Heartfelt

by Danielle Allen

  I attached my wet mouth to her hard nipples, sucking and biting in a way that I knew drove her crazy. As I flicked my tongue over her flesh, I allowed my fingers to dip lower.

  Kissing up her chest and neck until I found her mouth again, I reveled in her reaction to my touch. Bianca’s body was warmer, her breathing was harder, and her heart was racing.

  “I can feel how hot you are,” I whispered, my fingers hovering over her clit. If I moved at all, I would contact her skin. I wanted her to feel me without me touching her.

  “Ro,” she groaned. “Please.”

  Oh God…she knows how I love it when she begs.

  “That’s—”

  The piercing scream of a baby scared us both so badly that we jumped apart, panting.

  Running my hands down my face, I grumbled. “Fuck!”

  “That scared the shit out of me, Ro.” Bianca climbed onto her bed and turned on the bedside lamp.

  She still looked sexy as hell, but with her wide eyes and pained expression, the moment had clearly passed.

  Who am I kidding? That scared the shit out of me, too! What is Amber doing to that kid?

  “Now that’s birth control,” I joked, climbing onto the bed beside her.

  Giggling, she fell back onto her pillows.

  When her laughter subsided, we faced each other, not saying anything. The sound of an unhappy baby floated through the apartment.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Bianca whispered, reaching out and touching my face.

  Staring into her chocolate brown eyes, I replied honestly. “I’m so glad to be here.”

  We fell into a comfortable silence and I studied her. I could tell she was thinking. She was looking at me, but she wasn’t really seeing me. I could tell something heavy was on her mind. I reached out and grabbed her hand.

  “I’m scared, Ro. I couldn’t afford to live someplace like this in Chelsea on the salary I make at the gallery. Hell, even with Amber’s salary, we couldn’t have made this work.” She gestured around the room. “And to be completely honest, I don’t have to live in some fancy apartment, but I love living in Chelsea. I love how much life and art and diversity Chelsea has. This neighborhood is me.”

  Moving a lock of hair from her forehead, I let my finger drag across her cheek before reaching for her hand again. “I agree with you. You’re in your element.”

  She let the air filter out of her lungs in a steady breath. “I’m scared, but I’m free now. And that feels…good. The reason they don’t respect me and my career choices is because I’m living off of them. What happened tonight needed to happen. No matter how scary it is. I was never going to be free while accepting their money to finance my life.”

  I nodded.

  “But freedom isn’t free and I’m now essentially homeless.” She sighed before letting out a short, humorless laugh. “I have to figure out how to stay in Chelsea without touching the money my grandparents left me. That’s in savings and it’s for an emergency. My mother being a bitch is not an emergency.”

  I smiled, but didn’t say anything. Pulling her closer, I stroked her hair. With her forehead buried in the neck, I could feel her breath tickling my skin.

  “There are cheaper apartments around here. Amber’s leaving anyway so I don’t need two bedrooms. I don’t need a lot of square footage. I just need somewhere I’ll be safe. I can find somewhere else to live. And I can find a roommate to split costs with. It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.” She laughed again against my neck. “I’m going to have to be.”

  “So, you would be okay giving all of this up? This apartment, the travel expenses, the monthly stipend from your parents?”

  Shifting in my arms so that we were eye to eye, she answered, “If I have my career and this neighborhood and you, I’ll have everything I could ever want. My life is complete.”

  My heart beat wildly against my chest.

  I feel the same way.

  “I don’t know how I’m going to make it work, but I will,” she whispered. “I have to.”

  “You could move in with me,” I blurted out without thinking. Running my fingertips over her forehead and down her face, I waited with baited breath for her response.

