Uncle Gary's Campfire Stories: Bayou Zombie Werewolves

by Visada, J. L. M.

  Danior walked out of the barn, and then moved to the house. The front door was unlocked. Danior moved through the house quietly. He caught glimpses of photos on the walls. The man had sons, but they’d grown up. It looked like he was married. Danior made his way to the bedroom.

  At eight feet, he had to hunch over so that he didn’t bump into anything. The only other problem he had was his increased weight. The floorboards creaked and groaned under each step. Peggy Verne, Jimmy Jack’s wife of twenty-four years, heard the floorboards and woke up, “Jimmy Jack? You okay? It wasn’t Jimbo again was it?”

  The noise of the creaking floorboards got closer. Finally, Peggy Verne rolled over, and opened her eyes. Right in front of her face was Danior’s groin. At first she wasn’t awake enough to realize what she was looking at, and just thought it was her husband. He was a hairy man, and combined with lack of sleep…she just assumed she was staring at her husband’s crotch, “Well someone is pretty presumptuous.” She said, but as sleepy as she was it came out, “Wesummunishpersumpshus.”

  She reached out and wrapped her hand around what she thought was her husband’s penis, and started stroking. “Okay, but hurry up this time. I have to be awake early in the morning to get to work.” Again, due to lack of sleep this came out, “Oak, buttery up the Tim. I half to bake Earl in tha morning.” Peggy kept stroking to get her husband ready. He was always a frisky man, but as he got older he needed more coaxing before he could actually enjoy his wife.

  Danior towered over the bed. He was absolutely still. He’d never actually had a woman before, and he wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing. All he knew was he didn’t want her to stop. He felt himself begin to stiffen. As he stiffened, he lengthened, and that’s when she began to scream.

  “YOU’RE NOT MY HUSBAND! WHO ARE YOU?” She flipped on the lamp light, and saw Danior bent over the bed. His mouth was open and hung down over her like a chandelier of death. Each tooth was sharp, and pointed straight down at her. Her screams enraged the werewolf, and Danior tried to grab the woman. She rolled away towards the center of the bed. The water in the bed swayed as her weight shifted. Even after she stopped the waterbed kept moving her up and down. Danior leapt onto the bed, and banged his head against the ceiling in the process. His feet were on the wood inserts that held the waterbed in place as he howled in anger.

  “HELP!” Peggy Vern screamed as she punched him in his testicles.

  Danior fell forward, pinning the woman between his legs. The claws from his feet punctured holes in the waterbed, and water began squirting in all directions while the werewolf recovered from the pain. As the pain subsided, his rage continued to grow.

  “Ple-e-e-ase let me go. Oh God! Jimmy Jack? JIMMY JACK PLEASE HELP ME!” She begged and pleaded, but Danior was in no mood for it.

  The werewolf grabbed her by the shoulders. He stood back up, and lifted her into the air with him. Then, when he had her four to five foot off the bed, Danior slammed her back down into the water bed with every ounce of strength he had. The waterbed burst like a balloon. Water went everywhere. The impact shattered most of Peggy Verne’s bones. Somehow she stayed conscious. Danior then lifted her up again, and threw her into the now completely deflated rubber that was once a waterbed. Peggy hit, and reduced the wood that the waterbed had rested on to splinters. It caved in, and she kept going. She broke through the pedestal that the waterbed stood on, and even cracked a few tile that the pedestal was resting on. Any bone that had survived the first impact, was practically reduced to powder by the second. Blood ran out of her eyes, nose, and every other orifice. She wasn’t screaming anymore…she wasn’t doing anything.

  Danior dragged her body out of the broken waterbed, through the house, and then back to the barn. He held her by one foot, and let the rest drag behind him. Peggy left a blood trail all the way. When Danior pulled her through the barn door he looked around, and that’s when he found him.

  Jimbo was on top of Baby again, but this time he was eating the goat. He’d changed into a werewolf. Danior reached deep within and found the connection he now had with Jimbo. He pulled on it, and Jimbo stopped. He turned around and looked Danior in the eyes and nodded. As a reward for Jimbo’s loyalty, Danior tossed him Peggy Verne’s body to feast on after he finished with Baby.

