The Outskirts Duet

by T. M. Frazier

  We all stiffened. All of us of course except for the doctor who simply shrugged and kept her eyes trained on her clipboard. “Not unless you plan on being poisoned again any time soon.”

  The room was dead silent as Critter’s eyes slowly widened. His fists curled up into balls on the bed. The only noise in that room was the echo of the doctor’s heels as she marched down the hall.

  And the sound of Critter’s blood boiling.

  Chapter 18

  Sawyer

  It had been a few weeks since Critter was released from the hospital. Since then Josh was working with my mother and Critter to make their case against Richard. They didn’t involve me. They said it was best if I knew as little as possible about what they were up to.

  Finn still wanted to skip town. I still wanted to stay and be close to my family, and I still had to make sure someone was with me at all times as a safety measure.

  At least Critter was home now. And with him and my mother getting better every day (she hadn’t slipped back to thinking it was two decades ago at all since the hospital) I felt relieved. But there was something else nagging me. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

  After all the events of the last few months, I felt utterly run down.

  I pulled out a chair from one of the tables and sat down, propping my feet up on another. Since Critter was out spending time with my mother, Josh had volunteered to put in some hours after her police shift. As did Finn who was in the back-cleaning dishes and Miller, who was out back taking a delivery.

  Speaking of which, the delivery man who’d delivered the whiskey they believed poisoned Critter disappeared with his family and hadn’t been seen since that morning.

  Coward.

  “Why does it take four of us to do the job of one man?” I asked Josh who was refilling napkin dispensers.

  "I knew that man was a machine but damn. He really does do it all.”

  I tried to laugh but I was too tired to conjure up the energy.

  “You don’t seem like yourself lately. Is it your mother? Critter?” Josh asked. Her gold bangle bracelets clanked as she reached over and set her hand on top of mine. Her smile was genuine but sad. Lines of concern were etched all over her usually smooth and perfect face.

  I shook my head just as another wave of nausea washed over me. Churning my stomach, threatening to force out everything I’d eaten that morning. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths until, thankfully, the threat subsided.

  I waited a few beats to make sure the feeling was completely gone before I spoke. “No, it’s not my mother or Critter. I just haven’t been feeling great. I think I ate something bad.”

  "Again? There’s no way someone eats something bad that often." Josh rounded the table and pulled up a chair next to mine. “Like HOW have you not been feeling great?” she asked, scooting her chair closer until her knees were against my thigh.

  “It's nothing,” I said, waving her off. “I’m just a little lightheaded.” Just thinking about throwing up made me woozy. “But I haven’t thrown up,” I added, like that would make all the difference in my diagnosis.

  “That’s not specific enough, Say.” Josh leaned back and placed her feet on the same chair as mine. “What else have you been feeling?” she asked with a casual shrug, looking down at her nails. “Don’t leave anything out.”

  I took a moment to think. “Uh…there are some other things,” I said quietly.

  “What kind of other things?” Josh asked ten times as loud as if her yelling would make me speak up.

  I looked around to make sure Miller and Finn weren’t around. “Things…things I don’t feel comfortable talking about.”

  Josh nodded like she understood and pulled her feet from the chair, leaning in closer. “What if I list some common symptoms of some things and you just nod or shake your head?” she asked. “Would that be easier?”

  “I can do that,” I said, feeling a lot more comfortable with her idea.

  “Are you…sore anywhere?” she asked, refilling the napkin dispenser at the table we were sitting at.

  I nodded.

  “Okay. Do any of those areas include your tender lady areas? You know, breasts? Vagina? Both?”

  I nodded again.

  “Do you feel more tired than usual?” she asked. “Never mind. I can answer that one. It’s a yes. Those bags under your eyes weren’t built in a day.”

  She was right. “I’m too tired to feel insulted.”

  “Do you find yourself more sensitive to smells lately?”

  “Not that I’m aware of,” I said, adding, “although you sprayed enough of that disinfectant on this table to use it in a hospital.”

  “Okay, how about this one, have you had your period in the last month?” Josh asked.

  I thought about her question but couldn’t give a definitive answer. “I’m not sure. I’ve never really kept track. Although, it hasn’t been recently, so it’s possible I haven’t had it in a while.”

  “Like what’s a while?”

  “Well, I’ve been here for over three months. I don’t remember getting it since I’ve been here,” I said.

  Josh looked at me, turning her head and nodding like she was waiting for me to come to a conclusion I wasn’t coming to. “And? What do you think?” I asked. “Flu?”

  Josh leaned forward and placed a hand on each of my knees. “Sawyer, do you think there is any possibility that you could be pregnant?”

  I almost laughed as I shook my head. “No. It’s not possible.”

  “What do you mean it’s not possible? Don’t even try and lie and say that you and Finn aren’t bumping uglies.” Josh crossed her arms over her chest.

  “If bumping uglies means what I think it means then yes. We are. But I can’t get pregnant.”

  “And why is that?” Josh asked.

