Uncle Gary's Campfire Stories: Bayou Zombie Werewolves

by Visada, J. L. M.

  “It would be my pleasure.” Jessup’s grin stretched out as broadly as humanly possible.

  “Aww man!” Both Mike and Chuck whined at the same exact time.

  “You’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.” Cassie hissed.

  “Mike, I don’t think your plan is working.” Chuck whispered.

  “New plan, we tell this douche nozzle to leave. Then we remind the girls that we’re their only ride out of here.” Mike whispered back.

  “Really? You think that will work?”

  Mike hissed quietly, “I don’t give a flying fuck if it works or not. I’m not going to spend the night listening to my ex-girlfriend getting banged in a three-way that was supposed to be our four-way. That’s just bullshit! Do you really want to hear your girl cumming on some other guy’s cock?”

  Chuck thought about it, “You mean some other guys cock other than yours right?”

  “It doesn’t count if I do it, because we were sharing. This asshole is bogarting the pussy. That is unacceptable.” Mike said as he stomped over to Jessup. “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

  “Noooo! He can stay with us.” The sisters answered for him.

  “Yes…we paid for this campsite. He didn’t. So he needs to get up off his ass and get the fuck out. Right Chuck?”

  “R-r-r-r-r-right…don’t make us beat your ass.” Chuck’s threat was more of a whiny pleading for Jessup to just take the hint and leave. All Chuck could think about was that Jessup was about to give them both a serious beat down in front of the girls.

  “Guys, I’m just catching a breather. It’s been a long walk from Louisiana, and frankly I just needed to sit down a bit.” Jessup grinned.

  “We don’t buy that New Orleans bullshit. Come on, everybody knows it was terrorists that attacked the city. That they just dressed up like that to increase the terror and confusion. We all know they detonated stolen Russian nukes at the Joint Reserve Base in New Orleans. It was on all the news.” Mike spat.

  “Well, then the news is wrong. It wasn’t terrorists. It was a bunch of backwater bayou zombies and zombie werewolves.” Jessup said matter-of-factly.

  “What? Now you just sound stupid. Bayou zombie werewolves…you couldn’t make up something better than that?” Chuck laughed.

  Jessup stood up, “I know how it sounds…but let me explain.”

  Jessup put one foot on the chair, and then started rocking back and forth. One hand began strumming, and the other started moving back and forth like it was working frets on an old Fender, and then started to sing,“Down on the bayou, where the women all got big titties, I got bit by a zombie werewolf, and then made my way…back to the city. The zombies came a rolling, right down through the streets, but the soldiers dropped them bombs…and sent us all back in defeat. Woooooooow-wickety-wickety-woooooow-orrrrroowwww-wickety-wacket-woooorrrrrooowwww.”

  By this time Cassie and Janet had both stepped away from Jessup and quickly got behind their boyfriends. Mike laughed, “What the fuck is wrong with you.”

  “Nobody appreciates the skill involved in a good air guitar.” Jessup shook his head.

  “I think you need to leave mister.” Chuck said. “You’re creeping us out.”

  Jessup shrugged, “But Digger just got here.”

  Mike asked, “Digger? Who the fuck is Dig-“ Before he could even finish his sentence grunting came from the bushes. “What the fuck is that?” Mike screamed.

  “That’s Digger.” Jessup smiled.

  “Digger? Is he your dog?” Chuck asked nervously.

  “Dog? Hell no. Digger is an albino zombie werewolf armadillo.” Jessup laughed as though the thought Digger could be a dog was just hilarious.

  Mike snapped, “Zombie werewolf armadillo? Okay, I thought zombie werewolves were stupid. You really expect us to sit here and believe there is something that stup-“

  Suddenly, out of the bushes came a tiny white armadillo about as big as a very small dog. It ran straight at Mike and leapt at his stomach. It hit like a sledgehammer, and Mike was knocked on his back. Almost immediately armadillo began digging. Claws shredded through Mikes stomach. Diggers’ pink eyes were focused on the mangling of its prey, and its’ tail actually wagged a little in pleasure.

