Hopeless For You

by Hill, Hayden

  The two of us found the communal bathroom at the end of the hallway and freshened up. Gina kept her cellphone close in case she found a signal. She didn't. Finally we returned to our room and Gina dithered over what to wear.

  I decided to change for dinner as well. There was no dithering on my part, though. I pulled on a pair of hiking jeans and a T-shirt and then I braided my hair, flipping the loose plait back over one shoulder. I pointed out to Gina that these people were going to see us sweaty and dirty all the time anyway, so there wasn't much point in worrying about how we looked, but she ignored the comment.

  Gina eventually chose a tight black dress and smiled sheepishly when I shot her a disapproving frown. "When in Rome..."

  "We're not in Rome," I said. "You should dress like me. It's how everyone else will be dressed."

  "Well you know me, always the contrarian."

  I laughed. Ah, Gina. Loved the girl.

  I glanced at my hair in the mirror, checking for loose strands.

  "Good thing you dyed your hair just before we left," Gina said. "We couldn't dare let them catch you as a blonde. I'm the bimbo in this friendship, remember?"

  I shook my head, forcing a grin. That wasn't the reason I dyed my hair black and she knew it.

  We left the room, locking it behind us. We probably didn't have to lock it way out here in the middle of nowhere but old habits died hard.

  As soon as we were outside, I could hear the noise and laughter coming from the neighboring dorm building. Light poured from the windows of the first floor and the front door was thrown open to the evening air, which smelled of fresh pines. I inhaled deeply, loving it.

  As we neared the dorm, the pine scent was quickly replaced by something nastier: cigarette smoke.

  I picked out Kade, all biceps and pecs, leaning against the porch rail and having a smoke. He didn't seem to notice us until our footsteps creaked on the stairs.

  Gina smiled at him. "Hey!"

  "Hey, ladies." Kade gave us a fleeting glance. His eyes didn't meet mine. "I'll see you inside." He leaned over the rail, took a drag from his cigarette and tapped the ashes onto the dirt.

  "Oh." Gina, who I knew was used to undivided male attention, looked confused for a moment but then she was all smiles again. "Okay."

  I pushed her toward the open door. "Some people don't like being bothered when they're smoking." That was the best explanation I had for his rudeness.

  Rebecca greeted us warmly and introduced us around. I was overwhelmed. Though nineteen people wasn't a lot, the dining room felt cramped and crowded. Because of my nervousness, I found myself immediately forgetting everyone's names.

  After the introductions, I edged my way toward a free space in the corner, nursing a soda while Gina worked the room. She was at home here, among people. She was practically made to be a family doctor. She had the social side down, anyway. Gina could fit in with anyone, from the curator at the museum to the rapper at the club, whereas I felt completely out of my element in most social situations.

  I noticed Kade slip inside twenty minutes later. He quietly skirted the edge of the room and ducked into the kitchen. A few seconds later, he reappeared, followed by a much larger woman who made the room feel even more cramped. She was almost as tall as Kade and was what my mom would have called 'well-padded'. She and Kade each held two large trays of food. From the way the woman handled the trays I could tell she was strong beneath all that bulk. And I'd thought Rebecca was powerful looking. This woman was just, well, daunting.

  There was a shout of approval and people took the food dishes from the trays as Kade and the woman toured the room. Instead of standing and milling, the group settled down into the hodgepodge collection of seats that included fold-ups, stools, and dining chairs, and suddenly the room didn't feel quite so cramped.

  Rebecca introduced me and Gina to the large woman. "Gina, Ash, this is Momma Jeanne. Momma, these are the interns assigned to Kade and Blaine."

  "Hello, darlins." Momma Jeanne had a booming voice that seemed to match her ample figure. Her iron gray hair was pulled back into a tight bun and her cheeks were ruddy—from standing over the stove, I guessed. "You can call me Momma for short. I run the kitchen and the household so if you ever need anything just ask, you hear? If I don't have it, I'll make sure Don brings it up the next supply run." She smiled in a fond way that strangely reminded me of my grandmother. I found myself liking her immediately, if only because she talked like she was from the South.

