Torn Series: A Bundle Set 1 - 10

by Pamela Ann

  “Do you mind if I join? You two sure look cozy. Unless, of course, this is a private conversation. In that case, I don’t want to butt in,” Joanna suddenly said, startling us. Then she wiggled her barely covered ass audaciously, making it hard not to snort and roll my eyes at how annoyingly obvious she was being in her attempt to get Brody’s attention. Knowing how he was with women, I was certain he noticed everything that was on offer, bikini and all.

  A part of me wanted to pity her. She was just going to end up heartbroken like I was, but another side of me became jealous and territorial, leaving me more annoyed than before.

  Addressing Joanna, I directed a glacial look at her. “We’re just talking. You and your butt are both more than welcome plug in to our conversation.”

  Joanna giggled, feeling as if invited, even though all I wanted to do was to scratch her eyes out. At this rate, there was no point in hanging around, because I was sure this woman would try to get Brody’s undivided attention. I wouldn’t even put it past her to offer a skinny dip in the ocean so she could freely bounce her boobs as she splashed herself against the waves. It was a typical move, one I had tried before.

  Weighing my options, I decided to watch them interact. Like any normal man, Brody liked the attention he was getting, most especially since she seemed to be giving off the green light. I mean, seriously, Joanna was basically waving a white flag, ready to be saddled up and taken for a good ride.

  Much as I liked to hate on her and her direct approach when it came to men, I couldn’t help feeling insecure that she could easily do whatever she wanted without shame, while it took me years to have the gall to even flirt with Brody. That was the difference between women like her and myself—the go-getter and the no-confidence, insecure type. Women like me would always lose because we didn’t have the balls to go in for the kill.

  With that realization in mind, watching them interact made me nauseas. I felt as if my stomach was being fueled with gasoline before someone decided to light the match and blast it on fire.

  Then my phone began to ring, breaking through my dire thoughts. Reluctantly taking my phone out, the least person I had expected to contact me had seemingly come out of the woodwork just to fuck up my night.

  Hey, sweets. Wanna party tonight? The fun is on me as long as you bring your sweet lips.

  What the fuck! How fucking dare Rob? I seriously wanted to hurl things at him, hurt him, and gut him alive. Did he not know the kind of shit I had to go through after he took advantage of me? And here he was, texting me as if nothing horrible had happened, as if everything was fine. What the flipping fuck!

  My eyes blurred as I shut my phone off, unwilling to receive any more shit from Rob tonight. On the verge of tears, I made a quick excuse to leave, but Brody wasn’t having it.

  “Where are you going, Amber?”

  “Somewhere,” I mumbled out, loathing the fact that he seemed to want to know where I was going most of the time these days.

  “Wait up a sec—”

  I didn’t wait. I couldn’t. Everything was blotted out, and all I could see was Rob and hear his scratchy voice ringing in my ears as I tried to sprint my way out of there. I was desperate to be alone, away from prying, dark eyes that took in whatever I did, as if he could see through my shaky barriers and the façade I was portraying, as if he could easily see through my lies and faults.

  Chapter Nineteen

  One thing I realized was that I couldn’t be anywhere that people knew me too well since they would suspect something was amiss. Try as I might, I couldn’t escape the demons that constantly plagued my mind. I was suddenly back there, on that night when everything crumbled and I was left defenseless while that pig of a man took advantage of me.

  Almost running up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, I reached the safe confines of Carter’s room before hastily locking it, as if Rob was chasing me, as if he was there, in this house, laughing and taunting me.

  Heaving and huffing, out of breath, I almost jumped out of my skin when a loud pound came at the door.

  “Amber! Open up!” Brody demanded, making me freeze on the spot as I stared at the door, weighing my options, and then he pounded his fists once again. “Open the fucking door!” he threatened, making me think twice about not letting him in.

  Exhausted from physical, mental, and emotional exertion, I decided against my better judgment and opened the door. Unlocking the bolt, I barely heard the click before he pushed through, barging right in like he had every right.

  “What was that all about? What’s been going on with you?” he shot the questions out one after the other, leaving me speechless and a bit nervous.

  “I can’t—I can’t talk about it,” I stuttered, looking away before pacing.

  Clearing his throat, he kept his eyes trained on me like a hawk as he said, “That’s your choice, but unless you plan on talking soon, I’ll be stuck next to you like glue until you feel like it’s time to fess up.”

  Was that a threat? “That’s not fair.” I threw him a pained look, needing him to just leave me be.

  “I know it isn’t, but I care about you, and I can’t sit back and watch you walk around with your head low and with fearful eyes. Call me a dick or whatever, but I’m sticking around. Here. In this room.”

  Our eyes clashed, and I noted how serious he was, that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he meant it when he said he cared for me. His words left me emotional, and though I tried to grasp at the last straws of my strength, I knew I wasn’t going to make it.

  I had held it in for as long as I could, but this time, my energy, my will ran out. Holding it together was so hard, so difficult. I was choking in my own world, and I needed someone to save me.

  “I did something”—I couldn’t look at him as I uttered the words. It was all too much to bear—“something so horrible that I can’t even forgive myself for being so stupid.”