  “Because Finn and I aren’t married.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized how stupid that sounded. I was reciting something I’d been taught at an early age. Something I never even considered to challenge. Except, if I’d spent any time thinking about it at all I would have come to the conclusion I’d just came to in about twenty seconds. Not only wasn’t that true. It was downright ridiculous. “I know, I know,” I groaned. “I just realized how stupid that sounded too.”

  Josh looked like she was contemplating her words as she bit the inside of her cheek. She spoke slowly. Cautiously. “Sawyer, I don’t know what you were taught, but it is possible for a man to get a woman pregnant without them being married. If you don’t believe me, just ask my cousin Corinne. She’s got a baby daddy in every county from here to Miami.”

  A pit in my stomach began to grow. I placed my hands over where I’d unbuttoned the top button of my shorts that very morning getting ready for work. I remember blaming their snugness on shrinkage from the wrong dryer setting.

  “Have you ever seen an episode of Teen Mom?”

  “Uh. No.”

  “Let me ask you this. Do you and Finn use anything while you get down to business?” Josh asked.

  Use anything? Like what?

  I blew out a long-frustrated breath. I felt my skin tingling. A warning of impending feeling overload. “I don’t know. Are there other things to use besides your…you know. Your parts?”

  Josh knelt in front of me and pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. She tapped my leg with each option she listed. “I meant like birth control. Condoms? Pills? Pulling out?”

  “Not that I’m aware of,” I answered.

  Josh sighed. “Baby girl, this is my fault. I knew you and Finn were getting closer. I should have had the birds and bees talk with you.”

  “You use bees?” I asked, my eyes widening. “How?”

  “You have got to be kidding me!” Josh exclaimed.

  “Okay, that one was a joke,” I admitted. “But I still don’t know what you mean.” I was trying to play it off. Trying to make a joke of it all, but the reality was that I’d never been so embarrasse
d in my life.

  “It’s just an expression. A pretty stupid one now that I think about it.”

  I growled, hating that I was still so naive about the world. I thought I was doing well for someone who didn’t grow up in the mainstream USA immersed in pop culture.

  I was wrong.

  I was embarrassed above all else.

  Of course, you could get pregnant even if you weren’t married. Marriage wasn’t some magic fertility ritual.

  “Oh,” I sat up. “I might be pregnant.”

  I might be pregnant.

  “It just now occurred to you?” Josh asked, slapping me on the arm with a folded-up napkin.

  “Apparently, I’m slow at catching on,” I said.

  There could be a baby inside of me. OUR baby. A life that depends on me. A spark of what I could only describe as unconditional love planted deep inside of me and with each passing second it grew until I was practically humming with love for this baby I hadn’t even known if I was really carrying yet.

  “It takes two to tango, Sawyer. Finn was there too.”

  Yes, he was.

  Uh oh. Finn. What was Finn going to think when I told him that because of my stupidity I could be pregnant with his baby?

  An odd sort of thrill jolted through me and I found myself fighting a smile. He’d said he wanted kids someday. With me. I took a deep calming breath. Which was perfect timing because the back door opened and Finn sauntered in, draping his sweat-drenched shirt across the back of his neck and shoulders.

  The second he saw me he knew something was going on. I must have had panic written all over my face.

  “Shit. What the hell happened?” Finn asked. “What’s wrong, Say?” He crossed the bar and crouched down where Josh had just been. She stood up to make room for him, leaning up against the bar.

  I covered my face with my hands but he gently pulled them away and tipped my face up so our eyes met. I shook my head. Embarrassed that even if I could find the words that I still wouldn’t be able to relay them properly. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

  “What happened?” Finn repeated his question, this time to Josh and in a much harsher tone.

  Josh didn’t crack a joke or even smile. She remained serious, yet calm. Her voice softening to a tone I’d never heard her use before. I could tell she was trying very hard not to make me feel worse than I already did. “Sawyer hasn’t been feeling well.”

  “Still?” Finn asked. “Stomach flu? Cold? I’ll run to the general store. What can I get you? Or better yet, we’ll just take you to the doctor down the street. He does walk-ins. Come on, let’s go.” He stood and pulled me up with him as he looked me over for obvious signs of sickness.

  I looked to Josh for help. Pleading with my eyes to not make me be the one to tell him. I was being a coward but I’d been so strong in other areas. I could bomb at bravery at this one little thing.

  “Wait,” she said, tugging on Finn’s shirt. “Take a seat.”

  Finn reluctantly sat and I did the same. “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?”

  “Sawyer, doesn’t quite remember when the last time aunt flow came to town, but she doesn’t think it was this month,” she said. “Or since she’s been in Outskirts.”

  I winced.

  Finn’s entire demeanor became stone.

  I cringed and waited for him to pull his hands from mine, but he didn’t. “Why didn’t you say something?” he asked gently, giving my hands a squeeze.

  I felt my face reddening. “I didn’t know. I didn’t think it was possible. I feel so stupid.”

  “Why?” Finn stroked my hair. When I went to put my head down again he wouldn’t let me. “Look at me, Say.” Finn was smiling, laughing at my wanting to hide my face from him. “Why do you feel stupid? Come on. Look at me.”

