by Pamela Ann
“I’m sorry. You just…” I frowned, blatantly frustrated with him. “After what happened with Carter and you announcing that you’re leaving a day early… I just wanted to be with you a little while longer. It kills me to know you’re easily accessible to Claudine. I want you—all of you—and these little moments you have with her … it’s driving me crazy with jealousy. You’re mine, and I expected more from you. What happened to that promise you made me when you came here months ago, that you’d do everything in your power to have me in your life? What happened to that promise, Dimi? It’s not even about the marriage anymore, it’s Claudine. I hate whatever it is that you two have.”
“I don’t have anything with her, Lindsey. How often do I have to tell you that?” he ground out then gripped his hair while shutting his beautiful eyes. When he gradually opened them, they landed on me with such intensity that I felt his gaze pulling me in. “If you’re so worried about her, then why don’t you come be with me? You can continue your studies, and I’ll work and lessen my travels so you and I can have more time together. This jealousy you have, knowing that you and I live apart; this is going to break us. I can already feel it. It’s going to drive us both away,” he warned, though not giving me enough options.
“You know I can’t just leave my life here. That’s absurd! The only solution that I can think of is you cutting that French whore out of your life for good! Who cares if she’s crying a river, bawling her eyes out because she felt publicly humiliated and rejected by you resuming your relationship with a past lover—better yet, your ex-wife? Why do you care so much about what happens to her? What about me? Don’t you care that you’re relationship with her is driving me crazy?”
“I’ve addressed this subject with you already. I can’t stress it enough—I owe Claudine. She’s not a whore, Lindsey; she’s just a woman who’s having a hard time dealing with disappointment after I bought her a ring and led her on for so long.”
“You bought a ring?” I paused, flabbergasted. Had he disclosed this information before, or was this the first time I had heard of it? The days leading in and after we became a couple again were such a blur because I had been living in a blissful world full of hope. Maybe I had neglected to take into account what he had confessed then. I remembered he said a lot of things, but I was so distracted that none of them mattered. Well, they do now, I thought belatedly. Everything mattered whenever that woman was concerned.
He gave me a deadpan look, gravely pondering.
“Where’s this ring that you meant to give her?” I pressed on, paling at the thought that he took time in his busy schedule to go over to a jewelers and choose a ring befitting his bride. Nothing spelled out intimacy like a man going over engagement rings, and I felt like I was dying, emotionally eviscerated.
He walked a few steps, gazing out a window that overlooked the street. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. What we should be discussing is how to solve this jealousy problem you have from here on out. The past is the past. You and I can’t keep dwelling on that unless we want to keep rehashing our faults, which can only lead to us parting,” he murmured almost to himself yet loud enough for me to hear. “Unless, of course, this is what you’re aiming at. If your cozy relationship with Brody has resumed, then I wish you luck.”
This wasn’t going anywhere. Thinking quickly, I made a hasty decision, hoping it would be enough to solve whatever was going on between us. “If you’re okay with it, I hope you don’t mind if I join you in Greece instead of meeting in New York? I want to see if it’s possible for me to take a semester off. I have to speak to my councilor, but if she gives me the green light, I’ll be spending three months with you, give or take.”
“Don’t do something that you’ll end up regretting.”
Giving up on him, on us, it was the only thing I knew I would regret. Besides, it was my life. I needed to see where he and I could go with this. Hopefully, it would be enough time to rebuild whatever it was that we had lost or what we didn’t have in the first place. Trust was one of the main issues we had before, and perhaps it was high time one of us compromised and fixed it.
Shaking my head, my heart suddenly felt lighter, giving a signal that my decision was the best one—the right one to make. “I normally don’t do these things, not for anyone, but it’s you. And you’re everything to me. Maybe it’s my turn to give you what you want, even if it’s only a temporary solution.”
