Uncle Gary's Campfire Stories: Bayou Zombie Werewolves

by Visada, J. L. M.

  Uncle Gary’s Campfire Stories

  Bayou Zombie Werewolves

  By

  J.L.M. Visada

  And

  Gary Kite

  ©Copyright 2013

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Chapter Fifty

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  ©Copyright 2013

  All rights reserved (Yes even those).

  All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental (and really fucking awesome), unless it’s absolutely intentional. No zombies, zombie werewolves, or albino zombie werewolf armadillos were harmed in the making of this book. Some people were killed (but they had it coming), and sadly one chicken was molested, but we assure you that the chicken was of a fully adult age. (She made chicken sounds to the affirmation that she was eighteen in chicken years. Plus did you see her? I mean that chicken was practically asking for it. Just walking around with no panties on…you knew she wanted it.)

  Hey if you want to drop by and say hello just drop by my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/jlm.visada I’m always looking forward to meeting new people and making friends. I even actually respond to questions and stuff. I know…weird huh.

  Chapter One

  “And they were never heard from again.” The camp counselor, Marvin Hempstead, tried to sound spooky. He did the quavering voiced you hear from most midnight horror movie hosts. He used his flashlight to try and seem eerie. The LED light shined up his overly large nose, giving the campers an unfortunate view of every nose hair. He even went for the scary expression. Sadly it only made him look and sound like a balding asthmatic suffering a stroke in piss poor lighting.

  “Lame.” Jimmy complained.

  “The lamest.” Polly groaned more in agreement with her new boyfriend than from any real complaint. They’d only been dating since he broke up with Daphne yesterday, and she didn’t want to screw it up. He was the hottest guy in camp, and by dating him she just became the most popular girl.

  “Super lame.” Ryan tried to join in. He was going for the Hail Mary of social climbing. He’d been here three weeks and hadn’t made a single friend. He hoped that by supporting both of them he might finally start being included in everything. If he’d have played it cool and calm he might have succeeded. Instead he was too eager, and just too…agreeable. Even teenagers recognize a desperate brown nose when they see one. So instead of nodding in agreement, or general acceptance some rolled their eyes, and others just ignored him completely. Unfortunately for both Ryan and Marvin, most teens in this day and age have learned to multitask socially. So they were able to make it clear to both of them that neither person’s efforts were really appreciated while still being supportive of both Jimmy and his new girl of the week.

  “Don’t you know any other stories?” Todd asked hopefully. More old cheesy stories meant a later bedtime. This was the first time the campers had been allowed to camp out under the stars. They normally stayed in their cabins. The young man didn’t want to admit that he was a little scared to sleep out with the wild animals. If he admitted something like that then he might end up being even less popular than Ryan. After all, nobody likes a chicken.

  “How about Bloody Mary?” Marvin asked hopefully. He’d spent almost ten bucks on a book of campfire stories. He knew they were old, but hoped they were still entertaining. Honestly he didn’t much care for campfire anything. The smoke burned his eyes. The bugs practically set up a feeding station on him, and napping out on the ground in a sleeping bag was never as comfortable as snoozing in a bed. The only real perk as far as he could see was that some of the girls got scared at night and tried to snuggle up for safety. Of course the opposite was true as well. There’d been more nights than he wanted to remember when he woke up with a thirteen year old boy, or even a seventeen year old almost man, plastered up against him because they heard an owl.

  The teenagers looked bored and ready to revolt. In a panic Marvin turned to the man sitting next to him. They’d met him and his son earlier in the day. They both seemed nice. The son was in his mid-thirties and clearly mentally handicapped. He had that vacant stare you only see when the person is a complete blank mental canvas. Every now and then Marvin caught a spark of intellect, but it was gone as fast as it came. The son was a fairly fat man with a childlike way about him. He tended to say things that wouldn’t be appropriate if he was sound mentally, but Marvin and everyone else couldn’t help but like his infectious enthusiasm.

  The father was an older man that seemed genuinely nice as well, and he had playfully gentle blue eyes. They were friendly eyes like the kind you might see peeking out from the beard and wig of a department store Santa. He was a surprisingly muscular man for being in his mid-fifties, and he moved with the nimbleness of a much younger man. He was friendly, but really didn’t say much. Marvin asked, “Maybe Mister….I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your last name.”

  “Just call me Gary, and you kids can call me Uncle Gary if you want.” Gary said in a rough voice that was somehow still warm and inviting. He then turned to the young twenty something blond camp counselor sitting on the opposite side of Marvin and said, “Now you…you pretty little thing. You can call me anything you want…just as long as you call me.”

  “Well aren’t you the flirt?” She swept her long blonde hair away from her face, and in the process exposing the ample cleavage her hair had been covering like a soft and silky blanket. She smiled seductively back at the much older man. She’d stayed with him almost from the moment they all ran into one another. She’d probably have been sitting next to the man even now if Marvin hadn’t forced himself between the two. If there was anything that the camp counselor held against the man it was the effect he had on Ashley.