  “Whether it’s good or bad, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Brody took a few steps towards me but stopped when he saw something in me. Maybe he realized how fragile I was. I wasn’t sure, but keeping him at arm’s length made it easier for me to speak about what had taken place that night.

  Keeping this wretchedness to myself was taking a major toll on my body, on my mind. The guilt and blame weighed so heavily on my soul I didn’t have the energy to keep it together.

  I was damaged inside and out, and whether Brody would be disgusted by my revelation or not, at least he would understand where I was coming from. However, in the back of my mind, I prayed he would at least try to be less judgmental of my horrid actions. In some ways, I needed him to supply me a little strength to fight this through.

  “Whatever happens after I tell you, I need you to make a promise,” I softly demanded, needing his reassurance, his promise, his word. He had to know how delicate this situation was; the hardship of even considering speaking about it was killing me slowly. “You have to promise me on your life that you won’t tell anyone about this, not even if you feel so strongly about it, not even if it pushes your buttons, your boundaries. You have to promise me you won’t utter a word to anyone.”

  “What did you do, Amber?” He had a look that made me shiver, as if he, too, knew how awful this was going to be.

  “I can’t tell you until you give me that promise, Brody,” I persisted, knowing I was gambling on his reaction and hoping he wouldn’t see me differently after my confession.

  He nodded, his brows furrowed, as he gave me a look that made me think he knew and felt my deep pain. “All right. I promise not to tell a soul. Whatever I hear from, it ends in my ears.”

  Hearing him gave me encouragement.

  “Thank you. You don’t know how much I appreciate this.” Clearing my throat, I braced myself as I catalogued my thoughts. “Well, it began about a week ago.” I paused, shallowly breathing as I tried to muster the strength to get the words out. “That night … that night before Carter left for Brazil the next day�
�”

  Brody growled from across the room. “Don’t tell me Carter did something fucked up to you, or I’ll kill that SOB!” he snarled angrily.

  “No! God, no,” I instantly interjected. “Are you kidding me? You think Carter would hurt me? Never in a million years.”

  His nose flared as he watched me, beside himself and feeling helpless as he waited for me to open my lips and finish what I had begun.

  “But it was a man … another man…” I licked my lips, hurting all over again as I remembered everything. “He was someone I’ve known for years.”

  Brody seemed ghastly pale, looking frantic as he waited for each word that came out of my lips.

  Closing my eyes, I knew I had to relive that torturous night one last time.

  “I was invited to this party. These parties I go to are the rogue ones that you guys usually don’t go to because it’s too rowdy, and it’s a mixed-crowd. But I’m used to going to these bashes … because, well, it’s when I most especially need to really get fucked up. This guy, he’s the person I call to hook me up and score some coke here and there.

  “Well, that night the drug of choice was different than what I was accustomed to, and since I was already out there, ready to have fun, I didn’t see the point of whether it was Molly or cocaine. In my mind, as long as I have fun, everything will be okay, and it’ll turn out as I normally expect. I’d have my escape for a few hours before I headed back to the real world...”

  I heard Brody hiss, as if he knew where this story was heading, but thank goodness he didn’t interrupt me.

  “I know the difference between the drugs, of course I do—I think everyone does—but it didn’t particularly register in my head. I was too busy and too caught up in my own pains and sorrows to even consider my surroundings and the peers I was with that night, and though I had small reservations about taking the drug, I didn’t voice any of them. Instead, I took it without a thought. In hindsight, it was an irresponsible move, but I was past it that night. The need for escape was pivotal, so I chose the path of recklessness.

  “So, after taking the pill, it didn’t take long for it to work into my system. By then, I was dancing with him. Time went on, and we danced some more. He began to gradually start touching me. Nothing too daring on the dance floor, but he became a little too daring for comfort as things progressed. It wasn’t necessarily making me uncomfortable, because it felt good when he touched me. Still, in the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn’t even give in an inch, but you see, my mind and body were reacting differently. It was as if they weren’t synced right, and even though my mind was still rationalizing everything, my body’s intense reaction took precedence. A mere brush, a soft touch of his hand, anything he did to me felt like he was electrifying me…

  “Whatever he did then jolted my body into a different dimension. It was like no other experience I’d had before. So, when he decided it was time to leave the dance floor, I had little control. I should’ve known what the next phase was, but I think I was in denial that he was capable of anything indecent when it came to me…

  “In the bedroom, he had a friend there, who at that time was jerking off to porn, but when he saw what his friend was doing to me, he basically turned his attention to us—”

  “Fuck. Stop!” Brody interjected, madly shaking as he shut his eyes, breathing heavily. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” he screeched out, growling as he punched the wall several times.

  I watched him, helpless and thunderstruck. His violent reaction had caught me off guard. I wasn’t sure if I should keep going, but I knew I had to, for both our sakes.

  Breathing out, I bit my lip before continuing my wretched story. “Though his friend distracted me for a few seconds, once I realized I was on the bed and … he was on top of me, I knew I was in for something I wasn’t prepared for. High as I was, I knew. I swear to God, I told him to stop, that I didn’t want it like that, but he kept going. It was like he knew that, if he pushed his luck, he’d get lucky because I was on Molly. So that’s what he did … until he took whatever pleasure he could from me then passed out cold.”

