracking, and there was no way of stopping it. I felt off my rockers, ready to detonate any second. God help me for whatever I said or did next.
I had never seen him so vexed until tonight, and for some insane reason, I wanted to get away from him. Seeing his face and how callous he had been minutes before merely reminded me of what Brody had spoken about in the coffee shop, and I wasn’t ready to deal with that.
Taking another hasty swipe of my wet face, I pulled out of the parking lot, driving as if cops were on my tail. I had never drifted through traffic at such a speedy rate. One would think I raced cars for a living. It was irresponsible and negligent, yet I had never felt freer. Was this why Mom had done it? Because it was an easy way out of her problems? It wasn’t as if I was truly contemplating suicide. No, of course not. However, being in this position made one think of crazy things, and I could easily see why someone would choose the reckless route out of their perdition.
It was rather surprising, given the tight leash cops had around the folks of Santa Barbara, that no one stopped me. I was going over a hundred at one point, and in the back of my head, I was waiting for the loud siren and the red flashing lights to come after me, yet the coast was clear. Guess today isn’t going to end with a loud bang, I derisively thought. I mean, after the kind of day I’d had, I was wishing for a person to say “cut” like they did in movies, because this kind of shit-cakes didn’t just happen, thumping one problem after the other without pause, except in overly dramatic movies. But, hey, given how my life had been as of late, one could make it into a film. It was definitely filled with enough angst and drama to capture Hollywood’s attention.
I could just imagine the horror of the Greek population if I “sold” my story that way, though. They’d probably hire a bounty hunter because I had disgraced one of their finest Greeks. Oh well. As they all stated in those vile newspaper articles, I was a whore, a cheater, a man stealer, anything along the lines of disgusting; therefore, they could all go fuck themselves, thank you very much.
The moment my house came into view, I gunned the gas pedal harder, past caring that I was over the residential speed limit of twenty-five miles per hour to almost five times that until I hit the driveway, drastically parking behind Trista’s Mercedes. I felt like a possessed woman as I yanked at my purse then exited the car, slamming the door shut with all my might.
Three steps in, I could hear Dimitris’s car screeching to a halt behind me. Suddenly, my legs felt shaky. For him to chase after me after he had persisted that he was about to fly out of the country … Well, it couldn’t be good. The sound of the powerful engine itself gave away how incensed the driver was. Oh. Fucking. Well.
I was counting until I heard the car door open and close, my heart jumping from every sound he made.
“Do you plan to fucking kill yourself, Lindsey? Have you no care for how recklessly dangerous you were driving in heavy traffic?”
Spinning around to face him, I didn’t let his livid demeanor faze me. I simply gazed at him, waiting for him to get out whatever it was that was bothering him. Gripping my leather purse handle as I panted heavily, I took in his wild eyes as he charged at me.
“Have you nothing to say, woman?” he demanded, uncaring that he was bellowing so loud the neighbors could very well hear the drama unfolding without trying. �
��What’s gotten into you?” he almost spat in my face. “Have you lost your bloody mind? Or are you trying to punish me because I didn’t want to marry you? That’s it, isn’t it?”
“Go home,” I said as calmly as I could, not wanting to lose it out on the street. “I’ll see you in New York.” Giving him a cutting last glance, I dismissed him by calmly walking away from him, heading towards the entrance of the house.
I had barely cracked the door open when I heard Trista’s voice. “Dude, the Greek God’s been scouring for you. Where the fuck—OH!” She paused, giving me a shocked look before her eyes landed on the space behind me, and then she scuttled away towards the stairs and into her bedroom.
Wise girl. She knew what trouble looked like, and it practically defined me right that instant.
So he decided to follow me inside, I thought heatedly. Great. Just great. It wasn’t like I had any armor left to keep taking shots. If he planned to lecture me about my driving skills, he could shove it back to where it came from. Any more talks about marriage, Claudine, Brody, or my past actions would send me off my rockers, which left us with nothing to talk about, really. I didn’t even bother going to my bedroom, deciding to confront him right out there in the open.
“What do you want from me, Lindsey?” his voice came out eerie, like he was pushed to the limits by my actions. He probably was.
“You,” I readily said before facing his grim face. “I just want you.”
“You have me—you know you do—but what you’re asking of me,” he paused, letting out a short breath before saying, “it’s just not conceivable. You can’t rebel each time you don’t agree with me. A functional relationship doesn’t work like that. What you did just now—you frightened me, Lindsey! You can’t act like a spoiled child and not consider the consequences of your actions. Grow up, or the people that care around you won’t survive long.”