  “AAAAAAH! Chuck help me!” Mike screamed as the creature was destroying his midsection. Blood sprayed everywhere like a fine mist. Scraps of skin fluttered to the ground as claws tore them from the body and flung them willy-nilly. A piece of belly button slapped Janet in the face, and she ran to the truck. She dove inside and locked the doors. Digger kept digging until he finally tore through the skin and reached the organs. As claws and teeth found organs the scent of blood grew stronger. Chuck took one look and ran off. Cassie was frozen in place.

  Digger was gnawing through innards as he dug. He bit through an intestine, and the air was filled with the scent of blood and shit. Digger never stopped digging down until he finally was able to start pushing himself inside. Mike kept shaking and screaming as the armadillo worked its way up to his heart. The ribcage swelled out to accommodate Digger. Once he reached the heart, Mike’s screams stopped. Digger lingered for a few moments before progressing his way further up the body of the now very dead man. There was a bulge in his throat as the armadillo attempted to force his way into the skull. When it became obvious he could go no further, Digger began to swell. Mike’s throat grew like a balloon until skin started to split. Then, suddenly the neck ruptured like a hotdog cooked in the microwave for too long, and Digger kept growing. As he grew, white hairs started extending out from everywhere. Everything kept growing. His teeth grew longer until they dragged against the ground. He was as roughly as big as a large dog when he stopped growing, and he looked like a giant cotton ball dipped in blood.

  Digger pushed his triangular snout against Mike’s head a few times before he started chewing his way through the bone. A few bites later had the armadillo burying his face deep into Mike’s skull trying to strip away the last few scraps of brain. Meanwhile Chuck had run away from the campsite, and was now halfway down the road. He was still screaming.

  “Don’t run! You’ll just piss him off! Digger hates fast food!” Jessup yelled to the fat man.

  Digger let out a much deeper grunt followed by a squeal before he started off after the fat man. It was like watching two separate objects. His legs were stubby and moved in what could only be called a waddling prance, but his upper body showed no hint of movement even as those legs churned faster and faster. His claws bit down into the ground as he accelerated. Digger grunted with excitement as he gained ground.

  “Oh Jesus...oh shit!” Chuck screamed repeatedly as he ran as fast as possible. He tripped over his own feet and face-planted in the center of the road, sliding a few feet before he finally came to a stop. Digger was halfway to him, and gaining speed. Twenty miles an hour became thirty, and that became forty, and so on. When he reached the fat man Digger was doing close to fifty miles an hour. He was a blur of white fluff. He never slowed down, and impacted right into Chuck’s unwilling asshole.

  “Noooooooo!” Chuck screamed even as his pants gave way to the impact. The armadillo’s snout struck right on the sphincter and it tore open. The man’s butt cheeks spread so quickly that for a moment they flopped open, and then “clapped” back around Diggers head. The impact drove both Digger and Chuck forward another five feet. The sudden anal intrusion of Digger’s pointy face caused Chuck to panic. He was so worried about having something working his way up his butt that he actually forgot that the creature was trying to kill him.

  Panic and confusion helped Chuck to get back to his feet, and he started running again. Every time Digger bit down a little harder Chuck leaped into the air screaming at a pitch only the woodland creatures could hear. The armadillo grunted in frustration as he kept trying to dig his way inside, but he couldn’t find footing and instead was stuck with his head buried in the fat man’s butthole. His four legs kicked in all directions as he kept tr
ying to find some way to climb further into the man.

  “Get out! Get out! Get out!” Chuck screamed as he ran in circles trying to swat the creature away. With his short arms and fat, stubby fingers he couldn’t reach all the way back. He’d considered bending over so that his arms might be able to possibly grab the beast clinging to his prostate for all it was worth. He even thought of dropping onto his butt and dragging across the ground like a dog, but both these options meant he might give the armadillo the opportunity to find traction.

  Digger was holding on for dear life with his teeth. The fat man wouldn’t stop running. His chubby legs kept slapping Digger back and forth so quickly with each step that he was starting to get a little bit woozy. If the fat man didn’t slow down Digger was going to lose his last meal, and he was fairly certain girl scout tasted much better going down than coming up. Eventually Chuck tripped over his own feet, and flopped face first. Digger seized the opportunity, and he dug his claws into the ground to give a mighty shove. He ripped through the asshole, the taint, and even part of Chuck’s ball sack. Then he began climbing his way inside.

