Whiplash Hotel

by Christine Crean

  ‘Honestly Sean, I’m grand. Nothing a few nurofen won’t kill ha ha’ she snorted nervously.

  ‘You don’t look it’

  Amy didn’t know where to look. It was like car crash TV. She knew she shouldn’t look but at the same time couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. His hair was wet and drips of water still lingered on his chest. Her face burned. She knew she was probably the colour of a beetroot.

  ‘Sean, you might want to put a few clothes on’

  She pointed to his clothes on the bed and turned to look out the window.

  ‘Ha, what’s wrong with you missus, can you not tear your eyes off me?’ Sean joked.

  ‘Hardly’ she still couldn’t look at him.

  Walking towards her, he reached for her. She starred out the window hoping that if she looked outside long enough this awkward moment would pass and she would be back in her own house away from Sean and his wet body.

  ‘Sean, eh’ Amy didn’t want him to take his hands away but yet she knew that this was wrong.

  He took her by the waist and turned her to face him, his breadth on her neck. She closed her eyes unable to look at him.

  ‘Look at me’ he pleaded.

  ‘I can’t’ she bent her head away from his gaze.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because...’

  ‘Because....’ he pushed her.

  ‘Jesus Sean because....because if I look at you....I won’t be able to stop myself’

  ‘Then don’t....stop yourself’

  He grabbed her and kissed her so hard she thought she was going to faint. It was as if he was kissing her for all the times he wasn’t allowed. She kissed him back with such an intense urgency she felt an outer body experience unfamiliar to her.

  Butterflies flipped and jumped in her stomach. Putting all thoughts of guilt out of her head, she felt his heart jump as she squeezed up against him. His wet torso and strong arms forced Amy towards the bed where he gently placed her on her back. She didn’t fight him but instead went with him. Breathing heavy now both tumbled around on the crisp white sheets. Sean’s towel no longer on him, fallen to the floor. Amy could feel every inch of him pressed up against her now. Helping him remove her clothes, they giggled as her shirt refused to budge. Ripping it from sheer passion, Sean kissed her naked breasts. Letting out a gasp of pleasure she took his head in her hands and kissed him on the mouth.

  Both sighing with pleasure, they lay there smiling in silence. Creeping into Amy’s head, she decided to forget about Adam for the minute and just bask in the absolute bliss that was shooting through her body at that minute. She had never felt such passion or physical ecstasy. The thought of leaving the room did not appeal to her for many reasons. Sean too, was elated. He had never dreamed that this would actually happen for him. Thoughts of what would happen now frightened him. There was no way he would lose her now that he had her. Did he really have her though? Adam popped into his head too. Hardly the image he wanted in his head after such a fantastic morning.

  ‘Fancy something to eat?’ Sean asked removing Amy’s boyfriend from both of their minds.

  ‘I’d kill for a sausage...’ came her reply as she lifted up the sheets to cover her naked body.

  ‘Oh really!’ Sean pounced on her again laughing out loud.

  ‘Excuse me good sir! But I don’t know what you take me for!’ She laughed too, kissing him playfully on the mouth. He tasted good to her.

  Unable to stop themselves, they repeated what had happened earlier. Sean was definitely full of stamina that was for sure. She didn’t know if she could keep up with him. Never, in Amy’s wildest imagination, did she think she would end up in bed with Sean on a Saturday morning in a hotel in Clairnbridge. If someone had told her, without doubt, she would have quickly told them, that they had lost their mind. Watching him after, the butterflies refused to disappear. She knew that later she would have to face up to what they had done. What did this mean? What would she say to Adam? Had she anything to say to him? How did she feel about Sean?

  An hour later they both had worked up a good appetite and ordered a full Irish breakfast with extra sausages. When the waiter came to deliver the food, both had showered, Sean for the second time. Digging into their food, Sean afraid to ask but thought he may as well take the bull by the horns, raised the inevitable.

  ‘So...’ chewing on a croissant

  ‘So...?’

  ‘What now?’