  “I love you. I love you more than anything. I want to spend my life with you, Ro. But I can’t leave New York or this opportunity right now. You know in this business timing is everything. Right now with everything falling into place for you, I have to give myself the opportunity to have everything fall into place for me. I know the distance is hard. It’s killing me. Whenever we part, I cry. I’m not ashamed to admit that when you took me to the airport Sunday night, I cried the entire flight. I’m not ashamed to admit that when I take you to the airport on Tuesday morning, I will cry. Even right now, I’m tearing up thinking about the fact that you will be leaving me so soon,” she murmured, planting soft kisses against my lips. “But I can’t leave New York. Not yet.”

  I felt pride in her drive and dedication to her craft, but I also felt a cold wave of rejection because she said no. My heart stumbled as the little seed of doubt sucked the energy out of me. Elizabeth’s words rang in my ears. I closed my eyes and ran my hand down my face to collect my thoughts.

  Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes to find Bianca looking as if she were on the brink of tears. She chewed on the corner of her lip, awaiting my response.

  I eyed her nervous habit and pushed the doubt down long enough to respond to her.

  “B, I respect you and your drive. I wouldn’t stand in the way of your dreams.” I cleared my throat nervously, unable to finish the sentence.

  The thought of her saying no to living with me created a pit in my stomach. Even though I knew she loved me, she was independent and she made it clear that she wanted to succeed on her own. And I understood that completely. But a larger part of me felt that if she was okay with having a roommate, she should be okay with us living together. So if I asked her, and she said no, she wouldn’t just be saying no to us living together. She would be saying no to me. And that thought alone hurt.

  Rubbing the spot on my chest, directly above my heart, I tried to shake off the feeling. I cleared my throat again and looked away from her.

  Shit.

  I opened my mouth and then closed it again. Hesitating, I preemptively deflected the second round of rejection I felt could possibly come. I could almost hear Elizabeth’s voice warning me that Bianca would be the one to break me down and I wouldn’t bounce back from that heartache.

  I wouldn’t recover from her, from this, I thought, my heart rattling in my chest as I looked into her eyes again. Which is why I can’t risk it.

  “I wouldn’t do anything to mess up your plan.”

  Or maybe it is worth the risk. Maybe she’ll say yes and I’m putting myself through this bullshit for nothing.

  I was stalling.

  Just say it. Just say the words, I coached myself. I’m going to move to New York so that we can be together. Do you want to live with me?

  Her eyebrows rose, questioning my hesitation.

  I swallowed thickly around the ball of nerves that was lodged in my throat. My heart raced and my stomach was in knots.

  Just say it. Just tell her you want to move to New York and you want her to move in with you. Tell her you want to live with her. Tell her you were approached about the apartment upstairs. Say something!

  “You aren’t in this alone. You have me,” I choked out. “I’ll help you look for something while I’m here.”

  Bianca’s face broke and a tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. “Thank you.”

  “Hey…why are you crying? What’s wrong?” I asked, using my thumb to wipe away her tear.

  “I didn’t know what you were about to say and I felt like you were pulling away from me.” She chewed on the corner of her lip. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “You won’t.”

  ----------

  Chapter Eleven

  We spent hours on Saturday at the Mus
eum of Modern Art. We strolled and talked until the museum closed. We discussed art and traded stories and just got lost in each other’s artist mind. We ended the night at a hotel restaurant followed by an overnight stay at the hotel. I needed to finish what I started without an infant’s interruption.

  Saturday was perfect; Sunday, not so much.

  After checking out of the hotel Sunday afternoon, Bianca received a call from her supervisor informing her that she had to work on Monday morning. The news altered our plans, but it also dampened Bianca’s mood.

  “You know I can find something to do tomorrow while you go in for a few hours,” I told her as we entered her apartment.

  “Yeah, but I wanted another day like Saturday. I hoped we would stay in today since Amber was getting stuff set up at her new place all day today and then tomorrow we were going on a street art tour.”

  “A street art tour?” I smiled. “That sounds cool.”

  “It would’ve been! But now I have to reschedule it.” She folded her arms and threw herself onto the couch.

  Sitting beside her, I eyed her. “What is this really about? You love your job. You love Nina. You’ve never complained this much about something she’s done before and she’s changed schedules on you plenty of times before. So what’s up?”

