Uncle Gary's Campfire Stories: Bayou Zombie Werewolves

by Visada, J. L. M.

  “Sarah! Sarah are you all right.” Bobby screamed as he turned her over.

  Sarah turned over and opened her eyes, “That…was…amazing!” She started laughing and snorting. He helped her to get up. There were stickers on the front of her shirt. Sarah felt the wetness on her back and slipped her shirt off to prevent any more contact with the brain. Huge breasts heaved in front of Bobby, and he felt himself swelling between his legs.

  Sarah laughed and looked down, “Holy hell. Bobby…just…Jesus.”

  Bobby turned beet red, “Like I told that guy’s mom earlier…I’m a grower not a shower.”

  “We’ve got to find you a woman. That thing is like having a Ferrari and never driving it. I mean…Jesus Bobby.” She looked back up at the man’s face and blushed. Bobby started crying. “What’s wrong? Most men don’t get upset when you tell them they’re hung like a mule.”

  “It isn’t that.” Bobby sniffled.

  “What then?”

  “I’ve got stickers in my ball sack.”

  Sarah laughed, “Well let’s get you inside to get cleaned up, and you can get the burrs removed from you.” Sarah then walked back into the barn.

  “What are you doing?” Bobby asked.

  Sarah came walking back out with the firecrackers and said in her very best Gollum voice, “My precious.”

  Bobby just shook his head and laughed, “I think I created a monster.” Then he waddled back towards the house. He was careful to keep his legs spread far apart to keep from irritating the stickers before he could find them all and pull them out.

  “Could you imagine the movie posters?” Sarah laughed.

  “Movie posters?” Bobby asked.

  “You said you created a monster. Just imagine the movie posters. Boobzilla.” Sarah laughed.

  Bobby grinned, “Boobenstein.”

  “Not Frankenboob?”

  “It sounds like you’ve only got one, and that’d be kind of creepy.”

  “Good point.” Sarah laughed, “Boobula?”

  “King Boobies!”

  “The Boobman!” Sarah giggled, “Wait…no that would be a movie about Colton.”

  Bobby started snickering, “Night of the Living Boobs.”

  “The Mammaries…kind of like The Mummy, but with tits.”

  “Day of the Boobs!”

  “The Booby Snatcher!”

  “The Boobs Have Eyes!” Bobby was giggling now, “Okay we gotta stop. The stickers are starting to really poke my balls.

  “The Texas Booby Massacre.” Sarah continued. “An American Booby in London.”

  “Stop…” Bobby’s balls were aching with every laugh.

  “Never!” Sarah howled, “Friday the 13th part something or other…Jason takes my tits!”

  “Ouch! Dammit this seriously hurts!” Bobby tried to sound serious, but it was hard because he was still laughing.

  “Oh fine! Party pooper.” Sarah snickered. They finally reached the front door when she said, “A Nightmare on My Boobs, and who wouldn’t pay to see The Evil Boobs!”

  “Dammit Sarah!”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  “Colton…help!” Roger Cobb’s voice screamed over the phone.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I got home, and all my neighbors were surrounding my house. I got my wife and kids out, but they chased us. We made it to the nature center in Tickfaw State Park. There’s about sixty of us in here, and they’ve got us surrounded. We barricaded everything, but they’re gonna get in if we don’t get some help.” Reggie sounded desperate.

  Colton could hear banging in the background, “What’s that?”

  “They’re beating on the walls, and one of them punched a hole in the door, but we have it blocked off. It won’t hold forever. Hurry Colton!” Roger pleaded.

  “I’m coming!” Colton snarled and hung up the phone. He pressed down on the gas. He was about two blocks from his house. The Explorer squealed around a corner, and nearly tipped over. Colton fought the wheel to keep the SUV from rolling. Tires squealed as he went around a second corner. “What’s my tractor doing on the front lawn?” He grumbled as he fishtailed into his driveway.

  “Colton? Are you okay?” Sarah asked as she walked out the front door.

  Colton slipped out of the SUV and shook his head, “What the hell happened here?”

  “I went to go get Bobby some clothes from his house, and while I was gone they broke our door down and came after Bobby.”