  After all the food had been passed around, Momma Jeanne set her bulk into one of the folding chairs, squeezing in beside Don the pilot and Kade. Apparently, Don didn't normally stay for dinner but it sounded like Momma Jeanne had hustled him into it.

  I noticed Kade seemed a bit less antisocial now that he was back inside and sitting next to the camp's den mother. He got his fair share of teasing from the crew. He and the other summer staff had only arrived a few days ago and tales of Kade and Blaine's adventures in Vancouver city over the winter had circulated. Most of those adventures related to Kade's conquests of half the girls at the dive bar he worked at and the ensuing escapades involving jealous girlfriends and drunk boyfriends, which only confirmed my earlier bad boy assessment. I'd definitely imagined the special connection I'd thought I felt between us, earlier. What the heck was I thinking?

  The food was surprisingly good. Chicken, rolls, salad, mashed potatoes, rice. It wasn't what I'd expected but to be honest, I wasn't even sure what I'd expected. Maybe roasted deer on a spit or something, accompanied by Canadian maple syrup and buttermilk pancakes, with lumberjacks chopping up wood for the fire. This was freaking Canada, after all.

  Momma Jeanne stood and picked up one of the empty trays, then started walking toward the kitchen. When she got near me, she sat in one of the empty chairs and leaned close. "You're from Tennessee, right?"

  "Yup. Gina and I both are. We've known each other for ages." I smelled a trace of perfume that I guessed was White Shoulders—the kind my grandmother used to wear.

  "Oh, that's lovely. I grew up in Alabama, so we're neighbors."

  "Really? Wow." I'd guessed as much, from her accent. "How'd you end up here?"

  Momma Jeanne's face darkened, and her eyes got a sort of distant look. When she spoke, her voice was so quiet that I could barely hear. "I was running away from something that happened to me." She paused and I thought she was going to say more but then her eyes refocused and she smiled sadly. "But listen. I wanted to tell you. About Kade and Blaine—don't you mind all the talk. They're good boys. Sure, maybe they're a bit misguided at times. Get them into the city and they're completely different people. But out here, in their element, they're actually normal human beings. For the most part."

  "I don't know," I said. "Kade seems a little rude at times."

  "Rude?" Momma Jeanne laughed. "That's because he likes you."

  "What?" I blinked.

  "That's his defense mechanism. We gots rules around here. The staff aren't allowed to sleep around with the other staff. Don't think I've ever seen him so hard hit, though."

  I felt my forehead wrinkle. "What do you mean?"

  Momma Jeanne winked at me, and then hoisted herself out of her chair and left for the kitchen.

  I glanced at Kade from across the room. He was listening intently to something Blaine was saying. He was still wearing that tight v-necked T-shirt that showcased his bulging biceps so well. I followed the tattoo of a black rose down his thick forearm. On the back of his hand was inked a snarling wolf, and below that the letters of his name were stamped onto each finger. I ran my eyes back up his body and my gaze lingered on his neck and the tattoo there. It was a falcon with a single, human-like eye peering out from Kade's Adam's apple. The eye seemed sad, somehow. I wondered if Kade had gotten that specific tattoo after he started working here.

  My gaze returned to his face. His nose had a bump near the top—he'd broken it in a fight, I guessed—but otherwise, his features were chiseled like the statue of a
Greek god.

  He swiveled slightly, revealing more of his V neck and his bulging upper pecs. Despite myself, I wondered how it would feel to have those hard muscles pressed against my own chest.

  He seemed to sense my gaze—or my naughty thoughts—and he tilted his head toward me. Our eyes locked. Again I saw that predatory look, that barely restrained desire, and I felt myself spinning in those sea-green depths. I was frightened by what I saw there, yet eager, too. That sense of destiny returned and I couldn't help but feel we were two lost souls who were somehow meant for each other. I was nineteen years old but it still felt like I was waiting for my life to begin. It starts now. It has to start now.

  If only I'd let life in.

  If only I'd let him in.

  I broke Kade's gaze and looked away.