  Danior watched on as the first official member of his pack resumed eating. There’d be others. He’d heard the scientists and doctors speak. Danior knew how hard it would be to kill him now, but as just one werewolf he could be overpowered by enough men. If he made enough of his kind, then he could command an unstoppable army. Then he could make them all suffer the way he had. He could spread terror and death to everyone, but he needed a pack to do this. He thought of all the havoc he’d soon be able to cause, and for a few brief moments Danior was truly happy.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Evangeline Hall…hell of a lot nicer place when we aren't trying to bring all her shit inside.” Colton said.

  “Yeah, thank God she got a scholarship. I could build septic tanks from here to eternity and barely afford her books, let alone room, board, and tuition. Why didn’t you tell me college cost so much?” Bobby asked.

  “Are you kidding? Didn’t you wonder why I went to community college?”

  “I just thought college was college. You mean they have different prices? Shit…B.J. should have shopped around then.”

  Colton laughed, “It doesn’t really work that way buddy. Colleges are like designer clothes. You pay for the name.”

  “I shop at Wal-Mart.”

  “Yeah, and when the ladies see you coming they say. Now there’s a cheap son of a bitch, and that is why you haven’t had a real date since you divorced Sue. Now if you bought a pair of Levi’s once in a while instead of Faded Glory you might get a girl to look at you for longer than two seconds. Hell she might even like what she sees.”

  “That’s bullshit. Women aren’t that shallow. I’ve just been having a dry spell.”

  Colton shook his head, “Three months is a dry spell. When you hit a year it’s an official drought. You haven’t had a date since you got divorced. That my friend is a freaking desert of datelessness.”

  “I had a date eight months ago.” Colton growled.

  “Really? Who?”

  Bobby pointed at the axe still embedded in the side of the Explorer, “Well…can you believe that is still stuck there?”

  “Who was it Coonass?”

  “I mean that axe had to be doing ninety when it stuck in the side like that.”

  Colton glared at his friends, “Coonass? Who was it?”

  “We should leave this in for decoration. It’d be a hell of a thing for people to see this Halloween. Can you imagine their faces when they see us rolling in lights and sirens with a freaking axe sticking out of the side?”

  “Bobby…stop trying to change the subject. Who’d you see?” Colton eyed his friend suspiciously.

  “Sally Mae.” Bobby hung his head in shame.

  “No…”

  Bobby shrugged, “It wasn’t my finest moment. I admit that. Now can we drop this.”

  “She’s half your age.” Colton teased.

  “I’m not that damn old.” Bobby growled.

  Colton grinned, “So what did B.J. think about it.”

  “Nothing, and you damn well better keep your mouth shut.” Bobby hissed.

  “What? You don’t want her to know about her future stepmother.” Colton laughed.

  “Fuck you!” Bobby spat.

  “Well apparently that was Sally Mae’s job.” Colton doubled over laughing.

  “Can we just drop this? It was a moment of weakness, and I paid for it. So let’s just drop it.”

  “Paid for it? What happened?”

  Bobby stopped trying to make his way to the residence hall, and groaned, “She gave me crabs. Now can we please never ever speak about this again?” Colton was about to continue his torments when Bobby made an offer, “I’ll make you a deal. You keep my secret, and
I’ll keep yours. I promise not to tell Sarah about the sweets.”

  “And you’ll buy me some donuts.” Colton added.

  “Fine, but I swear to God if you tell anyone that Sally Mae gave me crabs…I’ll duct tape you to the cross bars at Denham Springs High School, and then glue Sue’s crusty old dildo to your forehead. Even Butch the Yellow Jacked won’t want to save you then.” Bobby threatened.

  “What’s with you and your ex-wife’s dildo? What is it? Dong envy?”

  “No…it’s just. I mean she just. Well you see…” After a moment he groaned, “She left it, and I can’t get her to come pick it up. The damn thing just sits on her end table looking at me.”

  “Looking at you?”

  “It has balls.”

  “So?”