  Colton couldn’t breathe. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s in the shower…again. He’s looked better. The man is one giant bruise, but he’ll live.” Sarah ran over to her husband and dropped to her knees to hug him. “We can’t stay here. I’m going to rent us some hotel rooms in New Orleans. We’ll be safer there.”

  Colton knew better than to argue. The woman had her mind set, and when she got like this there was no room for discussion. “You think that’s the best idea?”

  “Honey. I don’t know what happened between last night and this morning, but the zombies are everywhere. We’re out in the middle of nowhere. Our neighbors aren’t exactly close by, but we’ve this house has been attacked twice in less than twenty-four hours.”

  “And you really think the large crowds will keep us safer?” Colton asked.

  “Honestly? Probably not, but it’ll at least give us a little warning if they start attacking the people. That way we know which way to run. I just wish I knew where all these zombies came from? It shouldn’t have been able to spread this fast.”

  “Oh hell…I think I know what happened.” Colton groaned, “I found some of them in the water treatment plant. They must have infected everyone that took a shower, brushed their teeth, or even got a glass of water. Oh shit…we have to stop Bobby before he gets infected.”

  Sarah smiled, “We have our own well.”

  “We do?”

  “Seriously? You don’t remember when I had them make this place green? I added the solar power, the well, the wind turbine at the back of the property?”

  Colton thought about it and then shrugged, “I remember you dressing like a hippy for about six months and getting pissed because Bobby refused to recycle his beer cans.”

  “I can’t believe you don’t remember that.” Sarah sounded genuinely hurt.

  Colton sighed and raised his hand, “Honeypie…you know I love you, but when you get bored you like to try out things. Every time I turn around you’re redecorating the house, buying a new wardrobe, or buying something for your newest hobby. Don’t get me wrong…it’s your money, and you have every right to do what you want with it, but it’s next to impossible to keep up with what you’re doing from one minute to the next.”

  “You really don’t remember the two weeks they spent fitting the house for solar power?” Sarah pouted.

  “Baby…I don’t even know where they put the solar panels. I remember an electrician stealing my beer. I remember the baby doll tops, and that fringe vest you were wearing all the time. Oh and that corset blouse…I remember you in that blouse on the stairs. What happened to that blouse anyway?” Colton grinned lecherously.

  Sarah giggled, “You ripped it…while we were on the stairs.”

  “Oh yeah, good times.” Colton laughed. Then his face got serious, “I love you…but I need to get upstairs, get some guns, and then go rescue one of my former deputies.”

  “We loaded most of the guns into my car already. Now what do you mean former deputy?” Sarah asked.

  “My whole staff has either quit, or been eaten.” Colton answered. “Roger is trapped at a nature center. I have to at least try and save him.”

  Sarah nodded, “Okay, but we’re coming too.”

  “No Baby…it won’t be safe there.”

  “It isn’t safe here. I’m not sure that it’s safe anywhere. Besides…it’s for better or worse remember.”

  Colton thought about it and then nodded, “Well this sure as shit qualifies as for worse.”

  Sara
h followed her husband into the house to get the rest of the guns. They went upstairs and walked into the bedroom. Bobby was bent over, naked, and about to put on his underwear. Colton screamed and covered his eyes, “Fuck! I’m blind!”

  Bobby yanked his underwear up. “A little warning might be helpful.”

  “I think it winked at me.” Colton was still rubbing his eyes.

  Sarah shook her head, “Boys…focus. Colton has to go save some people. Bobby?

  Bobby grabbed his pants, “You don’t even have to ask. Just give me two minutes to get my clothes on. Bobby…you got anything to replace Lucy?”

  Colton smiled, “I might.”

  ***FORTY-THREE MINUTES LATER***

  The SUV skidded to a stop. They were at the edge of the nature center. Big Bayou ran along the nature center, and went under a bridge Colton passed about two hundred yards back. Colton eyed the crowd of undead surrounding the building and said, “There have to be at least two hundred of these bastards.”

  “Well me and Michelle need to go introduce ourselves then. Isn’t that right baby?” Bobby said as he held up the Kel-Tec KSG shotgun.

  “Bobby…sometimes you worry me.” Colton laughed.