  ‘Mmmm...’ Amy raised her eyebrows to show she was just as uncertain as he was. She took a sip of her coffee. God, she could do with a cigarette. She hadn’t smoked in two years and now after everything she had gone through she wanted one really bad. What did that say?

  ‘Well...’ she put her cup down carefully and wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin ‘I don’t know. I want to know, but I don’t’

  ‘We did have a good time though, didn’t we?’ Sean asked her, resembling a little abandoned pup full of insecurity. Amy didn't want to hurt him. She didn’t want to hurt Adam either but she was in a bit of an impossible situation. Someone was going to get hurt and she had a feeling that she was too.

  ‘I meant what I said you know...that night’ his eyes would not meet hers. He was almost afraid that if he looked up she would take away the past few hours. ‘Look...I don’t want to hurt you Amy. In fact, I want the complete opposite for you. I really do. I know you went through a shite time with Frank and then you met your man’ he didn’t even want to mention Adams name for fear it would make her run for the hills.

  ‘You deserve the best you know and I want to give it to you. You probably think I’m the worst type of fella’ He looked to the floor again, ‘I was only an idiot because I loved you all this time’

  ‘Sean...’ she interrupted him afraid of where he was going with this.

  ‘No, no don’t, I need to get this out’ he was on his feet now pleading with her

  ‘I loved you from the minute I saw you...I know, I know’ he laughed at his own cliché and realising that she didn’t want to hear this the last time. He was willing to put his head on the chopping block this time

  ‘I sound like someone from fucking Grey’s Anatomy’ Still unable to stop himself or let Amy interrupt him, he knew that he needed to let her know where he stood.

  Sean was tired of watching her with one idiot after the other. He let it go because she was married to Frank. When that ended, he vowed that he would do all that it took to be with her. Amy smiled at him pacing up and down the room getting into an argument with himself.

  ‘Amy I love you....I love you more than I can even put into words. When I see you with him, I can’t even fight the sickness I feel at the pit of my stomach. Jealously isn’t even the word Amy’ He knelt in front of her, his eyes wide, pleading with her even though she said nothing.

  ‘Don’t go back to him Amy. Be with me. I don’t know what else to say. Please’

  He paused, taking a breath ‘I love you Amy’

  Not knowing what to say but completely taken by the moment, she kissed him. Not wanting to hurt him and yet completely unsure of how she felt, she said nothing. Sean didn’t pressure her. He was happy to have said his bit. She knew without any shadow of a doubt that he loved her now. It was up to her now. The ball was definitely in her court.

  Holding hands on the way out to the taxi, Amy did not want to leave. This was the happiest and most content she had been in a long time. How could she have not seen this coming? Did she love him? She had no idea how she felt. Sean, after his burst of words, was much quieter now. It was almost as if a weight lifted from him. He had wanted to say those words to her as far back as he could remember but now that they were out, he had done his best. Remembering what his mother used to say to him as a young man, he smiled.

  ‘Words are like feathers...once they are out it’s very hard to take them back’

  He realised how pertinent these words were so many years later. He didn’t want to take them back and wouldn’t even if he had the c
hance. He knew he would have a little wait on his hands. He hoped upon hope that she would choose him. There was no guarantee either way but he prayed.

  They spent the journey back to her house in quiet contemplation. Their heads still hurt but thoughts of the morning had them forgetting their pain and instead reflecting on where they were and what had happened. Sean looked out the window and placed his hand on Amy’s leg. It sent a shiver of excitement running through her. How did he do that?

  ‘What do you want to do for the day?’ Sean asked as they came closer to Amy’s estate.

  ‘I dunno, do you want to come to mine for a while? We could do something?’

  ‘Cool’ he replied a twinkle in his eye. He knew that they were both thinking the same thing.

  Pulling up towards her house Amy’s heart did a summersault. Adam’s car was outside her house. Looking at her phone there was fourteen missed calls. She had forgotten all about it since she had turned it on silent. How in God’s name was she going to explain this? Looking at her partner in crime, his face had turned a shade whiter.

