Kin

by Lesley Crewe

“I tripped when I went to help Aunt Eunie.”

  “What happened?”

  “She fell out the door and down the porch steps. It was awful.”

  “I know I shouldn’t be happy at the moment, but it’s great to hear your voice again. Why did you decide to talk?”

  “Annie’s mom made me feel better. She lost a three-year-old too, so she understands. That’s important to me.”

  At the hospital it was a long and tiring wait. While they assessed Aunt Eunie, Lila received five stitches. The doctor asked how it had happened. Lila said she fell.

  “Your skin looks like it’s been sliced open.” He was an older doctor who looked like he’d seen it all. “Did your aunt do this to you?”

  She couldn’t believe he guessed.

  “Your aunt has obvious signs of senility. Violent outbursts are not unusual for someone in that condition.”

  “My uncle and I can look after her. I don’t want anyone putting her somewhere. She’d die if that happened.”

  “I’m afraid she’ll be in the hospital for awhile. Her hip is broken and may need to be replaced.”

  “Poor Aunt Eunie.”

  The doctor looked at her kindly, but his tone was firm. “At some point this situation will become unbearable. You and your uncle have to look after yourselves too.”

  Lila went back out into the waiting room and sat down beside Ewan. “Aunt Eunie’s hip is broken. She’ll be in the hospital for awhile.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” He paused. “But if you don’t mind my saying so, I think you and Joe need some rest from all this. You both look like you’ve been dragged through a knothole.”

  “Does Uncle Joe look bad to you?”

  “He looks a lot older.”

  “That’s my fault. He’s put up with so much from me. I’ve only been thinking of myself. I didn’t even consider what my silence was doing to him. All these terrible things happen to the people I love. And it’s my fault.”

  “It’s not your fault. It’s called life.”

  She rested her head against his arm.

  Eventually Uncle Joe came out, and Ewan was right. He looked like death. Lila jumped up. “Let’s get you home.”

  She led her uncle out of the hospital as Ewan went to get the truck. They put him in and he didn’t say a word all the way home. Lila knew he was exhausted. When they pulled into the yard, Ewan got out and went to the passenger door and helped Lila get Uncle Joe in the house.

  “I’ll fix you some tea,” she said.

  “No. I want to lie down.”

  “Okay. Shout if you need anything.”

  Uncle Joe nodded and shuffled out of the kitchen, but before he disappeared altogether he stopped and turned his head toward Ewan. “I don’t know what we’d do without you, big guy.”

  “Anything for you, Joe.”

  When Joe left the room, Lila asked Ewan if he wanted a cup of tea. He shook his head. “You need to get to bed too. I’ll bank the fire before I go.”

  She reached out to give him a hug, but a stab of pain from her shoulder stopped her.

  He pointed at the door. “Go.”

  Up the stairs she went. She didn’t hear him leave.

  Now Uncle Joe’s job was driving into Glace Bay and sitting with his wife all day. Sometimes Lila joined him, but not often, because it upset Aunt Eunie too much. So Lila would make sure that she had a delicious supper for him when he came home at night, like stuffed halibut or breaded smelts.

  She spent the entire month of May cleaning the house from top to bottom. It was now as pristine as it had been dirty. It kept her hands busy, if nothing else. Lila also called Annie a lot. The first time Annie heard her voice over the phone after such a long absence, she sobbed, which is not something Annie did often. She also rambled that she was sorry she had kids and would Lila like to share the boys with her. Lila told her that wasn’t necessary. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation there would be a crash and one of the twins would start crying. “Did you hit your brother? Just a minute, Lila.” Lila would wait and wait, but Annie would forget to come back.

  The realization that Aunt Eunie wouldn’t be coming home was slow and difficult. The anesthetic from the operation to replace her hip had made her fragile state of mind even worse. Everyone said what a tragedy it was. Aunt Eunie was only sixty-five. Lila heard Uncle Joe crying at night sometimes. The walls of their house were seeped in sorrow.

  One of the worst days of the year for Lila was Mother’s Day. When the first Mother’s Day after Cricket died rolled around, Lila stayed under the covers of her bed the entire day. When the second one came, she realized how mean she had been not to visit Cricket the year before, so she spent the entire day on the moss beside the tree. She fell asleep and when she woke up there were three deer standing not far away, eating the grass. She watched them until they wandered off.

  On this Mother’s Day, she stepped outside to go to the ballerina tree and found a bouquet of mayflowers on the bottom step.

  Ewan.

  She smiled as she walked to the tree, holding the flowers, their delicate scent lingering in the air. These would be perfect for Caroline, but there was a bouquet of mayflowers under the tree already. Lila stared at it for a long time.

  She patted a kiss into the ground, as always. Whispered words to tell Cricket she loved her and was grateful to be her mother, even if their time together on earth had been too short.

  Then she turned around and walked with her flowers back to the house. Ewan was squatting in the yard, sharpening Uncle Joe’s lawn mower. “The grass needs mowing, shouldn’t take me long.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  He watched her walking towards him. “You look like a bride.”

  She smiled. “Do I look like your bride, Ewan?”