  “Don’t listen to him Baby. He’s just jealous.” Bobby had an evil grin as he finished loading both of the tubes. He pumped one shell into the chamber, and then slid one more into the shotgun. Fifteen rounds total filling two tubes for the weapon. Seven buckshot shells for up close, and seven slugs for longer distance. Bobby then stuffed ammo into the front pockets of his hoodie. Slugs filled the left pocket, and buckshot into the right.

  “Why the hell would I be jealous? That’s my shotgun.” Colton snapped.

  “Yeah, but she likes me better.”

  Colton rolled his eyes, “She? It’s a shotgun, not a girlfriend.”

  “No!” Bobby said as he picked up the Glock 23 and slid the first of his several extended clips into the gun with a loud click. “It’s a three-way.”

  “You’re a sick man.” Colton laughed.

  “Yeah…but that’s what makes this so damn fun.” Bobby stepped out and started walking towards the crowd.

  Colton shook his head and got out of the car. He pulled out another shotgun for when they got close. He swung the strap over his shoulder and then pulled his pistol. Sarah and B.J. got out of the other car. Both of them were carrying lever action rifles on a strap and pistols as they started moving towards the nature center. Colton said, “Bobby and me will take the front. You two stay far enough back to shoot the bastards with your rifles. We’ll use our shotguns when they start to get close. When we have to reload you start peppering the shit out of them with your pistols.”

  “I’m not sure I can do this.” B.J. said nervously. “I’m sorry.” She looked ready to cry.

  Sarah gave her a hug, “I’ll handle the shooting if you just keep reloading them for me so I don’t have to stop. Grab two more pistols and some spare magazines from the trunk. Can you do that?”

  B.J. nodded, “I-I think so.”

  “Okay. So we start with any of them that are at the front doors, and then we try to get them to chase us. When they attack, we just keep backing up. They’re probably going to start coming after us as soon as we start shooting. So aim for the head, and make every shot count. When they get halfway across the parking lot we get in the vehicles and back up to the bridge, and that’ll funnel those bastards all into the two lanes. Then it’ll be like shooting fish in a barrel.” Colton took a steadying breath.

  Bobby grinned, “I’m not worried. Me and Michelle are gonna have us a grand old time.”

  “Michelle? Why are you calling that shotgun Michelle?” Sarah asked.

  “She’s black, beautiful, and I get a little hard just thinking about all the fun I’m gonna have with her.” Bobby laughed.

  “Eww…oversharing there a bit Dad.” B.J. cringed.

  Sarah shook her head, “Yeah Bobby…that is a little bit too much information.”

  Bobby looked at both women and then back at the shotgun, “Okay…maybe that was a little much for your feminine sensibilities.”

  “A little?” Sarah and B.J. both said in unison.

  “Can we focus more on the zombies, and a little less on Coonass’s weird gun fetish?” Colton groaned.

  Bobby shrugged, “I don’t know why we need to focus. Me and the girls are safe. I mean why go after us when there’s a fat little ginger to nibble on.” He then reached over and pinched Colton’s cheek, ”Is it true you gingers taste like sugar cookies?”

  “Coonass!” Colton yelled, and immediately regretted it. The zombies heard his voice and some of the undead started running towards them.

  “Oh shit! Here they come.” Sarah screamed and started cranking the lever back and forth. One round after another went through the gun. Each bullet found its mark in the forehead of an undead attacker.

  “Damn that woman can shoot.” Bobby howled.

  A giant smile spread across Colton’s face, ”I taught her everything she knows.”

  Bobby just laughed, but he still kept Sarah’s secret. Sarah concentrated on each shot. She kept firing one round after another, and almost every bullet found its mark. Colton and Bobby’s jaws hung limply as they watched each headshot drop another undead enemy.

  *Click*

  Sarah held the gun out to B.J. and said, “Switch!” B.J. handed the woman the other rifle and then started furiously reloading. Sarah was halfway through the bullets in her second rifle when she said, “Boys…are you planning on helping?”

  Bobby and Colton stopped watching the blonde with the rifle and started firing their pistols. The more they fired, the more zombies started running after them. Colton fired every round, and only hit one of the undead. Bobby snapped, “Can you please start hitting these sons of bitches?”