  “Nooooo! Noooo!” Chuck screamed in agony as he tried to crawl away. His fingers digging into the dirt road for all he was worth. Digger surged forward again. This time he reached all the way into the stomach. His claws pushed through the flesh and dug into the road. Chuck was now pinned with nowhere to go, but he still kept trying to claw his way forward. Two of his fingernails ripped off from the effort, but he didn’t even notice. Digger gave one more surge, and there was a distinct popping sound as ribs gave way from the strain. Digger ate the heart in two bites, and then started choking. In his greedy effort to feed he’d forgotten to chew. The armadillo lurched a couple of times before vomiting one of the pieces of heart back up. Without hesitation he started chewing on the piece again. By this time Chuck’s eyes were dull, and he was finally quiet. After swallowing the heart, Digger once again moved his way toward the brain.

  “Please don’t hurt us.” Cassie begged. She kept telling her legs to move, but they refused.

  “Hurt you? Oh no, I’m going to give you both a gift.” Jessup grinned.

  Jessup leaned back and let the change take him. The bones in his face shifted, and his teeth fell out only to be replaced with large razor sharp fangs. His whole skeletal structure began to adjust. His arms and legs grew longer, his chest broadened, claws ripped out through his fingertips. It was agony. Bones broke and reset, muscle mass grew almost as quickly as the fur that was now ripping its way through his skin. He thought to himself as the last bit of his old skin fell off that this must be what shedding feels like for a snake. His weight doubled, and the chair collapsed under him. He didn’t even notice the impact of the ground. When it was over he got to his feet and started over to Cassie. The walk had been a long one, and as much as he had grown to like like Digger, he still wanted companionship.

  Cassie looked up at what used to be Jessup. He was furry, eight feet tall with claws that were longer than most kitchen knives. His fangs looked sharp and menacing. He looked ready to shred her at any moment. Drool was dripping from his muzzle, and his newly grown tail was swaying back and forth. He was truly terrifying. “Wh-wh-what do you mean gift?”

  Jessup looked down, and had to fight the hunger building up in him. He could always eat Janet, or snack on what’s left of Mike and Chuck, but right now he needed to stay focused. A quick bite or scratch and she’d be just like him. He thought about how she would understand once he infected her. At least he’d have company, and very sexy company at that. If he could control his hunger long enough, he might just be able to infect the other girl. Both girls were easily a solid eight and a half to a nine. If they could settle for those two losers, then they could certainly get used to the idea of being an undead werewolf, and they’d already been okay with the idea of jumping his bones. Besides, if they don’t like it he could always just kill them and find someone else. Jessup thought about all the nights he might get to spend with one or both of them and felt himself stiffen. It’d been a few months since he’d been with a woman, and he allowed himself to take a few moments to fantasize.

  “What do you want from us?” Cassie asked. The werewolf had a far off look in his eye and didn’t say anything. “What? For God’s sake what do you want?”

  It was then that she saw him grow erect. He was over two foot long and as thick as her ankle. The whole thought was too much for her. Cassie’s eyes rolled into the back of her head and she passed out. Jessup looked down at the woman and thought to himself. Maybe I need to work on my communication skills? Since she was unconscious, he leaned down and gave her a very careful bite so that she wouldn’t get mangled by his teeth. He’d picked her for her looks, and it would be pretty stupid to ruin that beautiful body now.

  Eventually she’ll wake up, but by that time the parasite will have already spread. Then Jessup planned to lead his new mate on a hunt. Either they could go find some inner tubers in the river, or they could both eat Janet. Jessup would wait to see how well Cassie handled the change, and then he could decide what to do with Janet. She couldn’t go anywhere. The keys were laying on the ground beside Mike. They must have fallen out while Digger was attacking. With nothing left to do but wait, Jessup wandered over to Mike and started eating. After stripping Mike clean he flopped down next to the unconscious, but changing woman. He pulled her up close in one arm, and waited. Digger eventually made his way back. He’d changed back from his much larger were form. The little albino armadillo snuggled up to his master’s other arm and went to sleep. Meanwhile Jessup petted the little pink-eyed freak on its leathery shell and thought about everything that happened up to this point.