  ‘Shit’

  ‘Shit is right’ Amy repeated.

  ‘Oh, someone is in for it, are they?’ the taxi driver decided to contribute. Getting a stern look from both passengers, the nosey driver decided to keep quiet.

  ‘I guess I won’t be coming in so?’

  ‘You guessed right’ Amy was disappointed that Adam was there but at the same time was not looking forward to a confrontation about her whereabouts the night previous.

  ‘Sorry, but I better get out’ Adam was standing by his car with a very sharp look on his face. He was not happy and quite frankly, Amy didn’t blame him. He must have come back from London last night expecting to see her.

  ‘Yeah, I know well....Bye’

  Sean wanted to kiss her but knew that her boyfriend probably wouldn’t appreciate it.

  ‘Yeah, bye’ Amy chirped awkwardly.

  18

  Unable to look at Adam, Amy did not have the first notion what to say to him. He looked angry but relieved that she was ok. She felt so bad she didn’t know if her heart could take it. Frank had done this to her and now what had she done? She had done exactly the same thing. Ok, they were not married but that wasn’t the point. Being overcome by emotions and physical attraction was no excuse. How would she ever explain?

  ‘You’re ok then’ Adam was frosty. Understandably.

  ‘I am, Adam. I’m so sorry, I should have called you…’

  ‘Yes, you should have but you didn’t, did you?’

  It was not a question. It was a statement. Walking to the driver’s side of the car about to get in, the taxi with Sean inside drove off.

  ‘Why was he with you?’

  ‘It’s a long story’ she had no idea where she was going to go with this.

  Changing his mind about getting into his car, he stood in the same spot.

  ‘I have all day if you want to explain’ he was still very curt.

  ‘Look, there’s no need to talk about this out here. Why don’t we go inside?’

  Buying herself a few more minutes, they made their way inside while she escaped to the downstairs toilet. Shit, what should she say to him? She had no idea. Should she lie? Tell the truth? Amy didn’t know which was worse.

  ‘Sit down’

  ‘I don’t need to sit down’ his tone still icy ‘Look can you just tell me what’s going on? I’ve been calling you since last night. I know you didn’t get back to work because I called them yesterday evening when I couldn’t get hold of you. I’ve been here for hours waiting for you. The least I deserve is an explanation’

  Amy’s cheeks flushed with pure embarrassment for treating him in the way she had. He hadn’t deserved this and now she felt horrid. She looked at his dark eyes full of sadness and hurt in that knowledge that she was about to tell him something he didn’t want to hear.

  ‘I’m sorry I….I just don’t know what to say’ Amy didn’t know if she had the courage to say the words. She knew that she had no choice but to tell him. Not about to start lying about what she had done, the past few months had taught her that lies had no place in her life. She owed it to herself to find out what she wanted regardless of whom she was going to hurt.

  Sitting on her couch now, with her head in her hands, turmoil was definitely setting in. Adam was the perfect man. He was kind and thoughtful. Then again, so was Sean. Adam was beautiful. He could be an Armani underwear model, without question. Sean on the other hand was also gorgeous. Not model perfect but ruggedly handsome. He had a country roughness that Adam didn’t have and was just as thoughtful, if not more. He also had a wild streak and a spontaneous side, which she adored. She was so safe. Sean was able to keep her safe. That’s how she felt with him. Both had the qualities in a person she could see herself with. She didn’t like to think long term at the minute. The last time she looked at a relationship that way it turned to crap. She wasn’t about to make that mistake. That said Amy knew that she was not about to spend the rest of her life alone.

  ‘Amy just tell me…why were you gone all night and why did you turn up with him?’

  There was no point in holding out anymore.

  ‘Did you….?’ His hand pinched his eyes closed, almost afraid that if he said it out loud that it would make him physically sick. ‘Did you and Sean?’

  ‘I didn’t mean to. It just happened. We were working. Then we weren’t. The car broke down. Then we couldn’t get a mechanic. The hotel was there. We started drinking’ she took a breath afraid that if she stopped talking he would walk straight out.