  I slowly looked up. Our eyes met. “I just thought I wasn’t feeling good.” I pressed my lips together and paused. “And I didn’t think it was a possibility because...I thought…” I spit the last words out like rapid fire. The fastest sentence I’d ever spoken in my life. “I thought you had to be married to get pregnant.” Even I had to laugh this time. “See? I’m stupid. And therefore, I find myself to be very very embarrassed right now.”

  “Hey,” Finn said, his voice taking on an angry tone. “You’re not stupid and I don’t want to hear you ever say that about yourself again.” His nostrils flared. He pulled me from my chair onto his lap.

  “Josh, can you do us a favor? Can you go to the general store and…”?

  “Already on it,” Josh called from the front door where her purse was already slung around her shoulder. “Be right back,” she called and then she was gone.

  “I don’t really know what to say,” I confessed. “But it would explain why these shorts don’t fit anymore.” I looked down to my unhooked button.

  Finn smiled. “We’ll get you some new ones.” His smile dropped as he snaked his hand up my thigh. He made his way to my stomach where he pushed the material of my t-shirt up and placed a hand on my belly. “I hope you’re in there,” he whispered.

  My heart fluttered in my chest like it grew wings and was trying to escape. That’s when I realized. I hoped there was someone in there too. A little person that Finn and I created together.

  “I am sorry though that I was so naive. I should have known more than I did.”

  Finn growled. “No. You don’t get to be sorry. This was entirely my fault because I DO know better. I do know how all this works. I could have used a condom. Told you about pills. But I didn’t.”

  “Why? Did you forget?” I asked.

  Finn shook his head. “No, I didn’t forget, Say. I’ve never forgotten since the day I lost my virginity at sixteen. Not one single time.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “We belong together, Say. The idea of you pregnant with my kid is...everything. If I’d have known you weren’t aware of what could happen, I would have talked to you about it. That’s on me. But I still don’t regret it. Not one bit.”

  “So, what you’re saying, is that this is all your fault?” I asked, looking up into his handsome face. I reached out and cupped his face in my hand, his stubble scratching the inside of my palm.

  Finn laughed and held me tighter. “No. This is nobody’s fault. I don’t want either of us to think of it that way. If we’re having a baby, it’s something to celebrate. This is fate. This is us.”

  I exhaled and relaxed against Finn who kissed my forehead. “I love you,” I said.

  Finn murmured against my hair and his words shot straight through to my very core. “Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always.”

  Josh came back in record time with a bag of several different brands of pregnancy tests before getting a call about a stranded vehicle and having to leave.

  Finn stayed in the bar while I was in the bathroom, carefully following the instructions on the back of each box.

  When I came out of the bathroom, Finn set the timer on the stove for three minutes. He pulled me against him and whispered reassurances against my forehead as we waited. When the timer dinged, he looked down at me. “Do you want me to check?”

  I nodded. He was in the bathroom for longer than it would take to glance down and count the lines.

  “And?” I called out.

  Finally, after what seemed like eons, Finn emerged with a huge smile on his beautiful face. Tears in his blue eyes. He stalked over to me and lifted me up in the air. “Baby?” he asked, planting kisses across my eyelids and down my cheeks.

  “Yeah?” I asked, breathlessly.

  Finn’s smile grew even wider. He looked deeply into my eyes and whispered, “We’re having a baby.”

  “We are?” The happiness warmed my body from the inside out. I was tingling all over.

  Finn and I had created life.

  Together.

  Chapter 19

  Sawyer

  There is something about impending motherhood that creates a shift within you. A shi
ft toward the future. It also brings out the most protective parts of you. I spent every waking moment thinking of how best to protect this baby.

  I’d gone to the doctor with Finn shortly after I’d taken all the tests. The doctor confirmed I was more than two and a half months along which means I’d probably gotten pregnant immediately after Finn and I had gotten together. If I’d have found out any later it would have been my belly that would have tipped me off. It was like the second we found out I was pregnant it popped out like the baby got word we knew and it was okay to show people now.

  Which reminded me of the other thing impending motherhood changes.

  It takes your current patience level and shreds it.

  I was on edge like never before.

  I was in the library trying to write to ease my mind, but only two words came to me. Protect. Defend.

  I wasn't a real poet by any means, but even I knew that two or three words still wasn't enough to string together something that made any sense.

  Frustrated with writing, I gave up.

  I decided to read the poem The Caged Bird by Maya Angelou.

  Each time I’d read it in the months I’d been in Outskirts I’d felt either sad or angry or powerful, depending on my mood.

  I read it again and again.

  Nothing.

  I sighed and closed the book. I reached for a rag and began to clean the outside layer of dust from the tattered cover. I might as well get some work done if I couldn't concentrate on anything else.

  Maddy was standing guard outside. Since my mother didn’t require full-time care anymore, she volunteered to stay with us and help protect us until this business with Richard was over.

  If it was ever over.

  I really want it to be over.

  The bells above the library door chimed, pulling me from my inner thoughts. Maddy peeked her head inside the door. "Josh called, said this one was on his way."

  "Thank you," I said, grateful that she decided to stay on with us although I found it odd she still wore her pink smiley face scrubs.