  “Everyone’s a critic.” Colton yelled as he changed magazines.

  By the time the zombies were halfway across the parking lot the pavement behind them was a mixture of brain matter and red and green blood. “Why’s that green?” Bobby asked.

  “Sulfhemoglobin.” B.J. answered.

  “What the hell is that?” Colton asked.

  “It’s when a sulfur atom and a hemoglobin molecule get together.” B.J. answered.

  “Everyone…less science, more shooting.” Sarah hissed as she blew the back of the head off of an undead grandmother of six, and then shot four of the six grandchildren. “I think we might want to get to the cars.”

  “Yeah. Retreat.” Colton screamed. They all ran to the vehicles. Sarah cranked the engine, and was about to pull back when she saw that her husband’s SUV wouldn’t start. With all the bullet holes it was just a matter of time before the Explorer finally died. Colton and Bobby jumped out of the Explorer and started running towards her car. Bobby ran into the axe handle that was still sticking out of the side of the SUV, and fell hard onto the ground. Colton ran over and helped him up to his feet. Bobby’s lip was bleeding, and he leaned on Colton for the first few steps while he got his bearings back. “Bobby, jump on the hood.” Colton screamed as he crawled onto the hood himself. Bobby jumped and landed butt first beside Sarah’s husband. His butt left a huge dent in the hood. “Drive Baby!” Colton screamed.

  The zombies were twenty feet away when Sarah started backing up. Bobby and Colton pulled their shotguns out and started firing at any attackers that got too close. When Sarah got back to the main road she accelerated to the other side of the bridge. Bobby and Colton reloaded as quickly as possible. Sarah stepped out, “There’s got to be at least another one hundred and fifty of them.”

  Colton started walking to the center of the bridge, “Bobby, you and me will take them here. Honeypie…you think you can keep shooting them without hitting us?”

  “Just remember to back straight up, and don’t move around much.” Sarah answered as she started to take aim at the first few zombies that she could see. Her first shot went through a five year old boys’ eye at two hundre
d yards. It blew off everything from behind his left ear. Brain and blood sprayed the other pursuers. Her next bullet went through the front two teeth of a young woman in a jogging outfit. It exploded out the back of her head, severing the brain stem, and most of the lower half of her brain. The woman’s eyes went dull, and she flopped face first on the pavement. Sarah never even lingered to see if she hit her target. Sarah was looking for her next target almost immediately. The zombies ran harder to close the distance.

  *Click*

  “Switch!” Sarah yelled as she handed the rifle to B.J. while Bobby and Colton were firing their pistols as they waited for the zombies to get closer.

  “Next time we use hallow points. That way it cripples them up more when we miss the brain.” Bobby said as his last shot went into the cheek of an old man. It made a hole the size of a pencil eraser going in, but left a hole the size of a quarter out the back of his head.

  “Next time? There better not be a next time.” Colton screamed as he fired the last round. The bullet missed the thirty-something man he was aiming for, and hit a teenage girl in the shoulder. The teen spun, and flopped on the ground. Her ponytail twirled like a streamer. Then she pushed back up onto her feet. “Damn…my sights must be off.” Colton let the empty magazine fall to the ground, and then he slammed home another full magazine.

  “It’s not the sights. You just have shitty aim.” Bobby aimed for Colton’s teenager. He shot her through the forehead.

  “My aim is fine…it’s the sights.” Colton screamed as he winged a postman.

  Bobby finished the postman off, “If it was the sights you’d have already corrected by now. It isn’t the sights. It’s your aim.”

  *Click*

  “Switch!” Sarah yelled and switched rifles. B.J.’s fingers were a blur as she fed more bullets into the gun. She peeked up at the oncoming crowd. There were still eighty running towards them. They’d almost reached the edge of the bridge.

  B.J. finished loading the gun and stared at crowd. Her father and Colton were doing their best, and Sarah was practically a machine with the rifle, but they weren’t going to be able to kill them all before the zombies overran them. B.J. laid the rifle and one of the pistols beside Sarah, “I’m going to help.”