  ‘Then it was late. I didn’t mean to…. I really didn’t. I’m so sorry’

  ‘Sorry…you’re sorry!’ He was half way between tears and anger. Not knowing where to look, he stood at the living room window. He stood silently for a few minutes as the tears came down her crimson cheeks. She didn’t want him to cry. If he did, it would most certainly kill her.

  Her already unkempt appearance from her night of drink and debauchery was not improving as mascara streamed down her face from shame and anger. She hated herself for hurting him.

  ‘I’m so sorry Adam. I am…’

  Her voice was barely a whisper. What could she say to him? She had been with another man. She thought of Sean now. She wished it had never happened. Then she felt guilty for thinking that. Of course, she didn’t mean that. She was so confused and tired. Sleep beckoned as her tired eyes stung.

  ‘Look, I think I’d better go!’

  He was not able to collect his thoughts hearing her cry. On the one hand, she had hurt him but on the other, he wanted to hold her and not let her go. His head was telling him to leave and never come back but his heart yearned for her. How could she have done this? He had done everything right.

  ‘Please don’t, I don’t know what to do or say but I just want you to know how sorry I am. I’m awfully confused and I don’t know which way to twist or turn’

  ‘Amy, for God’s sake, I love you. You know I love you. Do you love him?’

  His anger was coming to the surface now even though he tried his hardest not to explode. He had a dangerous temper that not many had seen. For those who did, they knew that it was not to be messed with. As a teenager, Adam had gotten into trouble for breaking a man’s jaw in a bar brawl. His father, ever the gentleman, payed off the wounded man’s solicitor ensuring Adam had a clean record. Money really did buy you everything. Of course, he wasn’t proud of it and it had taught him a number of lessons. He still wasn’t quite able to rid himself of his uncontrollable temper.

  Feeling this anger bubble, he thought that now would be the time to leave. With that, he stopped to say something and then changed his mind. The door banged after him. Amy left behind, still crying gently. She knew she had walked right into this.

  ‘The demon drink…I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s a fucking curse. All is does is bring you trouble!’

  Liz’s words of wisdom rang in Amy’
s head as she sat curled up on the sofa the following day. Her eyes were still red and her head ached from crying.

  ‘What were you thinking anyway? I don’t mean to dig the knife in or anything but I thought you said that Adam was the perfect man! I mean…you said it yourself!’ Liz didn’t mince her words.

  ‘Yeah, I know’ Amy recoiled.

  ‘You said that Sean was an animal. You said that you would never even look at him like that. I mean look at what happened between our little love triangle…and I say the word love very loosely!’

  ‘Ah Christ, I know Liz. Will you shut up for one minute? You’re supposed to be helping me, not making me feel worse’

  ‘Look it here. Do you want me to lie to you? Do you?’ Liz not feeling the slightest bit put out by Amys mood.

  ‘Yes, please, that would be lovely thanks!’

  ‘I see your smart arse comments have not been affected by your temporary insanity’

  ‘Nice’ Amy took a sip from her coffee. She hadn’t eaten anything since her breakfast with Sean the day before. She wasn’t sure if she would ever eat again. At least with Frank she had been the one being hurt. Ice cream and chocolate had helped, if only for a few seconds. This time she didn’t even deserve to eat.

  ‘Balls anyway Liz. What have I done? I had a lovely boyfriend and I have unquestionably bollixed the whole thing up’

  ‘I’d say that about covers it’

  ‘Do you know, I have no idea why I picked up the phone to you?’

  ‘Neither do I’

  She could hear the mocking tone in her friends’ voice.

  ‘Sorry Amy. I’m sorry. I’m only joking. Well I am but I ain’t at the same time. Why did you and Sean… you know?’

  ‘Oh Liz, I don’t know. It was just a spur of the moment thing. We had a lovely day and night joking and having the crack and the next morning it just happened’

  ‘Just like that’ Liz questioned