Kin

by Lesley Crewe

  She didn’t care. Everyone thought she was crazy anyway. She was the crazy lady who lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere. The great bastard in the sky was making sure that she’d suffer forever because she was a bad, bad mother. Where was she when Caroline was crying out for her? Who lets their child die alone?

  Caroline wasn’t ever coming back. Aunt Eunie and Uncle Joe weren’t ever coming back. Her mother and father were never coming back. The handsome man, who just a minute ago looked at her with hunger in his eyes, was lost forever. There was only one thing to do. Calling for Caroline, she ran into the cold water until she couldn’t feel her legs. The water pulled at her as she tried to push through it. Her dress and sweater weighed her down. She needed to get the water over her head and find peace.

  But just as the water was reaching her shoulders, a hand grabbed her arm and pulled her back with such force it nearly took her arm out of its socket.

  “Let me go!”

  Now an arm held her tight and started to drag her out of the water. She struggled against it. “I want to die! Let me die!”

  “I’m not going to let you die,” David shouted at her. “Stop struggling or I swear to God I’m going to hit you.”

  Lila opened her eyes. David was up to his chest in water. There were people all over the beach shouting and gesturing. Ewan was coming, too. When the water was at their waists, David picked her up as if he was carrying her over the threshold. She slapped at his head and neck.

  “Why did you leave me?”

  Water dripped down David’s face. “You made me go.”

  Suddenly Ewan was upon them and he grabbed her from David’s arms and headed into shore. His face was set in stone.

  “I’m sorry, Ewan,” she whispered.

  “We’re going home now.”

  “Yes, take me home.”

  She was aware of the shocked faces that lined the beach, and of Annie and her mother hurrying after Ewan.

  And the pink lady who looked only at her bedraggled husband walking out of the water in his expensive suit.

  * * *

  Annie was thankful she and Henry had gone to the funeral in their own car. God knows what was happening in her parent’s car, with a sopping wet David and Kay in the back seat.

  “What was he thinking?”

  “I imagine he wanted to save her.”

  “He got to her before her own husband did. That says it all. I could honestly wring his neck. Poor Kay.”

  Henry kept glancing at her as they drove back to Glace Bay. “Annie, you need to keep your mouth shut. Nothing good will come of you getting in the middle of all this.”

  “Excuse me, but I’m supposed to stand aside while my brother makes a laughingstock of his wife?”

  “No one at that funeral knows anything about David and Lila. As far as they were concerned her brother got to her first, with her husband close behind. No one is thinking anything except that Lila is a deeply troubled young woman.”

  “You know I don’t blame Lila for this. She’s had so much grief in her life, I think she snapped today. But poor Kay has been nothing but wonderful to David.”

  Henry abruptly pulled over to the side of the road and looked her square in the face. “Your brother’s marriage is none of your concern. They have two children together. You don’t know what Kay is thinking. She’s stood by him through everything. That says a lot. So if you go into your mother’s house and start giving David hell, I know for a fact that Kay won’t thank you for it. It’s between a husband and wife. Have you got that?”

  Annie crossed her arms and looked out the window, so Henry pulled the car back on the road. She knew he was right but it ticked her off. “Sometimes you treat me like a father instead of a husband.”

  “When you act like a child, I do.”

  Annie took her gloves and swatted him on the arm. “I should’ve married some young stud with no brains. Then I could be superior.”

  “You are superior in every way, my love.”

  “You are so corny.”

  When they got back to her mother’s house, Kay and David were nowhere to be seen. Henry and Dad went out into the garage to look at a new table saw her father had bought, which left Annie and her mother alone in the kitchen.

  Abigail frowned as she looked in the oven. “I have this huge ham and no one is going to eat it.”

  “What are we? Chopped liver?”

  “I made a cherry pie too.”

  “Where are Kay and David?”

  “Kay said she had a headache and needed to lie down. Your brother is changing his clothes.”

  They were both aware of raised voices up in the bedroom. Mom pointed at the ceiling. “I’m worried about those two. Is there something I should know?”

  Annie heard Henry’s voice in her head and was, for once, discreet. “All couples fight. They’re fine. I’m worried about Lila.”

  Abigail stared out the kitchen window. “Oh Annie, what’s going to become of that girl? I feel like I’ve failed her.”

  “Lila was broken when we found her.”

  “She was, wasn’t she? I’m not sure Ewan can fix her.”

  “Ewan loves her. That’s all she needs.”

  They heard footsteps on the stairs and then David poked his head in the kitchen. He looked dreadful. He made a point of not looking at her.

  “Mom, Kay wants to go home tonight.”

  “But what about your dinner?”

  “I’m sorry we’ve ruined your plans. Would you be able to make us a couple of sandwiches for the road?”

  It was a quick goodbye and it was obvious that Kay was uncomfortable, but she made sure she kissed Annie and her mother goodbye and apologized for the inconvenience, saying she knew it was silly but she was lonely for her girls. Mom said she understood.

  A week later David called Annie. She was in the middle of changing Robbie’s diaper, with George standing next to her passing her the safety pins.