He made an amused face, hiding his smile. “Is this your idea of compromise? I can truly get used to that.” He breathed out, reaching for me before placing a kiss on my forehead. “Don’t you ever—ever—drive like a lunatic with a death wish again. I’ll throttle you myself if you try a stunt like that. God, I thought I was going to lose you back there,” he whispered shakily, holding me close. “Toying with my fragile heart like that was truly cruel. I’m sorry if I came out rather brutish, which merely pushed you to do whatever you fancied at the moment.”
“I’m really sorry.” My apology sounded so measly after I recalled what I had just pulled. I was lucky nothing had happened to me. A lot of things could have happened.
While he stroked the back of my nape, nothing mattered other than the feel of each other and the love and devotion we so clearly had for one another.
“Let’s not fight like this. Let’s try to fix it before it’s too late. We have to stop hurting each other.”
I nodded, silently agreeing with him. Fighting drained me, though what I had realized amidst the fight, was how much I was willing to go through to keep him. Maybe the trial period in Athens would show me a different life that might entice me to stay longer. Who knew?
Hopefully, by the time I left, Carter would be well on his feet, recovering slowly. Hopefully, he would understand my decision about leaving for a few months, as well. It was unlike me to make such drastic changes since I had always had a phobia of leaving family behind. However, Dimitris was family, too. Even though to the outside world he was officially my ex-husband, in my eyes and in my heart, he would always be my one and only.
Chapter 12
Lindsey
“I think we’re all growing up so fast. I can’t handle it! God!” Trista’s eyes welled with tears as she tried to fan herself to avoid crying. “Why the fuck am I crying? I hate this shit.” She sniffed, wiping her tears away.
Emma even appeared to look glassy before reaching out for my hand. “Our Lindsey’s growing up, that’s what,” she said, grinning. “I’m so proud of you, babe.”
Why did I decide to tell them that I meant to take a semester off and planned to live with Dimitris?
“Jesus, you guys,” I exclaimed, smiling. And, yes, I was rather proud of myself for acting mature, but I wasn’t naïve enough to think there wouldn’t be hurdles ahead. I had plans to reach out and talk to Claudine, and hopefully, I could give the woman a hefty dose of reality. Either way, she should know I wasn’t going anywhere.
Trista placed her hand above Emma’s, holding mine. “I think you should speak to Amber. It’s high time you two figured this out. It’d be such a waste not to take advantage of this positive effort you’ve been making, Linds. She was your best friend at one point, too. Don’t blame the girl if she couldn’t help falling for the wrong guy. We’ve all been there, done that, so be a little kind to her. She’s going through a tough time as it is.
Emma nodded, clearly agreeing with Trista. “You two owe it to each other. Besides, when the baby arrives, I want to have amazing group pictures with all of us girls. All three of you will be newly minted aunties, and I’m making all three of you Godmothers, if that’s even probable. But, please, talk to her. She needs you, too.”
“I’ll think about it.” As much as I wanted to dismiss the idea of going down memory lane with Amber, I knew she was hurting from rejection on both sides—from Brody and me. What’s more, since I gave Brody a chance to say his piece, I should do so with Amber, as well.
Emma stayed for another thirty minutes before decidi
ng to leave, as did Trista, since the two had made plans for a double date at the movies with their other halves. Amber wasn’t at home when Emma came by, so I was left all by my lonesome. Christmas was the next day, and Carter had been released the night before. He was doing well, laughing and joking about his “accident.” Brody had mostly invited people around with the booze, of course, just to keep Carter in a lighter mood. As for Dimitris, we shared a kiss before he left, leaving a bittersweet taste against my lips.
It had been hard after he left. Though my body and presence were there amongst friends and family, my heart was with Dimitris, and most of my time was spent pondering what he was up to. Since it was the holiday season, everyone was cozying up with their loved ones, and I couldn’t help feeling miserably left out without him. I had fought so much to be there, but the unending feeling of loneliness brought out the question of whether I had made the right decision staying.