  She shifted her eyes to the television that was powered off.

  “Nina said she needed to talk to me tomorrow morning, but didn’t say why. She didn’t sound mad, but she’s never called me on my day off to tell me she needed to talk to me. She either waited until whenever she wanted to meet or she just told me over the phone.”

  I felt my face scrunch up in confusion.

  “I don’t understand. From everything you’ve told me, you don’t have anything to worry about. You’re good at what you do and you two seem to get along well.”

  She let out a long breath and let her head fall back against the couch. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” Putting her hand on top of mine, she smiled. “Thank you.”

  I leaned over and dropped a quick kiss against her lips. “Anytime.”

  Although the day started rocky, it ended well as we spent Sunday afternoon watching movies and cooking together.

  On Monday morning, Bianca’s alarm scared me awake.

  “What type of alarm is that?” I asked her groggily, my arm draped across her stomach.

  She giggled sleepily. “I got too used to the old one and I needed something that would wake me up.”

  “So you chose the sound of nails on a chalkboard?”

  She laughed loudly.

  I smiled into her hair as my arm pinned her to the bed. “Do I have enough time for a run before walking you to work?”

  “No, but I need to go over some things before the meeting this morning. I want to make sure I did everything right before I left on Friday.” She ran her hand down my chest and abs. “And I can’t focus around you.”

  “We’re still going to meet for lunch though, right?”

  Sitting up in bed, she ran her hands through her hair. “Yes. She said it wouldn’t take long. I’m hoping to be back way before lunch.”

  Propping the pillows behind my head, I watched her naked form as she strutted across the room. The curves of her body caused every move she made to be sexy. She must’ve felt my eyes on her as she sauntered into the bathroom because she looked over her shoulder just before she shut the door. Our eyes connected in those seconds before the door closed and my heart exploded.

  Closing my eyes, I listened for the sounds of the shower. I imagined her in there and I had to convince myself not to join her.

  She’s stressed about this meeting so she needs to be on time. I don’t want to distract her.

  Even as I told myself that I didn’t want to get in her way, my dick started to harden thinking about her naked body, slick with water. I thought about how her soft skin would feel underneath my fingertips. I cupped my balls as I thought about how loudly she screamed in the hotel room Saturday night.

  “That’s no fair,” Bianca murmured, as she stood in the doorway of the bathroom. “You know I have to be at work.”

  My eyes flew open. I saw her first and the tent I had made with the sheet second.

  “What were you thinking about?” Bianca asked as she dropped her towel and started dressing.

  I devoured every inch of her body, running my hand over my dick.

  “You.” I licked my lips. “Are you sure there’s not enough time?”

  After she clasped her bra together, she gave me an amused look. Pointing a finger at me, she shook her head. “No! Stop it! Do not tempt me.”

  “You’re the one tempting me,” I argued playfully, throwing the sheet off of me and getting out of the bed. “You didn’t have to wiggle your ass like that when you pulled those pants on. You did that on purpose.”

  Bianca’s head fell back as she laughed.

  I relished the sound, letting it infiltrate my senses and put a smile on my face.

  As she finished getting dressed, I brushed my teeth and pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to run in. We rode the elevator together and I escorted her outside.

  “You’re going to be fine,” I said, staring down at her. Clasping her face between my hands, I smiled. “No matter what happens, you’re going to be fine.”

  “Thank you for supporting me...”

  She kissed me.

  “And being here for me...”

  She kissed me again.

  “And loving me...”

  She kissed me again. But when she tried to pull away, I held her in place, exploring her mouth. I wanted that kiss to say everything that I sometimes felt too overwhelmed to say.

  “And you called me a tease,” Bianca murmured against my mouth before we pulled away from one another.

  I smirked. “I just want to give you something to think about while you’re at work.”

  “As if there was anything else I’d think about!” She crinkled her nose and smiled. “And I have your rose sitting on my desk.”

  My stomach dropped.