  No one else noticed our exchange. When I glanced back, I saw Kade already had his back to me and was engrossed in some animated discussion with Blaine. For a second, I wondered if I'd dreamed up the whole thing, but if so, why did I feel so hot and breathless? Not to mention disappointed. No. I had felt that connection between us again, yet I couldn't stand the intensity and I'd broken it.

  Kade didn't look at me again and I relaxed by degrees as the evening progressed. Blaine joined me after a while and drew me into a conversation about the similarities and differences between the US and Canada. We were more alike than different, obviously, but the fact that you couldn't get Cherry Coke Zero or Quaker Grits in Canada really put me off. We made fun of each other's accents and he kept wanting me to say y'all for some reason. He laughed when I told him that when I was a child, I thought Canada was covered in snow year round. My Canadian friends taught me the truth in high school, showing me summer temperatures online from different Canadian cities that were almost as hot as places like Las Vegas. Of course, in winter you had to add a negative sign to those same temperatures. Blaine agreed, adding that Vancouver was the only city that didn't get snow in the winter. But up here at the center they got snow, he said, and lots of it.

  I noticed Kade giving Blaine dark looks while we talked. I didn't know what was going on in that mind of his and I convinced myself I didn't care.

  By the time dessert came around—decadent berry crumbles slathered in vanilla sauce—I caught myself yawning. The three-hour time difference between Tennessee and British Columbia was catching up to me, not to mention the long hours of traveling.

  People started saying goodbye after dessert. I left my dish and excused myself, catching Gina's eye before I ducked outside. She gave me a vague nod, taking my seat so she could flirt with Blaine.

  On the deck, I inhaled the pine-scented air and shivered in my T-shirt. The nights were a lot cooler up here. Well, that was something I'd just have to get used to. Wrapping my arms around myself, I trotted down the stairs.

  I almost ran headfirst into Kade as he came around the corner of the building. Both of us stepped back in surprise. I was hoping he'd say something—anything—to confirm the connection I thought I'd felt at dinner, but instead he smirked and said, "Following me now? All you had to do was ask if you wanted to spend time with me."

  I masked my disappointment with a scowl. "You wish." I stared at him, searching his eyes, but I saw only amusement there. How silly could I be? There was no connection between us.

  I forced myself to yawn so I'd have an excuse to go.

  Kade smiled coolly. "Someone's up past her bedtime. What's the matter, our little dinner cut into your beauty sleep?"

  I rolled my eyes and brushed past him. He was so darn hot—until he opened his mouth.

  "So you're premed, huh?" he said.

  I glanced over my shoulder at him. "So?"

  "Live in a big house, too, right?"

  I nodded. "What are you getting at? Am I being interrogated?"

  I thought his shoulders slumped a little. "Nothing. Just wanted to confirm a few things."

  I was sick of these games. "I don't get it. One second you're giving me a look like you'll eat me up and the next you're cold as ice. What is it with you?"

  He became all rigid. "What? Me? Nothing. I mean, I don't know what you're talking about."

  I crossed my arms. "Oh? I think you do. But I guess that's how players act. I have someone waiting for me back in Tennessee, just so you know." It wasn't true but it seemed like the best way to make sure he stayed away from me.

  "I'm not a player."

  "I don't believe you. I heard the stories about you over supper."

  He nodded. "And I wish you hadn't. Those stories are all exaggerations." He looked a little sheepish then. "Well, most of them, anyway."

  "Sure." I waited a bit longer, giving him a chance to explain himself to me, to show me we did actually have a connection and that Momma Jeanne was right about him, but he didn't say anything more. "Well, if you're done interrogating me..." I turned to go.

  "Don't be late for orientation tomorrow morning," he said. "Seven o'clock on the dot."

  I had the impression he was just throwing out words, trying to keep me here. But superficial words wouldn't make me stay. I truly was sick of the games and I didn't turn back.

  "A woman is neither early nor late," I grumbled over my shoulder, deciding to toss him a last bone. "She arrives exactly when she intends to."

  "Did you seriously just misquote Lord of the Rings?" Kade said behind me. "You're priceless."