Sure, Carter might have been happy that I decided to stay, yet he didn’t seem to want me around much, nagging and persisting he take meds or always asking if he was hungry. Since our aunt and uncle weren’t there, I made it my mission to take care of him the way Aunt Alice did when we were sick.
The sun was setting and the house never felt so still, silent and cold. Never had I felt so alone in the world.
“I miss you,” I whispered into the air, wondering what Dimitris was up to. It was in the wee hours of the morning in Athens, but this darkness around me persisted, and I longed to hear his voice, even just for a fraction of a second. I needed him.
Strolling back into my bedroom, I headed straight towards my nightstand and pulled the charger off my phone before sitting crossed leg on the bed and dialing his digits.
It took four rings until he finally picked up.
“Hi,” I said, smiling, “Did I wake you? I know it’s early in the morning your time, but I miss you really bad.”
“Hey, I was just wrapping things up in the library. Everything okay?” he gently asked. I heard paper shuffling in the background then the loud thud of his laptop being shut.
Closing my eyes, I listened to him move about as I pictured him in the library/office of his house in Athens that had a breathtaking view of the Acropolis.
“Are you still mad at me, Dimi?” The question wasn’t premeditated; I wanted to know where he stood with me mentally and emotionally.
He sighed before I heard the sound of his leather seat, as if he had just slumped against it. “I was. I was angry with you when you took off in that devil of a car of yours because all I could see was you getting into an accident. But, if you’re wondering if I’m mad at you now, the answer is no. I love you too much to be angry with you for long.”
Hearing him say that he wasn’t cross with me any longer made me somehow even more depressed. It made me realize what a good man he was and that I had almost blown it again.
“I wished you has stayed a little while. I would’ve enjoyed making out with you even for an hour or two. I hate feeling this way, as if I can’t breathe, as if I can’t function from missing you so badly. I’m scared you won’t wait for me to get it together. The very thought frightens me.”
He made a soft chuckle. “Ah, Lindsey, you really love me, hmmm?” he asked with a smile in his voice. “Every time these doubts surface, always remember how often you left and how often I sought you out. This distance between us, though it’s rather unfortunate, can be used as a tool to tie loose ends, and I’m sure you have a few of those.”
“Brody?” I said, biting my lip. “It wasn’t what you think, Dimi. He just wanted to talk about what happened.”
He became solidly silent. I couldn’t even hear him breathe.
“Dimi?” I asked when he didn’t say a word after a minute.
“You kissed him while holding his head. Now, I don’t know what kind of world you live in, but in my world, agape mou, that’s called cheating. I’m not going to lie, a lot of thoughts circled my mind, but I’m giving you another chance to prove that what I saw wasn’t real. That what I saw was just one of those rebellious, fanciful things you do when you get angry. But I’m warning you now, the moment I see you do that again, I won’t be so forgiving.”
I kissed him, but it wasn’t for romantic reasons. Would Dimitris ever understand when I tried to explain it to him? Whenever Brody was concerned, it was like a red flag being waved to a bull. He simply wouldn’t hear whatever it was I was telling him. He would succumb to the darkness that cradled his heart, bringing him back the past times I had left him for Brody. Maybe one day, when the time came, he would be ready to hear me properly without getting so intensely jealous, and then he and I could talk about it.
“I’m sorry you had to see that. I’ll prove you wrong. Until you’re ready to hear me out without getting mad, then we’ll let bygones be bygones. That aside, thank you for seeking me out and deciding to confront me without leaving. The old you would’ve just left then tell me months later.”
“I’m not going to lie that the very idea didn’t toy with my mind. Then I remembered that I rejected your marriage proposal the night prior, so I thought it was your way of punishing me, as if letting me know there’s another man out there that’s just as crazy about you as I am,” he calmly said before sighing out loud.