  “I was called into Louis’s office this morning.”

  “Oh?”

  “He’s sending me to Montreal. It’s a big promotion.”

  Annie heard the sorrow in his voice.

  “What does Kay think?”

  “She’s happy about it.”

  “I’ll miss you terribly, but this might be just what you need, Davy.”

  They both knew what she was talking about.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  1961

  Colleen’s breath was hot against her hands as she covered her face and kept her eyes tightly shut. She leaned against the brick at the back of the house while counting to one hundred. It wasn’t easy. A housefly kept buzzing around her head and the back of her checkered dress was sticky with sweat, she’d been standing so long in the noonday sun.

  “Ready or not, here I come!”

  Colleen opened her eyes and had to squint. The very large garden at the back of their house in Westmount was perfect for hiding in. The hedges and large flowering shrubs were so thick you couldn’t see behind them. There was also a rock garden and massive oak trees along the edge of the property. Colleen had names for all of them, but she didn’t tell Frankie in case she thought it was silly.

  When she and her sister played here it didn’t feel like they lived in the city. The beautiful old trees that grew on Mount Royal kept the noise of the city below at a minimum. The neighbourhood consisted of winding streets filled with old stone mansions and large homes, well back from the sidewalks, with the front gardens filled with flowers, bushes, and cedars among the common wrought-iron fencing and gates. Their house wasn’t as big as the rest, but it was still very nice. Colleen’s mom said the houses mostly belonged to people with old money, but Colleen wasn’t sure what that meant.

  Colleen had just celebrated her eighth birthday and one of her gifts was a note from Frankie sa
ying she owed her one game of hide-and-seek. It was thrilling because her sister didn’t like to play outdoors very much, which was too bad really since there was a lot to discover. Like the toads that lived under the rocks in the koi pond or the family of chipmunks that burrowed into a hole at the back of the gardening shed.

  After hunting for almost twenty minutes, Colleen was out of ideas about where to look. Frankie had to be the world’s best hider, which was surprising since she didn’t have a lot of practice. Colleen was thirsty and decided to run into the house and get a drink before venturing out again.

  Elena, the cook, was in their sizable kitchen stirring a bowl of something. She did that every day.

  “Can I have a drink of water?”

  Elena had dark hair and eyes, and a bit of a mustache that Colleen was fascinated with, but the best thing about Elena was that she was nice. Colleen liked her better than Grandmother Hanover.

  Elena put down the bowl and turned on the kitchen tap. “Would you like lemonade instead?”

  “Water first. Then lemonade. Please.”

  Elena produced a glass of each and Colleen downed them. She wiped her dirty hands across her upper lip to wipe away the sweat. “It’s too hot.”

  “You’re flushed. You should come inside now.”

  “I can’t. I’m looking for Frankie.”

  “She’s up in her room.”

  Colleen couldn’t believe it. This was supposed to be her birthday gift. She stomped out of the kitchen and down the hall before climbing the broad stairs to the second level. Frankie’s room was the first one to the right and her door was closed. Colleen opened it without knocking. Frankie was on her canopied bed listening to the radio and cutting dresses to put on her paper dolls.

  “Why aren’t you playing hide-and-seek?”

  “I am. You just found me. It took you long enough.”

  “That’s because I was looking for you outside. That’s how you play the game.”

  “Sorry, you should’ve told me.”

  “Every kid in the whole world knows how to play hide-and-seek.”

  Her sister made a sad face. “Honestly, Colleen, I thought you meant we could hide anywhere. I figured this would be the last place you’d look…and I was right.”

  Colleen stormed out of the room and down to her own bedroom, where she slammed the door before flinging herself on her own unmade bed. How was it possible that instead of Frankie saying she was sorry, her sister had made it seem like it was Colleen’s fault for not explaining the rules?

  It happened all the time. Colleen was secretly envious of this ability and tried it a few times but it never worked. She crawled over to the bedside table and took her diary out of the drawer. It was pink with a picture of a garden on it. A pencil was sharpened and ready, stuck between the pages and the clasp. The best part was when she took the tiny metal key, stuck it in the lock, and turned it to the right. Open sesame.

  Frankie never plays with me. She’s mean!!!!!!!

  Colleen closed the diary and locked it up again before putting it back in the drawer. She wondered if Frankie ever tried to look in it. Probably not.

  The house was too quiet. Colleen went downstairs to be with Elena. “I’m hungry.”

  “What about your dinner?”

  “Mom said I could have some cookies before supper.”

  “I don’t think I believe you, but it will be our little secret.” She smiled and placed a glass of orange juice and a plate of cookies on the table in front of Colleen.

  “Thank you.”

  “It’s too bad you can’t drink milk. Cookies are much better with milk.”

  “Yuck.” Colleen polished off the entire plate while Elena asked her questions about school.

  “My teacher has a brace on her leg. It’s really loud when she walks on the wooden floors. It makes me nervous.”

  “Why?”

  Colleen shrugged.

  “I think lots of things make you nervous.”