  “One night I got drunk and drew eyes on the balls. Now it looks kind of like a big nose and eyes. Scares the shit out of me every morning when I wake up. When I go to bed I can just feel it staring at me.”

  Colton laughed, “Oh don’t be a pussy. Throw that damn thing away.”

  “Hell no…I know where that thing has been. I’m scared to touch it.”

  “You drew eyes on it.”

  Bobby groaned, “I was drunk.”

  Colton smiled, “Okay, it’s a deal. I’ll keep your secret, and you keep mine.”

  They shook on it and walked toward the double doors at the front of Evangeline Hall. They passed the service desk, and then moved towards the lobby. The lobby was huge, with cozy seating, and a nice sized television. The floor was tiled, but the seating areas had carpeting. It all looked warm and inviting. There were a group of students studying quietly. Colton began walking right towards the students. As he walked up some of the students started laughing. One of them, a tall Hispanic man with a unibrow grinned, “Well…if it isn’t the sheriff of the lollipop guild.”

  Colton didn’t react. Instead he asked calmly, “Have any of you seen B.J. Mullins?”

  “I saw a B.J. once, but then your mom let him finish on her face.” The student laughed, and then high-fived his friend.

  “That’s cute.” Colton growled. “You know what else is cute?”

  “What?” The man asked.

  “It’s cute that you’re smart enough for college, but not smart enough to cover your balls when you talk smack. Kee-Ya’ll!” Colton grinned wickedly as he punched the man in the groin. “Don’t fuck with my Reckneck-fu! Now somebody tell me where to find my goddaughter, or I start arresting everyone for interfering with an investigation.”

  “I think that you’ve done enough Sheriff Mudd.” A campus policeman said as he walked up. Behind him were three other campus officers. “We were warned that you might be having a few…personal issues. We saw your vehicle outside. Now if you’ll put your guns down, and get on your knees.”

  “I can explain.” Colton said with his hands out.

  The four campus police kept their guns pointed at the short redhead and started screaming, “On the ground now!” They were trying to take charge of the situation. The more Colton tried to explain, the louder the campus policemen screamed. They refused to listen until they knew they had the situation under control.

  Unfortunately for them, Bobby had other ideas. He took the sack and rolled the head out across the floor. Debra Kuhn’s head came to a stop in front of the officers. Her eyes rolled around for a moment, and then she began biting at the officers. Two of the officers passed out immediately. The other two men gave high pitched screams, and ran away. The first officer ran face first into the wall, and knocked himself out. The other officer ran screaming towards the exit. He kept looking back at the head. Debra was trying to chase the man, but with no means to pursue she could only waggle her tongue and wiggle her lower jaw. Unfortunately, the officer ran right into a table with a floral display. The table turned over, the floral display hit the floor and flowers went everywhere. The officer tumbled over the table, struck his head, and was knocked out immediately. The momentum slid the man across the floor on his face. There was a sickening squeak as he slid the almost twelve feet.

  Bobby walked over and picked up Debra’s head. He then shook it at the students, “Okay, first person to tell me where Bobbie Joe Mullins is right now doesn’t have to kiss the head. As for the rest of you…pucker up bitches!”

  “Bobby!” Colton gasped in shock.

  Debra Kuhn licked her lips, and started making kissing faces as the coeds. Two of them started throwing up immediately. One of the girls panicked and screamed, “B.J.’s either in the library, or she’ll be in her dorm.”

  “Okay, I know where her dorm room is. Thank you. I’ll check the library on the way to it.” Bobby started looking for a way to the second floor.

  “Dammit Coonass! As if we didn’t have enough problems.” Colton groaned.

  “Well you stay here and explain it all to the officers, I’ll go talk to B.J. so that we can get her started figuring out what the hell we’ve gotten ourselves into. Once you get things straightened out make your way up to her dorm room. Do you remember which one?”

  “Hell yes I remember which one. You and me were the ones that had to drag all her stuff up there, but maybe you should bring her back down. It’s going to take me a little while to explain everything.”

  “Okay, but first.” Bobby grinned, “Boogah boogah boogah!” He shook the head at the students one last time, and they all ran off screaming. The Hispanic young man was still clutching his balls as he ran away crying. “Ha-ha-ha damn that was funny.”