  Marvin had been slowly working to break down his assistant’s walls in an effort to get her to see him
as a possible romantic partner. He’d worked hard, and tried all the old tricks that had worked every year before with his previous new female coworkers. The other male counselors were married, dating, or gay. For three months they were all stuck out in the woods where the only option single women had as viable sex partners were Marvin or Larry the cook really worked in Marvin’s favor. Especially now that Larry lost his good glass eye, and had to use the backup that didn’t quite fit correctly. It gave Larry a lazy eye on a good day, and on a bad day that little bastard just shot right out of there without any warning at all. Even with his biggest competition out of commission, Ashley was a hard nut to crack. Ashley’s sudden affection for the much older man both confused and frustrated Marvin. So as he glared at Ashley blushing in the campfire he just felt the sudden need to lash out.

  Marvin leaned over to her ear, wrapped a very possessive arm around his assistant, and whispered just a little too loudly, “Ashley…we don’t act like a S-L-U-T in front of the C-A-M-P-E-R-S.”

  Ashley looked offended, but out of professionalism she stayed in her place and tried not to respond. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin these kids night of camping under the stars. It was supposed to be a clear night, and nothing was more beautiful to her than the stars in the sky. So instead of snapping back at the man for the insult, she tried to put on her best smile as though she hadn’t just heard what he’d said. It was a brittle smile, and her eyes watered up a little, but she wiped the tears away and said in a voice that cracked and broke, “Gosh darn smoke. I guess I shouldn’t sit so close to the fire.”

  There was an icy quiet for a few moments. The more Ashley tried to pretend nothing was wrong, the angrier the teenagers got. They all genuinely liked her. She was kind, and tried as hard as she could every day to make sure they all had the best camping experience possible. The seconds became more uncomfortable for everyone. Marvin glared at the woman next to him. It was as though he was daring her to say anything so that he could fire her for insubordination, and considering the man had gone through six assistant counselors in the last five years…that was very likely to be exactly what he was planning. Finally, Ryan broke the silence, “Hey Mr. Hempstead?”

  “Yes Ryan?” Marvin’s eyes kept boring into the side of Ashley’s head.

  “You’re aware that we are T-E-E-N-A-G-E-R-S and not B-A-B-I-E-S right? So you should probably know that we can S-P-E-L-L and that by doing what you just did…you look like the world’s biggest D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G.”

  The other kids started laughing. Ashley had always made it a point of trying to include Ryan in things, and if not for her he would have been having a much worse time. So seeing her trying to put on a brave face for all of them just lit a fire inside the young man, and Ryan’s temper got the better of him, and with that one comment he went from being the biggest loser in camp to being the cool guy that wasn’t afraid to talk back to the people in charge. Some of the girls actually took notice that he had a playful smirk, and the cutest dimples they’d ever seen. He’d moved from being the nerd loser the bad boy loner. After all his failed attempts at fitting in, it was this one moment of standing up and standing out that finally got him the acceptance he wanted so badly, and he didn’t even know it yet.

  Marvin took a little longer than it probably should have before he began to understand what he’d been called. When he did finally figure it out he frowned, but kept his voice sugary sweet, “Ryan. You know we don’t use words like that. It’s inappropriate to call people names.” It was rule for all camp counselors. You could be as nasty as you wanted to anyone else, but you never said anything mean or upsetting to any of the camp kids. An upset kid meant upset parents, and upset parents took their kids away. No kids meant no money.

  Ryan started to argue, “But you just called Ashley a-“

  “Ryan!” Marvin snapped, and then regained his composure, “We’re not discussing what I did. We’re discussing what you did young man, and I think that you’ll probably learn that lesson best by cleaning cabin three tomorrow. Now if you want to hear this gentleman’s story then you’ll behave yourself and be quiet, or if you want to keep arguing I can send you back to the cabin to clean right now.”

  Cabin three was the cabin that the really young kids stayed in. It was trashed beyond all recognition. When the wind shifted, cabins downwind usually chose to take a hiking or fishing trip. Camp counselors used the cleaning of cabin three as a threat for unruly campers. No counselor was stupid enough to go through with the threat. If they did then management would fire them before the first half eaten candy bar was peeled off the old wooden floor. Fortunately for the camp counselors most of the kids attending never figured that little bit of information out, and when they did it was usually the smart kids that didn’t cause trouble to begin with. Typically it would have been a kid like Ryan that figured it out, but it was still fairly early in the camping season, and so the young boy believed the man completely. Ryan was furious, but he still sat down quietly.

  Ashley glared at the camp counselor next to her. He’d bullied the kids almost from day one, and not just the bratty kids. Marvin bullied them regardless of race, sex, or age. Some of the other counselors had begun calling him an “Equal opportunity asshole!” They just made sure not to say it in front of the kids. Ashley had always tried hard to be sympathetic to the man. He was her boss after all, and she was one of those genuinely kind people that tried to see the good in everyone. She even tried to talk them out of calling him names, but it was a safe bet that after tonight she wasn’t going to support the man anymore.