  “I hate it when planes fly overhead. I always think they’re going to fall out of the sky and land on me.”

  Elena laughed while she got up to take the roast out of the oven. “Of all the people in the world, why would that plane land on you?”

  Colleen spoke immediately. “Because I’m bad.”

  Elena turned around. “Why would you say such a thing?”

  “Frankie’s the good one.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “Grandmother Hanover.”

  “She may be your grandmother, but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

  That had never occurred to Colleen. Adults were always right, weren’t they? Just then the front door opened and her mother called out, “I’m home!”

  Colleen shoved the kitchen chair back and ran out to greet her mom, who put her purse and parcels on the foyer side table. “Hi, Mommy! What took you so long?” She put her arms around her mother’s waist. Mom kissed the top of her head.

  “I was out to lunch with friends. We got to talking, you know how it is.”

  “No.”

  “Someday you will.” Mom took Colleen’s dirty hands away from her light blue dress and looked at them. “Just as I thought. What on earth do you do after school? Build tunnels?”

  Colleen laughed. “I’m making a tunnel to Daddy’s office.”

  “Go wash your hands before dinner.”

  Frankie appeared at the top of the stairs. “Hi, Mom. Did you go shopping?”

  “As a matter of fact, I did. For both of you.” Mom reached into one of the bags and pulled out a very pretty dress with a daisy collar and hem, and a crinoline underneath. Frankie ran down the stairs.

  “I love it! Thanks, Mom. I’m going to try it on.” She raced back up the stairs and disappeared.

  Colleen didn’t want a dress with a crinoline, but, just her luck, her mother produced one.

  “After you wash your hands, you can try it on. I’ll bring it upstairs.”

  “That’s too itchy.”

  Her mom grabbed her purse and parcels and headed up the stairs. “There’s always a price to pay for beauty.”

  Sometimes her mom made no sense.

  Colleen washed her hands in the small bathroom off her bedroom. She loved it in there. It was small and only had a sink and toilet in it, but she loved the fat porcelain handles on the chrome taps in the sink that said Hot and Cold. Before she could read she didn’t know what the black marks meant, and was amazed when in first grade she read the words out loud one night and realized it meant hot water from this tap and cold water from that tap. It was like discovering a new world.

  Colleen struggled into the new dress her mother left on the bed and had the familiar feeling of being disappointed. It was too tight. They were always too tight. The pretty ones, anyway. She wanted to get out of it, but she couldn’t get it over her head. Frankie came into her room wearing her dress, which fit perfectly, and saw Colleen’s dilemma.

  “Here, put your arms up.”

  Their mother walked in on them. “Oh, Frankie! I love it. Wait; let me see yours Colleen.”

  Colleen put her arms down and stood there feeling big.

  “Well, perhaps if I move the buttons…”

  “I hate dresses!” Colleen marched into her bathroom, shut the door, and locked it. Her mother and sister made soothing noises on the other side of the door.

  “Go away!”

  They left her alone. She eventually got out of the dress herself and threw it on the floor. Then she sat on the toilet, even though she didn’t have to go, but that got boring after awhile. Eventually she heard her father come home and her mom yell up the stairs to come for supper. She got back in her play dress and ran down the stairs.

  Her father was sitting at the head of the table in the dining room and smiled when he saw he
r. “Hey, Coll the doll, how was school today?”

  Colleen walked over and gave her dad a kiss before she sat at the table. Frankie still had her new dress on and looked very pleased with herself. Now that Frankie was ten, a lot of people said how much she looked like her mother, and Colleen knew that people thought her mother was beautiful.

  No one said she looked like Mom.

  “School is dumb.”

  Dad laughed out loud as Mom passed him the gravy. “You remind me of your Aunt Annie.”

  Colleen loved to make her father laugh. “I do?”

  “She hated school.”

  “Why, Daddy?” Frankie asked. “Didn’t she have any friends?”

  “Your Aunt Annie had more friends than you could shake a stick at. She just hated to sit still. When the school bell rang, she was the first one out the door.” Dad took a forkful of potatoes and pointed them at Colleen. “She still runs around today.”

  Mom put peas on Colleen’s plate before she picked up her wine glass. “With four boys, she’d have to.”

  “That’s right, but the difference is she’s running around with her sons. What time did you get home today?” Dad asked.

  Her mother took a sip of wine. “I have no idea.”

  “When I was a kid, my mother was always home for us after school.”

  Mom put down her wineglass. “My childhood was different, and I don’t think I turned out half bad. Let’s drop it, shall we?”

  Colleen hated it when her parents talked without looking at each other. It gave her a stomachache, but by the end of dinner, they were looking at each other again, so Colleen could relax. Mom brought out the tea and the cake that Elena had made that afternoon.

  “This looks good,” Dad said.

  “I whipped it up myself,” Mom said.

  Frankie and Colleen both shouted, “No, you didn’t!”

  “Who did, then?”

  “Elena!” they laughed.

  Mom shook her head. “I could’ve sworn it was me.” She set about cutting the cake and served the first piece to Dad and then one to Frankie and Colleen and the last piece for herself.