  Chapter Five

  “Sir! That is absolutely not acceptable.” Marvin was so upset by the subject matter that some spittle flew across the fire and landed on some of the campers. All he could think of was what would happen when they mentioned this in front of management, or worse…what if they told it to their parents.

  Gary put his hands up to calm the man down, “Okay, okay. I just thought the kids might like a little bit more spice in their story.”

  “Children should not hear such filth!” Marvin was practically frothing at the mouth. He wasn’t really offended, but in the back of his head he kept hearing his boss firing him because some little brat couldn’t keep their pie hole shut.

  “Oh come on.” Gary said to the man before turning to the kids in order to plead his case, “How many of you have cable television?” About half the hands went up. “Satellite?” The other half the hands went up. “How many of you have a computer?” All the hands stayed up. “Well it seems to me that I’m not telling them anything they probably haven’t seen a half dozen times or more in one way or another.”

  “That isn’t the point.” Marvin growled. He tried to intimidate the man into being quiet, but instead of the throaty growl he hoped for, he gave out something that might only be heard from an asthmatic poodle.

  “What is the point?” Gary asked, and without any effort at all Marvin was intimidated. The worst part of it was that the man wasn’t even trying. He was even patiently waiting for Marvin to respond.

  All Marvin wanted to do was walk away. He would have just about done anything to get away from the man. Unfortunately he couldn’t think of any legitimate excuse to leave, and so he just sat there waiting for someone to say something to get Gary’s blue eyes to turn away from him. He even hoped Ashley might show the man more cleavage, anything to make him stop staring. The quiet weighed down on him, and Marvin knew he had to say something. His mouth was dry, and he was fairly sure anything that he said would sound squeaky and nervous. Then, as if God himself came down to answer the man’s prayer, John said in a decidedly panicked voice, “OH NO! I NEED GO POOPY! GO POOPY NOW!”

  Gary looked at his son and shook his head, “It was the tacos from earlier wasn’t it? I told you those things would give you the squirts.” John’s head bobbed up and down like a fat
bobble-head doll. He stood up, and began nervously hopping and turning in a circle, and he seemed to be trying to clench everything to avoid messing himself. His arms and legs twisted and his eyes pleaded for someone to help him. Gary turned to the camp counselor, “Marvin…you’re right. I need to tell them a much more age appropriate story. So I’ll tell you what. If you’ll take my son back to use your restroom, or at least take him out into the woods...then I’ll clean up the story a bunch. Deal?”

  “Can’t he just go out in the woods?” Marvin asked. A part of him wanted to jump at the opportunity to get away from the man for a moment. Sitting next to Gary made Marvin feel…emasculated. That being said, he felt like somehow someone was pulling a fast one on him. He couldn’t put his finger on what exactly was being done, but something deep inside him said this was probably a bad idea.

  “He tends to wander around if you don’t keep your eyes on him.” Gary gave a lopsided grin and shrugged. When Marvin didn’t move the grin turned into a broad smile as he said warmly, “The kids want a story. I get why you don’t want to leave them. Their great kids, but you’re the one that asked me to tell them a story. I can’t tell them the story and take my son to the restroom. I mean I could but dragging a bunch of teenagers around to watch my son crap might be a little traumatic. So if you’ll keep my an eye on my boy while he uses the bathroom, and then when he’s done you both come right back. They’re happy, and more importantly my son isn’t stinking us all out of here. Everybody gets what they want then. You can even leave Ashley here to make sure I don’t say anything too inappropriate.” Gary gave Ashley a playful wink while Marvin stared at the older man’s fat son.

  It all sounded so reasonable. “Okay.” Marvin stood up and started walking back to the camp bathrooms. “Come on John. I’ll take you to the bathroom.”

  “Yay!” John laughed and flapped his arms. He got so excited that he bounced around like a kid after too much sugar. He kept flapping and hopping around behind Marvin before gasping and coming to a dead stop, “I almost had an oopsie.”