  He dropped the file and slowly rose to his feet. “Yes. Yes, you do.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The first person Lila wanted to tell after Uncle Joe was Annie. That meant she had to go to Annie’s house, which now had three little boys in it—boys that Lila still hadn’t met. Lila practiced in the mirror what she would say and how she would act, but really she had no idea what she was going to feel when she saw Annie’s children.

  Uncle Joe took her to town to drop her off on his way to see Aunt Eunie. Ewan said he’d have supper for them when they got home. Lila made a couple of loaves of bread and some cookies for Annie and put the baked goods in a basket, along with a few jars of last year’s strawberry jam. She imagined baking with three small boys would be impossible.

  When Uncle Joe left her at the curb and drove away, Lila wanted to run. She worried that she should have called first. Taking a deep breath, she approached the front door and rang the bell.

  “It’s open!” Annie hollered from inside.

  Lila unlatched the door and walked into the front porch. You couldn’t see the floor for the shoes and toys. “It’s only me.”

  Annie appeared at the doorway into the kitchen, wearing a full-length apron over her dress, a kerchief on her head, and bare feet, holding the baby against her shoulder and trying to shake off the twins, who had their arms around her shins. The look on her face was priceless.

  “Holy shit! It’s so good to see you!”

  “You, too.”

  “Get in here! I can’t move.”

  Lila approached Annie gingerly. She breathed in to stay calm and kissed her dear friend, before putting the basket of goodies on the untidy kitchen table. The twins stopped hanging off their mother’s legs when the smell of the cookies permeated the air. They stood in front of Lila as if waiting for her to offer them some. Annie never said a word as Lila gazed at their dirty faces.

  But she didn’t see Caroline when she looked at them. They were just little boys, alien creatures not even remotely like her daughter. The relief was exh
ilarating. She grinned at them and they grinned back. “Would you like a cookie?”

  “Just give them the bag. That’ll keep them out of our hair for a while.”

  “Are you sure? It might ruin their dinner.”

  “What dinner? I haven’t even had time to make lunch.”

  So Lila gave them the bag of cookies and they raced down the hall to eat them under the telephone table. She turned to Annie. “I’ll make you some tea, shall I?”

  Annie fell into the nearest chair with baby George. “I could kiss your feet.”

  Lila got up and rooted around for mugs and the kettle and tea bags. Annie watched her every move. “My god, it’s good to see you.”

  “I’ll make us a sandwich, too.”

  “I only have peanut butter, but make sure you put it on this heavenly bread.”

  After putting the cups of tea and sandwiches on the table, Lila sat down. “I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I’ve…”

  “…don’t even say it.”

  Lila took a sip of tea. “It’s good to be somewhere else. I think my refuge became my prison for a while.”

  “Strange. That’s how I feel about this place.”

  They laughed together. It felt like old times.

  Lila looked at baby George. “Your children are sweet.”

  “Sweet is the last word I’d use, but I love them.”

  “It must be hard with three little ones.”

  Annie looked down. “Whenever I get to the point of screaming, I think of you. That cheers me up in a hurry. I’m so sorry, Lila. I miss her. I miss her so much.”

  “I know you do. You were one of her favourite people.”

  “And not many people say that.”

  Lila took a deep breath. “Ewan and I are getting married.”

  Annie’s head popped up. “Get out! He finally wore you down.”

  “It was my idea.”

  “Don’t kid yourself,” Annie laughed. “That boy’s been asking you to love him for more than fifteen years.”

  “Your mother said the same thing.”

  “Well, as far as I’m concerned, you couldn’t have picked a better husband.”

  “Why did you marry Henry, then?” Lila joked.

  “He couldn’t keep his hands to himself. I got tired of fighting him off.”

  George decided he’d had enough girl talk and let his mother know that he was tired and cranky. Annie excused herself to go upstairs and change him before she put him down for a nap. While she was gone, Lila began to clean up the kitchen. She’d totally forgotten about the twins until she turned around from the sink and saw them holding out the empty bag filled with crumbs. She took it from them.

  “Thank you.”

  They burped in unison.

  Lila and Annie eventually drifted out to the living room and chatted while the boys played with their blocks on the rug. Then they too nodded off where they lay. Annie grabbed two towels from a nearby laundry basket and covered them up. “Don’t be scandalized. If I tried to put them in their cribs, they’d wake up and have a fit. This is easier, but I don’t do it in front of the grandmothers, so you’re sworn to secrecy.”

  “I’m good with secrets.”

  Annie settled back on the sofa. “Yes, you are.”

  Just the way she said it, Lila knew what she was referring to. “I thought you’d hate me if I told you about David.”

  “Why?”

  Lila shrugged. “It’s complicated. I didn’t want to disappoint your family. Anyway, it’s over and done with. He’s married to someone else and has a daughter. He’s not thinking about me anymore.”

  Annie looked down and brushed some crumbs off the sofa. “David passed his bar exam. He’s officially a lawyer now. Kay’s father has hired him, naturally. He’s got it made.”

  Lila nodded but didn’t comment.

  “So where is the wedding going to be?”