  Silence filled the room, the only audible sound that of Brody’s animalistic breathing. I wasn’t sure if he was about to have a heart or asthma attack. All I knew was he wasn’t pleased—he was furious, and he was going to blow up soon. The question I had was whether his anger was directed at me or to Rob, whose name I hadn’t disclosed. Whatever his opinion of me after hearing the reason behind my odd behavior for the past week, I just hoped he would still keep his promise to never utter a word about this to anyone.

  Chapter Twenty

  Watching him wearily, I knew I had to say something, or he would eventually die on the spot, and he really did look like he was about to turn blue from where I was standing.

  “Brody, please say something. I hope you’re not mad—”

  “Mad?” he hissed out as though he was trying his damnedest to rein his anger in yet failed miserably. Frantically pacing the room, he glanced at me with pain, sadness, and pure agony evident in his gaze. “You think I’m mad? I’m fucking incensed!”

  It meant so much to me that he cared so deeply. If it had happened to one of my dearest friends, I would be reacting the same way. This was my battle, though, not his.

  “Who the fuck is this guy? What’s his fucking name?” he growled out like an angry, caged animal, ready to pounce at any given moment. “I want his fucking name!”

  I would do anything to soothe him—anything—except what he was demanding of me. I just couldn’t. This wasn’t his battle.

  Shaking my head, I directed a disappointing look at him. “No,” I softly whispered, dejected.

  “Why the fuck are you protecting him?” He gave me a look like he thought I had lost my mind. “He fucking took advantage of you. He—he—” Roughly, he huffed out, trying to conjure up the words. “He—” he tried again as pain etched all over his face before giving me those eyes that reached deep into my soul, into my heart, telling me he felt my pain. “He raped you, Amber. How can you protect someone like that?” he asked in a little, broken voice that crushed me.

  Rob raped me. But it wasn’t that easy, was it?

  “It wasn’t as if I didn’t enjoy it. I mean, I remember flashes. I remember liking it…”

  What he did was wrong, but at the same time, I couldn’t lay all the blame on him. I was the one who had placed myself in that position. Had I been a responsible adult, I wouldn’t have been making such idiotic decision. Yet, I did and I was paying for it. So if I gave in and told him Rob’s name, it was a whole different problem to tackle, and quite frankly, I wasn’t ready to face that. I was too frightened, too broken to even consider spilling any of it.

  “You were on fucking ecstasy; of course you fucking liked it! That drug was made for that specific reason,” he harshly ground out, frustrated that I wasn’t seeing his argument. “The point is, you said no, and he didn’t fucking listen to you. I don’t care what he told you, but under no circumstances can a guy force a woman to have sex then persistently tell her that wasn’t rape.”

  The second time he said the word rape, I felt as if chains were wrapped around my neck, controlling my breathing, choking me.

  “This is all just too much…” Frantically, I sought his eyes, hoping he would stop for a second, because I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I wasn’t sure what I would do once I felt trapped. “I can’t handle this.”

  Brody reached towards me, seeking my hand then tightly holding it in his. “Then let me handle it. Let me take care of this for you. Let me help—Fuck!” he desperately begged, beseeching. “How did this happen? This is all my fault!”

  “No, don’t blame yourself.” The last thing I ever wanted after confessing about that night was for him to feel guilty or feel as though I was his responsibility. I was far from that.

  “I was hostile when you first got here. I was being a dick because I couldn’t stand the thought of you in Carter’s bed, in his r
oom, probably doing the things I used to do to you. It was eating me alive. I could barely sleep just thinking about it. In the beginning, I thought it was because Lindsey had gotten married. That influenced it, too, but when I came out of my room and heard you two laughing inside his bedroom—well, I knew you were a major part of my sleepless nights.”

  His confession rendered me—wtf? Did he just tell me he was jealous without really using the damn word itself? What!

  “Please … Tell me who this fucker is so he can be served for what he did to you,” Brody pressed on, redirecting my thoughts back to the problem at hand, which was to make him stop pursuing Rob’s identity.

  “No.” I had to put my foot down, ready to be graced with his angry backlash. “I don’t want people looking at me differently; they already do. No, I can’t embarrass myself this way. It’s just too humiliating even thinking about it. And for me to go the route you intend to take? Fuck, I just can’t do it. I’m sorry. Call me a coward, whatever, but I can’t fucking do it, Brody.”

  He stilled, not quite happy about my unwavering stance, then took another route. “If he’s going to do this to you, he’ll do it to someone else. Are you really going to let another girl go through this? You’re all sorts of fucked up. If you could prevent this, why wouldn’t you?”

  “Because…” I’m afraid. Because, once I do, there’s no going back.

  I would forever be a victim, and I didn’t want to see myself that way. I could get through this without needing to tell the rest of the population about the humiliating experience. I couldn’t bear it.

  Giving him a pleading look, I said, “I have to go. I need to breathe.” Hastily, I scoured the room for my purse, ready to head out the door. I could feel the chain around my neck tightening as the walls closed around me, ready to confine me, trap me.