“It’s not that the thought of marriage to you is appalling, of course not. I wanted to marry you after two weeks of knowing you. I fell for you, I think, after getting to know you in less than a day, so no, my decision didn’t come lightly. But you must understand, my love, marriage is sacred to me, my family, and what my family stands for. I’m Greek through and through.
“When you decided to leave me on a whim without some sort of solid explanation, do you have any idea how wounded my pride was? Or how humiliating it was to explain in grave detail to my Pappou that I couldn’t hold on to my wife, that I didn’t have the power over her to stop her from going to her lover? You put me through Hell. It was fucking hell trying to forget the very image of you almost naked with him, pulling you back into the house days after you left mine. I doubt you know what that kind of hell was. It almost killed me.
“Every day, I tried to hate you, and each time I saw my wedding ring, I just couldn’t throw it away. My love for you was too powerful, even if you clearly betrayed me. And, when it was time for me to take someone to bed, I felt dirty, Lindsey. I felt like an animal, like a dog with no feelings, fucking just for the fuck of it. Fucking made me forget you in that one single moment when I was coming, and yet the loathing came right after. I was livid, so beside myself I didn’t know what to do. I was lost with no direction and no care for the future. My family heavily depended on me to take the reigns of the company, and it was hard to go through such purgatory and still try to think about business.
“Claudine, when she came in the picture, helped me get through my toughest days. She held me when all I wanted was to pour my heart out and cuss your name in vain. However, I kept my mouth shut and simply let her hold me close, keeping the ghosts of you at bay. To you, it might not mean a damn thing, but to me, it meant everything then because, without her, I might not have survived. I owe her. And I know you will never understand why I feel indebted to her, but I owe her for saving me from myself.”
When he put it that way, dissecting everything, I felt like such an awful human being. It was my own selfishness that led me to stupidity, and then I was forced to pay for every single mistake I had thoughtlessly made. As much as it pained me, I knew it would mean the world to him if I at least showed some respect for his attempt to make amends with Claudine.
“All right, I hope this thing with Claudine and what you’re trying to achieve, doesn’t backfire, because I trust you. But I sure as heck don’t trust a bone in her deceitful body.”
“Good. All I need to hear is you trusting me. You don’t know how glad I am to finally hear you say that. As long as you do, nothing will happen. Trust me on that,” he promised.
And I blindly gave him my consent,
my trust, hoping I wouldn’t regret doing so.
Chapter 13
Lindsey
After my call to Dimitris, I felt better. Gone was the boulder that made it harder to breathe. Gone were the doubts that had driven me insane with worry. I was genuinely happy and truly smiling when I got to Carter’s place, which was a five-minute walk from my own house.
The moment I got there, I realized Brody hadn’t been joking when he had said he invited a bunch of people to “entertain” my brother while recuperating.
“Didn’t anyone have anywhere to get to? It’s Christmas Eve, after all,” I said out loud as my eyes scanned the sea of people.
When Brody had said “people over,” he might as well have said he was throwing a party. Thank the heavens there was no alcohol in sight, though I could smell weed in the air.
Carter better not be indulging in some ganja goodness, or I will seriously embarrass him right in front of all these unfamiliar faces.
Navigating through the human traffic was difficult since a few people were blowing bubbles, a couple were throwing metallic petals in the air, and on top of this mass chaos, they were playing suck and blow with what looked liked Brody’s credit card. Through it all, my brother wasn’t hard to spot since he sat in the far right corner of the room, resting on a chaise lounge while girls flirted with him. He appeared tired, though he seemed like he was having the time of his life.
Once I reached him, I made a dramatic eye roll before taking a seat next to him, shooing the little ratchets as I did so. Well, there is still some bitchiness in me, I happily thought as I grinned at Carter.
“Is this Brody’s version of recuperation? I don’t think the doctor would approve.”
He smirked just as someone came over to give him a high five. “You look more miserable than I do, and that’s sayin’ something, sis,” he addressed me right after the guy left, giving me a raised brow.