  “We’re getting married in the courthouse in a couple of weeks. Uncle Joe and Ewan’s mother and brothers are our witnesses, but I wondered if you’d like to come.”

  “Of course! I’ll get the dynamic grandma duo to come and hold down the fort. I’m really happy for you, Lila. You must be excited.”

  Lila shook her head. “I don’t feel like I can be excited about anything. I always think I’m betraying Caroline. It’s ridiculous, maybe, but I can’t help it. Ewan is a good man and my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without him. I want him to be happy, and right now he’s very happy.”

  * * *

  Annie and Henry were in bed.

  “She never said a thing about loving him, only that she was marrying her best friend like I did. I didn’t want to point out that I also wanted you to tear off my clothes.”

  Henry removed his reading glasses and put them on the bedside table. “People marry for a lot of reasons.”

  “I want her to have the kind of happiness I have.”

  Henry turned off the light. “Stop trying to orchestrate Lila’s life. You’re becoming a meddlesome old woman.”

  Annie turned her back to him. “My happiness meter just went down a notch.”

  “Go to sleep, my love.”

  * * *

  Ewan whistled everywhere he went and his jaws ached from smiling. Even his animals knew there was a change. They looked happy for him.

  “Or maybe living alone has made me crazy,” he said out loud. Dawn was breaking as he sat and milked the cows. The rhythmic pull of his hands made a steady stream of milk fill the bucket at his feet. There was nothing like milking a cow to ease the mind and soothe the soul.

  When the sun rose now, it was as if it rose just for him. The dew from the early morning left tiny droplets on spider webs in the tall grass, creating lace doilies all over the field. The mist was low to the ground and the fog bank lifted as the sun rose over the still water in the bay.

  He’d just started on the second bucket when he happened to look up and see Lila walking down his laneway through the haze. She wasn’t in any hurry, just chewing a piece of grass and looking at the birds chirping in the trees. Everything about her was lovely. Her golden hair was longer now and curled around her face and shoulders, the front held back with combs. Her worn gingham dress and out-of-shape sweater hung on her small frame, but Ewan knew he’d never forget how she looked at this very moment.

  She saw him lift his hand and waved back. “Morning.”

  He continued to milk. “Why are you up so early?”

  “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  She leaned against a couple of bales of hay. “I don’t want to tell you.”

  Ewan smiled at her. “You obviously do. You’re here at the crack of dawn. I don’t recall that ever happening before.”

  “It’s something I’ve been thinking about and I’m not sure if you’ll agree and that’s okay because it matters to the both of us and we’re going to be a team from now on…”

  “Spit it out.”

  “I’d rather not move here. I know it’s only down the road, but Uncle Joe will be alone, and I have to visit Cricket most days and Freddy is buried under the tree. There are so many pieces of me there that I would never be whole here. I know it sounds silly, but it’s how I feel.”

  She was calling it off. He stood up, knocking the milk bucket over.

  “What’s wrong?”

  When he didn’t answer, she looked confused for a moment and then put her hand up to his face. “I still want to marry you.”

  The relief that rushed through his body made him dizzy. He reached out and took her in his arms. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

  “I’m sorry. I only wanted to discuss what we might do.”

  Ewan let out a deep breath. “Let me finish milking Bessie and I’ll make us some coffee.”
>
  After talking over all the different scenarios, Ewan’s suggestion made the most sense, but they had to get Uncle Joe on board first. Lila told him to come for supper and they’d discuss it then.

  Her kiss goodbye kept him smiling for the rest of the day.

  As the three of them sat down together in Lila’s kitchen and ate flaky chicken pot pie, Ewan spelled it out for Uncle Joe.

  “If I sell my farm—”

  “—sell the farm? What does your family think of that?”

  “They’d be happy. None of them want the responsibility of it and we’d split the money between us. I think my brothers would be relieved. They could use some cash to start their lives. Mom says she’s never setting foot in the place again. She’s having too much fun in town.”

  “Who would buy it?”

  “I’ve had someone who’s approached me a few times. It won’t be hard to sell. But if I came here to live with you, I would want to bring my animals with me. I could build a barn and a chicken coop here, and still sell my eggs and milk. That is if you don’t mind me taking some of the back trees down. It wouldn’t be anywhere near the house. I could tuck it out of sight. And then I could plant a garden and sell my vegetables in town. Everything I do at home, I could do here, but I’d have a nest egg in my pocket to support Lila, and I know she doesn’t want to leave you alone here.”

  Uncle Joe’s eyes lit up. “I could help you build the barn! I was a good carpenter in my younger years. Yes, indeed. We’d get it up lickety-split.”

  “I take it you like the idea, Uncle Joe?”

  “Like it?” He tried to continue, but he choked up for a moment. “I don’t mind telling you both that I wasn’t looking forward to living alone.”

  “So that’s that,” Ewan smiled.

  The future looked bright.

  It was only a few days later that Ewan went to see his friend about buying the property. They shook hands on a price and it was all done but the paperwork. As they walked down to his friend’s barn to look at some seed he’d picked up, Ewan thought he was seeing things. In the dog pen was a black lab who’d had a litter of puppies a month before. Through the fence, they looked like a swarm of pure energy and happiness.