  I laughed but didn't look back. Let him ponder that by himself for a while: a Tolkien-quoting premed student.

  I felt so groggy when I reached the room that I could barely keep my eyes open and had to force myself to change into my pajamas. I didn't bother to comb the tangles from my hair or even brush my teeth. Before I crawled between the covers, I set the alarm on my phone to six o'clock. More than enough time to shower and get ready for morning orientation. Assuming I didn't have to fight with the other dorm residents for the bathroom.

  With a sigh of contentment, I closed my eyes, pulling the comforter over my chin. The bed was warm and kept out the night chill. Perfect.

  I heard movement on the far side of the room.

  I sat up with a jerk. In the dim light, I saw something skitter across the floor.

  I screamed, hugging my comforter close. The thing scurried to the far wall and slammed into it with a loud thump.

  I screamed again. I groped at the nightstand, searching for something I could use as a weapon. I found only my phone.

  The door burst open and Kade came charging inside with a baseball bat. Light spilled in from the hall.

  The thing dashed straight for him and he stepped aside at the last moment, letting it scamper into the hall.

  He turned on the light and shook his head. "Just a raccoon."

  There were some shouts in the hall and then other members of the camp crowded the door.

  "All right, everybody," Kade said. " Excitement's over. Everything's under control. You saw it. Just a raccoon."

  Gina shoved her way inside. "Ash, are you all right?" She sat on the bed and gave me a hug.

  "Fine," I said. "Just got a little scared."

  Kade ushered the other people out into the hall and started to close the door behind him. He looked me right in the eye. There was concern there, but mostly amusement. His lips quivered for a second and then he broke into a rich laugh. "Sorry. Never seen anyone attacked by a raccoon before."

  "Go away," I said, mortified that he'd seen me in my PJs.

  He seemed about to say something more but then he lowered his gaze and walked out, shutting the door.

  "You sure you're all right?" Gina brushed a strand of hair from my face.

  "Yeah." I laughed. "That was pretty silly. It was just a raccoon."

  "It wasn't silly," Gina said. "What if it had been a bear or something? Good thing you screamed."

  "You're just trying to make me feel better. Screaming over a raccoon. Who does that?"

  Gina smiled gently. "Hey, it happens to the best of us." She gave me a last hug and then rose
to shut off the light.

  I closed my eyes and after I calmed down a bit, I replayed the day in my head. My thoughts kept drifting back to Kade. I saw him rush into my room, ready to beat off whatever attacker he found. I saw his bright, emerald green eyes from earlier, full of lust and promise. A sense of warmth suffused my nether region and I wanted to reach down and stroke it.

  But I didn't. Instead, I tried to deny that I'd ever seen that look on his face. I told myself Momma Jeanne was wrong and even if he did want me, he wasn't my type and never would be. I reminded myself how rude he could be. That he played girls. I'd seen fear in his eyes too, hadn't I? Maybe he was worried about losing his job if he played me.

  I wrapped my hands around the ring at my neck and the warmth inside me shriveled.

  I was left feeling cold, numb and alone.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Kade

  I left Ash and her friend Gina behind in their dorm and returned to my own building.

  Ash had scared the shit out of me. When I heard her screaming, I was out having another smoke. She had one of those voices you could recognize even when she yelled so I ran straight to her dorm and grabbed the baseball bat from the storeroom, then took the stairs four at a time. And what thanks did I get for being her white knight? She basically told me to screw off. I guess she was just embarrassed about being caught screaming her mouth off over a raccoon.

  Mmm. She probably wouldn't sound too much different screaming my name in the sack...

  With a sigh, I collected the dirty dishes from the common area and carried them back into the kitchen.

  Momma Jeanne's presence dominated the small room. She hummed to herself by the sink, scrubbing away at the dishes.

  "Kade." She nodded when I set the load of dishes down.

  I nodded back, grabbed a napkin and began raking the scraps off the plates and into the garbage. It was pretty gross work but I'd gotten used to it. I placed the empty plates in a pile beside Momma Jeanne.