  “COONASS!” Colton screamed. “We’ve got enough problems without you fucking with everyone.”

  “Oh…I’m sorry Mr. Redneck-fu. I’d try to be more like you, but I don’t think I can bring myself to punching people in the dick.” Bobby teased.

  “That was wrong of me, but you know how I hate it when people pick on me for my height.”

  “Yeah…I know. I’m not saying he didn’t have it coming. I’m just saying don’t give me shit about my behavior when you’re doing the same damn thing.” Bobby snapped as he tossed Debra’s head back in the sack.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “You should be, but if he comes back I say punch him in the balls again. That way he learns never to pick on someone for being a midget again.”

  “Thanks.”

  “He should be making jokes about you being fat…or a pasty ass fucking ginger. Calling you a midget is just too damn easy.” Bobby teased.

  “Asshole.” Colton grumbled. Bobby was already up the stairs, and headed towards the library so Colton went over to the officer sprawled out on the tile floor. He handcuffed the man with his own cuffs, and then rolled him over. He then did the same thing to the other three officers, and finally he dragged the men back together. “There, now all I have to do is wake them up.” He started nudging the first officer. His nametag said Billy Bob Gaither.

  “Billy Bob?” Colton said as he shook the man. “Billy Bob?” The man was out cold. Colton walked over to where the students had been sitting and grabbed one of the fountain drinks they left. He then walked back to the officer, pulled the front of his shirt open, and dumped ice cold Mountain Dew down the man’s shirt.

  “Holy Fuck!” Billy Bob screamed. The cold nestling itself just below his bellybutton.

  “I think we need to have a little chat.” Colton said with a friendly smile.

  Bobby scrambled into the library. B.J. was bent over a book. He stopped and grinned. B.J. was a beautiful young woman. She had flawless caramel skin, high cheek bones, and a smile that lit up a room. Nobody could deny her good looks, and the fact that she was as smart as she was just made Bobby as proud as he could be. B.J. might not have been his biological daughter, but he raised her. They couldn’t look more different. Bobby the nine-fingered, blonde-haired, blue-eyed bayou boy that usually had to take a shower to improve from looking absolutely filthy to just a little dirty because of the long hours he put in working at his septic tank business, and B.J. the stunning youn
g woman that looked like she belonged on a runway modeling, and certainly not in a science lab. Her little pixie haircut, and skin tone made her look like a very young Halle Berry. In fact she looked so much like her that Bobby ended up throwing up after watching Monster’s Ball. There are just some things a father shouldn’t think about when it comes to his daughter, and her having sex with Billy Bob Thornton was definitely one of those things.

  “B.J.?”

  “Dad? Oh my god! What happened to your face?” B.J. hopped up and ran over to her father to check the black eyes and broken nose. His smile stretched almost from ear to ear. No matter what, he always was happy to see her. B.J. tried to hug him, but Bobby backed away.

  “Sorry. Not right now. I’m filthy. I wouldn’t want to ruin your nice clothes.”

  “Oh these things? Dad I got these from Goodwill.”

  “What? Why didn’t you tell me you were low on money. You know I’d send you whatever I had.”

  B.J. laughed, “Dad…that’s the in thing now. You go shopping at Goodwill to find vintage clothing.”

  “Really?” Bobby asked, and when his daughter nodded he laughed, “Shit, who knew the homeless were so damn trendy.”

  “So now how about that hug?”

  B.J. held her arms open in anticipation but Bobby shook his head and walked over to a table. “No, not yet. I need you to see something first. Now promise me that you won’t scream, or freak out.”

  “Not a chance…”

  “Well at least sit down in a chair then. I can’t show you this and worry about catching you if you fall down.”

  “What’s in the sack?” B.J. asked.

  “Find a seat.”

  B.J. grabbed a chair and sat down, “If this jumps out at me then you can wash your own clothes this weekend.”

  “Okay, but just stay calm.” Bobby turned the sack over, and Debra’s head rolled out. B.J. screamed, and Bobby grabbed the head in order to set it right side up on Debra’s neck. “There, wouldn’t want you to roll off.”