  “So now that everyone is quiet and calm. Gary if you’d ple-“

  “DOUCHEBAG…ha-ha!” Gary’s son laughed, and then barked a few times like a drunken Chihuahua. Marvin glared at the man, but the man’s mental deficiencies made Marvin uncomfortable with actually confronting the man about the insult.

  Gary grinned, “Good job boy.” Then he looked at Marvin semi-apologetically, “The doctors said he’d never learn to spell. He’s slow, but he’s a good boy. Isn’t that right son?”

  “I’m a good boy. I no make poo-poo or any’ting.” John grinned as the kids laughed. Marvin eyed the fat man, and in return John turned his attention to picking at his bellybutton before looking back up at the camp counselor and grinning happily. For a man in his mid-thirties, he just seemed like a kid. Marvin was actually afraid of yelling at the man because he thought the man might start crying, and he was pretty sure Gary wouldn’t be so nice if he made his son cry. Although making John cry might be a task in itself because no matter what happened to the man he wore that same stupid, brainless grin, and on the rare occasion when he stopped grinning he started drooling.

  “Well that’s my boy. He’s got a heart of gold as big as Texas, but his brain just ain’t right. Isn’t that right son?”

  John nodded excitedly. His head moved so fast and enthusiastically that most of the campers actually thought they might hear his brain rattle around like a maraca, and a few of them were actually disappointed when they realized it wasn’t going to happen. For John’s part, he was painfully oblivious to their expectations. Then in a somewhat misguided effort to make the kids laugh he screamed douchebag one last time before picking his nose.

  The kids all groaned, and scooted a little away. Gary laughed at his son’s enthusiasm before gently explaining to the kids, “Hey, don’t get too grossed out. It isn’t his fault. He’s got allergies, and he ate my last handkerchief. Boy?”

  “Yes Daddy?” John answered sweetly. His finger buried up almost to the second knuckle in his left nostril. He was digging with determination, and by the brief look of excitement that flashed across his face, he’d just struck green gold.

  “Stop picking your nose. It’s grossing the kids out.”

  “But I have snot monsters trying to get into my brain.” He said it as if he believed every word. It was just such a moment of naïve honesty that even the teens tried not to snicker at the poor backward man.

  �
�Just do that thing I showed you.”

  John had to think for a moment, and then covered one nostril. He blew his nose hard and fast. Snot flew out of his nose and into the campfire like a kamikaze pilot. It struck some of the wood and began sizzling like a tiny green steak. Then John turned his head and did it again. Even more snot flew out like it was Pearl Harbor. It smashed into the burning wood and John laughed, ”Yay! DOUCHEBAG!”

  “Can you get him to stop saying that? It’s pretty offensive.” Marvin nervously asked the older man. He just couldn’t shake the feeling that the slow-witted man was still somehow making fun of him.

  Gary stared daggers at the weasel-like camp counselor. For the briefest of moments his eyes went from gentle kindness to icy cold, “Do you have a problem with my boy?”

  Marvin swallowed hard. His knee bounced nervously, and then Gary’s upper lip curled into a snarl and even the knee stopped moving. The other man’s ice blue eyes just froze him in place, “N-n-no sir, but you can understand that we can’t have him just blurting that kind of stuff out in front of the kids right? It’s a bad influence.”

  “I guess.” Gary answered. His features softened back to the friendly and inviting lopsided grin that had won over everyone when they first showed up. Gary looked at his son, “Church mouth boy. You’re upsetting our host.”

  “Sorry dad. I be good.” John grinned at his father like he was the greatest, smartest man alive.

  “There…see. He’ll be a regular angel from now on.” Gary gave a Cheshire grin, and then winked at Ashley before turning back to Marvin, “So was there something you were going to ask?”

  Marvin nodded, “Well they don’t seem to approve of my stories. Maybe you know a few they might like better?”

  Gary thought about it, and then looked up into the sky. It was a clear night, and the stars were out and twinkling. He sighed, “They’re beautiful.” Then he shrugged and said, “Well I know a couple stories. My favorite is about the one time we were down in Mexico on vacation. It was this small town, and my boy and I were wandering around just trying to kill time until the resort bus picked us back up. We see this crowd of people being funneled off somewhere, and curiosity got the better of us. We followed them. Then this man comes up and we had to pay him five pesos. We paid it, and they took us down this alley. At first I thought we were going to see two little Beaners beat the hell out of each other, but instead they bring out this naked Mexican girl. Damn fine girl. She had big titties and an ass you could use for a pillow. Boy I tell you what…I’d let that little girl pick the ticks off me any night. At least I would have before I got to know her better, but then they bring in this donkey.”