  It wasn’t as though I had forgotten about the black rose she’d received. I was just preoccupied with all the other stuff going on with her parents. Squeezing my eyes shut, I ran my hands down my face.

  Shit!

  Bianca tilted her head to the side. “What’s wrong?”

  Do I tell her now or do I wait until after her meeting? She’s got enough stuff to worry about. I’m protecting her. I’ll tell her after the meeting. It’ll be fine.

  “You made that same face on Friday. What’s going on? Tell me,” she insisted, pursing her lips.

  Yeah, this isn’t going to go well if I don’t tell her. But God, I love the way she puckers her lips like that. I just want to kiss them.

  “Roman!”

  “I didn’t send you the rose.”

  Bianca’s face transformed from irritated to confused as she stared at me. “What?”

  “I didn’t send you the rose.”

  “Then who did?”

  “I don’t know. But you have to get to your meeting. Call me when you get done and we’ll talk about it.”

  “Everyone who has ever expressed interest in me knows I have a boyfriend. I make that abundantly clear.”

  I didn’t want to tell her that I thought it was Ashton. I’d save that conversation for after her meeting.

  “B, you have to get to your meeting. I love you.”

  She looked at the clock on her phone. “You’re right. I love you, too. But why didn’t you tell me earlier about the rose?”

  “Honestly, you were worried about your parents and then we got over there and that big blow up happened. And then on Saturday…”

  Her cheeks flushed and she nodded. “Saturday was amazing.”

  “It was. And I just didn’t think about it anymore. But now that you’ve brought it up, I wanted to let you know. Now take a taxi. It’ll be quicker than you walking and you don’t want to be late.”

 
Pressing my lips against hers one last time, I said goodbye to her. When her taxi pulled off of the curb, I went back inside of the apartment building.

  “Hi, is Keisha available?” I asked a woman who looked like she was working.

  The woman made a call and Keisha appeared moments later.

  “Good morning, Roman Harper,” Keisha chirped as she stood in the doorway of her office. “Come on in.”

  I followed her into the large office and she gestured to a plush polka dotted chair. She walked around the glass desk and sat down.

  Keisha gave me a knowing smile and asked, “How can I help you?”

  “The deluxe apartment. Is the guy still interested in renting it out?”

  “He is.” She pulled paperwork from a folder. “I’ve drafted the paperwork as we discussed on Friday and after speaking with the Co-op Board, you’ve been given the green light. With your high profile and your association with the Bakers, you were an easy selection.”

  “I’m going to give it to my lawyer to review. Will you send me an electronic copy so I can email it?”

  “Yes of course.”

  I gave her my email address and she sent it to me. As soon as it hit my inbox, I forwarded it to my lawyer.

  “If all goes well and I sign this,” I started, flipping through the hard copy in front of me. “I don’t want Bianca to know about it.”

  Keisha gave me a perplexed look as she clasped her hands in front of her. “Go on.”

  “I will tell Bianca when the time is right so I need your discretion. If we close this deal, I don’t want you and Amber discussing this before I speak with Bianca.”

  And hopefully, I’ll have my shit together enough to ask her if she’ll move in with me.

  “Oh yes, definitely. This conversation and any conversations after today pertaining to residency here will be confidential.”

  “Thank you.” I stood and shook her hand before leaving the office.

  After calling my lawyer to ensure he’d gotten the email, I thought about running in the gym. Deciding against it, I felt it was still early enough to get a decent run in around the neighborhood.

  Slipping on my headphones, I jogged in the direction of the Hudson River. I couldn’t run as fast as I wanted because I wasn’t sure of my route and the rush hour crowd was just starting to flood the streets. Instead, I soaked in the surroundings, making mental notes of places to check out at a later date. I let my feet pound the sidewalk as steadily as the beat pounded in my ears. I couldn’t run away from my thoughts, but I did my best to drown them out with the music. By the time I made it back to the apartment, my ears were ringing and I had come to a conclusion.